coffee thought: Horoscope: Gemini: December 31st, 2014

Well, what a way to end the year with this kind of horoscope...

 

This can be a very upsetting and confusing time, when you do not know exactly what you want or you do not feel strong, capable, or effective. Physically, you need to be gentle with yourself and take care not to burn up your energy reserves.

 

So basically, do not try to think about making major life decisions (today) and/ or endeavor into rock-climbing/ tough-mudder activities today. Got it. Will drink champange and watch mindless TV prattle until the new year/ new things. Oh, and I will be gentle...

this is all... that's all...

 

 

Happy End of the year folks!

Someday...

my love will say

and I will know

and trust

and love 

until then

i cry to the stars

and let the moonlight 

dance on my tears

that's all...

to the man that hit my car

I do not know what made you do it,
I do not know why you decided to come off the highway and stop irrationally close to my car.
And as I notice you in my rear view mirror, you then proceed to hit my car.
And as I get out the car I can see the choice you have, which is to swing your car around mine and attempt to get away
or sit there as me, a black female approaches you, a white male in the car.
And you have a firefighter plaquard in the window.,
And you put the phone down as I approach.
And your eyes are glazed over from what seems to be a night of inebriation
And you look at me as if I am the crazy irrational black woman who walks up to you and says
Are you fucking kidding me?
Why the fuck did you hit my car?
And as you hold your hand up as if I am going to do something I realize that
you have no clue
you don't know what you just did
and
I ask you if you are alright
and luckily you had on your seat belt
and I say you know drinking and driving kills
as well as you should fucking know better
and I have a cousin who is a firefighter and how dare you
and take your ass home before this gets ugly
and drive your car in front of me so that I don't get hit again.

My cousins are alight. I am alright.
But I am not OK

I know

I know

You have a master plan

But sometimes you are just a little hard to figure.

 

quote from the Preacher's Wife

which I am currently indulging in

and throughly relating with and enjoying

at the same time.

 

Oh Lord, please show me.

 

I am really really quite upset right now

I am really really quite upset right now
I mean there is no other way to put it.
I find out things that
#1 I am supposed to keep secret and
#2 I am supposed to be happy about and
#3 while I can say I am very happy for said people and
#4 I am reassured it is not me by said person but i
#5 Can't help but to think -- is it really me? no, really...
Wow.
I guess that's the best thing for all parties involved?
And why (if youa re a friend/ colleague/ etc) then you feel the need not to tell me considering you say you know without doubt that I have your best interest in mind... guess them the lies you be telling so you can sleep at night.
Welp
good luck.

Sent from my iPhone

coffee thought...

Coffee thought

I sit and wonder is it worth it?

I am trying to be

The best person I can be

I am helpful

Sympathetic

Empathetic

I am funny

Sarcastic

Intelligent

Hell, I'm a charming motherfucker.

But I am just

Not

Enough

expectation(s)

"When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny." ― Paulo Coelho

Coffee thought...

Coffee thought...

Traveling thru the MTA subway system on this morning going towards work I have to acknowledge I am blessed. I am awake. I am alive. I am here. That is definitely a start.
I am currently thinking about love (of course) and what it means to love someone. What it means to really love them. Are there different levels to love (like friendship versus romantic) and can these levels ever get confuddled? Like can friends become lovers and are you really lovers if you were never friends? It is an interesting concept being in love and actively loving someone. I mean I know I love folks- primarily family and friends. I know I have loved a man or two. Have I been loved back? Somehow I do not think so ( because my concept and experience of love has not been successful and/ or fulfilling). Does that mean I am incapable of being loved? Am i unlovable? On my dark days, I do think so (that I am unlovable) simply because I have not had that (love). However, I maintain HOPE that someone I do love will acknowledge the potential love inside- that someone mirrors what GOD has made me capable of (loving) and is made for me to love (and love me back). It is a definite belief I have that my man is out there. I definitely believe that. I am actively seeking that. I am aware of myself and realize no one can complete me (in the I am not broke and don't need fixing like a damn clock or something way) and I am aware that if I don't love myself, hell, how can anyone else know how to love me if I treat myself like crap ( interesting, right?!) and I know how I need to be loved (wholly. Completely. Actively. Every damned day) so yeah. Maybe my dude ain't ready for all that yet. I get it. Maybe I ain't ready for all that yet. I get it. Maybe.
that's all...


Sent from my iPhone