NY!

Where dreams are made of there is nothing you can't do except find reasonable housing & a decent man- both are equally hot commodities and equally coveted in NY-- I guess I you make it here you can make it anywhere "it's up to you NY, New York"

coffee thought...

Today I wanted my coffee my complexion cause I need a bit of a stronger dose of reality... Apparently dude is colorblind which in the grand scheme if things makes me believe this world is moving to more guidance and acceptance of everyone... Or maybe he just don't listen. At any rate have a blessed day!

Another icee

I <3 summer!

So my MTA commute sucks.. What's new?

So my MTA commute has sucked a bit much lately. I mean basically waiting for the bus to the train is not the mist efficient way to travel because there are so many variables that are present (like the bus can breakdown, or go extra extra slow) it tw train may just decide that it is not ready to keep a schedule and thus mist go real real real slow. It just annoys me that no matter how much time I allow for travel & incidentals it never seems to be enough. What's a girl to do?

sent from iPhone

Bday for the brother

Bday for the brother
So you know me and know my love of the birthday cake and what a perfect reason to have cake if not to celebrate the born day of my bro #2. his actual bday was July 26. We ended up celebrating this weekend at this place called johnny utah with a bunch of friends and family... And that proved to be an interesting experience in itself.

So here is where this...gets interesting... maybe I should just breathe,,,,
sent from iPhone

At the METS game

coffee thought...

today's coffee thought.....
Gemini Horoscope for July 26, 2010

That strange feeling is back, and it's making you itch for movement. It doesn't have to be forward motion -- lateral movement can be just as effective. Look for a new work project -- maybe you can trade responsibilities -- or just change the furniture around at home. You could also take a hike and hop a train out of town in some random direction.


...i am hopping out a train @ a random direction a.k.a BROOKLYN! (yes i know spending alot of time there!) gonna go to wingate park tonight to see a free concert hopefully!
that's all...

@ red lobster

with Aunt Karen...we are enjoying some food while she is on her short visit to NY. You know my Bermudians love to shop!

Groove me...

hanging out for TRS birthday- we went to dinner @ Negril (where I love a codfishcake) and had my favorite rum painted salmon. umm umm good. later, after dinner we stopped into this lil place called groove which had such an interesting musical selection (sorta an african american punk rock cover band)

lets just say the evening ended without anyone dancing on the tables or overly drunk...

that's all....

Cadence

Cadence

I give

You take

Such are the ways of our world

I speak

You ignore

Our patterns are more and more distressed

I want

You need

But they are never the same things

I cry

You laugh

There are no feelings left to be had

I stop

You go

The beat of this love echoes in my heart

It's rhythm haunting me to the next mans tune.

So true!

horoscope

Gemini Horoscope for July 18, 2010
Whatever you happen to be discussing, you are just on the verge of making some serious waves -- on the job, most likely. That's not such a bad thing -- in fact, it's essential sometimes -- but you should certainly be ready to raise a few eyebrows. You don't mess around when it comes to your career, and there's just one way for you to talk about it: truthfully. Be sure to go easy on anyone who doesn't see it coming.

great...as i get ready to go into my performance evaluation...

Ondabeach

This is me chillin @ jones beach.
Not exactly blue blue water but still a good time.
(yeah I am a beach snob, I didn't swim- it's kind of hard to when the water is not exactly ANY determinable blue color!)

BFTP...

This one was rather poingant as it was almost 4 yrs ago i was feeling some kind of way...sometimes I do still feel that way but add 4 years!
************************************************************************************

July 24, 2006 - Monday tears+ fears - love= reality
Current mood: crushed
Category: Romance and Relationships

i just watched the end of an episode of "sex in the city". Charlotte is getting married to the impotent dude. Carrie voiced over something about "she is a 34 yr old single woman determined to get married, nothing was going to stop her" & "we are all just looking for love" something along them lines & something about that struck me.
is that the theme for the evening?
the neverending quest for love?
i feel like crying...
i don’t know why. could it be that time of the month...
who the hell knows, i have never been good at tracking/ predicting/keeping up with my moods...i just know that crying seems like something that i should do right about now.
what now? why come?
life...just plain simple life...i am tired of it all.
i know something is missing (lots of things are missing, truthfully) but first and foremost in my mind what i am missing is just plain love.
feeling loved, being loved, having love, just simple love.
i feel incomplete, less of a person,
even less of a woman (which is another topic all together) but just less than equal.
--->[now let me put this in perspective, i know i am blessed to be living, walking upright, relatively good health, stuff like that. i am thankful. ALWAYS.]
BUT even with all that, i am terribly saddened by life,
(correction my life),
saddened by love
(or my lifes' lack thereof)
and yeah, i am just altogether sad.
which is why i think i should cry. But i cant. i am really just rambling now because i cant sleep,
and i don’t have any more tears left to cry, which is not good.
reminds me of that Cosby episode where they say Claire's (Mrs. huxtable's) tear ducts will dry up because she is going thru "the change".
great, not only do i feel crappy, but then i have no more tears to cry (not like i cry often at all) but this one time i could use a good cry, i cant & not like i am going thru that change, but a change nonetheless..
my reality: 30 yr old single black woman (black in terms of island flavor, not black in that if reparations were to happen, i would get my 40 acres and a mule) lacking love.
NOT a pretty picture... it gets better.
terribly stressed about family, friends, love, job, money, school, education, the world, war, peace et. al....then we add love of job (or not on some days), friends loves (and friends losses, marriages and divorces), families loves/hates, etc, and that is a lot going on... and you know what..
That is my fear.
I fear that this is it for me...THIS...IT....yeah scary...imagine being in it....
i came to the realization this evening on the train that wow, i am alive, but am i living?
*not in the living la vida loca life or the bling bling lifestyle, just plain living????*

i don’t know. what i do know is this, i am surviving.
unadorned surviving
...plain and simple. not terribly happy, not necessarily too unhappy, some days better than others, others worse than some before. today is one of them worse days.
Possibly worser than worse (that is not English, forgive me) i went for a drive when i got home from work. i tend to drive to run away, tried to clear my mind, clear my thoughts, tried to be open and receptive to the messages left by life and this day. Anything. I tried to feel something, because i feel i am missing something entirely, and possibly by being aware of something, i can find what is missing... it didn’t come. nothing happened. just wasted some gas in my car. that’s it!!! now i really feel like crying over gas prices.
i'll reserve that cry for another day.
***************************************************************************************************************

just FYI-
i am good! it is just a note on how I was feeling at the time and how much i think i put pressure on myself for why i don't know!

coffee thought...

beks status: Can one read romance novels in church?

my response: yes, one can read romance novels in church-- cause it is about love (God is love) but when you get to the smutty parts i think you may wanna step outside

(this is what happens when you have iced chai latte!)

that's all...

Mephitic

Mephitic

Finally I know what I will accept and the little you were willing to give was no match for the more I deserve.
Finally I am clear on what I want and trust me it is not you
Finally I can see because I was almost blinded by your charm good thing your not that charming (motherfucker)
Finally I can breathe
For it was beginning to be difficult to survive...hell live even.
Mephitic. Poisonous or foul smelling
That is the remnant of you.

(i came across this word and thought it would be good to write on)

random family pics

while some Bermuda family are doing this:

my bros are doing this:

& this:

(LOLOL love em all!)

catching up on...

my google doodles!!!

World cup (sunday July 11) - everyone was in their world cup glory putting South Africa on the mainstage for other reasons from June 11- July 11. watching the usa vs ghana was truly the highlight of the games for me



pi day (sunday 3/14/10) not the pie that you eat but a pi nonetheless

garbor (6/10)-- i dont know-- i may need to google that one myself...

and finally today 7/15- jose frank...

i just love google!

*all images courtesy of google.

coffee thought...

#addendum#
= cup #2

"on this day GOD wants you to know..."

... that Love is the most important thing.
It's not about how much you have,
how much you know,
or how much you do.
It's about how well you love.
Love is what matters most.

well AMEN to that cause
I know love well...
am well loved...
and do love well.

hell, better ask somebody ;)
Thank you GOD.

that's all...

coffee thought...

today in the pouring yet soothing rain
i think about these past few days
of sweltering heat
and random randumb thoughts
I am amused.
amused at the things I take so seriously
and the things that just are what they are
sorta like it is what it is
this iced coffee is oh so lovely.

that's all...

coffee thought...

Today it is orange pineapple juice for no other reason that it was free.
that's all...

No good deed goes unpunished.

No good deed goes unpunished.
I broke my "this-Lil- piggie-stayed-home" toe yesterday & for the life of me I don't know how it happened. It hurts to bend it and I can't put on even my flip flops (which means tomorrow is a shape up sneaker day).
Why do I attribute that to a good deed being punished? Well yesterday (as well as Thursday night) I trekked to BK to assist a friend (we'll call her a Jem) in her final final move from her house that she shared for 6 years with a dude who she thought she was getting married to. He felt she has too many issues (don't we all?) for him to handle an be with her so he decided to bounce. Now she being the lady she is didn't go all Angela Bassett in waiting to exhale or anything (even after finding out infidelity & things he was saying about their arrangement) no, she just took time, found a place and left. Classy kid- cause i don't think i could exit that gracefully; no i would be as graceful as a pachyderm in a fine china shop-- oh here is where i come in- I helped get her out by moving (also know as heavy lifting) and drove cars back and forth. Apparently I am a friend who shows up(according to her) and it meant a lot to her. *aw tear* but in the midst of lifting and working up a sweat in 100 degree weather (mental note only move in fall/ winter cooler months) I broke not sprained my flipping toe!
Sigh, can't win for loosing. As Beks cuz says we adults- next time get movers!
Well here's to a new start!

sent from iPhone

Yuck Fu

Fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
How dare you? Did you think I am that gullible - do I look like someone who does not recognize true care? Or someone who does not recognize game? You think my 'status' has an effect on my brain? My capacity for deductive reasoning and sorting out the bull shit from the normal shit to your shit???
You selfish arrogant bastard- arrogant enough to think that no matter what was being said your issues problems and plights were more important than...than air or my wants needs and boundaries. Yeah boundaries, how about them??
Selfish because you want things when you want them regardless of what the other persons feelings are and regardless of if it is the right thing for anyone other than you to do. There are a lot of things that I said to you- called myself being open to the possibility- and even had an audacity of hope.<--thanks Barack! Too bad this is how things turned out for me- you using those same things against me (guess i should have invoked my right to remain silent, huh?) but here you are walking away still in your same situation and I am once again hardened to the hope of...
Anywho
There is something about me that attracts those that are either in a relationship of any sort and are 'trying' to get out and/ or those that need someone to take care of them (or a anoyying combination of both). I am no ones mother babysitter or anything in those regards- hell definitely no ones roomie or sugar mamma. But to you dude who think it ok to continue to play with emotions in search of just a 'head game'- you will not ever know truly anyones value because you are worthless.

To no one inparticular!

Lunch...

Whipped cream!! this is soo gonna f* with the shape i am trying to achieve which is no longer round BUT haagen das is sooo goood.

coffee thought...

Gemini Horoscope for July 07, 2010

Truth is certainly stranger than fiction, though it's usually not as stylish! It's your job now to sift out the facts from the tall tales. It's important to consider your sources. Since you're able to see both sides of most issues, you're better able than most to spot a cherished truth that's actually just an embellished opinion. This should definitely come in handy as you go about your day!

---aye' if only they knew...---

that's all...

Quality Meats

Always on the search...;)

clearly i am bored

playing with the iphone camera and the sun reflecting on my hands... interesting leopard look happening here... LOL

file this under the 'clearly i am bored' files....

Time with friends

time with friends is better than doing a whole lot of 'things' to say ya'll did something

just spend the time.

basically i spent time with my good friend J & we had a picnic in the park

with wine & cheese and random music and chatter and sunsets.

Really good times.

coffee thought...

friday morning/ afternoon
finished cup #1
eagerly anticipating
cup #2
wondering what can i do
(or get in to)
this holiday weekend?
good girl vs. bad
who will have more fun?
we shall see when the work day is done!

that's all...

the art of the wink

So I think I am an ass

Not in the way that I did any asinine thing per se but in the fact i crack myself up for no apparent reason on a daily basis.

and laugh out-loud.

Which causes people to look at me and stare like what is so funny, what is she laughing about? Pure joy.

And it is simple.

Today's laughter came from walking down the block in a simple black skirt & white crochet sweater combination. I look good (confidence has been visiting me alot lately so she may stay awhile). I get to the bus stop & say a couple of good mornings cause it is a great day to be alive( at least better than the alternative) and I continue on. Get to the train, life works out and the train I need is there. Cool... I hop on and position myself near the door (as opposed to the pole cause i am not that kinda chick ;) click on the ipod and look up to glance at the time...before i can see the time my eye catches this average Joe dude looking at me (ok he may not have been looking at me but he was looking in my direction and since nothing is over here 'cept me and aforementioned pole i will assume he is looking at me and not the pole...)

Ummm why is this dude blinking funny
At me
Oh wait, there he goes again
You think that is just the way his face is? [Don't stare, it is rude to stare!]
There he goes again!
Oh shoot he is not blinking he is attempting to wink at me
Wow. Trying not to laugh that is your wink dude. So not impressed and ya may wanna practice that.

Commence laughter.

But then it got me to thinking can I wink? Is winking a talent that one is born with or can it be practiced, attained & mastered? Is there an art to the wink? Maybe I look like I am blinking/sneezing/convulsing out of one side of my face too...

Let me not try it here on the train in front of dude lest it gives him ideas and save this piece of joy for my own bathroom mirror...or the next cute man I see (well maybe i should put the practice in first...)