Wednesday, September 30, 2015

I am not immune




I am not immune

Considering I had an allergic reaction to life (or oatmeal or salad or strawberry shortcake) a few weeks ago and had to go get some steroids to help a sista out I felt it time to get an allergy test. Had to wait for the referral from my PCP but got that and went to this place on union square. This first 2 hour visit was 'interesting' and by interesting I was like WTF! To do a test or to test what you are allergic to they put random sample of things on your skin (the simple little needle prick) and 1/2 hour later if there are raised marks on the skin then I am allergic and the severity is from 1-5(?) anywho in this day and age their ain't no better way than this?


(This is both arms all marked up with a pen. Real sophisticated stuff. )
Well obviously not, as this first go round was the environmental tests for dust, tree pollens, molds, general things. And rodents. And rats. And roaches.
Say what?
Yes, in NYC they test for all them things considering NYC has all them things. Who knew!
And apparently I am allergic to German roaches as well as standard American roaches. So even my allergies are bougie. Great.
But also aside from that she prescribed be a crapload of prescriptions cause maybe my immune system and ph is off (according to the doctor). One of the scripts is an epi pen which I didn't get from my regular doc cause of the $159 price tag. For a one time use. Just in case. Uh no- but I think she gave me a coupon so maybe- cause I would have to remember to carry it..
But interesting to note I am also allergic to tobacco. Good thing I don't smoke but I have to stay away from all that.
So now I have to go back for the blood tests for the real stuff (nuts and bolts and oats and wine) could you imaging me allergic to wine? I'm about to go wine tasting on Saturday and that would truly be sad.
Oh on another note, leave it to the random questionnaire to actively point out how pitiful the nonexistent sex life really is.



I mean unless I can be allergic to the penis or the balls or the... Then why are you asking that question? And on top of that (no pun intended) since I wasn't in here because of an allergic reaction to sex why is that on the questionnaire? Why is that on my questionnaire? Are you mocking me random form? Does that happen in real life? Is this something else I now need be concerned about? Allergic reaction to the D. Great. For that, I'll get the epi pen.
HashtagPriorities.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Prayers 9.25.15

God, come to my assistance.
Lord make haste to help me.
Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and the Holy Spirit;
as it was in the beginning,
is now and ever shall be,
world without end.

Amen.



O my God, I thank you for having preserved me today
and for having given me so many blessings and graces.
I renew my dedication to you and ask your pardon for
all my sins.




Hail Holy Queen

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy!
Our life, our sweetness, and our hope!
To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve;
to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.
Turn, then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us;
and after this our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.



Thursday, September 24, 2015

Coffee thought...bears

Coffee thought...

I have not been writing lately.. Squat been trying to make it day by day. I have been on a few trips and gotten some sun and fun and rest and relaxation. Which is very good for my body and soul. I went to the beach in Sandy Hook and that was such a lovely day. I also went to the water win TD and peanut. They are fun.
This past weekend hung out with the family at bear mountain and we bbq'd abs drank. And laughed a lot at the craziness of everything. It was a great day. Got in the pool there and I was like oh wow haven't been here since I was a little person (still have memories in the back of my mind of being there at the pool). I was happy the brothers could make it (yes I drove them) but it still was cool. Also happy that the former intern/ AD could come out and relax a bit cause this dude does not know work life balance. At all. Eh.



Sent from my iPhone













Sometimes I feel...

So today is 'daughters day' and people over Facebook are wishing other people on Facebook Happy Daughters Day. And that's great and all if you have a daughter.  And it is equally great and all if you have a parent that recognized such things. But what if you are a daughter who unfortunately has no one to wish you a happy daughters day-  then what does that make you?
What does that make me?
And not for nothing, these contrived pseudo days we celebrate that are put into the psyche of society really do more harm than good [I'm looking at you specifically Valentine's Day] causing a whole heap of negative emotions and wild thoughts of worthiness and worthlessness at the same damn time. Them some two bad bitches.
Anywho...
Just thought I put it out there
Happy Daughters Day to the daughter I don't have (...)
and happy daughters day to the daughter I hope I was.

coffee thought...


Coffee thought...
Commuting in to work today and there are a bunch of traffic disruptions.
Today, the Pope is headed to NYC and the world is up in arms and disarray trying to prepare and accommodate his visit. 
While he is supposed to be the leader of the Catholic Church and the closest representative to GOD I am feeling very annoyed by this visit. And no offense to the man personally or professionally- cause he and this visit did not do nothing to me- not even change my MTA commute. This disruption and annoyance I feel in my spirit is reminding me of the last time a papal visit happened- specifically April 2008. While all the hoopla that was surrounding the then Pope and him coming to the Bronx to say mass at Yankee Stadium and all the things that were going on.  On the day he came to the Bronx, that was the day we had my mothers funeral. And in meeting the priest prior to having mass arrangements he made a comment that having mass that day was inconvenient/ or getting back from that mass at the stadium was an inconvenience. I remember saying to myself damn sorry my mothers death is an inconvenience to you. And from that point on I have been utterly unfazed by anything St. Augustine or Catholic church wise. I know the Lord thru my upbringing and I have faith and I pray. But I cannot feel reverence for man (priest/ pope) anything because of simple empathy that was not shown. And why how many years later do I bring this up? Because I feel crazy resentment at all that. I feel stupidly angry at something that I cannot change or control. And I feel utterly lost without the guidance and words of my mom and dad. It's stupid cause I am an adult. I think. I mean my bills say I am. But dammit apparently I am no ones child anymore. 
That hurts. 
that's all... 

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Pots & kettles & all the blackness

It's Tuesday 
So this is my day of meetings galore and just loads of running around to do. Part of me needs to have a better system of maintaining balance with everything I am trying to do- and part of me is doing just fine with the balance I am achieving. 
But I always strive for better. 
But yeah, to the title of this blog- when you are in recognition of things that are happening to you and are choosing not to have that be the norm you accept but then turn around and do that to others you may want to check your blackness at the door  and your relation to calling someone on what you actively do to others. 
I'm just saying I see a spade and we ain't playing cards. 
that's all...

coffee thought...

To think that I thought these three things about my life:
ONE
I thought I would have my parents here (physically) 
TWO
I thought I would have had...
THREE
I thought I had a possibility of being loved by... him
hmm
like i tend to say
those were just thoughts wasted.

that's all...

Friday, September 11, 2015

coffee thought ...

Thinking about numbers in life- today being 9/11 and all.
This number is etched permanently in my brain- 
just like some of the other numbers of importance in my life:
5/23
16
4/08
1/13
8/25
4/05
10/23
3
0
These numbers do not mean anything to most people
 but have very significant meanings to me.
 But back to the original number I am mentioning today-
 many years ago
 people's lives were changed drastically on this date. 
Everyone remembers where they were
 and what they were doing 
and who they were living with 
and who they were loving with
and when the Towers fell
everyone remembered how they were getting home
and who they were looking for 
and what emotions were being felt
and who was missing
and who was never found
and what was never said
 and many things like that. 
Many people made dramatic choices as a result of that day- 
there were a few weddings and life changing plans because of it all--
 and this is not to say that these events would not have eventually happened- 
it is just that when you see destruction and tragedy at hand
one tends to revis their own mortality and place in the world.
So with all that being said...
 What have we accomplished since then?
 Individually
 and as a whole nation
 what has been done to uplift and advance this society? 
What have we done to bring us all together
 in a way that was prevalent that day
 (and yes people tend to bond over tragedies...
and there were a fair few directives and initiatives made
 and some resolute actions are decided on
 because of the emotions of the time...)
What have we gained since then? 
Not only physically
 but spiritually and emotionally
 and just what are we doing?
As a whole, I have no clue anymore
 I used to have a fuller broader and wider breath of emotions to spare for the world 
for all humanity 
however when I have nothing left for me
 I have nothing left to give.
All those number mean something to me.
 Important.
Of Importance.
but what do they add up to?
that's all...

Monday, September 07, 2015

Just stop

Basically I have to tell myself that over and over again because I know me.
I want what I want and I think I am capable of attaining it myself but
then when it don't go my way I am still stuck trying to force a round
peg in a square hole.
And that don't work.
It don't fit.
It doesn't fit properly and it is utterly stupid. And aggravating.
This is one of the many lessons I learned this labor day . I get up,
go about my business of getting some much needed things for the home.
I get wonderful coffee.
I am enjoying this beautiful day. I embark on home improvement
because why not ever stop improving because it is not exactly where I
want it to be.
I am desperately trying to put up these curtains and it ain't
working- Not in the living room- Not in the bedroom -Not in the any
room.
Now backstory: The windows have the metal brackets up for the standard
white for curtains. This is something that should be able to just be
placed and set. Like set it and forget it. And I figure since the
living room other curtains that i struggled to put up came down via an
accident at the housewarming and have yet to get back up there these
should be an ok temporary fix. The damn brackets in the living room
don't want to hold these curtains down (I tried several times) then
the bedroom would be able to being that it's purple and all. And so I
get up on the ladder and I place the curtains and I place the curtains
and I placed them again. 10 minutes and much aggravation later they
are up. I step down. I step back. I admire my work. They promptly fall
to the ground. I bust out laughing because the fact of the matter is
that them curtains ain't staying up there they are not for that rod
(which they are but I digress) and they are not going to work for you.
Not now. Not ever.
No matter how hard you want it and seem to even have the tools for it
in place and how you even have the style and accommodations ready. It
ain't gonna happen. Let it go. Just stop trying to force some damn
curtains up when it is not meant to be.
Just leave it alone. Open. For the world to see in and witness the
mess of your home life.
That's all...
Hey, that's what I got out of it...
Do just stop.

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

coffee thought ...

coffee thought ...

So acknowledging that I am slacking on my commitments to myself is a
hard task to admit. Like literally I was all gun ho to the gym got
some cute work out clothes and sneakers and was like yay fitness (as
yay fitness as a girl could be) and for a while I was like dedicated.
And committed. And sleepy.
So as of late the sleepy part has won over and I have been sleeping
in until my regular wake up time. Which then means that I am not
getting the morning work out in. Which means after work (since I leave
so late) it ain't happening. Which means I am wasting $20/ month and
am wearing the strawberry shortcake on my thighs.
No Bueno.
That's all...


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