Born and raised in the South Bronx, New York (USA) I figured some thoughts, words, and musings of me would be entertaining- particularly because I say what I mean and of course I mean what I say.
Yes, I am an educated African-American woman. Yes, I am a poet. Yes, I am emotional. Yes, I am strong. Yes, I am opinionated. Yes, I am single. Yes I am an avid drinker of coffee. Yes I am in constant struggle- oh and I can not spell, so don't judge [ok maybe a bit] Don't be scared, just be willing
Trying
I'm trying here. Trying to accomplish my goals and get my shit together I mean what the hell. I am the greatest support and greatest person for every one else however I am the most silent and not motivated with me. Me. ME why? Whom I am supposed to love and be like the bestest and whatever
when I can't even find that time to devote that to me! Lord Lord lord.
that's all...
Monday 8:12 am journey on the way to work
We (NYC) are in preparation for this big blizzard snowstorm thing that is approaching. Everyone obviously did a run on groceries. Not I. I mean I have canned goods and veggies and a few hot dogs that should suffice. I have water and juice and the essentials of them all- coffee and liquor (not that I will mixing them but hey you never know).
My mind these past few days has been healing along with my body and soul because of the things I have been thru. Starting with last weeks episode of muscle spasms that landed me in the emergency room to the jury duty I am currently serving (civic duty never ceases) as well the talks and truths(?) I have been spilling. I am just so very tired and drained.
I desperately need to be felt.
To be held.
To honestly be loved.
My soul needs that... That which I cannot describe except as simple as my soul needs a place where she is able to freely be uninhabited and definitely supported and nourished and loved.
I haven't had that type of freedom- I have not actually experienced that romantic love to unearth my fears and shake them out the crevices of my soul. I just know that carrying all of this is heavy--- desperately and despairingly heavy. Searching for that safe haven is exhausting.
But- as I move on in this being- my existence I just keep swimming/ keep moving / keep striving because if I stop- if I stop loving, caring, supporting others then where or who would I be? And I know I need that love care respect myself but it seems no one speaks my language.
Like I am speaking English in a deafening silence.
Eh
I need coffee. that's all...
Changes can happen at any time in your life, that is, if you are ready and waiting for them. Every step you take today could be approaching a major turning point -- what you thought was important suddenly doesn't seem so very pressing anymore. And what you never considered much before becomes vital. This shift in priorities is long overdue. It might not be comfortable at first, but it will ultimately be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
you know what they say it is time for a shift... something about me, my mindset, my daily actions, and my reactions to this 'living life ' have got to change.. I have to start making it to the list... my list of things that are important in my life-- somehow it is always me that gets left off.. well welcome to the new year and welcome to this shift... love me or leave me alone... that's all...
I mean as in it is a Tuesday. It is a work day. It is a day. It is also a date I remember to have changed my life- literally 29 years ago. I don't know how appropriate it is to celebrate a death or passing-- more so I want to acknowledge that it happened
What type of person would i have become?
What kind of person am I? I like to hold on to these ideals and memories that were my daddy- the things I can plainly remember. I kind of think of the things that I possibly made up in my head- was there really a Heineken incident? the thoughts I have of my father and his love or his presence is ever present and I guess a part of me. But are you sure?
Long ago, people used to say I reminded them of my dad- I guess facial features or complexion or just demeanor? I took pride in that - that i was/ am a part of something. It made me feel less like someone who has nothing or no one in this world. I know my mom said some things sometime- that voice silenced by cancer 7 years ago.
What am I trying to say here?
That who I am apparently is tied to what happened this day and while I can say this does not define me it is a part of me- not apart of me.
Anyway, what one thing has one definition?
On another note, one of my friends is going thru something difficult with their parent at this juncture and it is amazing to see what children will do for their parents. I tell you love is definitely something.
I figure i should have a few different horoscopes here for the start of the year and see where it takes me.HOROSCOPES
Overview
Double hurray, all of that diligence and handwork is totally paying off in 2015, Gemini. You've fought your way through enough bumps and bruises on the road to success over the past few years, and now you're ready to truly claim your foothold and take your vision to the next level. The cosmic taskmaster is finally taking a break from your work and health zone and will only come back for brief audit and finalization this summer (June-September). So go ahead and spend the first half of the year pursuing excellent collaborations and stellar people to partner with. The other sweet news is that life isn't going to be more of that all work and no play non-sense. Relationships of the romantic variety will take priority in 2015 as well. You're learning and re-learning the art of partnering. This requires quality-time and attention, good boundaries, reciprocity and the ever-elusive balance of self and other.
One of your strongest assets in 2015 (if not always) is your mind. The difference this year is your knack for large-scale dreaming. You're totally a creative visionary as the New Year begins and that powerful and exuberant influence will push you to new heights for the first half of 2015. Ju-piter, the planet of luck, abundance and the big picture continues to light up the zone of your horoscope ruling your mind, communication, siblings and daily interactions. This makes life more playful and joyful with childlike enthusiasm all around. The only caveat is that Jupiter will be retrograde until April, so you may want to wait until spring to launch your biggest-of-the-big-shot projects, Gemini.
If you've had home improvement dreams or the fantasy of a total change of residence in your brain, the second half of the year could bring tremendous opportunity for expanding your domes-tic horizons. Lucky Jupiter will move into the base of your horoscope in August bringing a strong urge to spread out and take over more living space and land. You're ready to live large in whatever context that best supports your fabulous dreams of the moment. Mars and Jupiter will tag-team it in late September and October, so mark your calendars for your new home or biggest renovation project during that time. Don't worry dear; you should be making enough cash to support some pimped out, extravagant living. Dreamy Neptune continues to bring the glamour to your career zone for the fourth year in a row. You're starting to get the hang of feeling and living like the rockstar you are, Gem!
Romantic
Neither you nor your twin take kindly to being backed into a corner, Gemini. When it comes love, you like to keep it light and the commitment as open and flexible as possible, for as long as possible. The only problem with that is when you find a total catch and the clock is ticking in the 'maybe' zone. This year the stakes are sky-high. If you haven't already landed your dream twin, you will. And if you're still hemming and hawing with the one that arrived in 2014, expect to go committed or go home (alone). The pressure is totally on because Saturn is taking residence in your partner zone for the next few years, Gemini. The cosmic taskmaster doesn't mess around with the superficial and requires the long-haul dedication. You're being tested on your commit-ment level and ability to define the boundaries and structures around relationships. If you abso-lutely don't want or feel ready to settle down, you'll have to define some seriously integrated single-hood for yourself in a way that feels steady and grounded. The point is not to waver or sit on the fence. Try that, and Saturn will most definitely bring you to your knees before the year is finished.
To double-up on this love theme (and you're all about the doubles, twinstar), the North Node of Fate will continue to bless your house of romance again this year. The magic and (possibly ob-session) that began last year could easily go to the next level. If you're not in love with a human, this could be your love of a creative project or child. If you're in the market for making babies, you have the support of destiny to help you bring a new child into this world, even if only a crea-tive baby or adoption of a new pet. The choice is always yours, Gemini. The only caveat in the love department is not to lose touch with your friends by putting all of your eggs in the love bas-ket. Your social circle is starting to miss you and your buddies could totally use some quality time before another year goes by. Finding the balance is never easy or fun, but friends are every-thing.
Career
You're finally feeling unfettered and fancy free in the work department, Gemini. All of the pressure and obstacles you encountered in 2014 should now be put to rest. The only exception comes between late June and September when Saturn backs up into your work zone to help you tie up any loose ends or unfinished business. Be sure you have your daily schedule running like a well-oiled machine by then. That gives you the first half of the year to get your act in tiptop shape, Twinstar. Your creativity is totally off the charts between the ongoing presence of the North Node of Fate amping up your playful side and Jupiter amping up your mental sector with big ideas. Oh, and add the ongoing Neptune brilliance lighting up the top of your chart in the most visionary and inspired way possible. It's nearly impossible for you not to create something gorgeous, glamorous and innovative. You've also got the breakthrough energy of Uranus in your sector of friends and collaborators to assure that you attract some radical thinkers to keep your career path fresh and ahead of the curve. The more you're willing to take risks with your long-term goals and dreams in 2015, the more generous the payback.
June (your birthday season) jumpstarts a crazy productive spell for you, Gemini. You'll have Mars powering up your stars and then Jupiter moving to the base of your chart in August to give you another dose of inspiration and luck. Late September is definitely a total work surge for you when Mars and Jupiter join forces to turn you into nothing short of a creative factory. If you've gotten a bit ahead of yourself, you can use the Venus Retrograde phase to slow down and catch up with your soul. That sweet slowdown comes just in time for summer. If you have failed to take a proper summer vacay in years (which is most likely the naughty case), no more excuses, Twins. This is your year to mix the business with the pleasure for a change. You'll have enough success to finance a killer vacation. What are you waiting for? Get on the horn and put some se-rious leisure time on the 2015 calendar before all of the space gets filled up. You know that when you blink, you're fully booked.
GEMINI (MAY 22 - JUNE 21)
For nine months of this year, the intense presence of Saturn will be moving through your sector of relationships.
With a potent Solar Return at the start of the year in your sector of possessions, you can find yourself being uncharacteristically much more focused on any commitments you have or taking new romantic opportunities more seriously.
Understanding what you really need in relationships is key to this but also of being conscious of what other people require from you.
Professional hopes are boosted from March 20 for the following six months and you will have an opportunity to demonstrate your flair and creativity and make an impact on decision makers.
Work pressures can be greater across the summer months, but if you adapt your fitness regime and diet you can cope with this well. You could also find yourself more serious about your resources all through this year. You can do very well in any business or enterprise where you use your communicational skills well or through involvement with technology.
As Jupiter moves in August, more homely considerations can occupy your thinking. This can spur you to grow your family, or bring news of a happy celebration from someone else in your clan.
You might even find yourself looking for a new home with a possibility of moving before the year comes to a close, and this can be aided by the Solar Eclipse of October, and Jupiter’s transforming angle to the planet of change, Pluto.
Emotions, prejudices, or unresolved issues from the past come up in your interactions with others now, and you may not be very objective. This is a good time to speak up and clear the air of any grievances you have been holding on to for some time. Personal subjects are the topic of discussion now. Reminiscing, remembering, daydreaming about and reflecting on the past is likely.
