there is a certain relationship that little girls develop with their 'Daddy'...
honestly truth be told it is the first true love of a man in their life; and the kindness and unconditional love and unbiased support from this man truly can shape/ have influence on what type of woman you turn out to be (NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO IGNORE IT) *sidebar we are talking about the fathers that DO for their daughters, that parent and care and shield and protect*
so no matter how hard you try to ignore it; to ignore them and to be like 'i don't care, i don't have to listen to him, or he just doesn't understand me or he is just an asshole' in any of the interactions you have with your father... funny enough it was those interactions that may have helped you, molded you and made you the brilliant woman you are today... (everyone take a great laugh!)
NOW how am I going to spin that for a woman who lived 2/3 of her life up until now with out that love of a father?
there is nothing to spin there... most of the times i feel as if i am 'lacking' in some aspect...
as in... i constantly feel that i do not know how to properly deal with a man because i was never taught how... that is not to say i will accept any ole' shit out there because i do remember... I DO REMEMBER
and i so much am trying to hold on to the memories of my young girls heart...
memories of being daddy's little girl
a friend asked me today how do i feel... like am i sad or such?
honestly... i feel like it is a fact (how does one feel about facts these days?) like the sky is blue. the grass is sometimes green. we are in a recession. there is no arguing a fact no matter how i feel. it just is. that is how i feel today (just is...)
i do miss him.
wonder what type of woman i would be today if he were presently present in my life?? scary...
(i do understand those that love us never leave us and are always in our heart)
but i wonder...
to my father:
Melvin Sinclair Bean, Sr.
April 8, 1945--January 13, 1986
gone but never truly gone
i love you
Melvin Sinclair Bean, Sr.
April 8, 1945--January 13, 1986
gone but never truly gone
i love you
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