I totally forgot Mothers day this year.

I totally forgot Mothers day this year.
Not the actual day cause it came and went and of course had to buy
grandma a card but I didn't write about it. I didn't post the google
doodle I didn't talk about my mother. I am sad that I didn't make the
time to aknowledge her on that day when everyone else was saying kind
words and thoughts about their moms. I did think about her. Posted a
quick miss u on FB. but Right now, at this very moment-- I am feeling
kind of emotional since it is that time of the month, my birthday is
approaching quick-fast and in a hurry in 2 days and all I want is to
hear her say happy birthday Tasha. I love you. You are a good
daughter. Stop crying over things you can't change, it will be
alright. Have fun, don't worry I am fine and be happy or any other
motherly advice. I guess I can pretend to hear her voice (crazy,
right?) or I can think these thoughts to myself to get me thru this
night with minimal tears... I mean we all have some coping mechanisms
but somehow crying or whatever just don't seem like it helps. I don't
know anymore when this will be ok (and I am really really really
trying to come to terms with this stuff before the wedding next week
for my good friend because thru all this it really solidifies a few
things for me
* with someone who loves you it can truly make life more bearable (as
I see it thru the various peoples who are in love and good love/
compared to the others who are divorcing & breaking up) they seem
plesantly content
* planning a wedding-assuming I find 'the one' and he hits his head
hard enough oh I mean loves me & proposes to me & I don't immediately
die from shock and say yes- my mother will not be there physically to
help and I am very hurt about this. so right now as I am gonna be a
witness/ bridesmaid to a wedding next week it is hard to see this.
Remember what happened in E's wedding where u has to leave the
reception when the mother/ dauhter dance came on... And to think I
used to be mad at any father/daughter dance thing as well... Little
did I know ...great more tears
Oh why even bother to think about this just whatever
Just stop, Sleep, and try for better tomorrow...