Quarantine Day #78 [COVID_19]

In case you were wondering what is happening in the world... we are still under quarantine especially in NYC where we are hard hit with this virus. Today, the US death toll due to the virus has topped 100,000 - which is a very tragic milestone. It has been 2 months and 17 days of indoors total for me. Not that I haven't been outside at all... but listen...I have been diligently #socialdistancing or #physicaldistancing for the most part. Been working from home every damn day and it is harder than it actually looks. Things that I have found out about myself while home:

• I have not bought another office chair, therefore my ass still hurts in this small assed one (pun intended). 
• I did purchase a new desk and played Bean the builder putting it together over 2 days and many curse words later. I mean the shit is snazzy now, but them 2 days of construction were about to be the downfall of me. Mama I made it! But dammit. 
  
• Because I got a bigger desk, I had to relocate my crafts. Moved everything over to the closet area.

• And because I am a glutton for punishment I then decided to purchase and put together a corner bookshelf. Yeah, I did that to myself, however that was a quick and easy job.

• One would think that without all the outsideness that I would be saving a shit-ton of money. LIES! Apparently, I have a new fascination with Amazon and eveything else that will deliver to my house. Go figure! #1 on my list is jewelry and I have been buying mad bracelets and necklaces in hopes I can be adorned when outside opens up again. 
• Speaking of outside not opening up, my trips this year are all cancelled. Meaning no Bermuda, no Nebraska (conference), no Florida to visit my good sis Sparkles & no Vegas! UGH do you know what a no blue water summer will do to me? I am not interested in finding out. 

I am trying to keep this part of my life together along with all the other things. 

Just keep a sis in your prayers and the world at large. 

that's all...

coffee thought...

So I took this quiz and it is surprisingly accurate for 1:30 pm in the afternoon?
I guess I should find some other words to associate with...
that's all...

coffee thought...

Thinking and singing at work today as I work hard and drink the coffee

[but it is not hard work drinking this coffee here]

and I am

SINGING ALOUD

in my office.

who does that?

ME

as I am feeling this song and the potential for love just swept over me for

no particular reason,

but just FYI I love this song, and the words,

 and the sentiment of someone singing this to me.

One day, it will happen... I claim it!

Give it a listen-- lyrics below

Knocks Me Off My Feet

Stevie Wonder

I see us in the park
Strolling the summer days of imaginings in my head
And words from our hearts
Told only to the wind felt even without being said
I don't want to bore you with my trouble

But there's somethin 'bout your love
That makes me weak and
Knocks me off my feet
There's somethin 'bout your love
That makes me weak and
Knocks me off my feet
Oh baby, said knocks me off my feet

I don't want to bore you with it
Oh but I love you, I love you, I love you
And I don't want to bore you with it
Oh but I love you, I love you, I love you
More and more

We lay beneath the stars
Under a lover's tree that's seen through the eyes of my mind
I reach out for the part
Of me that lives in you baby, that only our two hearts can find
But I don't wanna bore you with my trouble
But there's somethin 'bout your love
That makes me weak and
Knocks me off my feet

There's somethin 'bout your love
That makes me weak and
Knocks me off my feet

Oh baby said you knock me off my feet
I don't want to bore you with it
Oh but I love you, I, ooh honey
I don't want to bore you with it
Oh but I love you, I love you, love you
And I don't want to bore you with it
Oh but I love you, I love you, I love you
More and more

Songwriters: STEVIE WONDER

© EMI Music Publishing, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Are you kidding

This Presidency is a mockery of justice and equity and all the progress that has been made thru the years. Because with the craziness of the world we need this too? Absurdity at it's core. This administration needs to focus on it's efforts of progressing the nation as a whole. 

Pray for us. 

that's all...

coffee thought...

coffee thought...

All I can say is:

If this is a test

I am woeful

 unprepared

And

In danger of

Failing out

 for the whole

Semester

that's all

coffee thought...

hmmm

Horoscope: Gemini: March 21st, 2017

There is optimism, there is faith, and there is a tendency to take chances at the deepest emotional levels. This is a time of exploring your feelings, a kind of restlessness for new emotional experience.A feeling that anything is possible if you set your sights high enough characterizes mood today.

There is so much to be said about this statement of truths here.

I am feeling that everything and anything inclusive of nothing is possible today.

And I have been trying to make this happen longer than not.

I am feeling beyond restless- because I rest less than normal

and I am trying not to take a crazy chance based on fear

or jump out of the fire and into the depths of hell.

Sigh

that's all..

coffee thought...

coffee thought...

It amazes me that even tho the NYC MTA trains 

go one direction per track 

(like uptown is going up) 

and they ain't making no left turns 

or right turn down the tracks- 

WHY IS THERE ALWAYS TRAIN TRAFFIC AHEAD?

Like WTF we are going one way? 

That is not traffic that is a blatant lie

And you are voting to raise the fares to $3.00 per ride? 

Like dude - really? 

This is what I pay for?

I remember the days 

when a ride was $1.25 

and folks were complaining 

it was going up to $1.50 

and the service still sucked. 

The trains still went in the one direction on the tracks 

and there was still train traffic ahead. 

So riddle me this

What am I doing?

that's all...

coffee thought...

A few things.

First I do not owe you shit.

Let's get that clear.

It takes two people to be in this friendship 

and when one person consistently feels they are 

'doing all the work' 

and wakes the hell up and

 CHOOSES 

not to anymore - 

please do not get your damn ass panties in a bunch 

because this is the way it is.

 It's called life and free will and choice

Rant over. So where did that come from?

I had the pleasant opportunity to have a text message conversation with someone whom I called a friend - hell even sister at one point this past weekend and she got upset that our friendship isn't the same and attributes that to Me choosing others over her. I simply explained that as I evaluated the past 2-3 immediate years of this friendship I recognized where the reciprocity was present. 
Simply put- how has she shown up in my life. 
Has she attended any of my functions- like a housewarming or anything?
No. 
Has she made time to celebrate my birthday at any time (let alone the surprise birthday party that was thrown for me)- nope. And let's be clear- I get that maybe a set time/ date may conflict with many of other life plans out there- it happens - but my birthday happened with not so much as a " hey let's get together this random day to acknowledge you". 
Nope. That would never cross their mind. Yet I made it a point to be there for many of her birthdays in different states nonetheless. I traveled across 5 states when the third child was born. I was there for the beginning, middle and witnessed the demise of the 1st marriage and the beginnings and thru the current marriage. 
Yet because she chooses to view the few pics of IG of my life and create her own story (fascinating I tell you) about whom I choose to spend my time with and call out specific people- it seems to me that because maybe you are lacking somewhere (in your life perhaps? In my life- yup because you are not In my pictures perhaps? ) that there is this ...: angst? Jealousy? Over concern about the wrong things- like how about you think about why I pulled away and your contributions to that.

Let's be perfectly clear- because I had to ask you for money that was owed you said I made a federal case- uh no. I asked a year later for money that was owed- hardly a federal case. I traveled up and down the east coast and across several state lines for many a kids birth/ birthday party/ your mothers party and because I am not part of your mommy club or second wives club or whatever and I am an afterthought? Well I'm saving you the time it takes to after- think about me and removing myself from the equation.

Choices

I choose to spend time with friends that listen to me check up on me and show up for me. I gladly and willingly do the same for them no questions asked. I have and used to do that for her. I got wise and checked the interactions and see the feeling was not mutual and I fell back. 
It's life- not rocket science.

Eh. Some people are in your life for a reason, a season, a lifetime, but most of all a lesson. I have learned many a lesson- specifically do not expect people to care as much as I do because not everyone will- and hell not everyone was raised like me. 
Thank you for that. 
As I mentioned... I wish no harm or illness on her and her family- just my time will be spent elsewhere.
Deuces.

Gemini horoscope for Jan 16 2017 (coffee thought...)

coffee thought...

Sometimes when you look really hard for something, you don't find it even if it's in plain sight. That's because - at that moment when we're in a panicked search - that thing we're searching for seems so elusive and so important that we think it will be impossible to find, or it will be in some unreachable place. You are looking for something now, Gemini. You are looking hard. Perhaps you've been looking for quite some time. But it is out there. You just need to relax - and instead of searching - beckon it to come to you.

look

just relax

look

just breathe

look

just be

coffee thought...

Coffee thought...

Left work at 10:30 this evening.
There is always work to be done and more to do. Fun time in the OFA world when you are switching teams and all of the responsibilities that goes with it. Or that you asked for it. And it was sold to you in a crack pipe of accolades and praise.
Eh.
Maybe tomorrow.
that's all...

Oh side note:
Watched President Obama give his farewell speech today. This signifies an end of an era and truly a historic time in this Nation that had promise and growth and challenge and successes. Now... here are the real obstacles with the current elected person to our office. It is not at all anything funny and pretty messed up to see what human beings voted to run what was/ is the 'greatest nation' around. Right now- we are beyond the laughing stock of this world and something that is truly not funny.
We shall see how HOW we all survive this next 4 years- like I was telling a fellow #nobehaviorcrew member that is is like High school or college where you may hate hate hate it but you got 4 years here and have to stick it out. That is what we gonna have to do. Hardcore. Everyday. Strive for better. Never make the same mistake. Change the system. Break the broken system. Fight for social justice and make our voices heard. Yes, by any means necessary. By all means necessary.
As Mr. President Barack Obama said
Yes we can
Yes we did

Ok that's all...

coffee thought ...

coffee thought ...

☕️

Today is the day. Pretty much I have an appointment at 11:30 to figure out some things about 'the girls' and while I am trying to be brave I am also a bit scared. It is something to get to this point in life and then to have this scare. Which is what it is a scare. I am not claiming I have anything just scared of something.

that's all..

coffee thought...

coffee thought...

Today being the 4th day of the year I decided to rise and shine earlier than normal in an effort to be healthy - working on the wealthy and wise parts but still. I didn't make it to the gym this am because tiredness creeps in and seeps thru your body at the most inconsistent times.
I hop the shower and dress and get to the train by 7 am. Miracle that it is I am moving right along to be at work before 8:20am. Well- as I sat between borough hall and ___ street for 25 minutes my kind immediately went to what the hell is going on and I hope everyone is alright.
A train jumped the stopping blocks and derailed. Over 100 people hurt- hopefully none life threatening.
It is always something in NY.
Pray for them.

that's all...

coffee thought...

Heard some words of wisdom today:

Every funky biscuit has its moldy chese!!

and to that... I'm out!

that's all...

coffee thought...

coffee thought...

On the way into work in this lovely fall weather. 

I am thinking about the change of season 

and 

the change of tides 

and 

just change in general- 

not unlike the loose change in my pockets- 

it may make a difference to some 

but as a whole 

a lotta change overall makes big bucks.

Sounds crazed? 

Maybe.

Such is the world we live in...

quiz results about life...

So these are some of the quizzes that happen to be on these here internets and they have determined what I need in a partner, what my personality is like, and what trait my name really means. 

All of this sciencetifical data here is needed when crafting the perfect partner in this world.

Just saying, if these quizzes don't tell you then who will??

such is life

coffee thought ...6/16/16 8:08am

Monday's thinking

Who the fuck do you think I am?

(Listening to Beyoncé)

Something about this song is resonating with me

 (the funky beat)

 the drums, 

the lyrics:

The repetitive let it be let it be

And the when you hurt me

You hurt yourself you hurt yourself

But when you love me

You love yourself you love yourself

such a great song... 

coffee thought...

Baby I love you

(baby baby)

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you

Baby I love you

In an Aretha mood 

on the train today

Baby I love you

Baby I need you

Baby I want you

All of them things 

huh

and in that order 

please

Thank you in advance to 

the Man of my dreams.

that's all...

coffee thought...

coffee thought...



Interestingly enough I am focusing on some of the things about me that I love lately...
And I am very very happy with that.
With me.
Which is something that I sometimes feel like ohhhh I can't celebrate me cause that is boasting and that is like conceited and that is generally not what good catholic girls do. Be humble! Be virginal! Sacrifice! Repent!
Stuff like that...
Yeah that is the doctrine I was taught.
I didn't fully buy into it but I can truthfully admit I test drove the hell out of the humble part and the self sacrifice part and the... well you know part (no need to like, you know expose every everything)
And now- nearing this magical # in this world that some folks are sooooo ashamed of and some folks never get to see... I am amazed at
Me
Gasp!
Like I am amazed I made it this far given some circumstances... South Bronx bred
I am amazed at the things I have witnessed (poverty, war, triumph, terroristic attacks,) but also births, loves joined, weddings, life, loss..
I am amazed at the travels I have traveled (Ghana, Morocco, Canada, Bermuda, California, the list goes on)
I am amazed at the people who have choose to leave- for whatever reasons
I am amazed at family... However it is defined for you.
I am amazed at the people I have loved
I am amazed at my capacity for love even tho...
I am amazed at my friends and the eclectic wonderfulness that is them- individually and collectively
It is all amazing

Just thought I'd share that.

coffee thought...

3/15/16
Beware the idea of March? Maybe ? I don't know...
My Caesar is off.
Sooooo
What's been going on in my life?
I don't know where to begin with all the things that have been done in the past couple of weeks...
all I know is that
I.
Am
someone
who needs attention.
 And not in a bad way or anything but simple acknowledgement and being listened to and kindness will go a long way. like for real a long way...
I mean these are the simple things that a person requires in life, right??  
I do not think I am asking for too much- I mean maybe attention is not the right word to describe it but you get what I mean.
care
courtesy
kindness
thoughtfulness
responsiveness (all these things Webster's dictionary describe as synonyms for attention!)
So yeah, between family and friends one of my biggest pet peeves is their lack of attention.  And I mean at times when it is evident that attention is required
(maybe I should make a tee shirt...)
I mean when I am talking to you or telling you my issues or my day or whatever
and immediately it is recognized that you are not paying attention....
'your mind is elsewhere'
or you switch topics and change the subject or ask some random thing
that is further from what I am talking about-
and maybe it is relevant to you-
like you are walking across the street and a car out of no where is about to hit you-
by all means we need to discuss this matter.
But when I am speaking- to anyone-- be it at work or at home or on the damn subway it irks me to feel like I am not being heard.
Like my voice does not matter.
That whatever it is I am speaking about has no importance to you- at this moment- or in general
and that you could care less.
And me- being the only me I know how to be - stops.
As in of course I stop talking and listen to whatever it is you are saying.
Do I go back to what I had to say?
9/10 times no. Because why?
Obviously you don't want to hear it -- or let's just say it's not that-- but obviously you cannot set aside you and your issues (ego) to spare a moment for your sibling (me) or your friend (me).
Me.
At any rate.
This is what I have noticed lately.
And I call folks on it. They laugh it off
Somehow sometimes
I do not find it funny.
But them is the facts of life.
What am I gonna do?
Oh, I'm me. You know.
The me that is a closed book to the world.
It suits me for now.
Because apparently this story is above comprehension on some levels...
And this chapter is not for public consumption..
Who knows.
that's all...