preachers

preachers
this is really a touchy subject (pun intended)...
as a woman baptised catholic, holy communion, youth choir, catholic grade school, confirmation, God-mother of 5 *boys nonetheless- i must say there is something about preachers/ reverends/ pastors/ deacons that automatically put me off. As in AUTOMATICALLY i get repulsed & my skin begins to crawl. I understand that most of their 'influence/ power/ &might' comes from what we ascribe to them i. e. how we hold them either as an example of how we should live (as a supposed holy figure & representative on earth) or as a vessel which delivers the word of God on any given day. (again see holy figure & person on earth) my problem with this is the blatant hypocrisy of a few of the pastors/ reverends & preachers alike (& maybe i am doing them all a collective disservice by grouping everyone into the same category but i view them all as the same on some days)
hypocrisy in the sense that they preach.. pass down the word or their word depending on the time of day and expect their sheep to follow. like this pastor i knew commented on the fact that people were watching/ commenting on the BET Awards & commenting on the supposed tribute to Michael Jackson.
the man just passed away on 06/25. people (BET) want to be the first to pay him tribute & they happen to be having an awards ceremony that weekend. So what happened? Some execs get together and call a few people to see if they can re-arrange a few things and perform at the show. A few good notables were Ne-Yo singing lady in my life. Jamie Foxx & Ne-Yo singing a tribute at the end. Flashbacks of MJ's life.
People (read: common everyday folk) were commenting on it live & in color via Facebook or every other source. Pastor/preacher commented on the awards itself & the fact people (us common folk) were giving so much honor/praise to MJ akin in an idolatorous spectacle & we should spend as much time in the church with the word than listening/watching this mess. Yet he tuned in himself just to have something to say it seems.
my point...
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Some definitely hold their opinion in higher regard than others since they hold themselves in higher regard than others. Some even chastise and berate others for not following their set path of religiousness and holiness.
I know I have (and have always had) an issues with confession. From what I was taught God was in you, around you and watching over you at all time. So why in the Sam hell would I have to go into a closet with a priest or whomever to 'confess my sins' & be forgiven by you preacher man? The way I see it, God was there, he/she knows what went down. We'll deal with that specific at a later date (when I roll up on them pearly gates).
I digressed...
All I am saying is paying tribute to a Black man (yes I said it cause he started out that way) who had an impact on many peoples lives musically, lyrically changed the way music is heard, visually changed the way videos are filmed, and internationally sold out everyplace- I see no wrong in honoring his life.
One of my problems with preachers is that *and this is paraphrased* they want to be so heavenly minded & end up being no earthly good.

just random thoughts...

coffee thought...

random really weird coffee thought...
why is it that only I cannot find a man? I can't even tell you the last relationship I had...
I really can't tell you the last time I have even been remotely attracted to someone to remotely want to persue them as my man..
maybe there is a connection??
that's all...

relay 4 life (09)

relay for life...
today was the 2nd time the brothers and I participated in the American Cancer Society relay for life walk. We (along with Tricia/ Tanya & others) walked in honor of those who lost their lives and are still fighting. It was a good day in the sense the brothers were there (remember the day B4 Bro #1 just got out the hospital...and even he made it a mile around the track) and Bro #2 is still handling his cane situation but working it out. Next year we decided on a carnival theme and will make the event bigger and better so look out.

Of course this is in memory of Mom..anything that can be done to possibly find a cure or help assuage the pain

I will do...

coffee thought...

no coffee today.. no words to think on... no thoughts yet about recent events...
that's all...

This is why the bus is nasty

Check the dude picking his nose as he sits in the seat with his barefeet out on the back of the chair in front of him while the chancletas sit idly on the floor...ewwwww crusty toes.

Reality TV junkie

My grandmother is addicted to reality TV. I know admitting it is the first step and she will never admit it cause well in her words she is not addicted, she just likes it alot.
It all started (kind of we are not really sure) with the daytime talk shows & court TV shows. She loved the foolery that the people bought to the courtroom & was often passing judgement from her living room couch a.k.a her own personal courtroom/ stage. OK, no harm done as she is a wise 84 yr young grandmother of 8+3 who takes care of kids daily.. Moving right along she watched America's got Talent & (concluded we don't)/ dancing with the stars (this Lil Kim is a sexy dancer) & got interested in Jon & Kate +8 (mainly cause there were 8 cute kids involved). She enjoyed that show b4 the crazy drama the ensued & Next thing you know she was commenting on random events in Hollywood as if she was the original Hollywood reporter. So yesterday i come home to spy her watching (of all things) the Real Desperate Housewives of NJ...i ask 'grandma what do you know about housewives & NJ? She was like well technically i was a housewife & Atlantic city is in NJ...OK i laughed as she concluded they are a mess...but what makes her incorrigible was her parting comment.. Tasha who is this Hedi & Spencer? I am trying to figure them out?? So is the world grandma... Oh should i care? Nope how about you watch CNN or something...

coffee thought...

This is the breakfast of champions..iced coffee plus small serving of apple jacks plus asthma spray for all the anxiety i have been having and needing the shot of steroid it brings.
My family as i know it is falling apart piece by piece and it seems that yet again by myself and alone is where the story ends.
Imagine getting a call @9:15 am saying we have to put a tube down your brothers' throat (Bro #1) otherwise he will die. (only you would not imagine such things since imagination is reserved for unicorns and ponies & life free of student loan debt) that was my reality yesterday and in trying to locate which hospital this was taking place in and having to tell Brother #2 what is going on while he is dealing with his possible hernia/ degenerative bone disease/diabetes/ high blood pressure etc I still had to do my job-- cause apparently work don't stop for life and all it's craziness.
Who do you call when this happens? If you are me, you call no one cause no one is there for you to call...there is no one that can make this decision for me, hell i am the "call in case of emergency" person in both their lives... who is my emergency contact? me. yeah cause in case of emergency i will apparently be the only one able to handle it.
Update: found the brother & went to the hospital last night- definitely not ready to see your 34 year old brother with a tube in his throat and not able to talk.
hopefully they figure out the issue/issues soon cause there is not much more i can take of this.

Father's Day

this day has mixed emotions for me, every year it does (as does this google image)
First, in case you wanted to know of didn't know or never knew I was a daddy's girl- the only daughter born to my parents & the middle child. I definitely think I required extra attention or at least by my actions as a kid I merited it (good actions, nothing too crazy) SO it is safe to say that since the death of my dad (Jan 13, 1986) things in my life are extremely different. Not that I know or knew what my life would have been like with him alive but I have a few thoughts...

1. I don't think my mother would have worked herself to death. I mean becoming a single parent of 3 kids at 36 is not something someone willingly signs up for. I think if he was here (then during that time) she may have not had to work 24/7.
2. I think my brothers would be different people. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing, but I can truly tell you the influence of a male role model is definitely necessary for little boys and little girls. which brings me to..
3. I think I would have had a different view of men. I mean I am sure that my relationship with men would have been different. I am sure of that...
4. I don't know if I mentioned it but Daddy hails from the island of Bermuda and that is still where my Granny lives with some Aunts & plenty cousins. I feel if he was still alive I would have a closer connection to that place and not feel like an outsider looking in...

which is why this image kinda gets me (kid with dad on the sand together). I am remembering the time daddy & mommy took us to Jones beach up here in L.I. He held me and swam way out in the water. Then he put me ashore and continued to swim way way out there, like was a tiny speck in the ocean. He would never swim anywhere else but the true ocean (like if we ventured to Orchard Beach in the Bronx or Rye Playland or Coney Island he would not set foot in that sloppy mess and who would blame him...have you seen the turquoise waters of the island compared to the water up here???)

I imagine that image above could be us, on the sands of Bermuda or somewhere playing, building and creating a masterpiece of sand and then just laughing. I imagine I would be a better swimmer (since I can swim mostly to keep myself from drowning but would not be able to rescue someone).
Yeah I have all these grand ideas of how life would have been or could have been had he not been taken way back when. Who knows what the future would have held. Eh who knows...

Fast forward all them years since his passing and trust me my mother did her absolute best to compensate for the non father influence in our lives (her having lost her dad when she was a little girl too) she knew what it would be like, or what it could be like and did the best she could.
So on this Father's day, I thank always both my mom & dad for everything they did to make me me!

Happy Father's Day!

an apology is a start...

Actually remember when you were little and you did something wrong?
like say take some candy or make your brother clean your side of the room or something like that. all the while you were doing it IT was right to you.
SO you kept on.
Until you got caught.
Until someone pointed it out to you.
Until someone made you stop- typically followed by that someone making you apologize to the person you were doing wrong to.
now...
when you were 'asked' to apologize....did you really mean that "i'm sorry"?
were they just words coming out of your mouth at the time because you were asked/coerced/forced to apologize?
what weight did that carry?
how many times after that point did you go back and repeat the same bad behavior?
Never (some people claim moral superiority here)... more like once, twice or 5 more times???
at what point did it truly translate within you that:
yo, this what i am doing is not right/ messed up/ just plain wrong & really i should not be doing it anymore.
at what point did it mean something to you.. those words that you say.
The I AM SORRY and really mean it??
think about when someone apologizes to you...
sometimes you know that by hearing those words it is OK...cause that is all you wanted to hear.
Other times you know with every fiber in your being that those words mean sh!t to you.
that with that apology and $2.25 (accounting for the rise in the MTA costs) you can get a 1 way ride outta there.
hmmm, that's all i am saying...
Oh & read this...

Coffee thought...

"do u want some money baby? How about some chicken wings? Do u want some fish & grits; i'll hurry and go get it"
Umm ummm ummm
Sigh
whatever

poem of the day

Go to hell…

Some thoughts on my mind tonight

Seeing as how I do not want this… but I need you.

I am busy being right about you

About us

You’re not up for the job

So

We could never work

Silently I say what I should have said

Several seconds ago

Stop

I do not want this

But I need you

So in search of satisfaction

I serenely sit succumbing to the sorrows of my soul

I think

I am

Going to hell

coffee thought...

today's google image
sometime over vacay this image was up there (bro sent it to me isnt that sweet!)
and now for the coffee thought...

i saw a commercial last night for a product to grow your eyelashes... as in a prescribed prescription to apply to said eyes to thicken your lashes..
THIS is what we are concerned about in our society? thicker fuller lashes? this is what we need a prescription for?
shaking my head... i dare not ask what's next....?

that's all...

coffee thought...

my coffee has a world view today... how about you?
that's all....

lunch time view...

i love that the park is open again
yay fountain & arch.

ER security...

among the many things that happened this week is a trip bro #2 had to the ER for 8 hours concerning pains in his back ( tests/ x-rays being done/ still no prognosis) and lo & behold while i was waiting in the emergent care waiting room so was the security guard clearly securing the flat screen TV in the place. granted the NBA finals was on ...but really don't you have a post somewhere to be securing??? it gets better as he would tell home-dude behind him to save his seat every time someone else came in & he went to check out his post- like every hour he left to check and make sure someone didn't sneak in..

this is your health care America.

coffee thought...

this cup is just so coordinated. i love the colors here, it matches my mood soo well.

that's all...

i'm baaack! now calgon take me away

from my Vacay in Aruba! fun in the sun & drinks on a beach... yes a lovely time with pics to follow...
(actually no pics to follow since they will forever be stuck on my digital camera since my computer USB does not recognize anything plugged into it & thus making sync-ing anything to it like a phone, ipod,camera a moot point.)
back to life, back to reality...

edit...2 pics

my B-day part 2.1

cake after the inferno

my B-day part 2

cake for me!

me bday continued...

just random pics of CG @ Mel's house-- Tanya make pina coladas

coffee thought...

thoughts?