{30 for 30} - day 25

{30 for 30} - day 25

It seems as if
The stars are brighter
And the air is clearer
And the world is
Just a more better place
Because of...

And it seems as if
I can breathe deeper
See clearer
Feel morer
Because of...

And it seems as if
I can hear better
Sing louder
Love harder
Because of...

Yeah
It seems as if...

Dreams {30 for 30- day15}

Dreams

My body is tired
my mind is weary
From worry
worrying
about the
Things I want

Like I still want you
And as Sade said
I want you
to want me too

But I have learned
that
my dreams betray me
I can no longer
sleep at nights.
I seek solace
and comfort
yet all I encounter
are rest less nights.
restless nights.

And the terrors
I have
At night
Trembling
Tears
Trying
to understand

How my dreams
Have turned to
Nightmares
And how my
Mindless behavior
Subconsciously
Sabotages my soul
Spoiling my Spirit

My body is tired
my mind is weary
From worrying
about my dreams
Coming true

coffee thought...{30 for 30 ~ day 13}

What would you risk for love?

At this juncture in my life
I feel there is nothing greater than love therefore the risk should be just as equal- but on both sides
I know me- I risk my being for the love of someone else {but not just any love because my love ain't any old love}
I risk everything, everything you hear me for love- my comfort zone, my safety net, my facade is removed and my core is revealed. My truth you know.
I am vulnerable.

Exposed. 

Fragile. 

Hoping that if my love sees all this they would still want me
choose me
Love me.
So, what would you risk for love?
So far, I risk me.

that's all...

Loving you {30 for 30- day 9}

Loving you

Is like pouring water

into a closed bottle.

A closed and empty bottle. 

I am pouring and pouring 

and realize

After some time 

That this task is useless

That I am wasting this water 

On this empty vessel

You. 

And I should stop. 

I should not waste 

my water on you 

I should not continue 

To nourish

Feed

Sustain

Cherish

Enhance

Care for

Maintain

Entertain 

You

I'll save my water

For someone 

Who truly 

Appreciates

The wonderful benefits

Of 

My water. 

{30 for 30 ~ day 8}

There are

Some days

Where I

Wish my

Silence was

Visible for

You to

See

Because

On those

Days I

Tend to

Speak louder

Than I

Need to

So that

I can

Confuse you

And then

You won't

Hear my

Deafening cries

Something {30 for 30- day 7}

Was it something
That was done or
was it something I said?
Your actions
My reactions
The silence
The anger
The thoughts of what we had
Not what we have
Maybe it was because
I no longer accepted the lies
And maybe it was because
You didn't even try
But
Definitely because You know
I knew
That I am not the only one
loving you
So
Maybe it was because
It was something I done did
Guess that's this life
And this choice I will no longer have to live.

6 words {30 for 30- day 6}

6 words


I opened
My eyes
For you.

In your voice
I hear truth

In your arms
My soul rests

In your heart
My heart beats

In your words
I know love

It's amazing
How you
Love me

You opened
Your eyes
For me

I thought it would get easier {30 for 30- day 5}

I thought it would get easier
You know 7 years is a long time
But I can truly say
It is never easy
And this is not just another day
Of course the rational me
Rationalizes.
You are in a better place
You are no longer in pain
You are free
You are..
But the irrational me
The one that I am forever keeping in check
Irrationally
Wants more time
Wants a simple conversation
Wants to hold your hand
Wants to not feel hurt
And I know, rationally and irrationality that
It is not possible
That
I have to get over it- this-
I have to let it go
I have to not -
Not think about it
Not think about all of the things that happened
Not think about all the things that didn't happen
Not want what I can never have
And just stop feeling
Because
I thought that with time
My wounds would heal
And it would get easier
But it's not true
Because My wounds
Apparently Left untreated
Refuse to heal
And are
A daily reminder
Of the battle that was loss
Maybe this time
When my pain is palpable
And my heart won't stop hurting



For mom.

I need to... {30 for 30~ day 4}

I need to

Remember to love myself

I need to

remember when I am looking outside

for validation or justification

I need to look within.

I need to

remember when I need empathy

to first grant that to myself.

I need to

remember that I cannot expect

anyone to understand

exactly what it feels like

to be me

at this very moment -

so they cannot support

or sympathize with what I am feeling.

I need to

remember that I am ok.

Just breathe.

I need to

remember that this too shall pass.

I need to

remember why

I need to remember...

I wanted... {30 for 30~ day 3}

I wanted
To be beauty in your eyes
I wanted
To be passion in your thighs
I wanted
To be eloquence on your tongue
I wanted
To be intelligence and the one.
I wanted to be desired by your lips
I wanted
To be inspired by your quips
I wanted
To be amazed by your Hips
I wanted
to be and loved
I wanted
To be mattered and deserved
Above all I wanted to be heard.
I wanted
To care
I wanted
you to dare
I wanted
You

You happen to be {30 for 30- day 2}

You happen to be
My dreams come true
And you happen to be
Real and tangible
And you happen to be
All the things I said I wanted
And you happen to be
Not deterred or daunted
And you happen to be
Sure of what this is
And happen to be
Secure in all you give
And you happen to be
In love with all of me
And you happen to be
Waiting patiently
You happen to be
Loved by me
Just
happen
to be...

Fool- 30 for 30

Fool

Maybe I'm the fool

For believing in you

Maybe the things you said

All those things

fooled me 

all the time

and maybe

It is at this time

that I regret to inform you

I am no longer a willing participant

in this game we play

I am no longer willing to suit up

Put on all my protective gear

(And Guard my heart most of all)

Against the opposition of you.

i need a more worthy opponent

one that is fair in battle

but then again 

maybe I'm the fool

Day 30- 30 for 30 [National Poetry Month]

[Fin]

 

If I knew
That all the trials and tribulations
Would have lead to you
I would do them all over again
With joy
Because this life I have

with you is more than I could ever imagine
I love the love you have for me
It possesses me and
Gives me
More breath than I can breathe
Move life than I can live
More love than I can love
You give me more
And there is no right way to say this
This love you share

Willingly openly and completely with me
Allows us to grow
Thrive
Survive
This magnificent reality we live in

So if I knew

That all the trials and tribulations

Would lead me directly to you

I gladly and enthusiastically choose

The pain and loneliness’ and heartaches

To allow this love

To be

Day 28- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Day 28: 4:32 pm

To the sexy air traffic control dude

YESSSS signal the plane!

Signal the plane!

Thank you sir for signaling de plane!

 

 

Day 27- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Zephyr

Memories fade

As time tells tales to those who watch the hands move

Swiftly stories untold by tongues held tightly within

She seeks him only to be lost

Thrown off course by the quintessence zephyr of his being

Unfathomable that she knows him

She new him prior to rage and pain and hurt swelled in his core

She discerned the shame and lust that unconsciously dwell in his heart

No room for intimacy, no room for peace

Vile familiarities span his core that once was complete with narratives of

Intimacy, tenderness, adoration and she

Gone is he who promptly thieved her love and sheltered it away from eternity

Vanished is the experience of them in passionate ecstasy

At this time, unaccounted for is her remembrances of him

The memories are fading and the stories are tales of times past their time

Abruptly moonlight moves beyond the shadows cast

Alone she searches for he again

Longing to forget trying to remember

Past.

Day 26- 30 for 30 {National Poetry Month}

Day 26

Why don't you want to love me anymore?
Why don't you want me around?
Why don't you want me anymore?

Maybe it was

A Passing fantasy
Maybe it was
Because this is forbidden
Maybe it was 

Cleverly disguised as something more than this was or
Maybe it was

Definitely not going to work
Maybe it was
Enough
Maybe it was
Fear
Maybe it was
Getting too serious
Hopeful
Inevitable
Justifiable
Kind of amazing in a subtle way
Maybe it was
LOVE…which was
Making you mindful of
NOT being an ass
Or careless with my feelings. 
Personally, I think
Quietly you wanted to love me
Reasons being that I truly
Showed you what genuine love is
Trusted you with my heart and
Ultimately with my soul and
Venerated your presence because you captivated my spirit...so
Why don’t you love me anymore? Why don’t you want me around?
Maybe it was an
X-cercise is futility
Yearning for something that would never be
Zero sum game, the biggest looser being me.

Day 25- 30 for 30 [National Poetry Month]

"wishing on dandelions in the winter"

I wish
You could see the love
You have right in front of you
The person who is
Sacrificing and struggling
Right alongside you
The person who truly wants the best for you
And wants to be the best for you

I wish
You could see
That alone in the loneliness
You do not have to be
You have someone whom you claim to love
You have a partner
Sent from above
You have two open eyes
But a closed heart
Holding on to being
Who you think you are versus
Who y'all are capable to be

I wish
That when it is time
To criticize and think the worst
You look to the best
You look to the reason why you choose each other
And realize this is another test

You could see all loves possibility

And re-choose love all over again

Remember that this is your lover and your friend

I wish…I wish

Day 24- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Fear of Love's Possibility

 

Day 24

I'm scared

Of all the things

I said I would be

And I’m scared of all the things

I said I would do

But the one thing I am truly scared of

I am scared of falling in love with you

I know that may seem a little strange

Quite possibly I am deranged...

And I know I may seem

Like someone who don't care

I know that there are times

When I seem like “I'm not there”

Trust and believe

It is me who really dares

To truly let you in my heart

And see all my hopes and fears

I'm a woman of many varied talents

Just wait and maybe you'll see

But while I am here trying not to love you

I am not letting you see the 'vulnerable' me

Is the hope of more worth it?

Is my scared of the unknown

greater than my courage?

Is the risk of me appealing?

Can you stop my fear from reeling?

So I'm scared

That if I let you see the truth in my heart

This truth will set you free

Free and very gone and honestly possibly

Far from me.



Day 23- 30 for 30 {National Poetry Month}

I speak your name

Silently

Because my silence

Is much louder than my roar

I require your touch

Immediately

Because I need to feel

Your sustaining strength

I hear your desires

Intensely          

Mirroring the longings of my own

I crave to feel you

Your passion, your purpose,

your...

I want to

But I can’t

 

Towards you

 

Towards love

 

Towards us

 

So I speak your name

 

Silently

 

Because in silence

 

You hear me

 

You feel me

 

You get me

Day 22- 30 for 30 (National Poetry Month)

Cravings

What do I want?

You

Utterly completely and unrestricted entirely

What do I desire?

Intimacy

Personal and pure passion between us

What do you crave?

Me

Rocking, pulsing, sucking, sighing, breathing, biting…us

I know what I want

You are what I want, sticky sweet dripping from my lips

 my fingertips …more of you… good.

I taste me- On you

 No I won’t share

Me with you

I want it all

These desires that make me do insatiable things

To your head…so go ahead

I am your illicit immoral indulgence.

Cravings…