Why am I just tired and tired and tired. And a bit despondent but tired…despondent about just you know thinking about life-- grandma was chatting with me yesterday about ***** and how she is such a pretty woman and look at how that dude did her dirty and so that makes friend A( more than 1x divorcee), friend #2 (a decade of relationship ends up in abuse then marriage then possible divorce), friend#3 (10 yr marriage & freakin 3 yrs separated still)… and grandma's instances was like see what I tell you there are no good men out there.
I respond so #1- there are no good men out there so am i supposed to suck it up and stop wanting something that there aint any good out there for me? i continue to tell her that I believe there is someone out there (ala fivel) and I am defending a position that quite frankly I am not sure I whole heartily believe in at this point. then she was like look around you... your brother- he found someone & look at James he is never for lack of someone’s (LOL) and in her opinion MY problem is that THAT other boy should have chosen me -thanks grandma for your words o' wisdom-but i left it like OK whatever but am replaying it in my head
i want to believe that Not everyone in the world can be a fuck up
well the odds are not in that favor it seems but i mean it is kinda like which one do i want to be right about? i would love for my ideal man to come on up and prove me wrong (as much as i love to be wrong, no?) or being right about being alone and there is no good man out there eh this is why i am despondent..and i know I go through this every so often
i do cause nothing has changed i guarantee if something changes i won’t go thru this but possibly another version of something ... right and that took time it wasn’t straight out the box my issue is this-- i am still the only common denominator in this oneness…and that speaks to me ==- cause it is basically like saying if everyone else around u can find someone all be it someone f'd up or great for them and you cant even accomplish THAT...dude... and not for nothing even with friend #8 at times has at least 1 dude willing to cheat on his wife with she (blatantly) and another one wanting to touch her all up- now... are these the fine examples of quality men i am looking for- nope but i mean you know what i am saying so it sounds like a broken record so whatever.
whatever is the key word of my rant today.
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