Yes, you are the only one

Yes, you are the only one

Found out little sis of my good friend gave up the goods and had an experience that she was happy and grateful for.
29.
Very decent as in it was not something she felt pressured to do or anything of the sorts.
This was a good thing since in this world excessive sexuality and the ages it is happening is younger and younger.
And it is good that she did it the way she wanted.
Yayyyy!
But uh yeah.
 About that...
Yes, you are the only one
(And that don't make you special so don't get it twisted)
And I mean this in the only one not chosen kind of way
(yet? Keep hope alive?)
I mean it's good that there is something that no one has had of me-
Me
To be more exact.
And I guess in some way that's OK
(cause that's what it is right now)
and that is not because I am selfish or altogether not willing to share-
but to be fair I was not willing to share for some time because there was no one I felt deserved my share)
 anywho yes, I am the only one.
that's all...



Sent from my iPhone

Black Heirlooms- short doc

So tonight I sat on a panel discussing wealth and the African American community- specifically how first year college students identify and can access and utilize it. What are these conversations like and how do we all bridge the gap (economically and socially etc). We screened a film called 'black heirlooms' and it was a great conversation starting point about how you begin to discuss intergenerational wealth and passing that (well, defining that and then understanding what it is then passing it down) and having them talks. You be surprised (and the again maybe not) about the lack of knowledge and thought that we as a people culture and race do pass down (intentionally) and the things that we pass down unintentionally. Consciousness is key with these actions. Speaking about estate planning and have talks about what your wishes are- with yourself as well as with your possessions are important. I was very very happy to be asked to contribute to the conversation- I thought I did well.
Well, what am I feeling now? I am feeling a bit of relief that I did that and a bit of accomplishment and yeah. Proud moment.
Then again (on the other side of me) I am feeling
A little sad that no one cared to come see me speak (there goes that support I be looking for) and no one was there to encourage me or critique me or applaud for me or anything (for me)
BUT
I know that God sees me thru and watched over me. I also know my parents witnessed this and were present in their own way. Such is life. Even in a happy point I look for the other shoe to drop.

Why

Why
Is it so hard
to say I love you
Because
When I say it
Is just sitting out there
Alone
Unacknowledged
Unaccepted
Vulnerable
And lost
So I choose
To protect my love
And not say it
To you

coffee thought...

Had a few good cups of coffee lately and of course a few good thoughts.

1) the amount of work I do versus the rate of pay is severely lacking- I must change that
2) the folks I am currently interacting with (for the most part) are really some movers and shakers. I throughly enjoy some (some) of the interactions.
3) co authored an article for possible publication. Something that was a first (being asked to be a co authority on something is kind of cool) and even if it is not published I think the work is great.
4) witnessed the beginnings of a true scholar- like was truly (and am) impressed with his current achievements and future endeavors. It's interesting (that's all)
5) thinking (more seriously) about future work (goals), current achievements and stuff like that. Jury is still out.
6) looking for love (probably still is all the wrong places since I still ain't found it but I ain't in jail so that's good)
7) work..working hard never hardly working... it is definitely taking and making me stressed. Needs a massage stat.
8) my personal writing has its ebbs and flows- sometime not flowing at all and sometimes keeping me up at night with all the things i am trying to write but just ain't right.
9) family... sigh
10) 'in search of satisfaction'
that's all...

Trust

umm hmmm hmmm

right about now

i'm gonna need you to trust

trust what is happening between us

and

right about now

i'm gonna need you to feel

feel these emotions that fill the silence

and

right about now

i'm gonna need you to love

love every bit of me

and

right about know

i'm gonna need you to know

know that this is right

and

right about now

i'm gonna need you to taste

taste every piece of me like sin

and

right about now

i'm gonna need you

you

inside me

you

next to me

you

over me

you

behind me

you

holding me

you

touching me

you

licking me

you

sucking me

you

stroking me

you

fucking me

you

kissing me

you

loving me

and

right about now

i'm gonna need

ummm hmmm hmmm

Yesterday's Gemini Extended Horoscope

Gemini, Daily Extended Horoscope, Thursday, October 9th:

You just can't stand not knowing absolutely everything that's going on around you -- but for the next few weeks, you'd better at least try to get used to it. Someone who loves you is working on a surprise for you right now, and even though you know you can figure it out if you really want to, don't. You'll only spoil it. Let them have their fun.


Wouldn't that be nice - if it were true... Could you imagine someone that loves me.... Then that same someone working on a surprise (for me)... Maybe in the alternate universes this horoscope is referring to is where this love- filled surprise is waiting for me.
#oneday
---

Sent from my iPhone

Gemini Horoscope 10/10

When the world rattles you a little too much today, feel free to crawl into your shell for a little quiet time. No one will be bothered if you pull back from the action, and you're way overdue for some introspection. It can be incredibly energizing to be alone with your thoughts -- even if the idea initially makes you uncomfortable. There's no need to be a hermit, just turn your phone off and pick up that book you've been trying to finish.

For a period you may find yourself wondering if the people you're involved with on an everyday basis are worth all the trouble, and you may consider doing a little pruning of timewasters and social situations that give less satisfaction than they promise. In fact, you may discover that less is more in terms of your social appetite and a breath of peaceful fresh air beats the excitement of a crowded venue. The issue is an internal one, and giving up at this point may actually result in getting more down the line as you resolve your priorities. In fact, in the end, you may find you save money in the process...

Looks to me what my weekend is all about...while drinking my coffee...

Leela James - Fall For You

such a great song that totally captures falling...

Here we are, together

And everything between us is good

I'm right here in this cloud, baby

Ready to fly but before I take

Another step

Would you catch me if I fall for you?

'cause I'm falling

I'm falling, I'm falling

I'm so used to standing

So used to being on my own

But this thing is new, baby

It feels like I'm losing control

I'll take another step

If you catch me when I fall for you

'cause I'm falling

I'm falling, I'm falling

Will you promise to be there?

Stay by my side always?

Whenever I need you

Don't let me down, no, no

If I give you my all, don't let me fall

Would you do that for me, hold me?

Will you love, will you love me?

My heart is ready

For love and to be loved

And I chose you, baby

That's the one thing I'm sure of

So I will take this one last step

So catch me, I'm falling for you

I'm falling

I'm falling, I'm falling

I'm falling

I'm falling, I'm falling

on a beach..finding a happy place

 

God how I wish this was more reality rather than yearly fantasies fufilled...

that's all...

Of course sexism exists

Tonight I was dining with the younger brother/ basically he was able to meet me at work after what turned out to be a difficult day and we decided to go to dinner. We went to one of my favorite diners and proceeded to have a light dinner. Apparently what he was able to eat would carry him for 2 days since he had leftovers so that is something. Anywho to get to the point of this blog- the kind waiter dude put the check for the table (after I asked for the check) he placed the check in front of bro. Now, I guess one could assume the man is out with a woman who looks stunning and he is paying for her. Once could even assume that. But no, it just simply siblings sharing a meal. Ok. I pay (because let's face it- I pay) and hand dude the check. He proceeds to bring back the change and hands it directly to the brother. Now my brother is typically the misogynist and rants on men vs women all the time. He was actually shocked and appalled that the dude completely ignored the clues that he was not paying thru the whole interaction and I think it is not hilarious but sad that one cannot view a woman as capable of equally contributing to her meal or the meal of a dude. Just pure sexist assuming all around. Tsk tsk tsk.