November 29 8:59 am

November 29 8:59 am
Trying to recover from the interesting holiday that was my thanksgiving. I got out of work early on Wednesday (early being 4 pm) and got a ride home with Noc. It is very cool driving in NYC traffic at semi rush hour the day before a holiday since you get to see all the sights, sounds, and crazies. We picked up his moms who has a strange admiration for nicki minaj (LOL scary) and then it was off to go home where I had to go spend another $55 on food. Mel owes me like $15 on that one...Mike owes for some cereal and stuff as well. [Mental note I am desperately tired of being the automatic teller machine with the money cause it seems it is automatically Tasha's money...yes I stole that from Soul Food but considering how this is about food and we have soul...]
Anywho my friend "jem" was coming over and I have yet to clean or begin cooking.
Yet to clean.
Yet to start cleaning.
Yet to physically wrap my hands around a mop/ broom or garbage bag.
Finally I get home and just am in awe of my house situation (many of clothes have no home to reside in and feel the need to take root on my couch at all times) and the lot of papers that are on the floor in actual need of a filing place is amazing. Well she came over in a tizzy and in order for her to begin to relax she starts to clean and clean she does. We were up to 4 am cleaning/ straightening/ talking/ asthma-attacking cause of the layer of dust I disturbed and then she stayed up past 4 am when my mind/body/soul could take no more --she was cleaning some more. In the morning I awoke to my coffee brewing (I learned how to set the timer on my coffee maker and OOOH weee I love it) and at that time "Jem" got to the kitchen- yes I have a kitchen thank you very much. Hell, once upon a time there used to be many a throw-down in there with good food produced et al. After a few hours of cooking and watching the parade (which is a tradition that I still do) I started to cooking the famous carrot cake with grand mariner, cornbread stuffing, wild rice, brussels, sweet potato pie, hour de vours, etc. It was alot to begin with and then quickly became too much as she cooked a ham, more hours de vours, Mel cooked roast beef and turkey and some sides. Mike made his extra secy cranberry sauce and folks came over to eat. His GF was there (-_-) and TRS came by with some throwback cookies from my childhood (YUMMY) and kiddies from downstairs came thru to grab some food and truly I dad a tremendous blast. My friend D came then & Noc ran thru at the end just to chill...these are times I love the family, definitely miss mommy as she would have had a grand ole time watching us and eating and laughing. My father would have just had everything on point with the cooking and the joyousness that he is.
Sigh...
Something I do is make everyone say what they were thankful for (yeah I know) and really I am thankful for my life- in all that it is and all that I want it to be I am thankful I can do whatever. I am thankful for my family (and all the crazy that it is) my friends (and all the crazy that it is) and the world keeps going...
that's all for now...

horoscope for this day

Gemini Horoscope for November 28, 2010
We all have friends in our lives who are a bit over-the-top -- and some who are a lot more so. Someone who fits into that category will say or do something that will leave you scratching your head now, and wondering whether it would be best to dismiss them entirely, find them some psychological help and just pretend it never happened. Weigh up the seriousness of the situation before you do anything at all. Sometimes it's best to just coast.

coffee thought...

random thoughts as I think my coffee...

we get an email today from a prospective student who applied to one of our campuses that are not located in this wonderful city; basically the new campus is where Garfield used to send Nermal when he was being truly annoying <-- clue. well said prospective student wants to know exactly where said campus is in NY because if we are talking about the "overseas one" he don't want to go. i am sorry... but doesn't one check out these things before you apply and put in application fees etc etc?
As TD said "and don't you research before you do stupid shit like that how about you google map it dumb fuck"

that's all....

coffee thought...

FYI...

it is not wise to wear XL drawers if you don't have an XL ass...

that's all...

Lunchtime

Having a salad which is a lot of green. my taste buds are rebelling and asking for something i can put hot sauce or chocolate on...
(sigh) trying to mentally wrap myself up in this healthy eating.

coffee thought...

Thinking my manicure is oh so sparkly & I am wondering why I have to pay $50 for a replacement degree (my MA) cause really as much as it costs me it should be free!
that's all..

Lunch today

Since I didn't feel for anything else today yogurt is it!

google doodles-- from the past

These are from Halloween (10/31/10) paying homage to Scooby Doo.

I liked these cartoons back in the day...

What is that saying about...

What is that saying about opening a can of worms or not wanting to open the can of worms because once it is opened you have to deal with all the worms that come spilling out?

Imagine that.

Imagine everytime you think you have one little worm back in the can (cause we all carry our worms in a can, right?) that another little worm comes slythering out.

That is exactly what therapy is like only bigger, badder, and better complete with actual feelings emotions and consequences.

I can partially deal with feelings (i feel) and quite frankly deal with emotions (keep em' hidden) but give me consequence and give me death.

Perilous is the nature of the line of questioning for the day.

See I thought I could just let it be-
it be what it is and never visit it
or touch it
or react to it-
just let it be.
Make no sudden movements around it
Hell not even acknowledge it
and just let it be.
Fortunately I was able to live for a long time like that-
I mean life keeps ya busy when you need to be...
and I never did take the time to look for it again
cause I figure when it was ready it will come.
Like rain to the desert
or solace for a sinner
IT will come.
Unfortunately
sometimes it is too late
and after periods of drought
and stages of perpetual sin
it doesn't come for you like you want it-
doesn't even feel like it used to-
it just doesn't satisfy what it needs to
it just isn't enough.
If the garden isnt watered
the flowers no longer bloom.
If the sunlight never nourishes
this world does not grow.
If you don't get it in time
there is no substitute-
if you miss it
it will hurt you.
If you don't see it
you may not know it anymore
Now I can't say when exactly
I realized it wasn't here no more...
again I say life keeps you busy when it needs you...
but please
Remember it
Acknowledge it
Cherish it
Hold it
fuck it

It's crazy..
I am too.

coffee thought...

Therapy is a bitch
Self discovery is a motherfucker
And I am just a bastard child

sent from iPhone

coffee thought...

it is cold here in NYC & election day (go out to vote!)
as I am sipping the sinfully savory sap it gets me to thinking about hugs.
Do you like hugs?*
I tended to think I do however when a particular person hugs me I immediately tense up, what does that mean?
*how i got to the hug analogy is basically the coffee is like a hug of warmth to my insides all soothing and comforting.
sigh....I need a man.
that's all...

November 2 8:34 am

The thing about your past is that is has passed. Some things have passed for a reason- others have passed because it was just their time. The past is the past so either we learn from it or we are destined to wallow in it or perpetually repeat it. Some things in our past we want again (or more specifically we want to do again) I mean this is why we have a favorite movie (to experience again) or a favorite food (cause we want to chow down on that again and again and again). This is why we have favorite people, places and things- we are trying to re-experience or re-create or reinvent the prior times we had (with a meal, with a man etc) sometimes we are smart enough to know when to leave the past in the past (sometimes) and other times we do not learn . Or rather we want to learn the hard way. It is amazing that thru all my past experiences it makes me. ME. and some of them I would not want to trade in the world whereas others I can surely do without.

This brings me to my statement
Why is the past so intriguing?

I mean we have a world of folks just digging up dead folks (in Egypt & hell other places to boot) to figure out how they lived, how they died and the impact that was had. We take history and social studies in school to kinda have a frame of reference for our current states and then hopefully we use/ learn not to repeat the mistakes and do better.
Funny that is always one of my prayers to the Lord it is for me to just be better/ do better than before and make a difference<--I digress.

Anyway my past is creeping up in my mind these days more often than not and I am thinking of the things i did in the past (not necessarily sins of the past but definitely misgivings in some cases/ transgressions in others).

I am trying to see where I should have turned left instead of being right.

I am trying to understand why I over-stood my stance and my position.

I am wondering if my dreams are crazy which is why they are dreams.

I am wondering if I am confusing my goals with dreams or vice versa?

I am trying to figure out if I will ever have love.

I am wondering if I ever knew love or did I mistake infatuation and intrigue for some kind of crazy love?

I am hoping I am deserved of love (I believe I am) but yet that eludes me and so it becomes one of the things that I think I am crazy for wanting... (lovely huh?)

At any rate these thought keep me moving towards my goals/ dreams as absurd as they may be and as unrealistic as I make them so that I can feel I have accomplished something in my life/anything.

I need tangible results- like a reason why I am this way.

can I blame it on my past? or on my family? or on my ancestors? or my genetic predisposition to being the person I am (weight/ height/ color/ hair/ brain functions/ emotional instability etc etc you get the pic?)

eh, more to follow soon...but this too shall pass

coffee thought...

Gemini Horoscope for November 01, 2010
When the heavens are in the mood to inspire recklessness, it affects some of us more dramatically than others. For example, take your sign, that's always game to try something at least once -- and at least twice if you like it. That's what's on the agenda now, and travel will likely be the issue at hand. If you just can't stand the thought of doing anything the way that you've usually done it, don't. Get busy tossing some variety into that schedule. Lots of it.
lot's of it huh?
trying to get my $$ up so I can make it work anywhere I want to go, sigh, being in this field is making it harder & harder to not succomb to the material goods (aka shoes) i want...
woe

Dinner aka chocolate chip cookies