i go to the same deli here by the job and (almost) every other day
there is an issue with getting my coffee order straight.
i mean it is not that hard.
breathe. finish this cup. repeat.
that's all...
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
coffee thought...
i go to the same deli here by the job and (almost) every other day
there is an issue with getting my coffee order straight.
i mean it is not that hard.
breathe. finish this cup. repeat.
that's all...
Happy Birthday Google!!!!
google doodle courtesy of google.com
can you beieve it!! welcome to the teen years...
(and yes even they like cake!)
~Do what you can with what you have where you are~
Theodore Roosevelt
(and yes even they like cake!)
~Do what you can with what you have where you are~
Theodore Roosevelt
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Oh boys & bats
Another commute on the 4 train mixed with Yankee fans in their autumnal pilgrimage to the stadium- it really is fascinating how "they" see the game. Typically when we hit 86th street they are off this train like the running of the bulls. Now secure in their mass of pinstripe jerseys and pre-game beer buzz they are secure in the pack - kinda like wolves traveling together lest you don't notice the weakest link (or hue) and be pounced upon by the natives of the BX (this is said in my greatest Steve Irwin VoiceOver.) where they feast on $10.00 beer and $8.00 dogs watching men hold their bat& chase balls. Ahh the wild!
>Jimmey Cricket!
just what the dr. ordered?
Mid day convo w/ T
T: How was therapy?
me: oh you know...talked about communication and how i am able to help
T: Yay So was that...helpful?
me: well i mean i think i am communicative enough but apparently not as in i need to raise my voice and get mad and get loud eh i am trying not to be the angry black chick and the therapist wants me to be that
T: Yea that doesn't seem productive
me: i don't know - maybe she wants me to react more and not be so wound up i am still trying to process it i am sure it ain't nothing a good orgasm cant fix
T: Lmao
no? I don't know. I know i amtrying doing the best that i think i know how to do in asking for what I need/ want/ desire/ covet from my friends, Romans, countrymen, black men and the universe in general--- but something about the message is not getting received.
I learned way back when about the different teaching styles there are that teachers/ educators can use to get their message and lessons across which is in relation to the different learning styles we possess to receive various forms of information.
For example say you are someone that really 'get's it' when you S E E it in front of your face vs hearing all about it ethereally--- something about the tangibleness of the lesson sticks with you.
Well, what if I (in my many learned ways) can only wax poetic about the lessons in life love and literally cant give you any tangibleness? Do you get it? Do you get me?? Am I lost in translation somewhere- floating along thinking I am touching lives and shyt when really I am just breezing thru.
I am doing all i can to get my message (OK read: put myself out there) but it seems I am screaming in a room of hearing impared folks or doing cartwheels for the visually impared.
Hell, at this rate I accept I am the impared one-- and I need to learn a new language.
T: How was therapy?
me: oh you know...talked about communication and how i am able to help
T: Yay So was that...helpful?
me: well i mean i think i am communicative enough but apparently not as in i need to raise my voice and get mad and get loud eh i am trying not to be the angry black chick and the therapist wants me to be that
T: Yea that doesn't seem productive
me: i don't know - maybe she wants me to react more and not be so wound up i am still trying to process it i am sure it ain't nothing a good orgasm cant fix
T: Lmao
no? I don't know. I know i am
I learned way back when about the different teaching styles there are that teachers/ educators can use to get their message and lessons across which is in relation to the different learning styles we possess to receive various forms of information.
For example say you are someone that really 'get's it' when you S E E it in front of your face vs hearing all about it ethereally--- something about the tangibleness of the lesson sticks with you.
Well, what if I (in my many learned ways) can only wax poetic about the lessons in life love and literally cant give you any tangibleness? Do you get it? Do you get me?? Am I lost in translation somewhere- floating along thinking I am touching lives and shyt when really I am just breezing thru.
I am doing all i can to get my message (OK read: put myself out there) but it seems I am screaming in a room of hearing impared folks or doing cartwheels for the visually impared.
Hell, at this rate I accept I am the impared one-- and I need to learn a new language.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Troy Davis
Troy Davis [10/9/68-09/21/2011]
Not someone I knew personally but someone whose name has recently received some news coverage. He was sentenced to death tonight by lethal injection due to a crime (murder of a police officer) that was committed some 22 years ago. I personally do not think taking life replaces the life that was lost. I am not 'sure' where I stand on the penalty of death- figuring if it were my child (the murdered one) I may want justice and would not rest until this was achieved. Then I think if my child was the accused and there is serious doubts of the witnesses that were used in testimony (7 of 9 recanted their story) then I would want a re-trial or some injunction--some kind of Hail Mary type of pass in the final moments to spare his life.
This only happens in movies (it seems).
His soul is hopefully at peace and hopefully his spirit is free
And may God continue to watch over us all.
Not someone I knew personally but someone whose name has recently received some news coverage. He was sentenced to death tonight by lethal injection due to a crime (murder of a police officer) that was committed some 22 years ago. I personally do not think taking life replaces the life that was lost. I am not 'sure' where I stand on the penalty of death- figuring if it were my child (the murdered one) I may want justice and would not rest until this was achieved. Then I think if my child was the accused and there is serious doubts of the witnesses that were used in testimony (7 of 9 recanted their story) then I would want a re-trial or some injunction--some kind of Hail Mary type of pass in the final moments to spare his life.
This only happens in movies (it seems).
His soul is hopefully at peace and hopefully his spirit is free
And may God continue to watch over us all.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
coffee thought...
moral rigidity
if i cant be 100% perfect then i cant be any percent good.
that's all...
if i cant be 100% perfect then i cant be any percent good.
that's all...
Monday, September 19, 2011
Cacti in the city
 |
| rainbow connection |
 |
| fanta orange |
I have been meaning to post these pics of "cacti in the city" for the past couple of weeks ever since the sprouted up around Astor place in NYC-- it is an interesting way to spruce up the light posts in the area and love the pop of color.
It's a rainbow to me
 |
| mysterious rainbow |
something i witnessed in the sky-
possible silver lining to a crappy day.
what do you see?
coffee thought
Welcome to Monday
(the Fall edition)
It is a relatively cool 68 degrees perfect hair weather and great grabbing a coffee and going weather.
Thoughts - making it thru the days to the impending weekend.
Actions- not laying hands on coworkers
Thoughts - making it thru the days to the impending weekend.
Actions- not laying hands on coworkers
(oddly enough the students are manageable whereas the employees I am to manage are unmanageable)
Words- from the things I recall in the Catholic church--
Words- from the things I recall in the Catholic church--
go in peace.
that's all.
that's all.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Doing work
 |
| evidence! |
Yay me! This here is a picture of accomplishment (all be it a small one) but a success nonetheless.
My baby car had a headlight missing.
What does that mean to me the non car/ non technical one of this equation? Going to some auto body shop to figure a replacement + time + labor costs.
Well Noc (Bro #3) said:
you can do this yourself
Really? I am an accomplished female of sorts
Yeah man, just pop the trunk and...
You lost me.
Really?
uh yeah
Never been under the hood of your car?
Umm not so much seeing as how I pay people for that-
you suck T. You can change a light bulb I don't even think you need a degree for that.
So I believed the hype and went to the auto store and purchased 2 headlights $10.00 each- why 2 you ask- cause technically you are supposed to replace them both at the same time lest one is brighter than the other- that was my PSA for the day [thanks mom]. Any who the polite saleslady asks would I like to have them installed, how much? $15.00 per bulb- are ya kidding me?
So I ride back to the block pull out the manual and watch him skim manual "to get the gist of it" and explain you gotta twist it counter clockwise then pull it out- disconnect and put in the new one. Easier said than done? No- it was easier done than said cause my side was finished in 2.5 seconds and I was jumping up and down like I was Rocky or I finished a marathon. Whoo hoo! Yay for small victories- next up changing an alternator or leaping tall buildings in a single bound.
OK maybe not-- but I will be able to see the light.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Three hundred 3 days
So it seems like I am on a spending spree--I mean I intend to save. I intend to be responsible. I intend not to blow thru all my cash like an obnoxious pimp in a stripper club on the first of the month. But people do say the road to hell is paved with good intentions...
let's do the math:
Wednesday- I took out $40.00 because we were having a final fare-the-well for a co-worker in the office and since she was a great worker I showed up for this. $40 later (mind you this is why I despise going in groups cause people all of a sudden cant count or don't remember that 'extra' margarita they had) I am $40 in the hole for a $10 meal. yes,I'm the sucker.
Thursday-- busy spending day. $5.00 coffee (morning indulgence)
+ $15.00 eyebrows and necessary de-fuzzing (this apparently is non- negotiable)
+ $12.00 Cosi (tea & sandwich lunch special)
+ $12.00 cab ride (since the temperature dropped & I was standing on the corner waiting for a bus dead of night I figure I should be able to take the cab, hell stop being so cheap!)
+ 50.00 hair (godchild washed, conditioned, re-cut & styled & I tipped her- yeah I know a bit much for short hair but trying to help the young-ins)
+ 3.00 late night tea & conversation run
so far $137 G O N E
Friday- was a happy day (since it is the end of the week) $7.00 breakfast + $7.00 crepe + $20.00 to give to the office because another co-worker is getting married and we all went in on a gift for her (and this person I have worked with for and is a good worker as well--->side note with all the birthday celebrations/ farewell shindigs/ wedding & baby showers we have in this office that I have contributed to AND AM STILL SINGLE therefore have no financial gain from them folks-->all I am saying is that I am gonna throw myself a party and register for gifts [ala sex and the city] cause really who celebrates the single gals??? i digress...)
+ $20.00 chicken dinner (with TD for some down home great conversation/ bonding catching up and relaxing after a looooong week. sometimes good convo+ a good chicken & homemade sweet tea is all you need)
Overall $191 G O N E
and all I have left in my pocket is a mere $24.00
After careful consideration and calculation it seems I am missing 109 dollars. WTF could have happened in like 3 days to make me spend 300??I need an intervention.
*Rechecking the bank statement I only took out 220 (smart)
that still doesn't excuse the spending but I guess i can re-title this entry as loosing my mind as well as my money...
Sent from my iPhone
let's do the math:
Wednesday- I took out $40.00 because we were having a final fare-the-well for a co-worker in the office and since she was a great worker I showed up for this. $40 later (mind you this is why I despise going in groups cause people all of a sudden cant count or don't remember that 'extra' margarita they had) I am $40 in the hole for a $10 meal. yes,
Thursday-- busy spending day. $5.00 coffee (morning indulgence)
+ $15.00 eyebrows and necessary de-fuzzing (this apparently is non- negotiable)
+ $12.00 Cosi (tea & sandwich lunch special)
+ $12.00 cab ride (since the temperature dropped & I was standing on the corner waiting for a bus dead of night I figure I should be able to take the cab, hell stop being so cheap!)
+ 50.00 hair (godchild washed, conditioned, re-cut & styled & I tipped her- yeah I know a bit much for short hair but trying to help the young-ins)
+ 3.00 late night tea & conversation run
so far $137 G O N E
Friday- was a happy day (since it is the end of the week) $7.00 breakfast + $7.00 crepe + $20.00 to give to the office because another co-worker is getting married and we all went in on a gift for her (and this person I have worked with for and is a good worker as well--->side note with all the birthday celebrations/ farewell shindigs/ wedding & baby showers we have in this office that I have contributed to AND AM STILL SINGLE therefore have no financial gain from them folks-->all I am saying is that I am gonna throw myself a party and register for gifts [ala sex and the city] cause really who celebrates the single gals??? i digress...)
+ $20.00 chicken dinner (with TD for some down home great conversation/ bonding catching up and relaxing after a looooong week. sometimes good convo+ a good chicken & homemade sweet tea is all you need)
Overall $191 G O N E
and all I have left in my pocket is a mere $24.00
After careful consideration and calculation it seems I am missing 109 dollars. WTF could have happened in like 3 days to make me spend 300??
*Rechecking the bank statement I only took out 220 (smart)
that still doesn't excuse the spending but I guess i can re-title this entry as loosing my mind as well as my money...
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, September 12, 2011
coffee thought...
Shock
That is pretty much what I have been in/ be it emotional or mental or the one where your throat closes (physical)- for the past couple of days I have been functioning in shock. Let's start by last week Thursday- had an interesting therapy session where I focused on fear and the perception of my knowledge in comparison to my peers. [back story I am going to a college friends BBQ & she is in a different socioeconomic class than I am and her peers are too.] Because I live in something of a 'be prepared' state I was trying to be prepared for all of the possible outcomes. I did not want to be seen as less than that of my peers. or her peers. or less-than worthy of being peer like. After that session I was running back to my office to give an afternoon staff meeting & then go about the business of making my way home to beat the alternate side parking beast when I decided on a slice (ok 2) slices of pizza to chow on. Low and behold after scarfing down the slices my face started to itch and throat close- classic allergic reaction sign- but here is the kicker- I know my allergies- shell fish & nuts therefore stay the hell away from them. I had to leave the office to go to the doctor and sit there for 1.5 hours to give me benadryl & prednisone & some other drug to be on for 5 days and makes me sleepy to boot. Beks searched for me in 3 doctors offices - something that means more to me than she will ever know- and we got some tea to sit and ponder life and the decisions we have made (inclusive of pizza)<-- more about that later.
Friday I decided to stay home so my face swelling can go down and receive a call from Beks- the City school she decided to go to (read: being adult and considering costs etc etc) is being everything you could ever read about city employees-- non responsive. You think I am mad that people in my office not doing their job-- imagine how I feel about people abusing policy-- state/ federal/ etc-- and there is nothing I can do to solve or fix this situation with all the knowledge I have about fin aid and federal regulations. It it utterly frustrating and I feel really really bad. [Still working on it tho-never give up/ never surrender.]
Saturday I went to my friend's BBQ and had a wonderful time- my fears about perception and what I do (continually am I good enough) were falsely based in my own psycho. Yay! But in discussing choices with many of the folks there- many were in this depth of career crisis - many many were utterly unsatisfied in their initial choice of life one chick left wall street and is becoming a teacher, another chick just entered back to school to get her PT degree --It kind of validates my non-sense of balance with why I feel unsettled where i am at times-- Am I truly normal? Really? Time will tell.
Saturday evening I went to the twins birthday BBQ where I was a good 8 years older than the rest of the population -with exception of the golden child & her best friend & my brother. It was good seeing the dichotomy of the ages and what parting from my youth looks like in hindsight. It was also good to know that WOW I did all that back then and don't miss it at all one bit & knowing when to call it quits is a thing learned with maturity- not with throwing up at a BBQ (ha ha she will find out which friends of hers decided to leave parting gifts in the morning!)
Ahh such is life
Shocking. One moment I am trying to live, breathe- breathe for real and survive in this madness- the next moment I am being validated in my confusion to be back to the trying to breath thing...
yeah such is life.
oh...that's all...
That is pretty much what I have been in/ be it emotional or mental or the one where your throat closes (physical)- for the past couple of days I have been functioning in shock. Let's start by last week Thursday- had an interesting therapy session where I focused on fear and the perception of my knowledge in comparison to my peers. [back story I am going to a college friends BBQ & she is in a different socioeconomic class than I am and her peers are too.] Because I live in something of a 'be prepared' state I was trying to be prepared for all of the possible outcomes. I did not want to be seen as less than that of my peers. or her peers. or less-than worthy of being peer like. After that session I was running back to my office to give an afternoon staff meeting & then go about the business of making my way home to beat the alternate side parking beast when I decided on a slice (ok 2) slices of pizza to chow on. Low and behold after scarfing down the slices my face started to itch and throat close- classic allergic reaction sign- but here is the kicker- I know my allergies- shell fish & nuts therefore stay the hell away from them. I had to leave the office to go to the doctor and sit there for 1.5 hours to give me benadryl & prednisone & some other drug to be on for 5 days and makes me sleepy to boot. Beks searched for me in 3 doctors offices - something that means more to me than she will ever know- and we got some tea to sit and ponder life and the decisions we have made (inclusive of pizza)<-- more about that later.
Friday I decided to stay home so my face swelling can go down and receive a call from Beks- the City school she decided to go to (read: being adult and considering costs etc etc) is being everything you could ever read about city employees-- non responsive. You think I am mad that people in my office not doing their job-- imagine how I feel about people abusing policy-- state/ federal/ etc-- and there is nothing I can do to solve or fix this situation with all the knowledge I have about fin aid and federal regulations. It it utterly frustrating and I feel really really bad. [Still working on it tho-never give up/ never surrender.]
Saturday I went to my friend's BBQ and had a wonderful time- my fears about perception and what I do (continually am I good enough) were falsely based in my own psycho. Yay! But in discussing choices with many of the folks there- many were in this depth of career crisis - many many were utterly unsatisfied in their initial choice of life one chick left wall street and is becoming a teacher, another chick just entered back to school to get her PT degree --It kind of validates my non-sense of balance with why I feel unsettled where i am at times-- Am I truly normal? Really? Time will tell.
Saturday evening I went to the twins birthday BBQ where I was a good 8 years older than the rest of the population -with exception of the golden child & her best friend & my brother. It was good seeing the dichotomy of the ages and what parting from my youth looks like in hindsight. It was also good to know that WOW I did all that back then and don't miss it at all one bit & knowing when to call it quits is a thing learned with maturity- not with throwing up at a BBQ (ha ha she will find out which friends of hers decided to leave parting gifts in the morning!)
Ahh such is life
Shocking. One moment I am trying to live, breathe- breathe for real and survive in this madness- the next moment I am being validated in my confusion to be back to the trying to breath thing...
yeah such is life.
oh...that's all...
Sunday, September 11, 2011
9/11 ten years later
9/11 ten years later
Sunday was a difficult and emotional day.
It was the 10th anniversary of September 11th.
That day marked so many many meanings and to think 10 years ago would we be here?
Last year, Peanut was born. That was and continues to truly a blessing.
A few years back- Jacob was born- again another blessing on a day many many people remember tragedy. It seems out of tragedy there were indeed many things to be thankful of.
I clearly remember where I was that day- what I had to do to get home- what my good friend SS & I had to do to get home.
I remember smoking a cigarette on the corner of 14th & west 10th waiting for a bus--
watching the sky and listening to the silence of the air but still hearing the noise of the hearts of us as a people.
The many hours of worrying and travel and the sense of is this really happening here in NY? Worrying about my mother who was stuck in NJ cause they shut down the bridges- finally reaching her via phone and so thankful to hear from her.
I remember speaking to someone and they professed their love for me- funny how that didn't turn out- amazing what tragedy and liquor brings out.
Anyway- fast forward a decade-
Where am I now?
Where are we now?
Think who is not here to see how much I have accomplished or how much is left to accomplish.
Think of who is here...
I went to a brunch for my sister friend Sparkle- kind of bringing together all those who lost someone thru the years- not just on 9/11 but thru the years.
Honestly it was kinda hard - some things are kept repressed until brought to the forefront- but what was beautiful about the celebrate was the many faiths that were represented and the prayers that were said.
We recited the Surah Al-Fatiha, prayed bahai prayers, Christian prayers & buddhist chants for everyone and all of us.
I had a Good day.
Nevermind I found out some news about how someone passed on [it was not what was presented to me but then again I felt I knew all along that something was not right.]
This does not change the love I have continually for this person or who they were to me.
I guess the truth eventually sets you free- but why hide it?
What purpose did it serve?
Does it make anymore sense now than then?
Maybe now as an adult I have more wits about me and I am able to comprehend more- maybe I am finally able to realize truths I already knew when facts just did not add up.
This is why (I assume) I attempt to be authentic in all I do and am fiercely contemptuous of those who mis speak the truth.
Maybe it is all a rouse.
Sunday was a difficult and emotional day.
It was the 10th anniversary of September 11th.
That day marked so many many meanings and to think 10 years ago would we be here?
Last year, Peanut was born. That was and continues to truly a blessing.
A few years back- Jacob was born- again another blessing on a day many many people remember tragedy. It seems out of tragedy there were indeed many things to be thankful of.
I clearly remember where I was that day- what I had to do to get home- what my good friend SS & I had to do to get home.
I remember smoking a cigarette on the corner of 14th & west 10th waiting for a bus--
watching the sky and listening to the silence of the air but still hearing the noise of the hearts of us as a people.
The many hours of worrying and travel and the sense of is this really happening here in NY? Worrying about my mother who was stuck in NJ cause they shut down the bridges- finally reaching her via phone and so thankful to hear from her.
I remember speaking to someone and they professed their love for me- funny how that didn't turn out- amazing what tragedy and liquor brings out.
Anyway- fast forward a decade-
Where am I now?
Where are we now?
Think who is not here to see how much I have accomplished or how much is left to accomplish.
Think of who is here...
I went to a brunch for my sister friend Sparkle- kind of bringing together all those who lost someone thru the years- not just on 9/11 but thru the years.
Honestly it was kinda hard - some things are kept repressed until brought to the forefront- but what was beautiful about the celebrate was the many faiths that were represented and the prayers that were said.
We recited the Surah Al-Fatiha, prayed bahai prayers, Christian prayers & buddhist chants for everyone and all of us.
I had a Good day.
Nevermind I found out some news about how someone passed on [it was not what was presented to me but then again I felt I knew all along that something was not right.]
This does not change the love I have continually for this person or who they were to me.
I guess the truth eventually sets you free- but why hide it?
What purpose did it serve?
Does it make anymore sense now than then?
Maybe now as an adult I have more wits about me and I am able to comprehend more- maybe I am finally able to realize truths I already knew when facts just did not add up.
This is why (I assume) I attempt to be authentic in all I do and am fiercely contemptuous of those who mis speak the truth.
Maybe it is all a rouse.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
coffee thought...
This morning I am thinking thoughts of fall and the beginning of the school year... specifically the first day of school where I work. I remember the days of going back to school- reconnecting with friends you lost touch with over the summer, dreading the teachers you would/ could have for home room, having a fresh/ dope outfit with some new sneakers to style in. Ahh back in the day September bought on the color palette of browns, Burgundy and oranges-- knits and sweaters to hug the body and keep in warmth. new ideas and promises for the year to come--- yeah fall.
now Fall brings on a crowded commute (back to school kids mean back to school backpacks in the way/ on the seats) and back to school alternate side parking on my block (which technically means i need to leave work at a decent hour and be home like 6 pm to guarantee a spot) and back to school brings on the search for knee high boots (literally on the search for flat ones, black + brown!) cool fall nail colors (dark colors & deep reds) knits/sweaters to forgive the food + drinks I indulged in these last couple of weeks (OMG I need to cover this gut) a search for a LONG WINTER COAT(!) and being able to breathe the air (no more humidity stifling the lungs and making breathing- an everyday life requirement a struggle).
now Fall brings on a crowded commute (back to school kids mean back to school backpacks in the way/ on the seats) and back to school alternate side parking on my block (which technically means i need to leave work at a decent hour and be home like 6 pm to guarantee a spot) and back to school brings on the search for knee high boots (literally on the search for flat ones, black + brown!) cool fall nail colors (dark colors & deep reds) knits/sweaters to forgive the food + drinks I indulged in these last couple of weeks (OMG I need to cover this gut) a search for a LONG WINTER COAT(!) and being able to breathe the air (no more humidity stifling the lungs and making breathing- an everyday life requirement a struggle).
Looking forward to the change
and best of luck to those
who are changing
with the colors of the leaves-
it is all beautiful.
that's all
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