Coffee thought...

June 6 8:24 am

I have been thinking
Thinking a lot.
basically I've been really lost...
In my thoughts about the people in my life.
The people that I love.
There is a certain 'knowingness' that comes with the amount of observation and conversation and connection that I have/ make with people. And with this I have come to the following conclusions:

You cannot change someone. 
No matter how much you want to/ no matter how much you work with them/ no how much you love and support them- you cannot change them. 
They are who they are- completely. 
And at this juncture- once you realize that YOU need to make the adjustments to either keep them in your life accepting them as is OR part ways as best as possible and be thankful for the lessons learned (hopefully) on both parts and choose differently next time.

I watch my brothers in relationships with women who may or may not be the best for them (I mean really who am I to tell?) I watch one support the other literally financially but emotionally? Spiritually? It is very odd to watch their love (in comparison to A- the love I don't have and B- the love I think I would have with a significant other and C- the love I want to have). I don't know I would or could have made the choices they made around each other (because it wasn't with each other/ it wasn't collaborative/ it wasn't a dynamic duo-partner in crime- you got my back type of thing).
I always say- she must do something for him as well as he must do something for her in order to keep this up this far and this long. And I have always said that love is differently for different people and different strokes for different folks, right? But the gall...

The other brother- we just had a long conversations about his lady and the 'not safe' feelings he has around her. Now, for a 6 foot black man to feel unsafe there are a few things that would be present- white robes typically are one of em/ but a smaller Latina woman/ not so much (no offense to my lil Latina sisters out there). When someone throws stuff at you and yells at you and berates you that is not the place to be. That is not something I expect women or men to put up with. It happened with the other bro and the wife and it took him what 3 years to realize that is not OK. 3 year...NOT OK!!!!
I'm sorry but that is not OK. But back to the other one, he is having such issues with his woman that I had to ask- what do you want from this relationship?_______ Are you getting that? _______ what are you doing in the relationship to get what you want? Manipulation? Deceit? Lies? Hurt? Where is the love man, where is the partnership? Where is the shit that all them singers be singing about being in love?  Working together... Knowing the other... Making it work... Committing to it... Actively choosing it...I mean I pray that they are getting what they need/ want/ desire from these loves (mainly love pure and simple) but I don't know. I can't call it based on the discussions they are discussing with me. And while they are discussing with me I am wondering how am I suppose to listen to them. How am I supposed to counsel or advise them. How can I truthfully understand what they are going thru and not judge all the way and not condemn and not...
But it ain't about me.
I am clear on that thru my thoughts.
And my thinking.
It ain't about me.
I remember years ago I used to have a signature on text messages and sign my emails with just love.
I think how ironic that is.
that's all...