Horoscope: Gemini: June 26th, 2018

The past and the future intermingle, and the barriers between people dissolve. This marks a time of considerable inner emotional and spiritual inspiration, which will rejuvenate and redevelop your personal ideals. Your life takes on a kind of mystical quality at the emotional and instinctive levels now. There is the key to the greater psychic and spiritual sensitivity you feel now.


So I figure that today I have a greater connection to the feelings that I am feeling and the trusting of my instincts should be paramount.

lately

Isolation...

Hmm... food for thought..

"In western culture 

isolation 

is considered one of the most 

stringent of punishments."

From when you are a child and are sick- you are kept inside and not allowed to interact with other kids. I mean when someone has the flu or chicken pox you are kept away from them [presumably so they can heal-- but also so they do not spread]. Think about it-- when someone does wrong or commits a crime they are removed from society (at large) and sent to prison. When they do more wrong, they are then sent into solitary confinement- further isolating them from interaction around them as further punishment.

Now a days there is great talk and strain made about 'putting kids in time out' in some random place somewhere rather than laying of the hands on them (I am not gonna say which method I had or prefer but i mean sometimes time out ain't gonna cut it). I remember when we were kids, going to sit in the corner because I did something wrong or bad...

so it is very disconcerting that when one lives in isolation they tend to be viewed as being punished-- punished by the fact she is not wived up or booed up or with child... or society views the single woman as being punished  because she does not have a man to rescue her in this world.

funny thing, some people cannot wait to grow up- i mean when we are kids we cannot wait until we can do what we want- no rules no one to answer to. We (who had to listen to rules and do chores and live within some kind of parental establishment ) could not just wait to be 'grown'---> mind you there is no handbook for being grown other than I can have cake when i want to seemed to be the goal.
Now me, as the only girl in my immediate family, i cherished solitude. I loved solitude, i live in solitude- being sent to the corner was being sent to a happy place [my imagination is still a vividly and wild place to be] and most times as a kid i preferred the company of myself and played by myself because that is just who I was... who I am.

So this solitude that I have lived in prepared me to live... to love... to love to live.  It is strangely cathartic that I am OK with this because I am told that it is NOT OK to be OK with ...this.... and not that I am not in want of other things in my life (you all know cause i have written about it ad nauseam) but currently if it is not the will of the Lord in this good 2016-2017 and beyond then it is just
that.
OK
it is what this adulting thing is all about...
and also monitoring your cake intake. 
and drinking water. 
and using coconut oil
and staying in prayer.
and do'ing. 

I think I know where...

I think I know where I fucked up...

It would have to be karate kid part 2 theme song came out. The words happen to have something in there about

I'll be the man

Who will fight for your honor

I'll be your hero

You've been dreaming of

We'll be together

Knowing forever

That we did it all

For the glory of love

Now, taken individually out of context these are just words to support a kick ass storyline about this dude rescuing this girl and them falling in love innocently and stuff-- but when you put those words in the psyche of a ___ year old impressionable pre-teen whose hormones are raging and whose dream of love had yet to be fulfilled (in whatever way a teenager gets their dreams fulfilled) this thought process sticks with you as you get older.
And you are more aware
You are more aware of what you want in a man- not only for a man who will 'fight for your honor' (and I do not mean in some janky ancient Chinese ritual) but in the way they will fight to be with you- stand by you and with you when you are acting in a way that calls for less than a loving manner, and he will stand by you when you are excelling and accomplishing some real black-woman- magic shit, and he will stand by you when you are in danger and are falling. A man who will be proud to have you and know that YES you are worth IT. So, I assumed somewhere in my mind I equated this song to something of a great comparison to what I wanted to feel when I finally felt love.
These ideals kinda transpire in the way I evaluate a man to be able to be partnerable- because all of the things I wish a man to do for/with me I will be doing for/with him (like support and love and comfort and womanly stuff, ya know?) 
And it stuck.
Funny thing about 90's music. It's old.
And in recognizing the age of the music and the movie soundtrack you also get to thinking these ideals of  love and a man who will fight for your honor are just as old and antiquated and obsolete when unfortunately due to the rampant fragility of some black male ego these days, black men wont even claim you, stand up and fight for our equality and fight for our presence, safety, rights et. al...
but... it's good to know where I fucked up in the 'game' thinking that is truth...it is actually entertainment and a good movie.

coffee thought...

coffee thought..

This morning on this here train ride

 this dude 

is sitting here 

(and I am standing but leaving his non-gentlemanly ways aside) 

and he is smelling like 

the most scrumptious thing around. 

It is some cool water/ axe/ mesmerizing mix of manliness 

that I have never ever smelled before in my life. 

Like dude. 

You smell good enough to eat. 

Or lick.

Or at least take a nibble from.

Like for real.

 And while your actual presence 

does not at all match the yumminess you smell like

 I am gonna just have to close my eyes 

and pretend

 I am standing next to someone 

sexy and suave 

before I get to delve into my coffee here.

that's all...

coffee thought...

Sooo not appropriate for work...

And while it may not look that way in this unassuming position... 

Trust me!

And this banana (while in general I am not a fan of the banana) this one right here is deliciously firm and hard and like ripe and sweet and my lips fits perfectly around it. 

Yeah. 

Sooo need to get some STAT. 

that's all...

coffee thought...

Baby I love you

(baby baby)

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you

Baby I love you

In an Aretha mood 

on the train today

Baby I love you

Baby I need you

Baby I want you

All of them things 

huh

and in that order 

please

Thank you in advance to 

the Man of my dreams.

that's all...