Coffee thought...

Coffee thought...

Traveling thru the MTA subway system on this morning going towards work I have to acknowledge I am blessed. I am awake. I am alive. I am here. That is definitely a start.
I am currently thinking about love (of course) and what it means to love someone. What it means to really love them. Are there different levels to love (like friendship versus romantic) and can these levels ever get confuddled? Like can friends become lovers and are you really lovers if you were never friends? It is an interesting concept being in love and actively loving someone. I mean I know I love folks- primarily family and friends. I know I have loved a man or two. Have I been loved back? Somehow I do not think so ( because my concept and experience of love has not been successful and/ or fulfilling). Does that mean I am incapable of being loved? Am i unlovable? On my dark days, I do think so (that I am unlovable) simply because I have not had that (love). However, I maintain HOPE that someone I do love will acknowledge the potential love inside- that someone mirrors what GOD has made me capable of (loving) and is made for me to love (and love me back). It is a definite belief I have that my man is out there. I definitely believe that. I am actively seeking that. I am aware of myself and realize no one can complete me (in the I am not broke and don't need fixing like a damn clock or something way) and I am aware that if I don't love myself, hell, how can anyone else know how to love me if I treat myself like crap ( interesting, right?!) and I know how I need to be loved (wholly. Completely. Actively. Every damned day) so yeah. Maybe my dude ain't ready for all that yet. I get it. Maybe I ain't ready for all that yet. I get it. Maybe.
that's all...


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