Conversations... on Men aint shit

Back story:

Reading a q & A from an author we both follow and admire. 
Basically a woman writes in saying she is a fiance of a 7 yr relationship + is currently pregnant and taking care of him as he has cancer. Finds out he has a million dollar insurance policy and she is not listed (as they are not married- his mom and brother are). Add to this he is living in her place and she is stressed financially, emotionally and physically and he asked and she listed him on her insurance policy as she wanted the best for him. She is UPSET and wondering if she has the right (i mean she is baby momma + fiance and he is not looking out for spawns future and because she does not have the title of wife tho is doing wifey things he feels justified and she thinks he should be a decent human being considering she thought they were building a future together.)
SO me & my girls convo is OFF THE CHAIN cause as Aretha says (R.I.P.) Ain't no way...
I mean what say you?

coffee thought

Coffee thought

Tuesday on the city
When it comes right on down to it
It is when you are asked
to use your voice
And stand up
For someone
For what you believe
What do you do?
Are you now unsure?
Will you not?

Get up stand up

Something {30 for 30- day 7}

Was it something
That was done or
was it something I said?
Your actions
My reactions
The silence
The anger
The thoughts of what we had
Not what we have
Maybe it was because
I no longer accepted the lies
And maybe it was because
You didn't even try
But
Definitely because You know
I knew
That I am not the only one
loving you
So
Maybe it was because
It was something I done did
Guess that's this life
And this choice I will no longer have to live.

Gemini Extended Horoscope- July 1

Gemini, Daily Extended Horoscope, Tuesday, July 1st:

You started talking yesterday -- well, talking more as of yesterday -- and you haven't quite been able to stop yet. Fortunately, you've had an admiring, appreciative audience who hasn't wanted you to stop, not even long enough to take a breath. But you're tired now. Your batteries are beginning to wind down. Better make some witty closing comments and find a place to hide out -- with one last admirer, of course.

so what is great about this horoscope is that there was enormously great conversations to be had on the vacation with the ladies in Aruba. We chatted and laughed and the most craziest things but what was the best was the affirmations we shared with each other, and what the ladies said about me.
 
One of the more memorable sayings about me as Modern Day Perfection- because of the way I carry myself and the way I am- who I am being.
I loved that they saw me. They were able to
see me.


Sent from my iPhone

#KaraWalkerDomino

I visited the old Domino Sugar Factory (Williamsburg, BK) to get some culture and all that jazz primarily to see this art piece by Kara Walker. The images that were presented in this grand scale art instillation were fascinating to say the least (inclusive of the Marvelous Sugar Baby) and really thought provoking. Ms. Walker is paying homage/raising questions to those who 'refined' our sweet tastes...

Specifically, the trip subtly/ not so subtly were raising questions (to me) on who and how and what is valued -- starting back in the days with the complicated business of production of sugar and its ties to the Islands and slavery et al. She has images of little negro boys presumably workers from the fields carrying baskets who would have been child labor  (which was not illegal) in various poses and dispositions. These children were used to cultivate the sugar cane from the fields to wherever they went for profit.  The sugars (molasses) marks on the floor (representing blood maybe) was interesting...

The grand piece was a Sphinx that was made entirely out of white sugar which is

1. Not sugars' natural state but
2. Made in the image of a black woman and
3. Is naked

That was astonishing.

 I must say that people do not know how to react to a black woman's' body or a naked body (even if she is made of sugar). I am sure one of the objectives of the piece was to make people absolutely aware of and celebrate the intricacies and beauty of a woman (yay me) but some people cannot and do not know how to receive that. There were many comments and inappropriate pictures taken and it definitely made me think of the issues I face as a woman today (objectified/ subjectified/ sexualized/ etc) and the demoralization that women now and of the slavery days (which I can attribute her period of time to be) were constantly subjected to.  I think about us women-- from the woman workers in the kitchen, the women who raised the children of their own and others by whatever means (meaning their masters children, their children born out of non consensual means), the women who were left to be strong for the families as the men were just chattel away...

I think about the value placed on certain attributes women have- let's look at today's standards that all of hip-hop America is singing about: big asses & big breasts are the main value standards.  There are folks who are doing the most (butt implants/ breast implants/ liposuction and other crazy ass things) literally killing themselves to fit this mold. Because society says this is pretty.  Hell, even Beyoncé said pretty hurts...but this is what is considered attractive...but this is what men want...but this is what YOU (woman) need to be like to be worthy of love, attention, anything-- because if you are not that then you are not something society would like to know- never mind the brains or the compassion or the any other of the myriad of things that make up a woman. I could go on about the fucked up morals we have as a society based on any of the recent headlines, but I'll save that stand on my soapbox for another day. This 'art' was just...subtle in an overt way. Here are some of the pics:

 

These are my favorite because of the broken-ness that is surrounding the baby.

Day 14- 30 for 30 [National Poetry Month]

They keep asking me

Who are you dating?
Are you a lesbian?
Oh, well When are you getting married?
Haven't you found a man that will go out with you?
Well, you know you are too picky- you should lower your standards.
Nowadays, you don't need a man, just go have some babies.
When are you going to have some babies?
You know you aren't getting any younger baby
You know with modern science as it is you can have a baby well into your 70's
Right.
What they are not asking me is
How are you?
What makes you happy?
What have you contributing to society?
Are you ok?
How's your spirit?
Do you need a hug?
How about a laugh?

What they are not saying is
You are enough with out and despite all them unanswered questions.

But they keep asking me
And I'm not telling

coffee thought...

coffee thought...
It's been a minute and considering we are winding down to the end I the year and folks are reliving what they have done in 2013 and who they have lost in 2013 and who they have gained in 2013 in preparation for 2014 it strikes me as _____ as to what has been accomplished. Somehow this time last year I was not sure of all the things that were going on and never expected the things that have happened. It is a good thing (fingers still crossed) and hopefully an even greater thing.
So what has happened? Travel. Friends lost and gained. Love (ok not really love but an extreme infatuation) curiosity, growth , discernment, happiness, life! I mean in there was many challenges/ and opportunities for stretching the perceived limitations of me. Some things worked out. Others didn't- and that's ok (I have since learned).



Sent from my iPhone

To all

To all

The inconsiderate players of this game let me be clear- do not ask for my participation if you are unwilling to tell me where the game is played- or hell what the game is for that matter.
(And to be clear since I took a communication quiz at work for our professional development and I scored the lowest in directness)
1) do not ask me to "step my game up" if you don't know how many hours I am already putting into YOUR cause by choice- not by your demand. How about you step up to the game and attempt to play.
2) how about you don't forget to include me in the updates of progress because let's be for real- you don't forget to include me on the monetary requests.
3) let us all be considerate of other people's time, energy, skills, concerns etc- because just because 'there is a lot going on over there' {with you} does not supersede 'there is a lot going on over here' {with me}

that's all...


Sent from my iPhone

Occupy... something.

  

1 yr ago today (9/17) "occupy wall street" decided to occupy zucotti park in NYC. I sorta understand the premise of the actions of the occupiers and what they/ we are trying to accomplish (I say we because we are all in this struggle however I never occupied the wall street per se)
I (along with 2 coworkers) decided to occupy another co-workers play-- showing support for the actress and all. CW did a great job and really shined!
Anywho all this to say...pick your poison..

How responsible are you?11/10

How responsible are you?

Currently in the news there is A LOT going on about Penn State and the continued sexual abuse of children who were in their care by the assistant coach of the football team. The incident happened to no less than 8 boys starting some 20 years ago. There is no statue of limitations for shame just FYI. The long time head of the team (joe paterno) who had a lifetime contract as head coach of the football team was fired yesterday following allegations he failed to do ENOUGH as someone who was informed of the situation. As I write this blog the issues at hand are: he was told of some misconduct by his employee (who is said to have witnessed the act). At the time JoePa allegedly reports it to whom he is supposed to. The question at hand: is that enough? If there is a protocol in place for such atrocities and that was it [just reporting it to you superiors and the you are done] then OK maybe he has a case. I mean If I am supposed to do A B C and I do A B C then one would think my job is done, no? No?
Ok let's tackle the moral responsibility of this man. Morally if someone is doing something wrong or you get wind of it what is your role in it? Are you supporting this behavior by action or by non action? Did you not think your non action was support? Guess some people don't think of non action as support but I think sometimes it is the same thing.
My conclusions:
Here is /was a figurehead to this football tradition at Penn. He- as well as being a father and someone in a setting that was a leadership role- turned the team around and preached a doctrine of don't just do 100% always give 110%. He was someone who said you have a responsibility to your team as much as to yourself so make sure you honor that. Well what the hell man!!! Does this bit not apply to you. Is that for everyone else to follow and you jut say the words that sound nice to hear? I do not want to overshadow the atrocities done to these children by glossing over it- but today's argument is what is his role in this whole thing?
As an administrator there is a clear chain of command and clear things I am responsible to do.  When I chose this career I kind of almost didn't know what I was getting into..I mean you learn your "job" and then you learn the culture of the job and still you know what is right and wrong.There is also a moral obligation as a flipping human being to do right. Do right. Do what is right. Why is that so hard? I feel like John Quinones "what would you do?"

Troy Davis

Troy Davis [10/9/68-09/21/2011]
Not someone I knew personally but someone whose name has recently received some news coverage. He was sentenced to death tonight by lethal injection due to a crime (murder of a police officer) that was committed some 22 years ago. I personally do not think taking life replaces the life that was lost. I am not 'sure' where I stand on the penalty of death- figuring if it were my child (the murdered one) I may want justice and would not rest until this was achieved. Then I think if my child was the accused and there is serious doubts of the witnesses that were used in testimony (7 of 9 recanted their story) then I would want a re-trial or some injunction--some kind of Hail Mary type of pass in the final moments to spare his life.
This only happens in movies (it seems).
His soul is hopefully at peace and hopefully his spirit is free
And may God continue to watch over us all.

9/11 ten years later

9/11 ten years later

Sunday was a difficult and emotional day.
It was the 10th anniversary of September 11th.
That day marked so many many meanings and to think 10 years ago would we be here?
Last year, Peanut was born. That was and continues to truly a blessing.
A few years back- Jacob was born- again another blessing on a day many many people remember tragedy. It seems out of tragedy there were indeed many things to be thankful of.
I clearly remember where I was that day- what I had to do to get home- what my good friend SS & I had to do to get home.
I remember smoking a cigarette on the corner of 14th & west 10th waiting for a bus--
watching the sky and listening to the silence of the air but still hearing the noise of the hearts of us as a people.
The many hours of worrying and travel and the sense of is this really happening here in NY? Worrying about my mother who was stuck in NJ cause they shut down the bridges- finally reaching her via phone and so thankful to hear from her.
I remember speaking to someone and they professed their love for me- funny how that didn't turn out- amazing what tragedy and liquor brings out.
Anyway- fast forward a decade-
Where am I now?
Where are we now?
Think who is not here to see how much I have accomplished or how much is left to accomplish.
Think of who is here...
I went to a brunch for my sister friend Sparkle- kind of bringing together all those who lost someone thru the years- not just on 9/11 but thru the years.
Honestly it was kinda hard - some things are kept repressed until brought to the forefront- but what was beautiful about the celebrate was the many faiths that were represented and the prayers that were said.
We recited the Surah Al-Fatiha, prayed bahai prayers, Christian prayers & buddhist chants for everyone and all of us.
I had a Good day.
Nevermind I found out some news about how someone passed on [it was not what was presented to me but then again I felt I knew all along that something was not right.]
This does not change the love I have continually for this person or who they were to me.
I guess the truth eventually sets you free- but why hide it?
What purpose did it serve?
Does it make anymore sense now than then?
Maybe now as an adult I have more wits about me and I am able to comprehend more- maybe I am finally able to realize truths I already knew when facts just did not add up.
This is why (I assume) I attempt to be authentic in all I do and am fiercely contemptuous of those who mis speak the truth.
Maybe it is all a rouse.

On the train

Someone was talking about choices and consequence. Deep thoughts here...He was like "If I choose to jump up and slap the shit out of someone then that is my choice."
[ok I am concerned...]
"If they choose to shoot me to death that would be the consequence of my choice. Simple."
[Rational...yet scary...]
"How we deal with the consequences of our choices is this life."
Makes sense, right? Then he was like some people ride the train for no reason, some people have a destination. That is how one should approach life.
So this is life....Are you living with no reason [just chillin on the ride??] or is there a destination [got purpose?]
Hmmm food for thought.
that is some deep shit for the #2 train at 1:06 in the afternoon....
Wait there is more-
Be yourself or be by yourself or be by yourself for yourself. [i am going to have to ponder that one...]
sometimes relationship means relation- shit. [Wow. Must be having woman troubles at home cause that is some deep stuff]

Ok now some 'other' dudes come on the train discussing why in the world they come to work?? One of them states "I come to work for Health Care, AC, Internet Access and Stock Options".
Wow.
Things I learn on the afternoon train ride.

HP ends

yup that's me. standing with the poster pic of Harry Potter

these stories made kids pick up a book and start reading again

and that is one of the amazing things a childrens book can do.

It also took my mind off the realities of the craziness of the world.

So- am sad to see the end of the series but know all good things

eventually come to an end.

I just discovered I am a spinster

I just discovered I am a spinster and not in the 'one who spins thread way' either. Apparently I am a spinster in the 'one who is perpetually single well beyond the conventional age of Marrying way.'<- thanks Merriam- Webster.
Or 'a woman who seems unlikely to marry'<- again Webster you are doing me dirty. So I ask myself and the lovely people out there:
What is the conventional age of marrying? *
as of 2007 men 27.7/women 26.0

Great, the U.S. Bureau of the Census is using my lack of liking numbers + the lack of male interaction in my life against me.
So let me get this straight (as I sit here & ponder this) average age of marriage is 26 for women. At 26 I am sure I had trouble committing to a pair of shoes on any given shopping outing, I had trouble committing to any weekend event at various given times (club, bar, lounge, chill) and to which friends I was attending said outings (intellectual types? wild & crazy types? co-workers? family? others<- there were others who are undeniably unclassified.) I definitely had trouble committing myself (ok applying with any real real desire) to furthering my education/career so at at average age of 26 I was supposed to comit myself to ONE MAN IN HOLY MATRIMONY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE???? And this whole marriage thing.- like that is some damned prize (ring, get it?) at the end of the tunnel [the long and treacherous dating world of men, dogs, pigs, snakes and kissing frog-like princes? what is this a freaking animal farm?]
Wow I am so behind the curve here (and here I am looking for a curve, know what I mean?)
I mean here I am trying to get a date, trying to get someone to love men for who I am, trying to get someone just to acknowledge my presence- NOT marry right off the bat. I don't know the first thing about all that- hell sometimes

• I fear I don't even know how to be in relationship with someone (how sad is that).
• I fear I don't know how to love a man
• I fear that a man won't know how to just love me.
• I fear I don't know how to be with a man
• I fear sex. Fear that I would do something wrong, in any and all aspects of it. I fear I don't know how to kiss, how to touch, how to be touched or whatever (therapy says I am just lost in actual practice, one can hope?)

anywho, enough about the marriage, let's talk about:

Divorce.

(cause you can't have one without the possibility of the other, no?)

So I ask myself this question:
What is the average divorce rate in America?
The answers I get are staggering based on the age of marriage:
Age at marriage for those who divorce in America

Age	Women	Men
Under 20 years old	27.6%	11.7%
20 to 24 years old	36.6%	38.8%
25 to 29 years old	16.4%	22.3%
30 to 34 years old	8.5%	11.6%
35 to 39 years old	5.1%	6.5%

so check that out-- had I been married at the 'ripe ole age of 26' the possibility of me getting a divorce was approximately 16.4%.

hope, right?

well, not so fast as i goggled:

What is the average age a person meets their spouse? (no real answers came up but what i did score was interesting:)

With "Gen X" individuals (labeled between 28-39) the most popular way to meet people is through work, at 19%. Following are through friends (18%),through school (14%), social activities with friends (8%), and via a club/bar 6%. Dating services come in dead last at less than 1%. So much for eharmonymatch.com

Where does that leave me?

All confused about my status and about my place/ space in this world. It leaves me thinking about the future and about my past transgressions (a.k.a choices) that lead me right here to this very spot I am sitting in. Then of course a few weeks ago when I started to compose this blog {ok damn near a month ago} this wonderful <--insert sarcasm article comes out on Why I am not Married by Ms. Tracey McMillian via the Huffington post and it blew my mind. Literally got me all riled up. I had so many things to say, respond to about the circumstances that surrounded the place where I am at-- not because I am a shallow-slutty-lying-selfish-not good enough-bitch. [because one thing I did find out about this article is that while she did accomplish marriage(3 times), she accomplished at least 2 divorces as well.

anywho, anyone know how to work a loom?

stuff you should be reading

you know inspiring people who inspire you to be better just cause they are better? well... this chick here is definitely a leader and someone to watch. because this chick can write. and the stuff she is reading makes you think...
just fyi--

coffee thought...

today google reminded us:

Celebrating 90 years since the ratification of the 19th Amendment, guaranteeing women the right to vote

and with the upcoming mid-term senate elections abound us I would like to remind all that we have this right and we need to use it- otherwise we are more foolish than those who were trying to deny us (and still try in more shapes than one).

that's all...

this is scary

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Web-Photos-That-Reveal-nytimes-2375510549.html?x=0&.v=1



and then so is this.....
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100813/ap_on_re/us_rel_ramadan_sept11


......

Movement & music…..

Friday Night in the city….

two of my favorite things are music & dance. when talented performers combine those two skills typically the results are phenomenal and empowering…simply the knowledge and awareness of ones body in correlation to sounds, beats, drums, and other performers makes dance a true art (not to dis on any of the other art forms out there, but since i could never do ballet or get in ‘toe shoes’…since i could never get my Savion/tap dance kid on) i appreciate a good combination of said music and dance. With that said...

Fela! is absolutely phenomenal! Like there are no other words to describe it. I went on Friday (3/5/10) with my friend Tricia to the Eugene O’Neill Theater to get transported back to Lagos, Nigeria in the late 1970’s…. Admittedly I know nothing of the person who is Fela Anikulapo-Kuti or all of the conflict, consciousness and connection that surrounded the man and the music or his stance. After the musical and the message and the information I read, it is amazing of what transpires in a persons’ lifetime that makes them their result… The music and dancing were passionate and powerful. The message and ‘story’ were both entertaining and on point. The performers were poetic in their dance and purposeful in their positions….I could go on but it is a must see night on the town in NY…

I love this place.!

BFTP...

-->This is from April 12, 2006 & I find this utterly amusing...
apparently I am STILL trying to get my cumquat smashed...
**********************************************************************************

MY CUMQUAT
Current mood: busy
Category: Friends Made you look… but now you have to read. Everyone say it with me CUMQUAT! That just sounds funny... I mean I know I want to laugh while I sit here and type it, but basically it looks like a little cherry tomato/mini orange hybrid type of deal. Dunno what it tastes like (I was not gonna try it) & I think it is a fruit (I could be wrong) but what brings me to the Cumquat? You would think that living in a civilized world for approximately 30 years (give or take) one would have been exposed to various fruits/ vegetables and random oddities of this vast world well apparently, not and I and a few other folk who have never met the Cumquat. Last Friday night, well, when faced with such stresses that we have endured in HELL (more on that later) what do we (the lowly peons of HELL) do? We drink! To the cumquat!! (Well maybe not to the cumquat, but that is a reason to drink, not that we actually ever need a reason to drink) As we (my fearless co-workers & I) were all trudging to the bar (and we are a great group, lively conversationalist and great minds, I mean there is a dr. and a venture capitalist and a few married/engaged/ betrothed folk among us) & dreading the weekend to follow, cause yes, we had to work on the weekend; random thoughts occurred as we were following the cumquat (yes, I had rescued him and made him our mascot.) a question dawned on me why were we following the fruit? Then it hit me, we were following the fruit to a bar on the west side (and given our location, it was rather convenient, not just downright funny, but nonetheless following the fruit & the evening (I felt) was going downhill from there, soo what to do what to do well, drink, and wait for the free food! 3 drinks in, saying the word CUMQUAT makes everything even better. Apparently, someone wanted to smash my cumquat, others were throwing the cumquat around, many people just wanted to touch it I mean it is just awfully funny. The word alone makes it better than I can ever imagine! hmmm what was I typing about... oh yeah the moral of the story get yourself a cumquat, try not to get it smashed, and all will be well with the world!