things we lost in the fire...

Last night as I was on the train reading this book motherless daughters by Hope Edelman and feeling all sorts of ways continually going thru this grieving process, in the midst of trying to figure out what to have for dinner and hoping that my car is on the right side of the street for NY alternate side parking rules, I get this phone call as I get out the subway station:

“Tash, there is a fire at the neighbors house, it is everywhere!!!
The neighbor’s house is completely gone!!!
They have evacuated the buildings grandma is outside here, everyone is outside, and no one is allowed back inside.
They have 3 trucks battling the blaze so I just wanted to let you know”

Yes this is the message I get from the brother as I get off the train already an emotional wreck (in his defense I am sure he didn’t know I was an emotional wreck already)

As my heart is racing and my eyesight is blurry and my hands are shaking and various crazy thoughts are racing thru my head (see: panic attacks) and I just had to pray.
As I got on the MTA (that is never going my way) it seemed as everything was moving in extra slow motion.
Like I know it typically takes 20 minutes to get home from train to door- but it seemed like an eternity and we appeared to catch every red light.
The bus was unusually cold, but I felt nothing (I know it was cold due to the complaints of the passengers on the bus).
Got off the bus to the throngs of people, mass of fire trucks (at least 12) and just the craziness of seeing it all were truly frightening.

Just thinking about the possibility of being without a place to live…

Everyone in that building is OK. Very distraught about the loss of everything, but thankfully their lives were ok.

I watched the end result of this:

• The news camera trying to get a glimpse of the persons who were clearly upset about their homes, possessions, safety and security all gone. The foolish kids being kids trying to get on camera, jumping around and thinking it is cool.
• My grandmother, who was born in Chicago, has this great fear/respect for fire sneaking back into the house, her comfort zone.
• People who lived on this block for 2 or more years finally being neighborly with each other.
• A few firefighters injured due to the breaking out of windows and smoke inhalation, but thankfully they will be ok.
• Weary firefighters doing a job they love to benefit and save others, I thanked them in person while I could think about it.

and thru all this

I thank God.