All in a days work

2/29--7:01 pm
 I think I need to get a phd in higher divine studies.
Or counseling.
Or psychotic persons management.
Or maybe an individualized degree of some sort- because this seems to be my daily lot in life- counseling and talking to and listening to a whole heap of issues and assisting folks in what to do. When I was younger I wanted to be a therapist. I fashioned myself like Lucy van Pelt of peanuts fame complete with charging 5€ per consultation. I tend to have no shortage of suggestions for folks and their life- I mean I often say if people would just realize how right I am then the world would be a better place. I mean, I believe it ok so it shall be.
Anywho...
Today's idiosyncrasies involve the ever evolvement of management and how / who does what.
Where when and why always follows but it always falls to how it who does what/ and people will continually look for someone to be the who other than them.

coffee thought...

Ahh it is already Tuesday and you wish it were Friday???
Well, welcome anyway.
Today's thought is brought to you by the letter C as in Very Large Coffee.
It is the day before Ash Wednesday (commonly known as Fat Tuesday) and this is the day of general debauchery that is generally followed by the solemness of the Lenten Season. Typically during Lent (if you didn't know) is when Catholics tend to 'give up' something [or add something in their life] that will symbolize and direct our attention to God {As in we give up something material and during the 40 days we do without this material-ness and we lean more to our faith etc... or we add something meaningful and worship worthy and this brings us closer to God}.
Where am I this year?
As a kid, I used to give up chocolate (cause i used to consume that in masses that were unhealthy [gluttony] and I loved me some chocolate.)
Last year, I gave up coffee-- truly a difficult thing but something that actually was OK as I found out that I didn't  NEED it as much as I think I do on a regular basis... tho I am not gonna try that again this year cause I mean we already crossed that bridge, right??
I can add something to my life-- reading scripture per day or something along them lines...
What to do what to do....


but anywho... so Fat Tuesday.... if I were in Mardi Gras I would be getting beads and having a good ole time. I have never been (on the bucket list- don't want to be in a bucket when I end up there) but one day one day. Today, will figure out something to do in celebration (drink at work perhaps?)

Stay tuned...

that's all...

oh some random thoughts....

We kissed and
Decided that this was
Not the path we wanted to be on.
We did not want to endeavor
into the love game between friends
 because
 usually the friendship
ended up loosing
and when the love is gone
then it was all lost...

random thoughts i know.. 

coffee thought...

Welcome to Wednesday - the middle of the week.

There is something about the middle that tends to get ignored/

sometimes like a middle child

or all those people between first and last place.

[what happens to them? we hear about the winner and the looser but those in between- they gets no love. Sorry Wednesday- other than a veiled attempt to get humped you ain't that special today]

Odd.

This is not a race.

Anywho.

Today making the best of it-  

gotta keep working and creating a place where people can do their jobs-

hopefully do their jobs well. 

Always fun.

 Might be a two cup day.

that's all...Sent from my iPhone

Valentines day stuff...

So another day if love has passed- you know the commercialism of this day is what it is. I like how these days you see articles about "what to do if you're alone on V- day", "how to avoid the blues on V-day", "and if you single why not mingle on V-day"... Yeah. I should of had a V-8.  Until next year...

...love...

Love envelops me



like a breeze on a sunny day


here, it is needed and felt.


Love lifted me like spirits high


singing loud and dancing free


for songs unheard






Loves’ limitless loneliness


inside of me echoes loudly.


Silence thick.


Hurt palpable.


Pain capable






Love escapes me


like a prisoner on his way out


Like the air in a new born babes lungs


I gasp hoping


to capture loves pure essence


before my heart is cold.






Love you left me


Suddenly and instantly


Everything I felt


Ceased


numb to the way my heart beats


with you.






Love hears me


as rhythm escapes me.


A moody melody


Atonal affection


I stumble staccato


Tremble in treble


Bawling in bass


Dream in dissonance and


Cry in cadence






Love fills me


Loudly, passionately


A parody of what it once was


A prelude of what it could be

Women 2/11. 949 pm

"Women---Even the female orgasm is a multitasker"

Saw that tidbit in a show I was watching-

essentially saying we were wired not just for pleasure

 but for a multitude of other things.

  Great.

I can't even just enjoy myself

without being über productive ...

lmao. 

what the dickens??

dickens stuff...

today's coffee thought & google doodle is something right out of a Dickens novel...
enticing...
that's all...

*all images courtesy of google

I think the end is in order

My therapist and I 'terminated' today.
Good. Anxious. Scared. Accomplished. Hopeful--All those words sum up today. I think the end was in order. There is much celebration in completion. And in completing acts. This is just that-- a completion of an act in my life. It's over and I truly feel the better for having done it. I have journeyed to this place where the road is still unpaved, rocky and unsure but I know where I need to head and have a consistent trustworthy guide to guide me. Knowing that- NO truly knowing that is something I am thankful for. And getting here was not an easy road. But everything must end for something else to begin.

Part of the reason I write, went to therapy, started this journey was a few things: dealing with the sudden passing of my mom and how I grieve- was that normal? Am I sane? Am I doing this right? How do you grieve right? Am I going thru the stages of grief correctly? What happens if I miss a step? Do I ever get over the passing of my mom?

Second issue was dealing with family/ friends and my identity with them- are they supportive? Are we in a mutually beneficial relationship? Do they lift me up as much as I lift them? Do they give as much as they take? What do I allow to happen? How do I change the nature of the friendship when all this time I was allowing people to take advantage of me and now I no longer want that to be our friendship? How do I change my perception?

Third issue was work: Am I making a difference? Is this new position (at the time) something that I am prepared for? What can my boss do to support me or what can I do to get where I need to be. How can I support staff and make this a productive environment for all of us. Do I really love what I do?

Fourth issue: love, romance, significant other. What is holding me back from love? Why don't I have someone, how do I feel about myself (body image, Intelligence, looks) and how is my self image helping/ hurting my chance for romance? What gives out there? Am I going to be alone forever? Maybe there is no one out there for me, right?

What's next? More living, right? More doing? Right? More trying, giving and being a responsible human being? right?
 Just more...