google doodle--christmas eve...

happy holidays to all!

coffee thought...

so today is all about tepid--

 like I am drinking tepid chocolate vs hot chocolate because

every time I sit at my desk I am called away to do something else.

and where did the word tepid come from??

[according to dictionary.com 14th century. Latin tepidus/   tepere "be warm"/ of course!]

It is something that I wish-- this chocolate was warm but it is not.

that's all...

coffee thought...

Aww grandma just called me to make sure my car was moved for alternate side parking.

She does love me!

Lol

Anyway what's has been going on in the world lately?

Late nights and long days and not entirely all fun either.

Two nights in a row working until 9 pm is not something "I get paid for".

 There is something absurdly off about the dedication I have to my job.

I haven't found the work/life balance that all the magazines talk about

seeing a how [more currently than not] my work is my life-

and what happens when it ain't enough?

Clearly I have cultivated this aspect is self to perfection greatness

yet the remaining parts aren't complete-

like trying to cook a 5 course meal and I am 2 courses short

 (meanwhile in my not so distant past I would have said

I was 7 courses short for the 5 course meal-

see what a lil life lessons will get ya!)
Anywho, time to make that $$$$that's all.

Train Stories

What is very interesting/ listening to the conversation of these folks in the commute this late evening home I am basically listening to them talk about counting cards in Vegas (she didn't know she was counting them even though she was counting them) and doing a ponzi scheme bad bad and doing some tricks making bankers give you back more change than the correct amount of change for a $20 bill. All of this petty crime stuff for two Asians. Weird. Is this what the economy has come to?

Free lunch today!

looks good! I should be
a still food photographer...

Today, I got a free lunch from Pret A Manger that just opened up on 1 Astor place here in NYC.

• Reviews:  The crowds of folks cheering you on as you stand on a line that moved swiftly was enthusiastic (pause)  fervently animated, keen and excited to say the least. They gave you high-fives as you were whisked in and handed a bag and high-fived on the way out.
• Very forced festive.
• Food:  It looks good. The 1/2 sandwich was a chicken/ avocado/ bacon something on this multi grain bread. Fail. Save for the multi grain bread <<--Allergic tendencies-->> it was a success--- but I picked the parts I could eat off the 1/2 sandwich. That tasted good. The organic sea salt popcorn was OMG good. Who knew organic popcorn would be a hit! That brownie I gave away <<more allergic issues>> and the soup lid & coffee sleeve there entitles me to a free coffee and a free soup whenever I turn them in. Great promotional scheme to guarantee return visits cause who doesn't like free stuff??

All in all part of the NYC experience and it was a good snack- I supposed if I had a whole edible sandwich it would have been amazing.

now..back to our regularly scheduled progra

coffee thought...

Note:
I am so over people and their cryptic messages
WHAT in the HELL is wrong with being damn ass DIRECT!
If you  have something to say, how about you say it-- why post some damn ass mystery and expect everyone to be all whooo hoo happy for you and oooh what's up-- really it is
PATHETIC and trifling and seriously a cry for help.
Do me a favor-- participate in the "free cause you are employed but not for long" therapy your employment offers and work on yourself.

Signed,
Management.


that's all...

coffee thought...horoscope

November 28, 2011
I like this alot.

People who want everyone to be happy can never be good leaders -- they're too busy keeping everyone's needs satisfied. There will never be enough time in your life for planning and ambition if you are too concerned with communicating clearly with other people. Don't bother to ask for permission to do what you want right now -- you can ask for forgiveness later if you need to. You know what you are doing, and people are ready to follow your lead. Show them the way to go.

coffee thought...

Got up this morning ready for my travels.
Loving the smoothness of the ride.
Next up Vegas baby!
that's all...Sent from my iPhone

Thanksgiving....

Thanksgiving

Giving thanks-

something that I feel I do often

therefore the actual day of thanksgiving

 is a formality of specialty foods and deserts.

Tradition says

we should have

 turkey

 stuffing

cranberry sauce

turnips & cheese

carrot cake

 apple pie

and many other fun filled desserts

 (most laced with liquor. heyyy)

 Family time

complete

with some family drama

and alcoholic spirits

 that turn the most liked aunt

into a raging lunatic.

 (or in my house)

the most liked me

into a raging lunatic

 (me)

Ahhh the good old days

Let the festivities begin.

Happy holidays!

coffee thought...

Or more like pre-coffee thought: it is the day before a holiday and I am tired as hell.
And why this bus have like 11 people on it and still people trying to sneak on back. You ain't invisible- holding up the traffic. Lord help me.
that's all...

coffee thought....

it is the end of the month I am trying to figure out how to keep coffee a coming & make sure my monthly indebtedness to the Student Loan deity is paid... this thought comes across my mind.
Stop Paying them... I mean what can they do?
Well, A whole heap of alot considering these loans that I will be paying back allof my natural born life cannot be discharged due to bankruptcy and will be with me as long as I have breath.
Some folk propose stop paying...
What say you?
that's all...

Coordinated

I found shoes to match my nails.
Now all I need is a place to go
 (and a lesson in walking like a girl ;)

coffee thought...

What is left of my homemade brownine

Ummm. My homemade brownies and cup of tea... Thoughts of the weekend ahead make me want to savor this Friday workday and pray for No to minimal drama.
That's all...

coffee thought

If you are inadequate then what would you like me (or anyone other than you) to do about that?
That happens to be your cross to bear so strap on and roll out.

that's all...

OWS

This as I leave work. They (the occupy wall street movement + that obnoxious drum) are walking on Broadway and effectively slowing traffic to a less than crawl. Nice. Hopefully they don't occupy my commute home otherwise I will have to occupy my foot in their... OK maybe I will occupy a stern glare.

random- new nails...

blue nails & snazzy ring

I must say this is the best manicure I have had in a long while--got it on monday w/ beks and has lasted just about all week..not bad not bad at all.

such is life as it is...

An Education

Everyone can teach but be careful what you educate.

coffee thought...

GOOD MORNING!

I am glas to be here with you on a Monday morning.

(awfully chipper, huh? blame that on the 6 am wake up for no reason and

 the attempt at excercise and

 the bowl of cherrios I had all before I left the home)

I am sure this hyperchipper self will cease in about ten good minutes.

 In the meantime, exjoy your day and think good thoughts...

speaking of thoughts... can you believe it is almost Thanksgiving again?

 Like food shopping has to go on and cooking said food I shopped for

 and then have to like make my home presentable

 AGAIN.

Sigh, I need an assistant and a housecleaner. 

that's all...

How responsible are you?11/10

How responsible are you?

Currently in the news there is A LOT going on about Penn State and the continued sexual abuse of children who were in their care by the assistant coach of the football team. The incident happened to no less than 8 boys starting some 20 years ago. There is no statue of limitations for shame just FYI. The long time head of the team (joe paterno) who had a lifetime contract as head coach of the football team was fired yesterday following allegations he failed to do ENOUGH as someone who was informed of the situation. As I write this blog the issues at hand are: he was told of some misconduct by his employee (who is said to have witnessed the act). At the time JoePa allegedly reports it to whom he is supposed to. The question at hand: is that enough? If there is a protocol in place for such atrocities and that was it [just reporting it to you superiors and the you are done] then OK maybe he has a case. I mean If I am supposed to do A B C and I do A B C then one would think my job is done, no? No?
Ok let's tackle the moral responsibility of this man. Morally if someone is doing something wrong or you get wind of it what is your role in it? Are you supporting this behavior by action or by non action? Did you not think your non action was support? Guess some people don't think of non action as support but I think sometimes it is the same thing.
My conclusions:
Here is /was a figurehead to this football tradition at Penn. He- as well as being a father and someone in a setting that was a leadership role- turned the team around and preached a doctrine of don't just do 100% always give 110%. He was someone who said you have a responsibility to your team as much as to yourself so make sure you honor that. Well what the hell man!!! Does this bit not apply to you. Is that for everyone else to follow and you jut say the words that sound nice to hear? I do not want to overshadow the atrocities done to these children by glossing over it- but today's argument is what is his role in this whole thing?
As an administrator there is a clear chain of command and clear things I am responsible to do.  When I chose this career I kind of almost didn't know what I was getting into..I mean you learn your "job" and then you learn the culture of the job and still you know what is right and wrong.There is also a moral obligation as a flipping human being to do right. Do right. Do what is right. Why is that so hard? I feel like John Quinones "what would you do?"

coffee thought...

no coffee today. I am taking a day off from coffee, work, thoughts and stuff.
that's all.

coffee thought... horoscope 11/7/11

Gemini Horoscope for November 07, 2011
Hoping and wishing for something to happen in your life will not make it happen -- you have to put in the work required for the joy that you want. There are many friends who share your dreams, though -- so use today to find out what they think about the situation, and what they think is the best way to make things happen. Together you can all decide what the right approach will be (and who needs to make it). To keep that hope alive, you need to get a group consensus on how to do it.


.........yeah.here goes nothing...

June 9 12:50 am

Be that as it may
Many of the facts remains
You are not who you claimed to be.
Judge me not for the content of my character
nor my actions toward you
because they were all based in the lies you told.
Those lies you told were the lies you sold my soul for
-same as a cheap bottle of wine and a promise of better times.
You told me you loved my voice
and wanted to build with me by choice
but little did I know
London bridges are falling down
crumbling
like the promise happiness
Security
Safety
Love. (Shit)
So I loved amidst this cruel fated world
and
Intriguing infatuation of intimacies imagined envelope my everyday existence of reality
I kept my head up in hopes I can one day soar with the clouds
high enough from the bullshit of commute, cash and cause.
I sang loud with praise for the Lord to hear my prayers and grant me a stay of sanity.
Stay with sanity 
I walked with purpose each day waiting for
The reason I have to defend you
My choices stay with me- haunting.
You are my worst critic
And I your biggest follower.

coffee thought...



coffee


Thoughts?
yeah... kinda hard to think with all the
things that be goings on...goings on.

yeah,
that's all...

Ms. Informed

Why didn't anyone tell me White Hennessy goes with everything?
Sheesh, the life lessons one had to learn on her own.

coffee thought...



ummm yum!



Welcome to National Donut Day (as observed by my job).

I was so kind as to go to one of my favorite places in the Universe (yes, if i traveled the universe I am sure this would be one of my favorite places) Dunkin Donuts to procure a dozen donuts for the office & a large coffee for the day. Yes, I was being nice <-- a large french vanilla coffee produces said results.

looking forward to the day ahead *(and the chocolate donut)

that's all...

coffee thought...

just some thoughts today as I drink the java...

Some of them

Wonder why I don't smile

I keep my cheer to myself

Lest you try to steal my joy.

I move swiftly thru my job
Searching for my vocation
Wondering if I am making a difference
Hoping for a change

I keep on believing
Keep on dreaming
Keep on moving
Keep on doing

Don't ever hope for something different
If you are not willing to do the work

that's all...

Happy Halloween

Special edition Saturday a divas view:
Snow.
That's all

friday night party



it's a celebration



would you believe a glitter monster threw up on my nails?

(i think it is screaming PARTAAAAYYYYY)

it is only multiple coats of the aforementioned rainbow connection nail polish.

coffee thought...

What are your expectations in this world?? I am trying to manage the expectations of many in my daily life- those of my family, my boss/job , those of my friends, those of my acquainted folks, and especially MY expectations of life. I sometimes often say it is not that hard; truly believing it is not that hard to do ____. Then I speak to some folks sometimes and apparently it IS that hard to ___.
Really?
Let's go simpler- finding love [simpler LOL] being loved, contact- yeah people say it is not that hard. Just put yourself out there and watch the magic happen. (can you see me Mr. Magic?) Anywho, take it from me that is hard. Love is not, I repeat NOT easy to find, hold, keep and thrive in (according to my personal experience + the folks I know in /out of love at any given point) and to not loose love- not loose each other but not loose yourself in love.
i digressed...
so today what are my expectations?
to find love around me
starting with my first cup of coffee.

that's all...

thoughts....

saw this today on a great artists' site and thought... it makes SO much sense....

"Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there." -Will Rogers

so what does this mean for your life? hell, what does this mean for mine? just keep swiming anyone?

coffee thought...

Gemini Horoscope for October 27, 2011

Just because everyone around you is cutting corners or taking shortcuts does not mean that you should. There's no need for Machiavellian behavior, and you know it. Don't follow anyone else's bad example. Now more than ever it is vital that you hold on to your values and principles, not only in your work but also in every aspect of your life. Look objectively at situations, and judge people by how they act -- not by what they say.

so true so true...enjoy your day!

that's all...

more nail polish...

a couple of things...

 First, I think I may have an addiction to nail polish or could be the fumes of the nail polish but I mean after I cleaned my desk of the colors I previously had here I still 'seem' to mass a few more colors here for good measure. Sad, this nail polish addiction of mine (could there be a place I go like a nail polish anonymous group or something??)

anywho

Second- I am soooooo happy that I got this color here Rainbow Connection by O.P.I in celebration of the Muppet movie coming out this fall (November 23?)- This color is a Limited Edition meaning once it is sold out it is sold out (along with the snazzy red color I had on last week which was getting ms piggy with it).   I mean who does not love the Muppet's? who does not love the song rainbow connection sung by the lovable Kermit the frog? who doesn't love Jim Henson- genius of his time/ creator of these creatures and who does not love the color green??

Anywho... I am just saying...

[and that my dear friends is a true couple of things...]

coffee thought...

While I am in the education business 

I am not in the business of educating you

on how to live your life.

I am definitely not trying to make you look bad

 trust and believe

 if that is your perception of yourself

 there is nothing anyone can do

 to help you.

If I am holding that mirror to you

and you don't like what you see,

don't flippin break my mirror,

 change your reflection

 change your outlook.

 You have to wake up and understand

what you contributed to your situation.

 Then make a conscious effort to fix it.

 Then you have to do it.

 Try not to let your perception

be your reality

 but let your reality

 be your reality.

 Here is my reality:

 I am going to continue being me,

loving me

and creating the best life

...for me. 

Courageously

Authentically 

Responsibly

...me

remember who I am being
has nothing to do with you..
although you seem to want to
make it about you (true?)

that's all...

GW Bridge

random:

today, 80 years ago the GW bridge was opened to traffic connecting NY & NJ and making the start of major commutability (my word). One random night, Bro#2 & I were watching some documentary on the making of the bridge and basically reasons why they design is what it is. Something about crossing this bridge to NJ to me means 'Road Trip'. As a kid anytime we were headed that way (south I-95) it meant adventure, intrigue and mommy or daddy driving.
Let's also take a look at the days we (dad & us) used to take mom to work at her K-Mart corporation job in North Bergen NJ. Typically in the summer time, on the Thursdays bi-weekly when she got paid, we would take her to work for her 4pm-12am shift. From there, the family would hit up either Roy Rogers or White Castle and some random rock park in NJ [not too far from Berginline Ave ] where we would run, eat and play. Then around 7:30-8pm mom would come out and we would drive her to the bank in NJ to cash her check [yes apparently we were living check to her check], eat some food and drop he back off. Sometimes we would wait around until midnight (what did we do for 4 more hours?) and then Dad would pick mom up and we would drive home. Coming home across the George Washington Bridge at night with all the lights and cars with the original old time yellow license plates meant 'I am going home'. I know exactly how long it should take to get from the GW to Jerome Avenue (sans traffic and any additional construction on roads that seem to never get fixed). I know various shortcuts to take me to my home from any point off the bridge (try me!/ thanks mom).
Later, after Dad passed crossing the GW meant going up towards 'our new home'- Spring Valley NY. Something about a place called Spring Valley was an oxymoron to the arrival of 3 kids from the South Bronx (word.) Once I was able to figure out a bus schedule back to the city *red and tan lines* by the time the bus was crossing the bridge back to Washington Heights NY the excitement of being back on the block was palpable. At that time I put back on the mask I wear to make it on the MTA buses to Grandmas house I go (and the pollution/ violence/ ass foolery Mommy tried to remove us from--here I am willingly spending my hard earned money to go back to. Ahh the youth is wasted on the youth someone once said...) still something about that said 'I am going home'.
Fast forward even later on in life Moi finally being able to drive that bridge myself really really really was an accomplishment (complete with prayer) that I never thought I would be able to do.  Once I was driving myself, really the road trips began in earnest (Philly, VA, AC, NJ, Boston, CT etc)- that was excitement in the fast lane for true...
ahh the memories...So congratulations to the GW for making it to 80 yrs. Let's gear up for the next 80 and the many more road excursions to come.

coffee thought...

Good morning all!
Thought I would start the day by walking to the #2 train seeing as how I did that yesterday & it was a 15 minute walk and it basically took the same amount of time (or less) than if I was waiting for the MTA bus (bane of my existence)..

well that didn't work out as hot water didnt decide to show up until 20 minutes of me standing in the shower... yeah not fun.

anywho, got to work and am about to do the damn thing...sunny 62 degrees lovely fall day...
some light reading shall we...
http://clutchmagonline.com/2011/10/nightline-probes-black-womens-love-lives-again/

discuss...
that's all...

coffee thought...

au bon pain... pain be the operative word here.

as in mondays are just a pain in the arse..

that's all...

there's no place like...red nail polish?

ruby red huh?

today it is my "there's no place like home" nails... sparkly shiny & red.

the color is actually from O.P.I called 'getting ms. piggy with it' a featured collection in anticipation of the upcoming new Muppet Movie *out this Thanksgiving*. They have other colors like rainbow connection & something about gonzo but all this ms. piggy diva red speaks to me (let alone that that pig character alone spoke to me all my childhood & beyond years- she has a divine swine power)

anywho, since the other mani was chipping, I decided to cover it up with this red joint.

A little snazzy for a friday at work but oh well.

[this nail poilsh report is my way of saying aint shyt else going on that I care to write about so here you have it...]

coffee thought...

Coffee should be required drinking in the mornings-

It would make the world a better place.

that's all.

Elephant

Coming from PT on Tuesday, I happen to notice this elephant doing a trunk-stand in Union Sq. NYC. Of all the times I have walked thru this part of town (weekly) I have never noticed this.

What else in life have I 'walked past and not noticed?'

just random thoughts...

coffee thought

being a bean...

New nails (got a mani & pedi over the weekend)  and thinking coffee- today I used one of the K-cup packs that appear on my desk...
thoughts?
why doesn't nail polish last longer than 2-3 days tops-- I mean no matter what you do (unless you have on some fake nails and that lasts for weeks)
it is something (other than using permanent marker) I need to invest in...
that's all...

Have you ever met someone who just wants to be contrary for no reason? Honery As indignant can be. Someone that always finds fault with the way the world works, the way the world is not working for them and pretty much the way of the world. It is maddening to have to deal everyday with this attitude and can seriously have an effect on your attitude.

Have you ever met someone who just wants to be contrary for no reason? Honery As indignant can be. Someone that always finds fault with the way the world works, the way the world is not working for them and pretty much the way of the world. It is maddening to have to deal everyday with this attitude and can seriously have an effect on your attitude.
Let's examine some people that may be like that: we shall start with jealous girlfriends, coworkers and family.
Jealous girlfriends; they start off as friends greatgal pals who claim to be there or you and down for your best interest.. He'll y'all got many an interest in the same things. Well life happened here and there

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday night

This (11:17 pm) Sunday night time ritual of mines goes something like this:
Finish watching the news
Place dishes in the sink (sometimes wash said dishes)
Drink 6 oz of water- I tried for a full 8 it ain't happen
Go to bed
Close eyes
Stay up thinking about all the things you have to accomplish this week-specifically tomorrow in your head and promptly get overwhelmed.
Open eyes
Think
Worry
Repeat

Yeah so it goes...

all about eve

I saw this movie this weekend in my "all about me" moment- basically I did nothing but sleep, eat and sleep some more this Saturday. I didn't set foot outside. I didn't set foot in a shower. I didn't even care. Felt good.
So, All about eve is just one of the wonderful movies of Bette Davis...
and filled with equally amusing quotes...

Margo Channing: Funny business, a woman's career - the things you drop on your way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman. That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted. And in the last analysis, nothing's any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turn around in bed, and there he is. Without that, you're not a woman. You're something with a French provincial office or a book full of clippings, but you're not a woman. Slow curtain, the end. <---hmmm let's think about that one in the modern day trappings of what I & alot of other folks my age are speaking about...


Margo Channing: Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!

Margo Channing: I detest cheap sentiment.

Bill Sampson: Outside of a bee hive Margo, your behavior would not be considered either Queenly or Motherly.
Margo Channing: You are in a beehive, pal. Didn't you know? We are all busy little bees, full of stings, making honey day and night. Aren't we honey?


there are so many more...but I'll leave you to ponder those...this movie= genius of its time.

Travels

Rescue mission

That is what I feel I am constantly on in terms of the folks in my life. Some days I don't know if I should have endeavored to be a firefighter or some EMT type person cause the amount of search and rescue I do (not inclusive of my soul) makes me weary.

Maybe that is why I am here- to extend myself in a way that test the measure of myself or the weight of love I can give or receive. Maybe it is a little test I am constantly giving to myself - with no real reason or achievement at the end... and so I continue to socially pass myself to a higher class meanwhile never really realizing the lessons I should have learned in kindergarten.

Sad is this social promotion stuff.

Anywho...bro #3 had to step into fatherhood in the hugest of ways yesterday... raising kids today ain't what it used to be. I being the consistently good person that I am drove him to Philly (2x in a month is waaaayyyy to much PA for me)  to keep him out of jail (his car had a nail in the tire, no working windshield wipers, a tremendous rattling sound and he has an expired license- picture that on the NJ turnpike.) Dealing with family issues, bullying issues, parenting skills etc is a delicate task.  I successfully diffused a situation with his kids mother and we basically took the kids to NY. Yup. So now he has to enroll them in school ASAP and start court proceedings.  We shall see how this village comes together for his kids.
And I happen to procure a cheese steak for myself and bro #2 ...hope he knows he paying me back.

No dough

"I am having an out of money experience" - tee shirt I considered purchasing but thought better of it seeing as how that would really put me in the red.

coffee thought

appley juicceee

Today no java just apple juice since we are apparently experiencing some kind of heat wave

 complete with the past gorgeous weekend of 80+ degree weather.

apparently this global warming/ tropical like weather ain't so bad...for now.

that's all...

no driving

What happens when you park your car and someone who apparently cannot turn a corner takes the corner and smashes into your car (not my car...but someones car) hard enough to knock it on the sidewalk and under the scaffold (which has been on the school across the street from me since birth) and then they leave a note talking bout 'sorry'.

...really?

coffee thought...

nails today...

well folks, we have made it to friday

(yay!)

think about all the things

 you set out to accomplish Monday--

how many of them did you

actually accomplish?

(staying alive counts as 1)

you did it.

Now-- what's up for the weekend?

I got my party nails on

and my McCafe ready to go!

that's all...

Books-this that I know.



you should guess the title of this book!



For those that know me know that I abhor taking NYC taxi cabs. I am not a fan and I do not appreciate the way they drive (when I am driving in NYC) nor do I appreciate the way they drive when I am walking (anywhere in the NY Metro Area). Add to that  I don't like the fact that they won't go to the BX anytime unless I hail them from the airport after a lovely vacation and STILL they try to get me for extra money (one dude had the nerve to ask me for toll money for his trip back- I said take it out your tip). That is SO not cool and racist and discriminatory towards us who cannot live in the upper echelon of society (AKA Manhattan). Anywho, I do not like them-' cept for when I need one to take men the hell out of where I am to try to get home expediently.

Where was I leaving from in such a rush to actually be able to take one of these cheese yella demons outta there? Somewhere called bluestockings bookstore. Back story- long crazy hard day at work complete with evaluations of employees that literally drained my soul- needed drinks and food & we (Beks and I) met for some company we chatted drank a couple margaritas & had a few $1.00 tacos and she was social-working me with the questions of the day. We were also checking out a theory of hers and having good laughs - any who the topic of sex came up (of course) and lack thereof for some of us... Well to stave off any craziness we went to this  cute cupcake shoppe where there were a wonderful array of sweetness and treats. Trouble? They had no chance - Strawberry cupcake for she and Pumpkin one for me (yes that good)-- we determined I am a cupcake whore. Hopefully there is a support group for that (where they provide great coffee--- anywho)

We went to this "Spotlight: Empowerment through Art!" thing at the Bluestockings Bookstore. We slid into the back & proceeded to watch someone shimmy with cut out pictures of Presidents on they breast, Clinton on her _ _ _ _, and gold glitter being sprinkled above her. <--- can you see my face? thought so...

Soooooooo was not ready for that.

As we listened to folks errr artists say shit errr perform I glance over to read book titles (hey we in a bookstore!) while Beks decides to read a book -I think she was reading the female orgasm & you...maybe not...anywho where was I?? OH yeah-- the performance and discussion of the folks. Right. I distinctly remember hearing someone on stage saying "it was wet and I sat on him and remembered being a female..." mind gone again... thinking about how to google map my way home. Turns out I would need to take 3 trains and 1 bus. Yay for the unlimited metrocard. Suffice it to say good thing nature called Beks dying phone as we upped and bounced. OK I upped and bounced but I mean there is but so much I can take. Maybe I am not as 'open' to the arts as I think I am - eh who knows. not my cup of tea.

Which brings me back to the cab. I hoped in the cab and got to 86th street while enjoying the lovely views of night-time NYC and thought, wow. Bright lights, big city. One could get lost here. One could get lost...
Anywho I vowed to read more and maybe will have to pick up one of them books we checked out that night.
[ <3 the Adventures w/ Beks-- they would make a great story- fiction of course ;)]

Thoughts tonight

The meet of my thighs
The secret tunnel
A sticky end
Nice girls naughty sex
Obsessed
The ethical slut
Bottoms up
Harmful to minors
Opening up
The sweetest kiss
Forbidden
Sweet confessions
Bitten
Please
Longing lust love
Carnal sacrifices
Orgasmic truth

Sent from my iPhone

coffee thought...

sometimes you get what you paid for...and sometimes you are still paying for what you got.

that's all...

Steve Jobs (1955-2011)

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

- Steve Jobs (1955-2011)

Oh to philly we go

Road tripping with Beks... decided we would take a drive to the great city of 'brotherly love' Philadelphia PA to grab a cheesesteaks (my reasoning) and for her to visit her hometown (her reasoning). Well we drove down enjoying the beauty of the day- all is good as we chatted on life and lies and the decisions we made. Specifically where she will move to and where I am moving to (not physically yet but emotionally, mentally etc etc). We keeps it moving.


historical stuff



we decide oh, we need to do something cultural- she always wanted to go to the Mutters museum and I am game (not knowing what a mutter is but thinking hey why not) we figure it out and head all in.

Fast forward to the Mutter's museum- oh goodness this place was definitely a trial of the wills and the temperament of the stomach. This place was DIFFERENT. DIFFERENT as in be prepared for what you shall see different. You see the Mutters museum is a requisite stop for all those who would be medically inclined and not inclined to loose their lunch seeing bodies. deceased. diseased and decrepit. I mean it was definitely something for the C.S.I person in all of us- basically showing the intricate details of things such a the affects of elephantiasis and dwarfism on bones & seeing how corsets affected a woman's rib cage and organs shifted to achieve the tiniest waist possible - apparently if you had a small waist you were wealthy cause you needed a chambermaid to lace up the thing to the tightest it could possibly be-- the less breathable the better. these things I can take-- i mean seeing a rib cage or some organs aint no thing aint no thing...

wait. there is more.

the part(s) of the museum that truly disturbed me (and beks cause apparently nausea set in) was seeing the instruments used to perform rudimentary abortions warning this will be graphic- they take what can only be described as a long corkscrew and send it up THERE to pierce said baby skull and I assume dredge out the remaining bits & forceps to deliver a baby and other unmentionables that i will not mention cause I will loose my lunch even today...

Breathe. What did I learn?

• modern science is truly a miracle- I mean this museum was created to assist in medical research and education. all in the name of science.
• there is a difference between an idiot and an imbecile. (according to the skulls in the museum-- I am sure further research is required on my part to discern using the terms interchangeably)
• yes, that was a human colon that was there. a 9 ft long human colon (sorry beks)

and despite my motto of 'try everything twice' there are definitely somethings FOR SURE that you only have to do once to know that was more than enough.

Beks taking a breather

coffee thought...

I. Could really get used to this iPad business.

that's all
 
sent from the iPad that was 'borrowed' from the OFA

coffee thought...

Who in their right mind gives me a small coffee?
i go to the same deli here by the job and (almost) every other day
there is an issue with getting my coffee order straight.
i mean it is not that hard.
breathe. finish this cup. repeat.

that's all...

Happy Birthday Google!!!!

google doodle courtesy of google.com

can you beieve it!! welcome to the teen years...
(and yes even they like cake!)



~Do what you can with what you have where you are~
     Theodore Roosevelt

Oh boys & bats

Another commute on the 4 train mixed with Yankee fans in their autumnal pilgrimage to the stadium- it really is fascinating how "they" see the game. Typically when we hit 86th street they are off this train like the running of the bulls. Now secure in their mass of pinstripe jerseys and pre-game beer buzz they are secure in the pack - kinda like wolves traveling together lest you don't notice the weakest link (or hue) and be pounced upon by the natives of the BX (this is said in my greatest Steve Irwin VoiceOver.) where they feast on $10.00 beer and $8.00 dogs watching men hold their bat& chase balls. Ahh the wild! >Jimmey Cricket!

just what the dr. ordered?

Mid day convo w/ T

T: How was therapy?


me: oh you know...talked about communication and how i am able to help

T: Yay So was that...helpful?

me: well i mean i think i am communicative enough but apparently not as in i need to raise my voice and get mad and get loud eh i am trying not to be the angry black chick and the therapist wants me to be that

T: Yea that doesn't seem productive

me: i don't know - maybe she wants me to react more and not be so wound up i am still trying to process it i am sure it ain't nothing a good orgasm cant fix

T: Lmao

no? I don't know. I know i am trying doing the best that i think i know how to do in asking for what I need/ want/ desire/ covet from my friends, Romans, countrymen, black men and the universe in general--- but something about the message is not getting received.
I learned way back when about the different teaching styles there are that teachers/ educators can use to get their message and lessons across which is in relation to the different learning styles we possess to receive various forms of information.
For example say you are someone that really 'get's it' when you S E E it in front of your face vs hearing all about it ethereally--- something about the tangibleness of the lesson sticks with you.
Well, what if I (in my many learned ways) can only wax poetic about the lessons in life love and literally cant give you any tangibleness? Do you get it? Do you get me?? Am I lost in translation somewhere- floating along thinking I am touching lives and shyt when really I am just breezing thru.
I am doing all i can to get my message (OK read: put myself out there) but it seems I am screaming in a room of hearing impared folks or doing cartwheels for the visually impared.
Hell, at this rate I accept I am the impared one-- and I need to learn a new language.

Troy Davis

Troy Davis [10/9/68-09/21/2011]
Not someone I knew personally but someone whose name has recently received some news coverage. He was sentenced to death tonight by lethal injection due to a crime (murder of a police officer) that was committed some 22 years ago. I personally do not think taking life replaces the life that was lost. I am not 'sure' where I stand on the penalty of death- figuring if it were my child (the murdered one) I may want justice and would not rest until this was achieved. Then I think if my child was the accused and there is serious doubts of the witnesses that were used in testimony (7 of 9 recanted their story) then I would want a re-trial or some injunction--some kind of Hail Mary type of pass in the final moments to spare his life.
This only happens in movies (it seems).
His soul is hopefully at peace and hopefully his spirit is free
And may God continue to watch over us all.

coffee thought...

moral rigidity
if i cant be 100% perfect then i cant be any percent good.
that's all...

Cacti in the city

rainbow connection

fanta orange

I have been meaning to post these pics of "cacti in the city" for the past couple of weeks ever since the sprouted up around Astor place in NYC-- it is an interesting way to spruce up the light posts in the area and love the pop of color.

It's a rainbow to me



mysterious rainbow

something i witnessed in the sky-

possible silver lining to a crappy day.

what do you see?

coffee thought

Welcome to Monday

(the Fall edition)

It is a relatively cool 68 degrees perfect hair weather and great grabbing a coffee and going weather.
Thoughts - making it thru the days to the impending weekend.
Actions- not laying hands on coworkers

(oddly enough the students are manageable whereas the employees I am to manage are unmanageable)
Words- from the things I recall in the Catholic church--

go in peace.
that's all.

Doing work

evidence! 

Yay me! This here is a picture of accomplishment (all be it a small one) but a success nonetheless.
My baby car had a headlight missing.
What does that mean to me the non car/ non technical one of this equation? Going to some auto body shop to figure a replacement + time + labor costs.
Well Noc (Bro #3) said:
you can do this yourself
Really?  I am an accomplished female of sorts
Yeah man, just pop the trunk and...
You lost me.
Really?
uh yeah
Never been under the hood of your car?
Umm not so much seeing as how I pay people for that-
you suck T. You can change a light bulb I don't even think you need a degree for that. 
So I believed the hype and went to the auto store and purchased 2 headlights $10.00 each- why 2 you ask- cause technically you are supposed to replace them both at the same time lest one is brighter than the other- that was my PSA for the day [thanks mom]. Any who the polite saleslady asks would I like to have them installed, how much? $15.00 per bulb- are ya kidding me?
So I ride back to the block pull out the manual and watch him skim manual "to get the gist of it" and explain you gotta twist it counter clockwise then pull it out- disconnect and put in the new one. Easier said than done? No- it was easier done than said cause my side was finished in 2.5 seconds and I was jumping up and down like I was Rocky or I finished a marathon. Whoo hoo! Yay for small victories- next up changing an alternator or leaping tall buildings in a single bound.
OK maybe not-- but I will be able to see the light.

Three hundred 3 days

So it seems like I am on a spending spree--I mean I intend to save. I intend to be responsible. I intend not to blow thru all my cash like an obnoxious pimp in a stripper club on the first of the month. But people do say the road to hell is paved with good intentions...
let's do the math:
Wednesday- I took out $40.00 because we were having a final fare-the-well for a co-worker in the office and since she was a great worker I showed up for this. $40 later (mind you this is why I despise going in groups cause people all of a sudden cant count or don't remember that 'extra' margarita they had) I am $40 in the hole for a $10 meal. yes, I'm the sucker.

Thursday-- busy spending day. $5.00 coffee (morning indulgence)
 + $15.00 eyebrows and necessary de-fuzzing (this apparently is non- negotiable)
 + $12.00 Cosi (tea & sandwich lunch special)
+ $12.00 cab ride (since the temperature dropped & I was standing on the corner waiting for a bus dead of night I figure I should be able to take the cab, hell stop being so cheap!)
+ 50.00 hair (godchild washed, conditioned, re-cut & styled & I tipped her- yeah I know a bit much for short hair but trying to help the young-ins)
+ 3.00 late night tea & conversation run
so far $137  G O N E

Friday- was a happy day (since it is the end of the week) $7.00 breakfast + $7.00 crepe + $20.00 to give to the office because another co-worker is getting married and we all went in on a gift for her (and this person I have worked with for and is a good worker as well--->side note with all the birthday celebrations/ farewell shindigs/ wedding & baby showers we have in this office that I have contributed to AND AM STILL SINGLE therefore have no financial gain from them folks-->all I am saying is that I am gonna throw myself a party and register for gifts [ala sex and the city] cause really who celebrates the single gals??? i digress...)
+ $20.00 chicken dinner (with TD for some down home great conversation/ bonding catching up and relaxing after a looooong week. sometimes good convo+ a good chicken & homemade sweet tea is all you need)
Overall $191 G O N E

and all I  have left in my pocket is a mere $24.00

After careful consideration and calculation it seems I am missing 109 dollars. WTF could have happened in like 3 days to make me spend 300?? I need an intervention.

*Rechecking the bank statement I only took out 220 (smart)
that still doesn't excuse the spending but I guess i can re-title this entry as loosing my mind as well as my money...

Sent from my iPhone

coffee thought...

Shock
That is pretty much what I have been in/ be it emotional or mental or the one where your throat closes (physical)- for the past couple of days I have been functioning in shock. Let's start by last week Thursday- had an interesting therapy session where I focused on fear and the perception of my knowledge in comparison to my peers. [back story I am going to a college friends BBQ & she is in a different socioeconomic class than I am and her peers are too.] Because I live in something of a 'be prepared' state I was trying to be prepared for all of the possible outcomes. I did not want to be seen as less than that of my peers. or her peers. or less-than worthy of being peer like. After that session I was running back to my office to give an afternoon staff meeting & then go about the business of making my way home to beat the alternate side parking beast when I decided on a slice (ok 2) slices of pizza to chow on. Low and behold after scarfing down the slices my face started to itch and throat close- classic allergic reaction sign- but here is the kicker- I know my allergies- shell fish & nuts therefore stay the hell away from them. I had to leave the office to go to the doctor and sit there for 1.5 hours to give me benadryl & prednisone & some other drug to be on for 5 days and makes me sleepy to boot.  Beks searched for me in 3 doctors offices - something that means more to me than she will ever know- and we got some tea to sit and ponder life and the decisions we have made (inclusive of pizza)<-- more about that later.

Friday I decided to stay home so my face swelling can go down and receive a call from Beks- the City school she decided to go to (read: being adult and considering costs etc etc) is being everything you could ever read about city employees-- non responsive. You think I am mad that people in my office not doing their job-- imagine how I feel about people abusing policy-- state/ federal/ etc-- and there is nothing I can do to solve or fix this situation with all the knowledge I have about fin aid and federal regulations. It it utterly frustrating and I feel really really bad. [Still working on it tho-never give up/ never surrender.]

Saturday I went to my friend's  BBQ and had a wonderful time- my fears about perception and what I do (continually am I good enough) were falsely based in my own psycho. Yay! But in discussing choices with many of the folks there- many were in this depth of career crisis - many many were utterly unsatisfied in their initial choice of life one chick left wall street and is becoming a teacher,  another chick just entered back to school to get her PT degree --It kind of validates my non-sense of balance with why I feel unsettled where i am at times-- Am I truly normal? Really? Time will tell.

Saturday evening I went to the twins birthday BBQ where I was a good 8 years older than the rest of the population -with exception of the golden child & her best friend & my brother. It was good seeing the dichotomy of the ages and what parting from my youth looks like in hindsight. It was also good to know that WOW I did all that back then and don't miss it at all one bit & knowing when to call it quits is a thing learned with maturity- not with throwing up at a BBQ (ha ha she will find out which friends of hers decided to leave parting gifts in the morning!)
Ahh such is life
Shocking. One moment I am trying to live, breathe- breathe for real and survive in this madness- the next moment I am being validated in my confusion to be back to the trying to breath thing... 
yeah such is life. 

oh...that's all...