Coffee thought...

Tonight I ventured out to:
Brooklyn (believe the hype)
I mean it is not that abnormal considering I frequent BK more often than not and annually they celebrate the West Indian day parade every Labor Day (coming this weekend-- going to be chipping down the parkway & dodging bullets at the same time). But this was not for that. This was a social calling with Beks. It had been quite some time since I have seen her (spring time maybe??) and we were long overdue.
That shan't happen again.
Random meeting and viola we were enjoying wine at happy hour which turned into happy 3 hours later LOL. Anywho catching up and figuring out how life is going (her recently graduating and is a real live social worker - not that she hasn't been doing this work for years) and me doing the thing I have been doing for the past decade. DECADE. (do I still find joy...see me when I get a raise and an office AGAIN)
Trips, men's, dates, stuff.
Something she said struck me (as we were chatting about our her pit stop and my permanent residence in single hood)

"people CHOOSE the life they think they deserve. they do not choose the life they want"

Say word. What?
Huh? Come again?
And then when you evaluate the choices folks are making (the jobs some have/some keep in fear of this being the best out there)
Some folks people are with/ stay with/ marry and procreate with out of fear this is the best it gets.
Then there are the choice(s) people make to stay alone, or single because they think they are unloveable and deserve to be alone. Or sometimes people are afraid to want for and go for more and require more in their lives.
Then there are those that just are alone for whatever reason and they think they need to change because being alone is kinda the worst thing in the world
The choices. The consequences. The wash and repeat.
The knowledge of self worth is something more valuable than I could even imagine and something that unfortunately can't (only) be taught. I know my mother and father instilled many things in me. Love and self worth being among them. But something(s) I needed to determine for myself is
At what cost...
At what cost do I decide that I am not settling for this.
At what cost does it take for me to decide to stay alone.
At what cost do I decide that I deserve more
At what cost do I choose different?
Damn--
It's true.
So how about you choose what you want rather than the one you think you deserve.
(if you are lucky what you want will be what you deserve...Idris I am looking at you)
I know I deserve...
So this is what I choose.
...lessons learned at a wine bar in BK
that's all...