Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Sense-less

Touch...

One of the six senses that most of us have developed and use... [yes I said six senses as some of us have developed a keen observation and use of the sixth sense - not in the "I see dead people way" but in the listening to your mind- precognition, recognition and intuition]. Some haven't developed that sixth sense yet- it's OK not everyone will. I will say it is a handy dandy tool to use in the ever-evolving tool box of life—I was saying something poignant here----- Touch.

Keep in mind I am constructing this in the most consensual, legal, allowed and wanted way- and am in NO WAY discussing inappropriate forms. Just had to state that but is should be obvious.

Yes, touch is one of the most vital senses because of the depth it (touch) involves. It involves you (obviously) and 'the object of desire' or ‘object of desired touch’.
Vague? Not really.
Sexual? Not really {well not really not without innuendo either}
Simple? This may be simple- as I use this touch screen of the iPhone to record these words here. Touching specific parts of this app phone will create the wondrous words I have written err typed.
You get the point.
There is like actual touch itself – like to touch oneself [mind our the gutter people!] Like when you correct your hair or scratch an itch- (itch a scratch?)…
Either way there is that. It is important – each one of these actions as it is necessary in your day.  Then there is the utmost vital touch of one human being to another- a helping hand or a lift.  A generous hug.  A miraculous joining of two.  Touching. Exploring. Feeling.  Those touches are needed, wanted, pivotal, good and great all in one.  Those touches excite, ignite and invigorate all other senses to numerous possibilities, and making you aware of
FEELING.
Yup, with touch goes feelings and the feelings that come along with touch. Visceral feelings of hot, cold, warm, wet. Affecting feelings of hurt, pain, happy, love, and satisfaction.
I maintain you can’t have one (touch) without the other (feelings); you cannot touch something and not feel. To be all literal, literally think about this in life- we touch/impact/ impart ourselves on people in may different ways, with our family and friends on deep, deeper levels and also with random strangers on the train hopefully not so deep levels- skeevy dudes back away from me please.  If you do not touch someone with your actions or your words or your being- then what impact are you (truly) having on this world?  What feelings are you bringing to this interaction?  If you do not have physical intimacy with someone (not sexual) but physical (like a hug, or a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold) how does that shape who you are and the amount of intimacy you are able to provide?  I know there are some studies out there that state holding, cuddling, and physical contact with babies helps soothe the baby thus making baby cry less, and ultimately helps them develop their own self-soothing techniques.  Interesting.  I know I have heard somewhere that this also forms attachment (ergo this is sometimes depicted on TV and film- admittedly not the most reliable sources of explanation- where adoptive mothers can not and do not hold the infant they will give up for fear of attachment and bond).
Touch is real. Thanks.
I was thinking about that having not been touched lately (in the physical way- gutter folks come back to the convo & rejoice). It is something that I have learned to live with, the non-physical human contact my life takes every day. Is that normal (a common question asked by myself to myself for myself). Is this something that I should be used to?<-- seriously I am waiting for the answers to this one.  How about a hug? Nope, I can not hug ____. (<---Seriously. It is too much. The emotions and feeling are too much in a G-D damned hug. Deep.)
Now babies & small children's, I can love, cuddle, hold, swaddle, and protect. I will quickly hold their hand, pick them up, make them feel loved and protected. That is something I know I am good at. [go with what you know, right? I know I nurture others.]  But back to what I don’t know [admittedly a lot].  I don’t know why I can maintain (and I do maintain) that there is no inkling of feeling for ___ but then when touched by him it is unbearable. That is SO NOT NORMAL. (My diagnosis, and considering I am the expert, right?)
What is a girl to do?
How do I seek out touch & feeling with out inviting touchy-feelings to happen?  I feel like a kid trying to walk- grabbing on to anything in my way trying to maintain balance and recognizing the thing in the palm of my hand only long enough to move me on to the next place of interest.
Anywho all that to say Touch is vital. Touch is important. Touch is necessary.
Remember that. and try not to touch me in the morning.

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