I think the end is in order

My therapist and I 'terminated' today.
Good. Anxious. Scared. Accomplished. Hopeful--All those words sum up today. I think the end was in order. There is much celebration in completion. And in completing acts. This is just that-- a completion of an act in my life. It's over and I truly feel the better for having done it. I have journeyed to this place where the road is still unpaved, rocky and unsure but I know where I need to head and have a consistent trustworthy guide to guide me. Knowing that- NO truly knowing that is something I am thankful for. And getting here was not an easy road. But everything must end for something else to begin.

Part of the reason I write, went to therapy, started this journey was a few things: dealing with the sudden passing of my mom and how I grieve- was that normal? Am I sane? Am I doing this right? How do you grieve right? Am I going thru the stages of grief correctly? What happens if I miss a step? Do I ever get over the passing of my mom?

Second issue was dealing with family/ friends and my identity with them- are they supportive? Are we in a mutually beneficial relationship? Do they lift me up as much as I lift them? Do they give as much as they take? What do I allow to happen? How do I change the nature of the friendship when all this time I was allowing people to take advantage of me and now I no longer want that to be our friendship? How do I change my perception?

Third issue was work: Am I making a difference? Is this new position (at the time) something that I am prepared for? What can my boss do to support me or what can I do to get where I need to be. How can I support staff and make this a productive environment for all of us. Do I really love what I do?

Fourth issue: love, romance, significant other. What is holding me back from love? Why don't I have someone, how do I feel about myself (body image, Intelligence, looks) and how is my self image helping/ hurting my chance for romance? What gives out there? Am I going to be alone forever? Maybe there is no one out there for me, right?

What's next? More living, right? More doing? Right? More trying, giving and being a responsible human being? right?
 Just more...