Day 30- 30 for 30 [National Poetry Month]

[Fin]

 

If I knew
That all the trials and tribulations
Would have lead to you
I would do them all over again
With joy
Because this life I have

with you is more than I could ever imagine
I love the love you have for me
It possesses me and
Gives me
More breath than I can breathe
Move life than I can live
More love than I can love
You give me more
And there is no right way to say this
This love you share

Willingly openly and completely with me
Allows us to grow
Thrive
Survive
This magnificent reality we live in

So if I knew

That all the trials and tribulations

Would lead me directly to you

I gladly and enthusiastically choose

The pain and loneliness’ and heartaches

To allow this love

To be

Day 29- 30 for 30 {National Poetry Month}

30for30

You worry

 why

When

How

But never see the now

You wonder

If

But

When

And then look past us again

You are not here

You are never there

I thought eh, so what

I pretend not to care.

I thought OK

Maybe give you some time

But then again time after time

The love you choose is not mine

So now I am back at square one

Wondering

When is this supposed to be fun?

Is this bullshit game is done?

I have a feeling no one won.

Day 28- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Day 28: 4:32 pm

To the sexy air traffic control dude

YESSSS signal the plane!

Signal the plane!

Thank you sir for signaling de plane!

 

 

Day 27- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Zephyr

Memories fade

As time tells tales to those who watch the hands move

Swiftly stories untold by tongues held tightly within

She seeks him only to be lost

Thrown off course by the quintessence zephyr of his being

Unfathomable that she knows him

She new him prior to rage and pain and hurt swelled in his core

She discerned the shame and lust that unconsciously dwell in his heart

No room for intimacy, no room for peace

Vile familiarities span his core that once was complete with narratives of

Intimacy, tenderness, adoration and she

Gone is he who promptly thieved her love and sheltered it away from eternity

Vanished is the experience of them in passionate ecstasy

At this time, unaccounted for is her remembrances of him

The memories are fading and the stories are tales of times past their time

Abruptly moonlight moves beyond the shadows cast

Alone she searches for he again

Longing to forget trying to remember

Past.

Day 26- 30 for 30 {National Poetry Month}

Day 26

Why don't you want to love me anymore?
Why don't you want me around?
Why don't you want me anymore?

Maybe it was

A Passing fantasy
Maybe it was
Because this is forbidden
Maybe it was 

Cleverly disguised as something more than this was or
Maybe it was

Definitely not going to work
Maybe it was
Enough
Maybe it was
Fear
Maybe it was
Getting too serious
Hopeful
Inevitable
Justifiable
Kind of amazing in a subtle way
Maybe it was
LOVE…which was
Making you mindful of
NOT being an ass
Or careless with my feelings. 
Personally, I think
Quietly you wanted to love me
Reasons being that I truly
Showed you what genuine love is
Trusted you with my heart and
Ultimately with my soul and
Venerated your presence because you captivated my spirit...so
Why don’t you love me anymore? Why don’t you want me around?
Maybe it was an
X-cercise is futility
Yearning for something that would never be
Zero sum game, the biggest looser being me.

Day 25- 30 for 30 [National Poetry Month]

"wishing on dandelions in the winter"

I wish
You could see the love
You have right in front of you
The person who is
Sacrificing and struggling
Right alongside you
The person who truly wants the best for you
And wants to be the best for you

I wish
You could see
That alone in the loneliness
You do not have to be
You have someone whom you claim to love
You have a partner
Sent from above
You have two open eyes
But a closed heart
Holding on to being
Who you think you are versus
Who y'all are capable to be

I wish
That when it is time
To criticize and think the worst
You look to the best
You look to the reason why you choose each other
And realize this is another test

You could see all loves possibility

And re-choose love all over again

Remember that this is your lover and your friend

I wish…I wish

Day 24- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Fear of Love's Possibility

 

Day 24

I'm scared

Of all the things

I said I would be

And I’m scared of all the things

I said I would do

But the one thing I am truly scared of

I am scared of falling in love with you

I know that may seem a little strange

Quite possibly I am deranged...

And I know I may seem

Like someone who don't care

I know that there are times

When I seem like “I'm not there”

Trust and believe

It is me who really dares

To truly let you in my heart

And see all my hopes and fears

I'm a woman of many varied talents

Just wait and maybe you'll see

But while I am here trying not to love you

I am not letting you see the 'vulnerable' me

Is the hope of more worth it?

Is my scared of the unknown

greater than my courage?

Is the risk of me appealing?

Can you stop my fear from reeling?

So I'm scared

That if I let you see the truth in my heart

This truth will set you free

Free and very gone and honestly possibly

Far from me.



Day 23- 30 for 30 {National Poetry Month}

I speak your name

Silently

Because my silence

Is much louder than my roar

I require your touch

Immediately

Because I need to feel

Your sustaining strength

I hear your desires

Intensely          

Mirroring the longings of my own

I crave to feel you

Your passion, your purpose,

your...

I want to

But I can’t

 

Towards you

 

Towards love

 

Towards us

 

So I speak your name

 

Silently

 

Because in silence

 

You hear me

 

You feel me

 

You get me

Day 22- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Cravings

What do I want?

You

Utterly completely and unrestricted entirely

What do I desire?

Intimacy

Personal and pure passion between us

What do you crave?

Me

Rocking, pulsing, sucking, sighing, breathing, biting…us

I know what I want

You are what I want, sticky sweet dripping from my lips

 my fingertips …more of you… good.

I taste me- On you

 No I won’t share

Me with you

I want it all

These desires that make me do insatiable things

To your head…so go ahead

I am your illicit immoral indulgence.

Cravings…

Day 21- 30 for 30 [National Poetry Month--I dreamt]

I dreamt

Of betrayal last night
In the most intimate way
I saw you and him
Kissing
Clandestinely
While in plain sight
And maybe
The suspicions I had of you
Were just right
Maybe because you never held my hand
Maybe you never truly loved me
Because I was no man
But maybe I'm confused
Because some of the things you said
Had us grinding (yes in the nude)
And maybe I am mistaken
I mean maybe my vision is a little shaken
Maybe I am wrong
Because here you go
Singing another love song
Maybe that's not for me
Yes I know- it's a song about 'he' or him
or whatever you choose
That's not me...In this reality
As I wake up
I remember
It's just a dream?

I dreamt of betrayal last night

Day 20- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Take your time

Baby

Our love

Our time

has come

There is no rush

We have all night

Just for you

and me

This is just right

We are

More than a thought

More than simple Actions

More than intense Feelings...

More than We could handle

More for Us to want

Baby let me know

Baby take it slow

Intensely

Intimately

Intricately

Baby ummm

I love how you flow

Baby my body

Has acquiesced to your touch

She answers

Conversing cunningly with

Connected convulsions

Coming consistently

Capturing consciousness

Can't...Take our time

Baby

Our time

Our love

has come

Day 17- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Emotionally drained

From this life I am
living
These lies I am
telling
This constant
Sinning

So I say
I 'give' my time freely
But it definitely
Costs me
And the value of myself
Is something
I have yet to see

There is no salvation
When you constantly
Choose wrong
There is something to be said
About that devil
Playing my song

I have opened my heart
More times than I can count
Seems like all sorts
Of malice, evil and hurt
Have found me out.

So
I am
Sealing back up this heart
And pushing back down my soul
Maybe my savior will come
When I am in that six foot hole.

I am emotionally drained.

Day 18- 30 for 30 [National Poetry Month]

April 20. 1:19 am




Mommy
Why do you cry?
Why are there tears?
What does that mean?
Do you have fears?

Mommy...
Don't be sad.
Did I do something wrong?
What can I do to help you?
Maybe I can sing you a song?

I have all these questions
in my 3 Year old mind
Some of the words
I simply can't find

Maybe I was bad
Maybe it was dad
Maybe I should not have asked
For another story or another chance

Maybe you don't love me
As much as you say you do
Maybe I should have ate or eaten my vegetables

Mommy why do you cry?
Maybe I can help
I promise to put away my toys
Just don't bring out that belt

Mommy I am scared
Because I don't recognize your face
I know I hear you and daddy yelling
And then I heard a crash of that blue vase

Mommy can you hear me
Please wake up
You've been sleep for awhile
After you took all them pills from that cup

Mommy it's not fair
Mommy what did you do?
Mommy why did you leave me?
Mommy I still love you.