My conscious still carries me thru the random acts of un-kindness I try to pull. Remember how bro#1 ain't show up- and how mad I was (am) about that- yes still am mad at that. To be clear, I am over the whole move thing cause whatever I am moved in- there ain't no changing that. Those that were there were there (in whatever way they could and in whatever capacity they could). I am still mad- no really hurt- by his actions toward me making me feel insignificant and not worth it (his time I guess or his presence). And I ultimately allowed my value or my perception of my value and worth be diminished because of this action. So to be honest I am mad at me for feeling. Period. But anywho, skipping over all that, homeboy is in the hospital (since Wednesday) and #1 I haven't gone to see him. And #2 part of me is like "oh, so now you need ME, huh? So Now you would like someone to show up for you, huh? How does it feel to expect that of your sibling and..." You get the point. Well, my conscious is like "bitch please act like you were raised better than to be a petty ass person and be who you are- someone who still shows up irregardless of what the next persons actions or motives are."
You. Are. Better. Than. That.
Yeah yeah my conscious needs to go to hell sometimes...
But she has a way of annoying me, so I asked this person I have grown to trust their opinion (not that I have to follow said opinion it is just good to have other opinions- is what I told myself) turns out they kinda intelligent and kinda said they would show up and stay for like 10-15 minutes and move on their way-- by doing this they would be doing 'the right thing by family and all and still keeping my word to myself as who I claim to be (the person who is not like the others and is caring and stuff) and I can go about my business with a clean conscious.
And so, I am.
I did.
I showed up.
We chatted. His girl was there. We all chatted. I guess he was happy to see me. I stayed for an hour. I left. I guess people don't change, no matter how mad and evil and unkind I was trying to be to prove a point and whatnot.
To top it off it is bro #2 birthday. He is out with one of his partners in crime. Yay.
Smh.
I do hope I learn my lesson.
But she has a way of annoying me, so I asked this person I have grown to trust their opinion (not that I have to follow said opinion it is just good to have other opinions- is what I told myself) turns out they kinda intelligent and kinda said they would show up and stay for like 10-15 minutes and move on their way-- by doing this they would be doing 'the right thing by family and all and still keeping my word to myself as who I claim to be (the person who is not like the others and is caring and stuff) and I can go about my business with a clean conscious.
And so, I am.
I did.
I showed up.
We chatted. His girl was there. We all chatted. I guess he was happy to see me. I stayed for an hour. I left. I guess people don't change, no matter how mad and evil and unkind I was trying to be to prove a point and whatnot.
To top it off it is bro #2 birthday. He is out with one of his partners in crime. Yay.
Smh.
I do hope I learn my lesson.
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