coffee thought...

I have been trying to figure out why
Why is it that we need an A-ha moment to get it?
Why is it that we need a multitude of bricks crashed upon us to determine that oh, maybe I should catch the signs and pay attention.
Why is it that some people cannot get the hint and others cannot stop seeing the signs?
These are the dilemmas that are wracking my brain. For example:
Bro #2 just had surgery to remove one of his toes- due to complications from diabetes.
How is it you have a significant other and you have not made it to the hospital and she has been in the home with you smelling your putrid foot?
And [for the record] I do not blame her- because we all have a certain amount of personal responsibility here, and there is but so much another person can do when you won't do...
But what gets me is that how you don't want better for yourself or better yet how claim you want better for yourself but don't do better?
And how she- your choice- your love- don't do/say something to make you want to be around for a very long time with her? I DON'T GET IT
And on another note- how about if I am gonna have a surgical procedure my significant other better be there by my side otherwise you are not that significant and I can do without you. And I will find another other.

I am just perplexed because

1. He names me health care proxy because I am the responsible one. Do you know what responsibility that is? Here I am asking the hard questions (do you have a DNR in place? What about extraordinary measures- do you want any? What if they need to remove more than what they expect what's your choice?) and having asked these questions of my mother when it was that time I am like wtf? Again?
2. When I ask her what her thoughts were, she had none. could not answer. OK lady- that is the only time I am soliciting input cause clearly you are not the one to go to in this emergency situation. 
3. Why?
4. Like I previously mentioned- any lover of mine better be there for support of me or else there is no reason to be in my life... 
5. Is this the state of relationships today? Is my idea of support and love soo different and antiquated that it is OK to miss surgery?
6. I feel soo scared, alone, angry, hurt and helpless at the same time. Good thing there is God Present everywhere...
7. I need a hug
8. This is changing everything as he has must do better or else more things will get chopped off.

Sometimes my mind hurts with all the unanswered questions and the thoughts that I think are right, and common sensical yet are apparently extraordinary and like too much?
Sometimes it is all too much, I mean we aren't supposed to be getting more than we can handle, right?

And it is also amazing to see who steps up (Bro#1 girlfriend) which is amazing. I mean who knew?

anywho...pray.