Quarantine Day #78 [COVID_19]

In case you were wondering what is happening in the world... we are still under quarantine especially in NYC where we are hard hit with this virus. Today, the US death toll due to the virus has topped 100,000 - which is a very tragic milestone. It has been 2 months and 17 days of indoors total for me. Not that I haven't been outside at all... but listen...I have been diligently #socialdistancing or #physicaldistancing for the most part. Been working from home every damn day and it is harder than it actually looks. Things that I have found out about myself while home:

• I have not bought another office chair, therefore my ass still hurts in this small assed one (pun intended). 
• I did purchase a new desk and played Bean the builder putting it together over 2 days and many curse words later. I mean the shit is snazzy now, but them 2 days of construction were about to be the downfall of me. Mama I made it! But dammit. 
  
• Because I got a bigger desk, I had to relocate my crafts. Moved everything over to the closet area.

• And because I am a glutton for punishment I then decided to purchase and put together a corner bookshelf. Yeah, I did that to myself, however that was a quick and easy job.

• One would think that without all the outsideness that I would be saving a shit-ton of money. LIES! Apparently, I have a new fascination with Amazon and eveything else that will deliver to my house. Go figure! #1 on my list is jewelry and I have been buying mad bracelets and necklaces in hopes I can be adorned when outside opens up again. 
• Speaking of outside not opening up, my trips this year are all cancelled. Meaning no Bermuda, no Nebraska (conference), no Florida to visit my good sis Sparkles & no Vegas! UGH do you know what a no blue water summer will do to me? I am not interested in finding out. 

I am trying to keep this part of my life together along with all the other things. 

Just keep a sis in your prayers and the world at large. 

that's all...

how I spent part of the summer

What I did on [part] of my summer vacation...

What do you do when you live in the greatest city in the world?

Well, how I spent my summer vacation was enjoying New York via a staycation.

New York is the place to be, with the food, culture, sights, and  did I mention food- 

there are numerous opportunities to enjoy the vast offerings of New York, 

and of course the amazing views!

Georgetown cupcakes! yummy and delicious ;)

Hanging at Lincoln Center Jazz listening to live Jazz Music

Views on the Hudson

Freedom Tower

Sunset- God's Beauty

Times Square- a NYC must do!

I love NY

Are you kidding

This Presidency is a mockery of justice and equity and all the progress that has been made thru the years. Because with the craziness of the world we need this too? Absurdity at it's core. This administration needs to focus on it's efforts of progressing the nation as a whole. 

Pray for us. 

that's all...

Just wrong...

So, as I am scrolling thru the wonderful world of social media (full sarcasm in effect here) I come across HGTV. No, when I paid for cable, my TV gladly stayed on HGTV with all of the wonderful offerings (such as House Hunters, House Hunters International, Property Brothers, and every other decorative house buying creative design-on-a-dime show you can handle). I loved watching some of their things and really inspired me (at times) to create, reuse, paint outside the lines etc.
Well, the lovely folks for the HGTV web presence have lost their ever loving mind-- as they made lovely stalks of cotton to decorate your home with-- as in these bunion lickers ass wipes actually took cotton balls and stuck them on God-damned branches to recreate the 'good ole southern décor' and you too can have real lives cotton as decoration in your house.
pause.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
Someone needs to get fired- matter of fact the whole Goddamned design team needs a permanent vacation.
Hell, I get a little twinge every time I use cotton balls in the house for my makeup and manicures
I screen captured some of the 'wonderful comments' and visuals that I could before logging off and trying to get some sleep-- this is why my ass should not be social media-ing while trying to go to sleep.
But I assure you this should not be where the world is headed
and it is all ya'lls  presidents fault. [the Orange one...not my Barak]
And on another note...
when is symbols of oppression decorative art? Confederate flag? Mammy dolls? Cotton picking cotton?
I know I will have to revisit this more to understand the symbolism of some of the items out there (like the mammy doll or the lawn jockey) but until then I wish someone would be like oooh let's make some cotton for decorative purposes...

coffee thought...

Coffee thought...

Left work at 10:30 this evening.
There is always work to be done and more to do. Fun time in the OFA world when you are switching teams and all of the responsibilities that goes with it. Or that you asked for it. And it was sold to you in a crack pipe of accolades and praise.
Eh.
Maybe tomorrow.
that's all...

Oh side note:
Watched President Obama give his farewell speech today. This signifies an end of an era and truly a historic time in this Nation that had promise and growth and challenge and successes. Now... here are the real obstacles with the current elected person to our office. It is not at all anything funny and pretty messed up to see what human beings voted to run what was/ is the 'greatest nation' around. Right now- we are beyond the laughing stock of this world and something that is truly not funny.
We shall see how HOW we all survive this next 4 years- like I was telling a fellow #nobehaviorcrew member that is is like High school or college where you may hate hate hate it but you got 4 years here and have to stick it out. That is what we gonna have to do. Hardcore. Everyday. Strive for better. Never make the same mistake. Change the system. Break the broken system. Fight for social justice and make our voices heard. Yes, by any means necessary. By all means necessary.
As Mr. President Barack Obama said
Yes we can
Yes we did

Ok that's all...

18 of them not bad..

Put "Yes" by the states you have been to...

The average is 8 for Americans. 

How do you match up?... not too bad

Alabama-

Alaska  

Arizona -

Arkansas 

California- yes

Colorado 

Connecticut - yes

Delaware - yes

Florida--yes

Georgia- yes

Hawaii  

Idaho  

Illinois -

Indiana-

Iowa  

Kansas -

Kentucky -

Louisiana - yes

Maine -

Maryland - yes

Massachusetts- yes

Michigan - 

Minnesota-

Mississippi--  

Missouri - 

Montana

Nebraska  

Nevada - yes  

New Hampshire -

New Jersey - yes

New Mexico -  

New York- yes

North Carolina - yes

North Dakota  

Ohio -

Oklahoma

Oregon  

Pennsylvania - yes

Rhode Island- yes

South Carolina- yes

South Dakota  

Tennessee - 

Texas-

Utah 

Vermont-

Virginia - yes

Washington State - 

Washington DC - yes

West Virginia - yes

Wisconsin - 

Wyoming

18 of them- not bad. 

I am almost semi well traveled

 (well not really...

 and not at all in them mid or red states because... 

well look at who is going to follow up 

President Barack Obama).

Time to fire up the airplane miles...

coffee thought... VOTE!

coffee thought 💭 

Today is Election Day here in the USA 🇺🇸 and we are caught between Donald trump and Hillary Clinton. Now- I have not written anything about this upcoming election for a few reasons- specifically but not just limited to the nastiest vitriol that had been being spewed by the Donald. He went so far in one of the debates to call mrs Clinton a nasty woman. Now - they used to be friends- if not friends then cordial or human towards one another. At this time- he is actin like a petulant child 👶🏽 that needs to get beat. As in pick your own switch from off the road and beaten way. I am currently on my way to vote in this election- possibly seeing the first Woman president of these here United States. Imagine that... 8 years ago we elected the first African American president and we (America) are being all 'progressive' and what not. We shall see who knows...
But I'm with her...

that's all...

Something happened...

That fateful day 15 years ago
something utterly tragic
happened.
And we were witness.
Everyone has a story.
Never forget- they say...
No one can forget.
But throughout the days that followed
the images that permanently scar our memory
And the terror that is ever present
We have to acknowledge
the way the world changed.
We changed
Every single one of us
For generations to come
Has been changed by this day
Forever in our hearts
Our minds
Our words
And CG was born
To my family
My fellow wordsmiths
keep using your voice
Keep Tasting the ketchup
And Spitting venom
While Lost in Mental Fornication
Just keep being...
CG..

(Patience/ Risk/ Why/ Handsome)

Patience / Risk/ Why/  handsome 

There are some things worth waiting for 

And they also say

Some things worth risking it all for

And 

There are some questions that are never answered 

By you 

So

...something that I have never had much of 

Is Patience 

they say patience is a virtue

And because there are other virtues that are move valued- 

Such as drive / ambition/ success/ accomplishments

Patience is one I  have never had a use for...

It is something that just didn't suit me 

at times

But now, 

I am lost 

Trying to figure out how to feel

Trying to patiently wait

Trying to understand how you feel

Wait

Do you feel?

This?

After all I am preparing to risk 

Why am I so...

Crazy

Unhinged 

Mad

Raving

About the thoughts that I thought of you 

And the thoughts that I thought that you thought

And the thoughts that you thought 

Are keeping me up

Lessening the sleep that I already don't get

To mere minutes spent wondering 

Thinking 

Contemplating 

Conspiring

Listening... 

To these thoughts 

In my minds eye 

the most perfect way 

this could be 

would end these doubts and misery- sometimes my mind goes

 to this perfect place 

where 

we 

choose

Us

and are handsomely rewarded 

With love like air

easy and freeing

palpable 

tangible

Real

Here 

But 

since this is reality 

and my patience 

is wearing thin 

to nonexistent 

and my heart 

is asking why 

and my body 

is shouting 

take the risk 

and my mind 

is saying, 

slow down handsome... 

Time will tell

Time does tell 

on you

And 

This time has come 

To set my heart free

I choose

And this is how it has to be

Mainly for my sanity

Waiting Patiently for my freedoms 

For my breath to come back

Again

For my nights to be mine again

For my heart

To beat

Again

Patiently...

Waiting...

For...

coffee thought...

Back to work after a lovely weekend trip. One of them 'escape the world' specials that i can do- drove to Canada to see Niagara Falls considering I have always wanted to see them and two I have never seen them it was my civic duty to drive up there and cross the border and take a look.


Day 1- My road buddy this time was TRS as she got the hotel room on lock. So I drove. And drive. And drives some more. We talked about a lot of things and when I say we talk about a lot of things specifically love and lost and the loves we lost and the crazy men that we loved who were really boys in men's suits it is really enlightened as to what we discover about the truths we are holding on to about love. Or love we thought we had. One of the pivotal thoughts that came across Is the love we thought we deserved (individual of the love we shared with these men- such as emotional, physical, spiritual and otherwise). At any point in the equation was that ever received or was that just perceived by what I thought I was getting- which I maintain is not love cause from what I heard love don't hurt you like that (also love don't cost a thing and love don't live here anymore but I digress).

somewhere over the double rainbow

As we (I) drove we stopped a couple of times at random NY rest stops and even saw a double rainbow so clear and pronounced. It was amazing.

A we approached the Canadian border it was time for the passports to be produced and I was like ok no prob- we Americans so yay! Dude was all about to shoot me down like where you going and how long you staying and why you staying so far from the falls and do you have any firearms, knives, mace, pepper spray or other contraband? I was like shoot should I, it's just Canada? After all the questioning, I was sweating and felt like I done stole something. Sheesh. But then the real fun began as the speed limit immediately turned into kilometers and motherf* I can't read kilometers and I am horrible in math. Brief panic set full fledged panic set in as I am driving cause who trying to get a speeding or non speeding ticket and how much is that in American dollars?   Anywho, we made it (cause I had to pull over, call AT&T and inform them I am abroad and please don't shut off my phone) for the GPS to continue to work and then kept a driving. We found the hotel and then went out for the evening. FYI Canada is cold as fluck. Overall. Really cold as we are north. 

me+drink=happy place

We ate some fine food and then had a drink or two and headed back to the hotel room.

Day 2- we get up to a continental breakfast and successfully found other black people to chat briefly to. We knew our plan was to head to Niagara Falls and figured have GPS will travel. We did ask them for directions and found it was like 49 minutes away (back towards NY) but hey we go where the cheap rates are. We drove and found parking in a lot and walked around. Got a ticket to see the view of the falls from a space needle vantage point and the amazing GOD beauty that was the colors of the leaves was truly awesome. There are no other words for that.

view from the top

We also took a few pictures cause you know your girl had to and even saw some glass blowing (reminiscent of Chiully). Then we walked thru this part where we saw some Canadian geese (or are they just geese since we are already in Canada??) and some maple leaves which were cool.

duck duck duck Canadian goose?

We ran across some dinosaurs (no lie!) and thoroughly looked at the souvenirs- you know I have a magnet collection going.



Jurassic Park- not

Anywho the beauty of nature and the falls had me (a simple island Bronx girl) in awe of God's awesome wondererousness (my word).

Canadian Selfie!

As we approached the falls and you hear the loudness of them and the mist from the falls is rising to the sky I am transported back to before this was a populated tourist attraction and thinking about what the original inhabitants must have thought- to harness this power? To respect and cherish this natural resource? Just beauty. And then I think about natural erosion and how things happen in the world. Crazy. 

#lifeofabean

So we stop and get another good Canadian meal and throughly enjoy the day. Taking with TRS about life and decisions and choices and what's next and lives lost and loves lost- you know my mind was racing. And then, just thinking about the things I thought I would be doing approaching my fourth decade on this earth, and not entirely unaccomplished and not entirely accomplished in everything that I wanted to do (and every person I wanted to do... but I'll save that for the not PG version) and I am like well damn, isn't this something. And as my impulsive nature can get to me I decide to sign up for the GRE so I can apply for the EdD and then possibly make this thing (career) a bigger thing (vocation? extremely profitable career? opportunity for growth and movement in my career? movement to another location in the lower states career?) I dunno...but $175 USD is off the credit card and there is no turning back (application due by 12/1)...so what did I learn? Internationally my insomnia takes on a Canadian accent just FYI...

We even ordered Canadian Chinese food- and mental note I happen to love my hood spots.

Day 3-  When it was time to leave the next day, we enjoyed continental breakfast again (yay!) and headed home. 

legit snow. no thank you

Now, as we were driving and before we crossed into the upstate NY area the skies got hella gray and would you believe it started snowing! Like legit snow flakes. Yes it is Canada. Yes it is north. Yes it is anytime after June 1- but dammit I was so not ready for snow. And the folks on the road weren't ready as well. There was a bunch of sliding things happening that made me slightly afraid. But the Lord (and his gift of superior driving skills)...

Anywho We stopped in duty free and believe you me I almost lost my damn mind. Crossing the border and going thru customs was an experience. Welcome to NY with that attitude as well.

Got home and all in all spontaneous road trips are all thumbs up for me!

Next time my visit will include getting on the boat (maiden of the mist) and even walking under the falls! Maybe even a male partner of mine so there can be some International love (cause I am all about the international relations) I crack me up!

that's all...

coffee thought ...

Thinking about numbers in life- today being 9/11 and all.

This number is etched permanently in my brain- 

just like some of the other numbers of importance in my life:

5/23

16

4/08

1/13

8/25

4/05

10/23

3

0

These numbers do not mean anything to most people

 but have very significant meanings to me.

 But back to the original number I am mentioning today-

 many years ago

 people's lives were changed drastically on this date. 

Everyone remembers where they were

 and what they were doing 

and who they were living with 

and who they were loving with

and when the Towers fell

everyone remembered how they were getting home

and who they were looking for 

and what emotions were being felt

and who was missing

and who was never found

and what was never said

 and many things like that. 

Many people made dramatic choices as a result of that day- 

there were a few weddings and life changing plans because of it all--

 and this is not to say that these events would not have eventually happened- 

it is just that when you see destruction and tragedy at hand

one tends to revis their own mortality and place in the world.

So with all that being said...

 What have we accomplished since then?

 Individually

 and as a whole nation

 what has been done to uplift and advance this society? 

What have we done to bring us all together

 in a way that was prevalent that day

 (and yes people tend to bond over tragedies...

and there were a fair few directives and initiatives made

 and some resolute actions are decided on

 because of the emotions of the time...)

What have we gained since then? 

Not only physically

 but spiritually and emotionally

 and just what are we doing?

As a whole, I have no clue anymore

 I used to have a fuller broader and wider breath of emotions to spare for the world 

for all humanity 

however when I have nothing left for me

 I have nothing left to give.

All those number mean something to me.

 Important.

Of Importance.

but what do they add up to?

that's all...

Of course sexism exists

Tonight I was dining with the younger brother/ basically he was able to meet me at work after what turned out to be a difficult day and we decided to go to dinner. We went to one of my favorite diners and proceeded to have a light dinner. Apparently what he was able to eat would carry him for 2 days since he had leftovers so that is something. Anywho to get to the point of this blog- the kind waiter dude put the check for the table (after I asked for the check) he placed the check in front of bro. Now, I guess one could assume the man is out with a woman who looks stunning and he is paying for her. Once could even assume that. But no, it just simply siblings sharing a meal. Ok. I pay (because let's face it- I pay) and hand dude the check. He proceeds to bring back the change and hands it directly to the brother. Now my brother is typically the misogynist and rants on men vs women all the time. He was actually shocked and appalled that the dude completely ignored the clues that he was not paying thru the whole interaction and I think it is not hilarious but sad that one cannot view a woman as capable of equally contributing to her meal or the meal of a dude. Just pure sexist assuming all around. Tsk tsk tsk.

I won't

I won't
Relive the day
or the tragedies that followed
Because I would have done that
over and over again
for the many years to follow
Still...
I won't relive the hurt
and the sorrow that occurred
Because those things never truly go away,
now do they?
I won't relive the heroism
because in direct relation to that heroism
is the constant threat and fear
we stay in.
Orange level alerts and
high terror threats
are no way
to live life.
I won't relive the promises made
Because even those
were buried away
when the dust that settled
Never spoken of again
Mysterious.
I will remember
I won't
ever forget.

9/11

Heartbroken...

I have been struggling to write for the past couple of evenings for a myriad of reasons- all of them outside forces threatening my inner peace (and granted no one can disrupt your peace unless you allow them) but the senseless killing of Michael Brown- an unarmed teen in Ferguson, Mo. is very upsetting and the actions by the authorities are deplorable. Another young black male whose life was deemed 'not valid enough' by some officer of the law. Another young black man whose potential and life will never be realized. Another young black man whose parents have to bury him and then seek answers & justice (Ha!) in a system that is designed for us never to prevail. Never to have a piece of peace. Why? I mean there is never an answer to this question or any of the other questions that I have so why bother....

Sigh

But I still pray. 

(Picture is of current protests in Times Sq, NY) 

Day 28- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Day 28: 4:32 pm

To the sexy air traffic control dude

YESSSS signal the plane!

Signal the plane!

Thank you sir for signaling de plane!

 

 

coffee thought...

i have a dream...

coffee thought...

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it were Sunday
'Cause that's my fun day
My I don't have to run day
It's just another manic Monday

Have to catch an early train
Got to be to work by nine
And if I had an aeroplane
I still couldn't make it on time
'Cause it takes me so long just to figure out what I'm gonna wear
Blame it on the train
But the boss is already there- Bengals song sometime in the 80's

Sounds like my typical thoughts on a Monday morning except I do NOT wish it were a Sunday because on Sunday I have a case of the 'oh-gosh-it-is-almost-Monday' blues.
Oh, and since  I was ever so budgety, I have my French vanilla creamer in the fridge therefore I have my coffee in the house! all on the cheap (for now).

and another thought on this Monday, is the impending birth of the future Monarch of the UK. Considering Bermuda is still firmly in their grasp this birth will have some impact on their future rulings... all in all babies are cool.

that's all...

Coffee thought...

Coffee thought...

The verdict is in
George Zimmerman was found not guilty for 'murdering' Trayvon Martin on Saturday after a 13 day trial. Many many folks are upset at this verdict and chant 'no justice no peace ' like people are actually listening to their voices rather than being preoccupied by the vessel that chant is coming from. No matter what folks say (black POTUS and all) we are forever engrained and enfranchised with a very racist and real society that devalues the sight, sound, presence, actions and achievement of the black man. when the messages consistently degrade your life and when. I can't thus early. I need some deep java. .. And can someone tell me exactly when no justice no peace has that been followed to an effective outcome. I mean it sounds good and all but really?


Sent from my iPhone

12.14.12

Innocence is taken, shattered forever.
I must say a prayer for all of the victims of violence
particulary when it is violence against children it is heartwrenching.
There are no 'good' words to say
This too shall pass

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

google doodle in red white & blue- they know it counts!

It is that time of year-- well every 4 years to be exact.. that time to elect an official to represent these here United States of America. I have been decidedly quiet on the topic(s) of our candidates because apparently everyone and their momma has an opinion (or 12) and some opinions are stated very loud & strong and then loud, strong and wrong for others to hear.. so I figure in these last couple of weeks/months of campaigning if you don't know who you are voting for or why your voice is imperative to be heard.. I gots nothing for ya. In the interim, enjoy a google doodle and a pic of my political nails (really midnight cami blue by essie & some 3d glitter for party time effect). This is gonna be a real nail biter for real!