when i dream

When I dream I dream in color..
I want a love, not just a lover…
For some reason this song is in my head at this particular moment in time (sung by Regina Belle) and I feel it.

(here are the lyrics to the song in case you haven't heard it)
Tired of living life in black and white
There’s so much in between
Like a rainbow in the sky
Crying to be seen
When I open my eyes to find inspiration
I search for the best I can see
If I settle for less
I won’t be the best I can be
When I dream, I dream in color
I want a love, not just a lover
I’ll give you so many good reasons
To capture a dream…
Life is short, and can’t be bought,
Time is a very precious thing
I want to go to where I’ve never been
See what’s never been seen
In the midst of the morning
I won’t take for granted
There’ll always be another new day
Got to live for each moment
Never let time slip away
When I dream, I dream in color
I want a love, not just a lover
I’ll give you so many good reasons
To capture a dream…
If I was unaware, if I didn’t care
About people and places and things
How could I live a life full and satisfied
Not knowing how to dream
When I dream,I dream in color
I want a love, not just a lover
Show me a child who never has seen
A vision that shows what his life really means
I’ll give you so many good reasons
To capture a dream
A dream

O, I am feeling the fact that I sure am tired of living life in black and white.
I am tired of the shades of grey that I see daily and tread thru and still call it living.

I feel like I am crying to be seen…

I am tired of just existing and not feeling like I am living, where I can look back on my life and say, “see there, you did it <--whatever IT is. You did SOMETHING that made a difference that counts, that…”

Yeah I am tired of just being..

I don’t know, maybe it is just that time of the time of the month where I doubt, wonder and worry about every choice I have ever made and decide whether it was all even worth it.
Maybe because this past Friday I interviewed for this manager’s position here at my current place of employment and I wonder if I am good enough.
Now, if I wonder if I am good enough, how am I convincing someone that I am capable and qualified for the job and to hire me?
Am I am fulfilling my own self fulfilling prophecy- that I am not good enough so I am afraid to try because I think people can sense me not feeling good enough and then beating myself up for something I am doing to myself and the vicious cycle then repeats itself?
Am I that person?
Most days I am not, or I would like to think I am not.
Most days I am that person who rationalizes everything and still makes it work within the everyday living, and still manages to have fun doing all of it.
Most days I enjoy.
I used to enjoy.

I‘ll give you so many good reasons to capture a dream

I have so many dreams
I have so many dreams
I have so many dreams in so many colors…
I have so many dreams in so many colors that my brain is overflowing with thoughts

thoughts on how to make my dreams come true.