Toni Morrison

Toni Morrison



Sadly we lost an icon of an amazing writer and a Black woman who wrote of the experience of Black people- spoke for Black Woman and just eloquently opened my mind up to the ways I can be allowed to express myself.
The fact that I feel allowed to express myself in the manner I do- sometimes fully, Sometimes not at all, sometimes too much sometimes not enough - the fact I can write all those things is a testimony to her paving the way and being.
I am eternally grateful for all the Black women writers who kicked down doors and showed us the way to go.
Thank you

coffee thought...

hmmm

Old words...same thoughts

And the words remain the same 

And the thoughts remain the same 

And it is still 

The same 

I guess

I guess
You'll never know
How much this hurts me
But
This isn't about me
It's
You
And
I guess
You'll never know
How much I
...
But I guess
It doesn't matter
It isn't important
It is just
What it isn't
And
I guess
You'll never know
How much I
Wanted to tell you
Wanted to
You
...
But
Like I mentioned
It isn't about me
It's
You
And I guess...

Poem of the day...

Ellipses
(...)
* to be continued...
* to say what needs not be said...
* to imply how sly I really can be (don't trust everything you read...)

So with that being said
I challenge you to fill in the blanks...
Make me understand
Your whole being...
Make me comply
At the meet of my thighs...
Make me answer
The question of your tongues...
You and me
Don't you see
Go on and on
In ecstasy
(...)

coffee thought...

random non-sensical poetry that is easily something I don't understand

I just wish that understand came as easily as breathing.

I just wish that if you say something, like we good you mean it.

I just wish that your actions matched up with your words

Actually I wished your words were more true.

At any rate I wish I never trusted...

No that's a lie

I can't take back the overall amount of good you have been 

just because of this

So with all this...

I wish that you understand what I mean to say

And I wish  you understood what you mean to me

And I wish I understood what I mean to say

And I wish I understood what this means to me

{30 for 30} - day 25

{30 for 30} - day 25

It seems as if
The stars are brighter
And the air is clearer
And the world is
Just a more better place
Because of...

And it seems as if
I can breathe deeper
See clearer
Feel morer
Because of...

And it seems as if
I can hear better
Sing louder
Love harder
Because of...

Yeah
It seems as if...

Dreams {30 for 30- day15}

Dreams

My body is tired
my mind is weary
From worry
worrying
about the
Things I want

Like I still want you
And as Sade said
I want you
to want me too

But I have learned
that
my dreams betray me
I can no longer
sleep at nights.
I seek solace
and comfort
yet all I encounter
are rest less nights.
restless nights.

And the terrors
I have
At night
Trembling
Tears
Trying
to understand

How my dreams
Have turned to
Nightmares
And how my
Mindless behavior
Subconsciously
Sabotages my soul
Spoiling my Spirit

My body is tired
my mind is weary
From worrying
about my dreams
Coming true

coffee thought...{30 for 30 ~ day 13}

What would you risk for love?

At this juncture in my life
I feel there is nothing greater than love therefore the risk should be just as equal- but on both sides
I know me- I risk my being for the love of someone else {but not just any love because my love ain't any old love}
I risk everything, everything you hear me for love- my comfort zone, my safety net, my facade is removed and my core is revealed. My truth you know.
I am vulnerable.

Exposed. 

Fragile. 

Hoping that if my love sees all this they would still want me
choose me
Love me.
So, what would you risk for love?
So far, I risk me.

that's all...

Loving you {30 for 30- day 9}

Loving you

Is like pouring water

into a closed bottle.

A closed and empty bottle. 

I am pouring and pouring 

and realize

After some time 

That this task is useless

That I am wasting this water 

On this empty vessel

You. 

And I should stop. 

I should not waste 

my water on you 

I should not continue 

To nourish

Feed

Sustain

Cherish

Enhance

Care for

Maintain

Entertain 

You

I'll save my water

For someone 

Who truly 

Appreciates

The wonderful benefits

Of 

My water. 

{30 for 30 ~ day 8}

There are

Some days

Where I

Wish my

Silence was

Visible for

You to

See

Because

On those

Days I

Tend to

Speak louder

Than I

Need to

So that

I can

Confuse you

And then

You won't

Hear my

Deafening cries

Something {30 for 30- day 7}

Was it something
That was done or
was it something I said?
Your actions
My reactions
The silence
The anger
The thoughts of what we had
Not what we have
Maybe it was because
I no longer accepted the lies
And maybe it was because
You didn't even try
But
Definitely because You know
I knew
That I am not the only one
loving you
So
Maybe it was because
It was something I done did
Guess that's this life
And this choice I will no longer have to live.

6 words {30 for 30- day 6}

6 words


I opened
My eyes
For you.

In your voice
I hear truth

In your arms
My soul rests

In your heart
My heart beats

In your words
I know love

It's amazing
How you
Love me

You opened
Your eyes
For me

I need to... {30 for 30~ day 4}

I need to

Remember to love myself

I need to

remember when I am looking outside

for validation or justification

I need to look within.

I need to

remember when I need empathy

to first grant that to myself.

I need to

remember that I cannot expect

anyone to understand

exactly what it feels like

to be me

at this very moment -

so they cannot support

or sympathize with what I am feeling.

I need to

remember that I am ok.

Just breathe.

I need to

remember that this too shall pass.

I need to

remember why

I need to remember...

I wanted... {30 for 30~ day 3}

I wanted
To be beauty in your eyes
I wanted
To be passion in your thighs
I wanted
To be eloquence on your tongue
I wanted
To be intelligence and the one.
I wanted to be desired by your lips
I wanted
To be inspired by your quips
I wanted
To be amazed by your Hips
I wanted
to be and loved
I wanted
To be mattered and deserved
Above all I wanted to be heard.
I wanted
To care
I wanted
you to dare
I wanted
You

You happen to be {30 for 30- day 2}

You happen to be
My dreams come true
And you happen to be
Real and tangible
And you happen to be
All the things I said I wanted
And you happen to be
Not deterred or daunted
And you happen to be
Sure of what this is
And happen to be
Secure in all you give
And you happen to be
In love with all of me
And you happen to be
Waiting patiently
You happen to be
Loved by me
Just
happen
to be...

Fool- 30 for 30

Fool

Maybe I'm the fool

For believing in you

Maybe the things you said

All those things

fooled me 

all the time

and maybe

It is at this time

that I regret to inform you

I am no longer a willing participant

in this game we play

I am no longer willing to suit up

Put on all my protective gear

(And Guard my heart most of all)

Against the opposition of you.

i need a more worthy opponent

one that is fair in battle

but then again 

maybe I'm the fool

I hate...poem of the evening

I hate

How I give you pieces of me

And watch you fumble

to hold them all

Unsure of where to put them

Unaware of where I belong 

Because

I am heavy

And

Messy

And

A lot

And

Too much

And

Imperfect

And

Complicated

And

Scared

And so I give you

Pieces of me

And watch you as you

Attempt to

See me

And understand me

And are possibly ashamed

To touch

But you never touch

And feel

And I am left in pieces

Right here

So after I give you pieces of me

And I see you

Struggle

To

Just

Have

A

Piece

Of

Me

I

I want them back

I want me back

I try to take them back

I want me back

I want to

To lessen the burden

Of me 

And I

Hope

Truly hope

you won't fail

Me

And I

hope I don't fall

Cause look at me... 

Trying to put all my pieces

Back into their

convenient hiding places

Because

Exposed

I am vulnerable

Exposed

I am liable

Exposed

I am hurt

Exposed

I am not what you want

Exposed

I am not what you can handle

But a part

In part

I love those pieces of me

Someday...

my love will say

and I will know

and trust

and love 

until then

i cry to the stars

and let the moonlight 

dance on my tears

that's all...

coffee thought...

Coffee thought

I sit and wonder is it worth it?

I am trying to be

The best person I can be

I am helpful

Sympathetic

Empathetic

I am funny

Sarcastic

Intelligent

Hell, I'm a charming motherfucker.

But I am just

Not

Enough