Something that is not at all ok to say or have when you are trying to 'not make any sudden movements' around the players of your life and keep everyone at a safe distance. I truly am good at making sure all these walls I have built up are firmly and securely in place (lest my crazy come running out full speed ahead) and yet sometimes even when I am not aware I get comfortable and whams there that crazy goes spilling all over the place- uninvited and uncomfortable- and I'm sorry. Truly I am sorry. I am sorry because this is not something you asked for or signed up for and my verbal diarrhea is not something I expect anyone to handle or manage - which is why I keep it together, right? And it is not something that you wanted to know- NO - I am not something that you wanted to know SO Now what?
How do I clean up the mess (of me) that I made and keep you away from seeing it? How do maintain the carefully placed meticulously calculated relationship and not get messed up? How do I ask you to figuratively hold my hair whilst I make this mess and please don't judge me because I am human and flawed too- just how do I take back the truths you saw and the words I said and the thoughts that run rampant in my head...
Just how...
this is not ok.
that's all...
No comments:
Post a Comment