today is whale day...

Vacation Day #5

Theme is "whale day" meaning I am watching whale themed movies and eating whale themed snacks and chilling (like a beached whale myself).

• Menu: Coffee- cause everyone loves coffee (including whales)
• Food: Some leftover yellow rice and a roasted chicken leg from grandma and later in the afternoon had some hot wings (I have a feeling if whales had opposable thumbs they would like a hot wing too)
• Movies: First up on the list was Free Willy- a lovely tale about a whale that was captured and a troubled boy set him free. I liked this movie cause it had a great tune by MJ and a great family theme.
• Next up on the list is Whale Rider- this is a GREAT movie that i stumbled upon years ago. It is one that mommy & I used to watch [she loved it & always cried which I am sure I am gonna do as well] The movie is about family and tradition and expected roles of women etc.

So later on I may watch Free Willy II or III or something having to do with water and whales (finding Nemo?)

ahhhh vacation nothingness= good time

vacation day5

today i thought about getting outside and digging out my car

(see pic to the right)

however even though cabin fever is setting in

laziness is beating that b*tch down like a prize fighter.

another day in PJ's it is!

that's all....

vacation day4

i am pretty sure i ate my way thru today...

Scene outside my window

the flippin snow is up to the child-saftey bars on my window (which in NY has to be 15 inches high) yeah--welcome to vacation!

coffee thought...

December 21. 8:34 am
Q:When exactly did skinny jeans become the norm?
A: exactly when my thighs decided not to embrace the norm.
that's all...

ok so--horoscope for 12/20/10

Gemini Horoscope for December 20, 2010

You're good at making friends. It's not surprising, is it, given your sunny disposition, your ready charm and your smile? But what's underneath that sunny disposition? You know, way down there in your internal personal space? Maybe there's a rain cloud or two you're hiding from the world. Maybe you should let it out a little. Your friends will love you all the more for it.

....i see a theme...

horoscope for 12/19/10

Gemini Horoscope for December 19, 2010

In your opinion, the astrological weather today is fine. Actually, it couldn't be better. There are scattered periods of change on the agenda, followed by even more change -- just the way you like it. Of course, while you're grinning and cheerfully looking forward to the next surprise the universe has up its sleeve, your friend, sibling or neighbor is probably skulking around as far under cover as they can possibly get, worried about the unknown. Be nice. Draw them out and let them know that change is the only constant.

...if only you knew...

Chocolate covered

Happy National Chocolate Covered anything DAY! (yes this is a holiday that I celebrate cause who needs a reason to have chocolate covered goodness??) So with my coffee I am enjoying some chocolate covered pretzels from Trader Joes (normally I don't like dark chocolate but in this circumstance make an exception) and Oh my goodness-- it is good. If i have anymore of these I will definitely be affecting my shape of.. round.

but thinking about chocolate coveredness- MEN. Where are they? Why aren't they in my presence? Why are they not in my chocolate??

So right now preparing for this busy day ahead of me trying to breathe, therapy is happening and life is...stagnant. <-- how can I be actively working on myself and still be getting no where?

counting down the days till my vacation....

wishing my friend Beks HAPPY Birthday!!!!

OK ...to the bottom of the cup I go...

coffee thought...

so i was driving home late last night (no comment and nothing salacious to report) I came across this pic:

to you it seems a simple pic of a random storage deluxe unit. Right? Right?
To me, if you take a closer look at the lil logo man (seen here) you will see he TOTALLY reminds you of the SNL clip of JT doing "d*ck in a box"
And I mean tis the season anyway...in case you were looking for gift ideas (wink wink)
that's all...

Dusty Snow #1

it snowed in NYC- the first of the season!
Kind of makes me feel all "Awwwww"<-- can't find any other words for it.

<--pic 1 - front steps

<--pic 2- street view (really only a dusting of snow but it's there)


Pic 3- the front steps again

coffee thought...

espresso to the end of the day!

just thinking about it is Monday, 12/13/10 and we are fastly approaching the end of the year and this is the time where holiday cheer is upon us and we are all trying to be naughty & nice (at the same time??)

Any who...thoughts of Christmas cheer to all...

(this shall last until the coffee narcotic wears off then I will be back to my scrogged self- carry on)

that's all...

Angels on my windshield?

well, I was on my way out shopping and I hop into my car in the freezing cold to battle the shopping beasts when what do i see?

these little angel wings on my windshield prepared to protect me in the event of any mishap.

good to know as I go about the day...

*oh, and she will be protecting you too*...fyi...

(hey you see what you wanna see & I will too)

coffee thought...

today my coffee is a blank slate-

wish my mind could be that way for once as well.
again there are too many thoughts that are racing around

playing touch football with my emotions...

these thoughts usually go to 'momma- may-I- take 3 GIANT steps'

but usually get denied

(kinda like playing red devil red devil what color do you want?)

my colors [thoughts] always ran green straight thru

like they are running a race to the end

(quick fast and in a hurry)...

today my strength is playing 'hide & seek'

it is very good at the hidden part.

I, my soul is stuck on 'freeze tag'

waiting for someone to unfreeze me...

that's all...

hear me...

"And even after all my logic and my theory I add a motherfucker so all you ignant ninjas hear me"-- paraphrasing the Fugees...

Sometimes it seems as if I am on repeat & rewind...as in let's do that one more time and then again for good measure...
I told you to not to _________________<--- insert asinine move here...
and what do you do? ________________<--- insert asinine move here..
LMAO (no I am not laughing at you... I am laughing with you altho you are not laughing now I am sure eventually you will laugh at the situation therefore I am getting a head start. Consider me early for the party... I'll wait..)
Wait-- I am not without my fair share of asinine moves (clearly i am enamored with the word asinine today- indulge me) but we are not talking about me. We are talking about you... you ask my for my advice, direction, opinion and input AND THEN have the unmitigated gall (another phrase I like) to get upset when I call you on your shit, tell you ya might want to go right instead of left, tell ya that dude aint shit, tell you that trick aint shitter, etc etc etc. But like every strong, hardheaded, independent, grown, know-it-all that I know you know more than I know about your situation, your life and your strife.
Duly noted because I am speaking in big words and I am expecting you to be able to comprehend just what I am telling you.
Guess not- So I add a motherfucker so you GET IT.
Got IT?
Good.
carry on living your life, living your choices.
just hear me.

November 29 8:59 am

November 29 8:59 am
Trying to recover from the interesting holiday that was my thanksgiving. I got out of work early on Wednesday (early being 4 pm) and got a ride home with Noc. It is very cool driving in NYC traffic at semi rush hour the day before a holiday since you get to see all the sights, sounds, and crazies. We picked up his moms who has a strange admiration for nicki minaj (LOL scary) and then it was off to go home where I had to go spend another $55 on food. Mel owes me like $15 on that one...Mike owes for some cereal and stuff as well. [Mental note I am desperately tired of being the automatic teller machine with the money cause it seems it is automatically Tasha's money...yes I stole that from Soul Food but considering how this is about food and we have soul...]
Anywho my friend "jem" was coming over and I have yet to clean or begin cooking.
Yet to clean.
Yet to start cleaning.
Yet to physically wrap my hands around a mop/ broom or garbage bag.
Finally I get home and just am in awe of my house situation (many of clothes have no home to reside in and feel the need to take root on my couch at all times) and the lot of papers that are on the floor in actual need of a filing place is amazing. Well she came over in a tizzy and in order for her to begin to relax she starts to clean and clean she does. We were up to 4 am cleaning/ straightening/ talking/ asthma-attacking cause of the layer of dust I disturbed and then she stayed up past 4 am when my mind/body/soul could take no more --she was cleaning some more. In the morning I awoke to my coffee brewing (I learned how to set the timer on my coffee maker and OOOH weee I love it) and at that time "Jem" got to the kitchen- yes I have a kitchen thank you very much. Hell, once upon a time there used to be many a throw-down in there with good food produced et al. After a few hours of cooking and watching the parade (which is a tradition that I still do) I started to cooking the famous carrot cake with grand mariner, cornbread stuffing, wild rice, brussels, sweet potato pie, hour de vours, etc. It was alot to begin with and then quickly became too much as she cooked a ham, more hours de vours, Mel cooked roast beef and turkey and some sides. Mike made his extra secy cranberry sauce and folks came over to eat. His GF was there (-_-) and TRS came by with some throwback cookies from my childhood (YUMMY) and kiddies from downstairs came thru to grab some food and truly I dad a tremendous blast. My friend D came then & Noc ran thru at the end just to chill...these are times I love the family, definitely miss mommy as she would have had a grand ole time watching us and eating and laughing. My father would have just had everything on point with the cooking and the joyousness that he is.
Sigh...
Something I do is make everyone say what they were thankful for (yeah I know) and really I am thankful for my life- in all that it is and all that I want it to be I am thankful I can do whatever. I am thankful for my family (and all the crazy that it is) my friends (and all the crazy that it is) and the world keeps going...
that's all for now...

horoscope for this day

Gemini Horoscope for November 28, 2010
We all have friends in our lives who are a bit over-the-top -- and some who are a lot more so. Someone who fits into that category will say or do something that will leave you scratching your head now, and wondering whether it would be best to dismiss them entirely, find them some psychological help and just pretend it never happened. Weigh up the seriousness of the situation before you do anything at all. Sometimes it's best to just coast.

coffee thought...

random thoughts as I think my coffee...

we get an email today from a prospective student who applied to one of our campuses that are not located in this wonderful city; basically the new campus is where Garfield used to send Nermal when he was being truly annoying <-- clue. well said prospective student wants to know exactly where said campus is in NY because if we are talking about the "overseas one" he don't want to go. i am sorry... but doesn't one check out these things before you apply and put in application fees etc etc?
As TD said "and don't you research before you do stupid shit like that how about you google map it dumb fuck"

that's all....

coffee thought...

FYI...

it is not wise to wear XL drawers if you don't have an XL ass...

that's all...

Lunchtime

Having a salad which is a lot of green. my taste buds are rebelling and asking for something i can put hot sauce or chocolate on...
(sigh) trying to mentally wrap myself up in this healthy eating.

coffee thought...

Thinking my manicure is oh so sparkly & I am wondering why I have to pay $50 for a replacement degree (my MA) cause really as much as it costs me it should be free!
that's all..

Lunch today

Since I didn't feel for anything else today yogurt is it!

google doodles-- from the past

These are from Halloween (10/31/10) paying homage to Scooby Doo.

I liked these cartoons back in the day...

What is that saying about...

What is that saying about opening a can of worms or not wanting to open the can of worms because once it is opened you have to deal with all the worms that come spilling out?

Imagine that.

Imagine everytime you think you have one little worm back in the can (cause we all carry our worms in a can, right?) that another little worm comes slythering out.

That is exactly what therapy is like only bigger, badder, and better complete with actual feelings emotions and consequences.

I can partially deal with feelings (i feel) and quite frankly deal with emotions (keep em' hidden) but give me consequence and give me death.

Perilous is the nature of the line of questioning for the day.

See I thought I could just let it be-
it be what it is and never visit it
or touch it
or react to it-
just let it be.
Make no sudden movements around it
Hell not even acknowledge it
and just let it be.
Fortunately I was able to live for a long time like that-
I mean life keeps ya busy when you need to be...
and I never did take the time to look for it again
cause I figure when it was ready it will come.
Like rain to the desert
or solace for a sinner
IT will come.
Unfortunately
sometimes it is too late
and after periods of drought
and stages of perpetual sin
it doesn't come for you like you want it-
doesn't even feel like it used to-
it just doesn't satisfy what it needs to
it just isn't enough.
If the garden isnt watered
the flowers no longer bloom.
If the sunlight never nourishes
this world does not grow.
If you don't get it in time
there is no substitute-
if you miss it
it will hurt you.
If you don't see it
you may not know it anymore
Now I can't say when exactly
I realized it wasn't here no more...
again I say life keeps you busy when it needs you...
but please
Remember it
Acknowledge it
Cherish it
Hold it
fuck it

It's crazy..
I am too.

coffee thought...

Therapy is a bitch
Self discovery is a motherfucker
And I am just a bastard child

sent from iPhone

coffee thought...

it is cold here in NYC & election day (go out to vote!)
as I am sipping the sinfully savory sap it gets me to thinking about hugs.
Do you like hugs?*
I tended to think I do however when a particular person hugs me I immediately tense up, what does that mean?
*how i got to the hug analogy is basically the coffee is like a hug of warmth to my insides all soothing and comforting.
sigh....I need a man.
that's all...

November 2 8:34 am

The thing about your past is that is has passed. Some things have passed for a reason- others have passed because it was just their time. The past is the past so either we learn from it or we are destined to wallow in it or perpetually repeat it. Some things in our past we want again (or more specifically we want to do again) I mean this is why we have a favorite movie (to experience again) or a favorite food (cause we want to chow down on that again and again and again). This is why we have favorite people, places and things- we are trying to re-experience or re-create or reinvent the prior times we had (with a meal, with a man etc) sometimes we are smart enough to know when to leave the past in the past (sometimes) and other times we do not learn . Or rather we want to learn the hard way. It is amazing that thru all my past experiences it makes me. ME. and some of them I would not want to trade in the world whereas others I can surely do without.

This brings me to my statement
Why is the past so intriguing?

I mean we have a world of folks just digging up dead folks (in Egypt & hell other places to boot) to figure out how they lived, how they died and the impact that was had. We take history and social studies in school to kinda have a frame of reference for our current states and then hopefully we use/ learn not to repeat the mistakes and do better.
Funny that is always one of my prayers to the Lord it is for me to just be better/ do better than before and make a difference<--I digress.

Anyway my past is creeping up in my mind these days more often than not and I am thinking of the things i did in the past (not necessarily sins of the past but definitely misgivings in some cases/ transgressions in others).

I am trying to see where I should have turned left instead of being right.

I am trying to understand why I over-stood my stance and my position.

I am wondering if my dreams are crazy which is why they are dreams.

I am wondering if I am confusing my goals with dreams or vice versa?

I am trying to figure out if I will ever have love.

I am wondering if I ever knew love or did I mistake infatuation and intrigue for some kind of crazy love?

I am hoping I am deserved of love (I believe I am) but yet that eludes me and so it becomes one of the things that I think I am crazy for wanting... (lovely huh?)

At any rate these thought keep me moving towards my goals/ dreams as absurd as they may be and as unrealistic as I make them so that I can feel I have accomplished something in my life/anything.

I need tangible results- like a reason why I am this way.

can I blame it on my past? or on my family? or on my ancestors? or my genetic predisposition to being the person I am (weight/ height/ color/ hair/ brain functions/ emotional instability etc etc you get the pic?)

eh, more to follow soon...but this too shall pass

coffee thought...

Gemini Horoscope for November 01, 2010
When the heavens are in the mood to inspire recklessness, it affects some of us more dramatically than others. For example, take your sign, that's always game to try something at least once -- and at least twice if you like it. That's what's on the agenda now, and travel will likely be the issue at hand. If you just can't stand the thought of doing anything the way that you've usually done it, don't. Get busy tossing some variety into that schedule. Lots of it.
lot's of it huh?
trying to get my $$ up so I can make it work anywhere I want to go, sigh, being in this field is making it harder & harder to not succomb to the material goods (aka shoes) i want...
woe

Dinner aka chocolate chip cookies

coffee thought...

October 27 8:19am
Coffee thought...
Man I wish I had something hot to drink right now- a good cup of java is welcome indeed.
I am on the #2 train to NYC from the BX listening to the noises the folks on the subway make. Morning grumbling, grunting and incoherent conversation pepper the sound of wheels on track, station announcements, general weariness and commute. Welcome to the way we roll- literally.
That's all...

sent from iPhone

weird/ crazy dreams (as I sleep of course)

WHY did i have a dream last night that was about to get married to a woman (yes, proposition 8 was in full effect in NYC in my dream) and I was sitting in a directors chair in front of a mirror getting my makeup done by Bro#1 (the chef). Let me tell you A) he is not a makeup artist, B) would not be there doing that C) WTF??? OH it gets better...
yeah, i was sitting next to this chick who was also preparing to marry me (looked like the Caucasian/ Latina chick like the crazy one from girlfriends TV show that used to be on) and my dress was HOT (fitted lace overlay, sparkly and marvelous!) but I was concerned about a few things--

• didn't want flowers to clash with the dress(it had this gorgeous deep deep purple calla lily/ orchid bouquet with Swarovski crystals in it)
• didn't know if i could walk in these 4 & 1/2 inch blue crystal studded shoes (HOT)
  
• didn't want to disappoint anyone who showed up for this event but more importantly
• I DID NOT WANT TO MARRY A CHICK!!!!! <-- this one I am sure about even in my waking state...
• there was no love no nothing no attraction but that was something that wasnt even a concern in my mind.
  

SO I am SOOO not into marrying a woman and Bro#1 "asked me are you sure", and i was like (whispering cause she was there) hell yeah i am sure i don't want to marry her and he was like "really". I say "Yes, I only wants to wear the pretty dress & shoes"<--- let's take THAT one to therapy.. So the bro goes "ok lets bounce" and proceeded to bum rush the chick like straight elbow to the face, knock her straight off the chair, grab my hand and RUN. Me in the snazzy heels hikes the dress up in one hand & grabs the flowers and am out.i woke up (2:30am no less) like LMAO WTF is going on?????????

TD: um wtf did u have to eat before you went to bed? cuz surely I DONT want that! LMAO

me: I KNOW I KNOW i had a convo with Bro#3 and an apple pie from popeyes

never again will i combine them two cause it is dangerous!

coffee thought...

Coffee & calculations this morning as some people took a full dose of crazy for the commute....

My commute:

yeah so there is no #21 bus, so I walk down the hill- two #15 buses come (1st one had about 4 wheelchairs/ 2nd one was packed) then a #55 bus comes crowded as fluck but I get on only to stop 1 block from the train for over 5 minutes cause there was double parked cabs in the bus stop

so instead of letting us out- you know the 1 block away- he holds us hostage until said cabs leave-- great...So now I fight to the train which surprisingly was not a fight- got on #5 stood- woman tried to shove her bag in my gut, I politely pushed back- got to 14th street see CW waiting for the #6- we get on, chat about for colored girls-- RIGHT when we about to get off (astor place) this dude says to her, excuse me did you know about the national blowjob contest they are having (like really this is before 9:00 am dude!)

she gives the side eye he was like you would be a good candidate- she was like leave me alone- he makes like he is gonna spit on her and told her
DO NOT DISRESPECT ME
she looks at him crossly cause this is ridiculous

i was about to punch him in the face and the doors open

(there is no way i would make this up)

fluckin disaster crazy people on the train...
only thing CW could say is "God protects us always cause crazy probably didn't even know WHY he didn't spit on her... but God protected us."
AMEN to that...
that's all... (for now...)

coffee thought...

my coffee is bitter this morning- seems to be the story of my life cause today's bitter coffee will make a bitter me.

sigh, maybe the afternoon cup will be better...

that's all...

Working Late

And the sun is setting- view from my window

Today's Lunch

Another day, another opportunity....

Today's lunch includes a salad...step 1 to getting back to where I belong...
Oh & Lil' Jon was here & Famaglia's pizza on 8th street in NYC doing a charity event with other "famous" folks- this is the line/ crowd to get in to have famous people touch your pizza.


that's all...

when bad= good and other foolishness

hi. welcome. this is me at 1:57 pm just getting to my first cup of coffee.
yes, so not a good look.

Surprisingly people have survived and mass destruction has not ensued.
yet.
and what did i have for lunch today? a BIG MAC and fries. this is the 2nd time in 2 weeks I have been to Mickey D's and I am not proud of it. There was a time I would physically get sick at the smells emanating from that place- now as of late, it is calling me and my weak willed self is answering the call like the crack pipe calls my neighbor. why can't I just get the salad?
this is so endangering the loss of poundage that i have accomplished and am keeping off. Of course at this rate I will have regained all that weight and then put myself into depression- a deeper depression than the semi depressed fake it (sunshiny days) till I make it (see. I am smiling. Yes, that hurt my face)
I need to refocus my energies and stop being in this depressive state that even my therapist is unaware of (cause yeah i am good like that- or just bad like that) or maybe because we didn't even get to discuss what i really want to talk about which is stupid since i am paying my money and not getting what i want from all this. what is a girl to do??? speak up? yeah i know.
and I am already stressed. work is stressing me out. People LOVE to not come to work (you know illness and all...riiiight?) and guess who is there with their flippin moral fiber & good work ethic. Moi.
and where does this get me? here still with no real bed & no real prospects and no real motivation to do anything else.
Is this normal?
oh, and when bad=good & other foolishness- yeah i was happy for 0.0005 millisecond eatin that french fry.
My stomach is punishing me now.
foolishness.....

thoughts? horoscope

Gemini Horoscope for October 18, 2010

Beautiful things can be found in some surprising places, so be careful you don't throw out the good with the bad today. Sort through the things that are making you unhappy -- isn't there something of value in there too? Search for the things you can take with you as you continue through your journey. Retain a relationship, lesson or idea that makes you a little uncomfortable right now, because those are the things that will prove themselves the most useful in the future.

what say you?

ADA

Today was a great great day of sisterhood, health & bonding.
Me & Jem went to a 'hat function' at the American Diabetes Association where we learned about health and taking care of self-something we as African American women put last on the list.
(I know it is something I struggle with daily...)
This function has good healthy food & a couple of speakers who explained the meaning of hats in the African American community... just an informative good day. This is her in her African crown she got from Ghana...she is never one not to show out.



Later on that evening, we had tickets to see One Big Happy Family- a Tyler Perry production. This is not my first time seeing TP but this is a much grander venue.
Let me tell you he did not disappoint.
And one of the themes/ messages in here is taking care of yourself (spoiler alert- the momma dies in moving scene) and tears tears were flowing all around.
Suffice it to say..
lessons learned today.

10.10.10

today is 10.10.10

which could technically be 30 if yoiu are adding the #'s ...or it could be perfect 10 if you believe in signs and stuff (stuff like addittion) but today was one of them easy breezy sundays that happen to be part of my existence-which i am totally thankful for.
Hung with TD and her lil Peanut he will be 1 month old tomorrow and aww too cute (9lb!!) got some food (from BJ's wholsale place and I could totally run rampant in there and spend up all the $$ but then i have no place to put it)
then chilled at her place & she baked cookies (which is a throwback tradition from when she used to live around the corner from me here and used to saunter over to watch soul food *with the lovely Boris Kodjoe* and we used to watch that lovely chocolate while enjoying some lovely chocolate chip cookies.) Apparently I was BANNED from baking cookies in my own house (mind you the cookies I made leaned more toward the cajun/flambe type) but yeah she took charge of the baking cookies task. Actually I spent the night at her house and we watched movies and chatted and really I love love love just getting emotionally supported by such a good friend.
anywho, today I watched TD bring joy (otherwise known as Peanut) to the 85 yr old lady (Grandma's) Heart as she bought him over to see her. By the way she was looking at him, it was like awwwwwww.

Well, 10.10.10 was a good day.

On to monday (UGH) but happy to be alive!

google doodle...

<-- this one was posted monday, 9/27/10 which was googles birthday!!!

<---this one was posted today 10/9/10 to celebrate John Lennon's 70th birthday....(pretty cool cause it was a video with a snippet of Imagine)

*all images courtesy of google*

coffee thought...

Things that make my Friday happy!
(found on my desk this morning when I got to work!)
Happy Friday...that's all...

coffee thought...

Gemini Horoscope for October 07, 2010

Are you ready to let go of your emotional reservations, and actually make some travel reservations? Good, because after recent events, you've definitely earned the right. Now, this doesn't mean you need to jump into anything, especially if you've got issues to take care of at home before you go, but you should know that ditching the hesitations and undeserved guilt you're lugging around is really what's best for all parties concerned. Stop beating yourself up and just go!

i am ready to vamaos!

Oye, I'm sick

Oye, I'm sick
Strep throat sucks.
It hurts to talk.
It hurts to breathe.
It hurts to swallow.
It just hurts
I went to the dr. and he gave me antibiotics to take so I been on them and he also said based on my mouth I am dehydrated (which probably has something to do with me not swallowing)
So yea I am still on grand jury duty which means that I am exposed to less that civil people while i am doing my civic duty (and the case is a whopper!!) at any rate time for sleep again
More on life later!

sent from iPhone

New & improved

This is our new & improved sign for the office. Snazzy. The old sign was discolored and faded by the years in the hot sun so this is a 'proper' use of funds (in my humble opinion) that didn't go to my paycheck.--even the font is different which brings me to my next point did you know that NY is spending 27 million on replacing street signs/ names so that instead of it reading "RIGHTEOUS AVE" it will now read "Righteous Ave"- grammatically correctly <--(as those last 2 words were not). Who the flick cares? You could think of so many better ways money could be spent yet this is what our budget is spent on.

Do you remember not so long ago I was writing on the fact we were 'dumbing down' ourselves (or people were making us dumber by virtue of some of the changes to the street signs) & now "they" (they being the same people as before who thought to change the walk/don't walk signs to a red hand/white man combo) say we are not intelligent enough to figure out "HOE AVE" is still "Hoe Ave"-- proper use of capitalization does not make a HOE less of a Hoe.

(Yes, there is a Hoe Ave in the Bronx...just another one of the many wondrous things here)

A sad story

Today I am utterly outraged at the story about Tyler Clementi’s suicide. It is despicable that his roommate+ another student thought it OK to videotape him in a sexual encounter in his room and then BROADCAST this on the web. Are you serious? Who told these students that this would be ok? That you can invade someone's privacy for your sick twisted voyeurism ways. To think these acts pushed this talented youth to suicide is utterly heartbreaking because it should not be this way. We should not be this way- the world should not be this way.

The way i see it your teen years and college is hard enough without random people videotaping your sexual romps and broadcasting it for everyone to watch. Yes, this man was gay but THAT DOES NOT MATTER! What matters is that he is a human being with a heart, feelings, emotions and a life that is worth something. If he wanted to have sex with a flipping consenting blow up doll IT DOES NOT MATTER. IT IS HIS CHOICE!!!!  The ridiculous roommate +other student that set this up really need some serious counseling and treatment and I am sure their parents must feel as horrible as the ones who lost their child.

I am saddened that Tyler didn't feel he could speak to anyone about this- that he felt the only way out was to take his own life. How sad is that? How sad that he didn't fell supported enough in his life to be able to openly express this troubling events with the roommate and then the general situation at hand.  I hope that in light of these events the university officials and activists look at this situation- EDUCATE others from it- and understand the value of  Tyler’s  life.

Food

For thought- there aint nothing healthy or nutritious about this it is just the way it is (and the fact that Halloween is approaching and these handy sized boxes are everywhere!)

coffee thought...

Gemini Horoscope for September 26, 2010
At this point, the thing you need to remember is that while you can love someone just as much as you want to, you can't live their life for them. Forgetting about them may be impossible, too. If you need to take a mini-vacation, however, there's no time like the present. After all, you could spend the next 48 hours worrying about one of your closest -- and craziest -- companions, but why would you want to?

yes this means I am vacating my mind of some people for the next 48 hrs (give or take) and concentrating on 1 or more of my multiple personalities so we can all get it together!

deuces...

FBI & other secrets

FBI & other secrets
So as I was on the #4 train going uptown to the BX I learned about a whole bunch of secrets. Like the dude who was a 40 year old white male who is currently having an affair with this 34 year old woman who is different and exciting in bed than his wife who just had their 2nd kid.
He was talking to his buddy- who was feeling some sort of way about being 40 and "boring" vs 40 and "dangerous". He recently took his 19yr old nephew and friends to a Boston Red Sox baseball game where they were the seemingly only Yankee fans & the 40-yr old bore was proud of getting ejected from that game. He stated "I was {}this close to getting arrested"'ooooh bad ass. Meanwhile the adulterer was stating his sis in law works for the FBI as well as her hubby. BadAss says I met her- Katie/ Caroline/ Kelly something like that. Adulterer says, her name is now Constance and that is the 3rd time she legally changes her name in accordance with her job. BadAss also took this moment to remark on her hubby who was considered dumpy looking with beer belly and comb-over. Adulterer was like I know this is the type they looking for- all unassuming and shit (unlike himself who is supposedly a catch-- riiight)... Like this is the conversation they should be having on the train coupled with the fact homeboy (A.Dick) still had his employee wall street name badge still pinned to his pants. Even I with my less than Sherlock skills could probably put 2+2 together and figure out who he married who just had a baby, who he fluckin since they work together (shame), and who his bro in law/ sis in law is and completely blow their Alias...
Alas I use my powers for good rather than evil but suffice to say you never know who's listening to your public private conversations or your private public conversations...

sent from iPhone

coffee thought

It's Monday and the start of a new week. Time to get it going!

****************************************************************************

2:55 pm edit:
SO i saw this article on CNN basically claiming too much caffeine caused the murder of this persons' girlfriend. Somehow this is insane because really blame the coffee and not the crazy huh?

That's all...

Dark&Stormy

For my peoples in Bermuda-
May this hurricane pass the island and leave ya unscathed.

Official Recipe:

Dark 'n' Stormy
1.05 oz of Goslings Black Seal Rum
Ginger Beer - (i am partial to Barritts Gingerbeer, which is only available in BDA)
dash o' Lime
ice cubes & a glass


BUT be careful when citing this drink...as seen here in this NYT article

Hmm

Really can someone lick parts of my fingers and other parts!
Really!

poem of the day

I should have said yes that night
When you asked me
Do I love you
You see in that moment I was caught
Between the truth (yes) and lies
(also known as your life)
In that moment I hoped I heard you correctly
Hoped you told me you loved me too
No, it was just a question
Just simply do you?
While I wanted to tell you yes
Because this I swore you already knew
The only thing I did that night was rid myself of you
Do I love you?
Somethings you'll just never know
But now that we see each other again
I think it's time you go
Home to your life
Home to your wife
Home to the life you already know
Less risk involved
Less love too
This is the life you chose because
I was afraid to love you

sent from iPhone

Aww man, recession!

I took the extra walk from my current office to go up to this deli (located by my old office where i had a view/ office door, etc.....) where they made the best tuna sandwiches on wheat ever (next to homemade this was good) and was good money ($4.50) for samich & pickle! I get there hustling cause I got to make it to my therapy appointment and gasp! It's closed! Now I was just there like July but man oh man they are closed... I hope Maria (who made my coffee excellently) was able to find other better jobs...But this leaves me on the hunt for lunch....stay tuned!

this signifies the end of summer...

this signifies the end of the summer...i am retireing these sandals

Name: Steve Madden Cost: about $29.00

Type: gladiator/ ankley flat sandals

I wore these babies OUT. These puppies took me thru various task here in the big Apple & abroad (St. Thomas anyone?) I loved the way they were beaded and jewely which went with just about any outfit (so long as one had a cute pedicure in any of the lucious candy colors summer brings about)

Ahh the memories... but alas since the weather has changed to the cooler (hello fall boots!) and the toes need to be covered (cause this lil' piggy does NOT need to go to the Dr. on some cold shit) we have to say farewell to the lovely sandals.

coffee thought...

I agree..life should be delicious...
i am just waiting for my taste
hope to hell i don't have an allergic reaction
(cause I am allergic to nuts!!!)
that's all...

Killin em today

With the shoes!
IF i showed the whole outfit
I would be fierce
(not exactly sasha fierce but close enough)
got a few compliments ;0
Anywho...
more on life later!

coffee thought...

Sigh....thinking coffee this morning.
Nothing else
that's all...

Bermuda pink sand

Horseshoe bay beach
I am sitting here chilling watching them build sand sculptures
* and hopefully a sand castle*
in Bermuda.
Pink sand..blue water...waves crashing
(literally cause hurricane Earl is passing off the coast so the rip tide/ undertow is wicked)
I wouldn't trade this moment for anything...

Today is a rainy dreary

Today is a rainy dreary Wednesday
Good for staying home and trying to relax and write some words.
Alas I don't have that lifestyle and have to head off to work.
Again I am thankful that I have a job am employed and able to make a difference (?) but some days it is something else.
Today is something else
Something akin to my mothers birthday.
Had she prevailed against the vicious cancer beast she would have been 61 years old. I had cake in her honor, and not that I ever need a reason to have cake but clearly I needed some chocolate in my life I - so i had a cupcake. I vented with one of my good friends (DNS) about workplace issues and the stress of management- mind you we are management and therefore are stressing ourselves as much as being stressed by the upper echelon & employees alike...but the cake and the comaridrie helped.

Ummm... it is weird but I like how people say 'late' as in 'my mother is late'. [Do people say that? Am I the only one? I know I have heard it before and spoke it before but maybe I am making it up...oh well] Defined as a way of speaking about ones life (i.e she is no longer living) this does not diminish the very life that she has had-- and she is still my mother so technically physically her presence is late but her essence is very much ontime all the time...(more times that I continue to need and then them times I pretend not to need)

What did I want to say?

That I still miss my mother more than before as I am navigating the everyday perils of the world?

That I am forever grateful of the great life lessons she taught me and that I can readily recall?

That I remember the love that she continually showed us/ me in this world even when faced with her outcome?

I dont know what to say or what I wanted to say on this other than the rain makes me think alot about things that I cant change and things of the past that are what they are and trying to recall it all.

Happy Birthday Mom, I miss ya still.

coffee thought...

Gemini Horoscope for August 23, 2010

When you decide to take time off, it's pretty different than when the rest of us do so. Your people aren't used to going very long without contact from you, so your absence could be fairly alarming. You're in the mood to disappear for a while, though, and you don't really want to talk about it. Leave a message or shoot an email to ease their minds.

yeah i am going to be out sooner than you think!

coffee thought...

today google reminded us:

Celebrating 90 years since the ratification of the 19th Amendment, guaranteeing women the right to vote

and with the upcoming mid-term senate elections abound us I would like to remind all that we have this right and we need to use it- otherwise we are more foolish than those who were trying to deny us (and still try in more shapes than one).

that's all...

coffee thought...

Ok so I know why I am going to hell
This lil' young kid on the subway this morning is so not listening to his moms- the mother is trying to get him to sit down on the subway. Well when the train came to a halt this lil rolley polley dude took a major fall on the ground. I smirked then basically laughed at Lil man. Moms did too (kid not hurt/ ego bruised) and she was like next time you gonna sit your behind down.
My kinda parenting.

that's all...

so this is where i get evil

you know how i just love to help people out? you know kind of like this is what i do on a regular basis and this is who I am (helping sort of person). Well, do you know what I hate? I hate when my helping people turns into being taken advantage of. Let me go on and just say I know that no one can be taken advantage of without some participation in the act. (Let's just go on record to exclude the whole rape, molestation and other horrific crimes against people. OK, I get it & don't blame the attacked) So participation in being taken for a ride is partially my fault as well. I said it, but just cause I am a generally nice person I do for others, and then don't get done back. Am I looking for something back EVERYTIME I do for someone else? Are you freaking kidding me, not at all HOWEVER let me just tell you something when the well runs dry and the bank is closed I hope 'they' have some other person on tap for their constant emergency situations.
Gratitude is the attitude.
be grateful I am there for ya otherwise when ya look up ya may be out there on a limb without no net and hoping your ass can fly.
And yes I will most likely be egging ya ass on to jump at that point.
DONE

this is scary

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Web-Photos-That-Reveal-nytimes-2375510549.html?x=0&.v=1



and then so is this.....
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100813/ap_on_re/us_rel_ramadan_sept11


......

manicure

@ work again since computer is auto updating ... sigh

coffee thought...

Think cold coffee... Iced mocha latte love it!
that's all...

Dress

one of the dresses from my "shopping spree"

in an attempt to look like

i am actually employed & am someone's manager

...green is my fave color in case you didn't know!

friday night folies...

It has been an incredibly stressful week that passed...doing evaluations for my staff and trying to give constructive and necessary criticisms of the work done so that the office can function at an optimal level. It is stressful to be managerial, compassionate, authoritative, informative, and someone who cares all at the same time. Everyday.Utterly trying...

Well, I was doing this and trying to have a different outlook on the way I look and on my outlook of life cause sometimes you need to change your view to see something different. I made it thru the week, most of the days I was wearing some dress that I picked up (ohh remind me to tell you of my mini $480 dress shopping spree that netted me 3 work dresses + 1 black fitted 'let's-go-out-and-get-em-dress') yeah THAT blog will have to go under the category of why you are gonna live in the ghetto all your life and be in debt too...oh, I digressed.

at any rate, Friday is the dress down day as you know, so that is my jeans & sneakers day. I had to travel to the other office to speak to one of the staff who needs a bit more speaking to (whatever something else for another blog) and end of the day came.

DNS- what you doing after work
me- getting a tattoo.
DNS- what??where when
me-after work in NYC, today.

(more convo)

DNS- someone wants to meet you
me- who?
DNS- someone who say your picture
me- (getting leery as I have heard this before +she happened to know the previous person I 'entertained'<--wasn't that entertainment folks??+ she married so I assume she wants to see everyone in love) ummm WHO & WHY?

...................

SO here is where I end up on a blind double date on a random Friday night.

dude [we'll call him Sleepy] comes to meet us (with her hubby).

He is not ugly (but immediately to me he is not attractive). He is regular. Just a regular dude who is wearing plaid shorts, sneakers, a WHITE TEE (can we say BK stand up) and a chain. I am not one to judge (ok I am lying, I judge, I judge...sue me) but I am not one to hold on to them judgements for long until you prove me right/wrong. Well we all ended up going to Charlie Mom's Chinese place (where you get linen napkins and such) and I was trying to make conversation.

Strike 1 dude- cause if you interested in me or wanted to meet me then one would think you would try to converse with me. At any time. Or even engage in conversation that is going on around you. Or talk about the weather. The food. The people. Nothing...

So I try with, so what do you do? DNS mentions he just had a birthday so I found out he is 34 which is good and bad. Good cause he looked like he was about 20 barely and this whole interaction was bordering inappropriate but Bad cause at 34 this is how you show up?

I will skip the mundane details (cause really there is nothing else to write other than Strike 2 involved him telling me I am well mannered cause I put my napkin on my lap & chew with my mouth closed & Strike 3 he earned by just being dead quiet. Which is why I call him sleepy cause after the food he was even more 'sleepy/quiet/high' actin' than before. Was he shy, I dunno, but I am not one to be the aggressor but in this scene it looked like i was the aggressor --and I am so not aggressive so imagine how that looks--and THAT is so not cool.)

I want to be pursued DAMMIT! especially if from the outset you are coming to meet me cause you saw a pic of me and wanted to get to know me. I mean really
Is it too much to ask that the man MAN UP?

Well he was like, "why don't you take my number to call me"
So I did, and immediately called him so he received my # and I responded, Ok so you call me when you wanna talk.

We all walked to the train, them headed to BK, me to the BX, I gave everyone the deuces and hopped on my faithful #2 train for the ride home.
Some more thoughts:
are you kidding me?
this is what is out there?
this is what happens when folk fix me up.
This is who they want for me (let alone what I want for myself).
this is what it has come to.

I mean, dont get me wrong, I enjoyed dinner and am really happy that someone was interested in me enough to want to attempt to meet me and it didnt end up the way that person wanted. I understand that, and am grateful.

I just want mine.

Aug 4 8:43 am Oh yeah here is another....

Aug 4 8:43 am Oh yeah here is another....

ABW= Angry Black Woman
What you ain't know?

Apparently women in my age range who don't have a man are the #1culprits of this particular syndrome. We (women) apparently do not know how to get a man or treat a man due to the negative examples we have received from our parents and grandparents and the African-American community. According to this film I watched called "angry black man"- (aptly) subtitled "it's our turn to exhale", the director 'attempts' to show us how women don't know how to act when given the opportunity of a 'good man' and we tend to listen to our evil, sinister and apparently jealous girlfriends. He attempts to coin the term Angry Black Woman- that women are inherently angry and thus treat men this way on a regular basis and every move a man does is scrutinized and not enough. The director goes on to say how we (women) always want drama in a relationship-even if a man is doing 125%of what he could be doing right-things like taking care of his kids, putting food on the table and caring for his wife is determinedly not enough. The superficial example he shows in this movie is this chick- chick who is a trophy wife and this African dude who does what looks like everything right but she goes out of pocket at every angle. She picks a fight in front of their kids for no reason. She does not appreciate him cooking a meal for her. She argues in the middle of the night with him because he leaves his drawers on the floor. She is made out to be the evil controlling wench and he the doting loving husband just treated horribly. The director states we (women) would not know how to treat a good man using the argument that if a woman is raised by man-hating woman (single parent households always berating men and saying they ain't worth crap) then that woman wont know how to treat a man when she gets one. He then goes on to attempt to use that same argument (which gets lost in the commentary)- if a man only saw his daddy beating his momma then he is automatically going to become an abuser) I think that is entirely negative and false. There is a certain amount of choice, nature vs. nurture, good vs. bad examples and simple right and wrong that comes into every situation.

This movie/ documentary is utterly hilarious with the bad elementary acting and then the "real people" moments that are parsed in between them. The reason I am vehemently upset at this film is because it paints everyone with such wide stereotypes that it is ridiculous. That is like saying all black people like collard greens and fried chicken. Or worse. It is saying that because some women don't have a proper male role model in the home (be it because their father was pushed out or by choice or what if the man is deceased?) that these same women will NEVER know how to treat a man because they never were able to witness a loving relationship between the first man & woman in her life. Wouldn't this then hold true to the argument that then boys I mean men would not know how to treat a woman being raised by a woman? Does it means that by just being present (sitting on a couch all damn day maybe?) is better for all man-kind than being without that person in their life? Does it mean that even if the daddy beats on the momma it is best to have him there so the daughter and son can have a fighting chance [see how that worked out??]

food for thought....

motive

i am trying to figure out what's your motive in this world?
in this space?
hell in this conversation?
what are you trying to get at?
what do you want to know?
do you even have a motive, a thought a wonder or a clue?

that's all...

coffee thought...

Gemini Horoscope for Augus

Gemini Horoscope for August 02, 2010

Take time for yourself by putting your life on hold. Walk around the park, stare at the sky and otherwise refresh your senses with the parts of life that really matter. Sunshine and open space are vital for you now. The peace can help you ponder everything that's going on in your life. Once you feel centered, you're better able to take on the challenges that come later.

does it count if you walk around the office, stare at the walls of the cubicle and am lit by florescent lights? hmmm i wonder...

that's all..