Sunshade

As the Sun sets 

tossing wayward glances 

towards us

A feeling. 

Of wasted opportunity 

and missed chances 

determine our fate. 

Distorted shadows 

make for images unreal 

interpreted to be 

something they are not. 

#KaraWalkerDomino

I visited the old Domino Sugar Factory (Williamsburg, BK) to get some culture and all that jazz primarily to see this art piece by Kara Walker. The images that were presented in this grand scale art instillation were fascinating to say the least (inclusive of the Marvelous Sugar Baby) and really thought provoking. Ms. Walker is paying homage/raising questions to those who 'refined' our sweet tastes...

Specifically, the trip subtly/ not so subtly were raising questions (to me) on who and how and what is valued -- starting back in the days with the complicated business of production of sugar and its ties to the Islands and slavery et al. She has images of little negro boys presumably workers from the fields carrying baskets who would have been child labor  (which was not illegal) in various poses and dispositions. These children were used to cultivate the sugar cane from the fields to wherever they went for profit.  The sugars (molasses) marks on the floor (representing blood maybe) was interesting...

The grand piece was a Sphinx that was made entirely out of white sugar which is

1. Not sugars' natural state but
2. Made in the image of a black woman and
3. Is naked

That was astonishing.

 I must say that people do not know how to react to a black woman's' body or a naked body (even if she is made of sugar). I am sure one of the objectives of the piece was to make people absolutely aware of and celebrate the intricacies and beauty of a woman (yay me) but some people cannot and do not know how to receive that. There were many comments and inappropriate pictures taken and it definitely made me think of the issues I face as a woman today (objectified/ subjectified/ sexualized/ etc) and the demoralization that women now and of the slavery days (which I can attribute her period of time to be) were constantly subjected to.  I think about us women-- from the woman workers in the kitchen, the women who raised the children of their own and others by whatever means (meaning their masters children, their children born out of non consensual means), the women who were left to be strong for the families as the men were just chattel away...

I think about the value placed on certain attributes women have- let's look at today's standards that all of hip-hop America is singing about: big asses & big breasts are the main value standards.  There are folks who are doing the most (butt implants/ breast implants/ liposuction and other crazy ass things) literally killing themselves to fit this mold. Because society says this is pretty.  Hell, even Beyoncé said pretty hurts...but this is what is considered attractive...but this is what men want...but this is what YOU (woman) need to be like to be worthy of love, attention, anything-- because if you are not that then you are not something society would like to know- never mind the brains or the compassion or the any other of the myriad of things that make up a woman. I could go on about the fucked up morals we have as a society based on any of the recent headlines, but I'll save that stand on my soapbox for another day. This 'art' was just...subtle in an overt way. Here are some of the pics:

 

These are my favorite because of the broken-ness that is surrounding the baby.

Birthday Love...

This year is a celebration.

I mean why not?

So in celebration of the life I have

and the gifts I have been given

(not monetary) but the gifts of

purpose, compassion, patience, love,

hope, health, with a heart of gold, intelligence,

courageousness, authenticity, responsibility,

and all the talent that I have

I am celebrating it all.

Pics from the day/night...

it's J & J!!!

What I find interesting is that you will see my dress is basically a black body con dress (who would have thunk that I would wear a bodycon dress?) with the word 'love' written all over it. Think about it, I want love in all its forms. I talk about love. I read about love. I write about love.  I love. I welcome love, bring love and am love, no? SO why not wrap myself in love on my day?  I thought it was cute. I thought I was cute. I know I am beyond cute tho, I am grown and sexy. If you don't know now you know (in the words of Biggie Smalls hahaah). All in all a great time.


love love love them

 

AJ & Shima recent alumni
we all can celebrate

yes sista friend.

KF and I chilling.

one of the cool interns
i work with.

another sista here who
is real and true.
 

love this chick right here



CG & me & a drink
love this guy

flowers for me.
a lady loves flowers.
 



this is me.
 love me or leave me alone
but i would rather the love...

basically i got the lemonade upgrade

About Gemini....

About Gemini:

Gemini is symbolized by the Twins. You're flexible, flirty and inventive. Intelligent to the extreme, your idea of a good time is a lively conversation -- or better yet, a friendly debate. Thanks to the Twins' influence, you sometimes feel split in two directions and don't know what to do!

DATES

May 21 - June 21

RULING PLANET

Mercury

RULING HOUSE

Third House

ELEMENT

Air

BIRTHSTONE (SIGN OR MONTH)

Agate (Gemini)

Emerald, Agate (May: Traditional)

Emerald (May: Modern)

Alexandrite, Emerald (Jun: Traditional)

Moonstone, Pearl (Jun: Modern)

QUALITY

Mutable

BODY PARTS

Lungs, arms

KEYWORD

Communication

DATE WITH DESTINY

Libra, Aquarius

RUN FOR THE HILLS

Virgo, Pisces

WHERE YOU GLOW

Multi-tasking

WHAT MAKES YOU TICK

Trivial Pursuit

FITNESS FORECAST

Doubles tennis

PLAY DATE

Tandem sky-diving

PERFECT JOB

Librarian, lawyer

BEST ACCESSORY

Shrug

A SURE THING

Doing two things at once

DESTINATION

Greece

PLEASURE

Options, ambidexterity, knowledge

PAIN

Being on time, commitment, red tape

WHAT'S MY LINE?

It takes two to tango.

Gemini Horoscope for 5/23/14

At this time you must guard against being too aggressive, coming on too strong, or trying to force your own will and thereby arousing hostility in others. Also, frustrated desires and obstacles to achieving your aims can evoke enormous anger in you, and you may do something rash and regrettable. Conflicts and confrontations may be unavoidable, but do try to avoid situations which you know will provoke or irritate you. Working alone is best at this time.

************************************************************************

Well, we shall see how this goes...

Happy Birthday to ME!

Horoscope: Gemini: May 19th, 2014

You have a lot of mental energy and are eager to "attack" intellectual or conceptual problems. You are likely to come up with a clever solution or a very workable plan, especially if you brainstorm with others. You also tend to make up your mind very quickly and decisively now, and to translate your ideas into action.

I am eager to attack...
but I think I have misdirected anger issues
and the conceptual problems are more than conceptual
when they are actually in your face
and I definitely have made up my mind..
well, kinds sorta

that's all...

What gets me

Is that you are currently
the last one I speak to at night
and
the first one I talk to in the morning.
You randomly sing songs
of love
to me...
Yet I cannot love you.
When I am next to you
I cannot touch you.
I cannot reach you.
You are so far away
from what I need
Or what I thought I need
I need...
I want...
What do I want?
You are...

What gets me
But can never get me
You

coffee thought...

I have been trying to figure out why
Why is it that we need an A-ha moment to get it?
Why is it that we need a multitude of bricks crashed upon us to determine that oh, maybe I should catch the signs and pay attention.
Why is it that some people cannot get the hint and others cannot stop seeing the signs?
These are the dilemmas that are wracking my brain. For example:
Bro #2 just had surgery to remove one of his toes- due to complications from diabetes.
How is it you have a significant other and you have not made it to the hospital and she has been in the home with you smelling your putrid foot?
And [for the record] I do not blame her- because we all have a certain amount of personal responsibility here, and there is but so much another person can do when you won't do...
But what gets me is that how you don't want better for yourself or better yet how claim you want better for yourself but don't do better?
And how she- your choice- your love- don't do/say something to make you want to be around for a very long time with her? I DON'T GET IT
And on another note- how about if I am gonna have a surgical procedure my significant other better be there by my side otherwise you are not that significant and I can do without you. And I will find another other.

I am just perplexed because

1. He names me health care proxy because I am the responsible one. Do you know what responsibility that is? Here I am asking the hard questions (do you have a DNR in place? What about extraordinary measures- do you want any? What if they need to remove more than what they expect what's your choice?) and having asked these questions of my mother when it was that time I am like wtf? Again?
2. When I ask her what her thoughts were, she had none. could not answer. OK lady- that is the only time I am soliciting input cause clearly you are not the one to go to in this emergency situation. 
3. Why?
4. Like I previously mentioned- any lover of mine better be there for support of me or else there is no reason to be in my life... 
5. Is this the state of relationships today? Is my idea of support and love soo different and antiquated that it is OK to miss surgery?
6. I feel soo scared, alone, angry, hurt and helpless at the same time. Good thing there is God Present everywhere...
7. I need a hug
8. This is changing everything as he has must do better or else more things will get chopped off.

Sometimes my mind hurts with all the unanswered questions and the thoughts that I think are right, and common sensical yet are apparently extraordinary and like too much?
Sometimes it is all too much, I mean we aren't supposed to be getting more than we can handle, right?

And it is also amazing to see who steps up (Bro#1 girlfriend) which is amazing. I mean who knew?

anywho...pray.

coffee thought...

Coffee thought...

So Mother's Day came.
Thoughts of the inspiration my mom is IS something I love to do (although I still get sad it is not something that is completely unbearable). I think about her singing as she drove (which is something I know I do myself) and I think about her laughter and smile and how her eyes crinkled and twinkled when she spoke of her love- and her children - when she was not calling us crazy in a good way.
I remember some of her favorite songs- specifically she liked Whitney Houston and Celine Dion- oh my let us not forget Ms. Tina Turner. She was an icon to mommy.
Mommy was an icon to me, and someone that I am truly happy that God felt fit to have as my mom.
And you know what else? I am so thankful that others experiences mom in all of her mom-ness:
She frequently took in kids/ cooked for folks/ traveled them around places/ generally cared for everyone including the stranger on the street.
I wish and hoped that my mother would have gotten to meet the love of my life, and gotten to know and approve of my choice, and guided me as only a mother could.
I kinda wish that she would have laughed at his jokes and being the mom that he would have to impress (cause he would be such a gentleman and generally a great person) and they would laugh at me and stuff and we would have an all around great relationship.
I kinda wish..
But, I am not all together sad, because I cannot wish for the randomness that I didn't have. I did have the great times with mom, so I am very thankful for that...
yes, happy mothers day to all the mommas!

coffee thought...Horoscope: Gemini: May 6th, 2014

So apparently I needed to watch out for these things... who knew

Stop and go feelings today make headway a tough go, feels like two steps forward and sometimes more than one back. Although the energy is in the air to over strain yourself, if you wait for the most opportune moment you wont' need to push too hard to attain what you want. Wait, and the barrier will go away. What you want may not come as fast as you'd like try to have a little patience.

What is said and what is felt may not at all be the same today, so watch out for inner contradictions coming from those around you. Putting pen to paper may mean a rewrite down the line, so be careful what you sign, and intentions and reality may not be on the same page. A better time for winding things up than diving in.

life is about the contradictions, no?

Words of love to people who love words

I love
The creativity that people have to display
I love
the words they hide behind everyday
I love
the games they additionally choose to play
I love
they also get mad when I have something to say
Fear not
what I choose to tell you
Even tho it's true
You're lucky
I have decided to even spend some time with you
And when
I choose not to deal with all the bullshit you give
Just be lucky
I don't use these words to diminish the life you choose to live.
that's all...

Coffee thought...

Coffee thought...
Just wondering
When
I'll have that partner
to share
a cup of coffee with
Or
if he doesn't drink coffee,
I would be willing
to share a spot of tea
with my husband to be...
I'll be
that wonderful woman
who won't mind PDA
and hand holding
and especially
a lot of touching.
I know that
with Just
the nearness of him
his presence
would calm my spirits.
And soothe my thoughts
And raise my expectations.
And one day
I'll wonder
(because I would not remember)
What lonely felt like

that's all...

Audrey...

 

 

"There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain."

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it"

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm, as you get older, remember you have another hand: The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.

"If I get married, I want to be very married.

appreciation

So maybe it's me
because even when
someone says
randomly
"I appreciate you!"
my first response
is
umm...sure
as in
yeah right
whatever
disbelief
and thinking
this person is saying that
because of an agenda
and
i will not be fooled by your agenda!

maybe there is something wrong
with me
where the trust
I should have
in their words
in their actions
is not there
and this is why...
maybe...