Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Rodent on the mta

There is a rodent on the mta! not the typical one we see but this one is interesting to look at-

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

horoscope...

Why after the day I have had is this my horoscope...

Nata,
You may have a career opportunity, but there are also a lot of challenges. There may not be enough money to stretch from the end of one job to the start of the next, or there are potential problems arising from management-labor disputes that you cannot control.

Maybe I need to stat reading these things in the morning...

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Uncovered

Uncovered
When I speak to you
My heart is open
my words are clear
You see into my soul
And notice the fear
Exposed


sent from iPhone

Bitter condemnation

Bitter condemnation
Accepted normalcy
Mutually beneficial

sent from iPhone

Saturday, June 26, 2010

coffee thought...

So as of today Adiva is
letting go of the belief that
she is hard to love
and therefore
anyone considering loving me
need struggle, figure out, get ready,
and take time to think about
maybe one day loving me...
because honey
she is loveable.
Now
*as borrowed from one of my fav men*

Friday, June 25, 2010

Starved for attention...

Starved for attention- The times center June 1,2010

That evening Beks & I went to a panel discussion on the epidemic of malnutrition and some of the issues surrounding that. There were some folks who stated many numbers (190 million kids) and the state of the nations that were represented (India, Western Africa & even the great ole' USA). The reality of having children go to sleep hungry and it is a multi-generational epidemic is mind blowing. As in people are used to this..some of the scenes shown highlight the work women/ mothers do so their children have something (anything) to eat. And anything may not be as nutritionally fulfilling as it need be but this is what they do. The panel explained the sacrifices and daily grind families do to survive- many times on nothing substantial.
One of the phrases that caught me was accepted normalcy - that being hungry and having this consistent gnawing in your belly and generations of low birthweight children and the 'reality' of LIFE for the survival weight of the ones who do make it out of infancy is just accepted. It is not considered atrocious or ridiculous or downright asinine that with the millions and billions we spend daily on random foolishness is not getting funneled towards a resolution to this epedemic.
Something else to think about....

Thursday, June 24, 2010

coffee thought...

today's thought is

it is hot out there

and in the realm of coffee

I choose hot too

cause why not be hot all around

to match my general body temperature

(and demeanor to boot ;)

stay cool

that's all...

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

This life of mine

This life of mine
Is so very convoluted confusing and crushing to the spirit at times. So here I am contemplating giving the time of day to someone and (for lack of any other way of putting it) folks think I am lowering my standards and accepting just that- a lower standard. I was having a discussion with TRS about dude and she literally is like OMG you cannot cannot do this [to her defense I was contemplating just giving it up and turning it loose because I think I want just that *but I really know I want all that other stuff around that* & I was contemplating just hearing him out to see what he has to say as a friend.] Her reasoning is
  1. I cannot separate my emotions from the actual act sine I am who I am and she definitely does not see why I am even contemplating this.
  2. knowing how he feels about things in life and what he wants is so not even a dirty mirror to what I want..hence WHY am i still thinking about it??
  3. of course I have the ability to see the 'good' in people beyond who they are and that is what i am working with not necessarily who they are right now which is a dangerous practice since dude is clearly showing up one way-- am i actually willing to accept that
Of concern:
  • the pace at which these declarations are happening (not love by any means, but intrigue and desire) [mutually *gasp*]
  • primarily that he wants a wife sooner rather than later (his words)
  • he wants to get to know me of course but all in all he wants to have person (wife/ me) all to himself,
  • he does not want kids,
  • does not want to hang out with family or get to know friends
  • and truly does not trust other people but would be willing to trust me.
  • lives with an ex
  • has trust issues
  • he is 'selfish' <--my diagnosis cause some of the things he says is just that, what he want, what he desires, his goals/ his plan- whatever-->
  • he wants to f* the blank outta me and make me orgasm a minimum of 4 times (I SOO cleaned that line up as best I could- y'all get the point)
He did concede to 'meet' grandma if that means so much to me but beyond that he would not stop me from being with my family/ friends but he won't be there in it.

Now if you know me you know that 'some of them things' [read: MOST of em minus one or two] bother me- specifically we'll tackle the family/ friends thing. I depend on the insaneness of the fam/ friends as integral part of my life. My blood family (what I have left of em) in their many varied ways & my extended friend/family network support and love and drive me crazy simultaneously. Now,one thing I get is when you start dating and discovery of someone there is change in the normalcy of your routine. Sometimes you have to make compromises with your resources, money and time in order to make it all work... the balancing act. I mean it is the same way when you are working in a new shoe- yes one hopes for the perfect fit right off the bat, something you can chill in all day, that you love & that your peeps love too- but no one wants to see the same shoes every day, and sometimes (when working in said shoe) it takes some time to get comfortable, get adjusted to the way it supports you, arches your back (possibly) and rubs your pinky toe (too far? OK i think i digressed...)
I do understand (way way waaaay down the line) when two folks get married or whatever there is a 'cleaving unto husband/ leaving family' aspect (check yo Bible for specifics...) . I respect that but dude... really? No intermingling with the fantastic family & fabulous friends (and conversely vice versa--never to meet his peoples etc). Really? I am not the freak of the week where you can only been seen (or not) seen with me under the cover of night or where no one can bear witness to a WE.

and this is just one issue....


so there are more more more things to write but my head is fuzzy and thoughts keep prancing in and out -spun like a cotton loom trying to get it together here.

Oh this is definitely one for therapy,,,,
more soon come!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Vacation in St. Thomas= blue water

i know i am an island girl.
I crave BLUE water constantly. My soul needs to meet a sand+ocean+ calm serene island life at a minimum annually (but truthfully I would love to be able to do monthly jaunts to any island to satisfy my soul-as Bob Marley eloquently put it) but finances aren't what I like and thus must settle for my retreats when I can. Two weeks ago I went to St. Thomas USVI with a few friends (and one...) and had a great time. I relaxed a bit, swam on numerous beaches, thought ALOT about life/ love/ world/ people/ adjectives/ pronouns/ verbs, visited historical plantations and learned, argued with 2 ornery cabbies, drank a fair bit of libations and reconnected with friends and most importantly me.
Necessary & needed I am ready to go back to the water.

Monday, June 21, 2010

music to my ears...(and other parts...)

One of the things I love about talent is that it is just that...talented. Not everyone can paint a Picasso, not everyone can build the most wonderfulest structurally breathtaking buildings, not everyone can iconically present the perfect black dress, and certainly not everyone can carry a note. And for those to can carry a note (which for the most part is not digitally 1000% mastered, auto-tuned or studio manipulated) then they sure as hell cant put on a show. Well, this past Saturday I took a road trip to Philly to see good music. I saw Jill Scott (incredible and amazing as always!!!) and Maxwell (1st time seeing him perform and WOW I was amazed).

Let me start from the beginning... ROAD TRIP! Me & my girl TRS got tix to this show since NY was overpriced for nosebleed seats & Philly is like less than 2 hrs away (depending on the speed I drive, etc etc) so why not. We get there & promptly have some Rita's water ice cause hey, why not. There are a few things I must do when I venture to PA, such as grab a cheesesteak, possibly visit south street, Rita's , reminisce when i was given directions 'bout it's on a grid! (i had to put that in there :p), and think about what if....oh the joys of walking down what if lane...(we'll save that for another blog)...


We get there in time to grab parking and mill around to find seats. I will spare you the imagery of the folks showing out for the concert cause yeah Philly folks dress (some good/ some bad/ most different) and the ladies had their shoes ON. I was impressed (cause I love a good shoe) and everyone looked like they were ready for a good time.

Guy Tory (comedian) opened the show with a few key words for the fellas in the audience (dudes, this show is designed for you to get some tonight if you just sit down and shut up...don't go ruining it when Maxwell comes out and your girl swoons [cause yes she is gonna swoon] talking about 'oh so that's what you like, that's what you want' cause HELL YEAH, she want f*ck him) LMAO had us dying and the other things...let's just say they were raunchy and hilarious at the same time.

Then the incredible North Philly's own Ms. Jill Scott.
She rocked it, came out in sparkly pants and was giving it to us like what. She sang Gimmie and a bunch of her great stuff that had us all singing (or attempting to sing) grooving, and all around feeling empowered (well at least I felt that way). I love the way she communicates in between songs to the audience, how she relates with facial expressions, how she connects with folks about body image, sexuality, et al. When she sang Crown Royal on Ice OMG- yeah that bought it back (them feelings that yeah i thought were neatly suppressed in a cute lil box) and then she sang a new song (I love you) great lil tune. She then took us to a place when things (love, life) werent that peachy (i turned to TRS and was like if this woman make me cry i am gonna fight her!) suffice it to say i successfully fought back the tears... THEN she took us to a place when love & life were amazing...she sand HE loves me.. I love that song. can I tell you LOVE LOVE LOVE that song & ended with 'Hate on Me' <--where she pretty much validated the things i been saying about if you don't like how and what i am doing cause i am just being me here now, you hating and whatever dude... peace!-- yeah i loved it.

This was part 1....

There is an intermission/ set change where I am able to get a breather (cause you know this show thus far with the innuendos and music etc got me HOT) and the thoughts that were running thru my head, past my throat and straight to my who-ha were a bit much. (To put it mildly). I contemplated making inappropriate calls, inappropriate visits and inappropriate actions... (i know!)

Enter Maxwell

and 23.5 seconds into his song I am done. Game over. Someone threw their panties on stage. (T of course stated she does not throw that well and would gladly give him a private show...LMAO) And can I tell you he put in work. His show was fantastic. He was like I am here for the ladies, fellas he trying to help them out so just relax. Yo, he sang Lifetime (gasp!) This Woman's Work (gasp), Simply Beautiful (looky here, I am almost in need of...) and I cant even go thru all of them BUT when Bad Habits (seriously heavy breathing at this point) came on, yeah it was a wrap. Do you understand that at that particular point ANYONE could have gotten IT right then and there. ANYONE (the usher, ticket-taker, hell the dude selling the bootleg tee-shirts). Seriously I could not cross my legs any tighter. Seriously.
Seriously. Then this dude left. Excuse me... you did not sing Pretty Wings so that is NOT the end of your show... but of course he came back out and put it down with the Pretty Wings.

Good night cause yes, I was looking for some man to bed.

Initially the plan was to grab a hotel or stay at a friends house (that could be trouble..) overnight so I wont have to drive back, could hang out and get a drink etc etc. Let's just say I had to get the hell outta dodge cause the urges I was having to do said inappropriate things were more than what my moral fiber can handle (and trust and believe this moral fiber is hanging on by a lil moral thread)

I drove home where I am safely away from major trouble...for now as apparently I am enticing trouble on a daily basis...
back to the music... I love real good music and I love a good show. I love it when the two can come together to bring a myriad of emotions out-- now that is what I paid my good money for.

So sing to me.... only if you can sing :)

coffee thought...

At what time is it too early for sparkling body glitter or lotion?
This woman on the train here has on a tank top: jeans and a purple
hued body glitter so she is oh so sparkly this morning.. I mean I do
understand the particular clientele who would be using said body
glitter @ 8 am on any given day but....

that's all...

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

coffee thought....

Think free coffee today... things are getting better!

coffee thought...

at this time, i have no motivation to write.
i have been seriously lacking coffee.
but on another note, been SERIOUSLY living life....
so yeah updates soon come.

that's all...

Monday, June 14, 2010

The Wedding....

Remember I mentioned I was in a wedding for my good sister/friend DNS?

yes, that day was Sunday May 30, 2010 and it was such a beautiful day of love.



love

remember that? yeah, sometimes this is how it is supposed to look.
Well, the whole day went of without a hitch.
My dress was good .
I danced with a few dudes.
That dude (Z) was there [more on that to follow]
here are a few pics from the day:



it makes me believe....

Thursday, June 03, 2010

more than words....

Friends...what can I say? Take a look & I will explain...

Flowers & cupcakes!

You known when something bothers you but you just gonna ignore it cause you know life goes on and there are bigger issues to tackle in the world? well I thought (read: Lied to myself) that my friends not recalling my birthday was no big deal, that it is what it is and I love them anyway cause there is more to our friendship than just this one day. In talking to Beks (who has an expert ability to draw out the deeply hidden truth of my feelings on any said topic) she helped me realize that I simply wanted to be acknowledged that day & it is OK to want that and look what did she herself (cause further back-story is that my b-day didn't go over too well, I went to the casino and lil bro & T w/ baby tagged along but TO ME it seemed no effort was put into it & while I don't expect a parade something would have been better to me but of course then I feel guilty for feeling that way and then i am like whatever there are bigger things... you get the point when all I wanted was cake, good cake with good icing that is pretty much the mission of every birthday celebration)

And it really is not about the things (but these are things I love too, a very very gorgeous bouquet of flowers & absolutely amazing cupcakes) but Beks genuineness and who she is which is why I LOVE her (in a non lesbian way LOLOL)

THANK YOU!!! (I am not an idiot, I did thank her at the time but I know I been slacking on the blogs cause this is about a month late) but again THANK YOU!!

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

coffee thought...

It would be utterly AMAZING if people would just grow up.
that's all...

OH
and apparently assfoolery is everywhere!