Alone with my thoughts

i think too much about you.
and just thinking about you makes me sick.
i think my fear of me keeps me with you.
i have known you for oh so long- really has it been that long?
we are familiar
like the wind and earth
we are a part of each other.
something i can't deny.
a piece of me always belongs to you

i thought you were my strength, the coat of armor i wore so proudly
alone i could not get hurt.
with you i developed my habits
walking alone
eating alone
sleeping alone
being alone
alone

i stayed from hurt
from interaction and from an experiential point of view love.
because i saw (thru others) what it is like to not be with you
to be entangled with anyone other than you
to be hurt
pained
destroyed
those aches made you more bearable.
with you i thought i was ok-
never too happy but not all the time sad enough to want to leave you entirely
alone
i mean why? like i said we are familiar & with that i feel secure.

i wish you would leave me
alone
so that i can know and experience more.
i wish i could bravely walk away knowing that
i will never return to you
well not never
but never run to you only as a way of being
alone
but like the moon and stars
and skies above the clouds
i must acknowledge you
know you
and understand you to be free