This is... is this?

This is
Exactly why I do not go out... and by out I mean out to the club settings.
Most of the club settings I have recently been setting in involve me standing in heels
 (looking extra cute)
but painfully aware of the things that are going on around me.
Like for example the wonderful colors of the band launch
  and seeing all the colors of Bermuda
meeting NY people in a rooftop bar in NY.
And seeing the married man
 causally and not so subtly
checking out the other married man
who is standing with his wife at the bar.
His hand on her lower back.
She is chatting away with some girl there
and he is making sexy eyes at dude.
 Interesting.
And she is none the wiser.
More interesting
And the wedding ring is nice,
 but it is just an adornment
[kinda like their marriage I assume].
And I go to the bar.
Get me a cool drink.
Drink.

Repeat
Wait for Peachy to show up
Drink.
Watch another couple... couple
and decide to leave
Cause
I can not go out
and watch couples
couple
at home.

coffee thought: Horoscope: Gemini: December 31st, 2014

Well, what a way to end the year with this kind of horoscope...

 

This can be a very upsetting and confusing time, when you do not know exactly what you want or you do not feel strong, capable, or effective. Physically, you need to be gentle with yourself and take care not to burn up your energy reserves.

 

So basically, do not try to think about making major life decisions (today) and/ or endeavor into rock-climbing/ tough-mudder activities today. Got it. Will drink champange and watch mindless TV prattle until the new year/ new things. Oh, and I will be gentle...

this is all... that's all...

 

 

Happy End of the year folks!

Birthday Love...

This year is a celebration.

I mean why not?

So in celebration of the life I have

and the gifts I have been given

(not monetary) but the gifts of

purpose, compassion, patience, love,

hope, health, with a heart of gold, intelligence,

courageousness, authenticity, responsibility,

and all the talent that I have

I am celebrating it all.

Pics from the day/night...

it's J & J!!!

What I find interesting is that you will see my dress is basically a black body con dress (who would have thunk that I would wear a bodycon dress?) with the word 'love' written all over it. Think about it, I want love in all its forms. I talk about love. I read about love. I write about love.  I love. I welcome love, bring love and am love, no? SO why not wrap myself in love on my day?  I thought it was cute. I thought I was cute. I know I am beyond cute tho, I am grown and sexy. If you don't know now you know (in the words of Biggie Smalls hahaah). All in all a great time.


love love love them

 

AJ & Shima recent alumni
we all can celebrate

yes sista friend.

KF and I chilling.

one of the cool interns
i work with.

another sista here who
is real and true.
 

love this chick right here



CG & me & a drink
love this guy

flowers for me.
a lady loves flowers.
 



this is me.
 love me or leave me alone
but i would rather the love...

basically i got the lemonade upgrade

Towels...and the illusion of it all...

The thrill is gone the gig is up. 
The mystery has been solved. 
All pretense and performance can stop as there is nothing left. 

Take a look at this pic....

(This pic is courtesy of a random google search... Just random)The thing that shattered the perception of perfect is these here towels.

Normally towels are not something to destroy your perception but in this case they happen to be.
Towels just molded over this bulky foam thingy- just atrocious.  I used to think that in the store- people took time to actually fold the towels/ placed them expertly on the shelves and efficiently placed the lines together.

It makes me think of all the other perceived perfections of the world-

like snazzy red shoes would really take you very far- 

and maybe in some cases if you were someone who could actually wear those shoes and not feel like a fraud then probably you are going somewhere.

I'm not that person (all the time) tho I continually try to walk that walk...in heels.  Some days I can, I do. Others... not so much... Yet somehow, just like we were sold (and bought) the dream of work hard, don't be a burden to society, pay your bills on time and eventually you will have a house, car, man and 2.5 kids with a white picket fence and all the great sex you can handle (no one else was sold that????!) 

The reality is that is not the case. 

It is an illusion complete with disappointed, unfulfilled unions, balloon mortgages, looming foreclosure, hearty student loan payments for a degree you have not 'actually used' yet, mediocre if that sex with random strangers and the disenchantment if it all. 

You post on the wide world web your fabulous time had at some swanky NY hotspot but fail to mention the 2 hr line you waited in, the cheap off the rack shoes that pinch your toes, the dress (or mens items) that the tag is tucked into just so you can  return it to the store still maintaining that illusion. The standing at the bar hoping to bee seen and chatted to and even touched.

Yes. Touched- just to FEEL- yes, you forgot to mention that.

 Anywho may as well enjoy the illusion- whodunit and ran did say the freaks come out at night.

Also....this pic right here... Folks in denial about a drinking habit (not it!!)

Mean bean

 

Apparently I can be a

'Mean Bean'

LOLOL

And No I do not drink this stuff

Not invited...

Not invited
So the

So the wonderful lil boy peanuts birthday was 9/11. Which marked many emotions and feelings regarding that day in general but I digress.
Now you know we love a party. We party party party (ala cliff huxtable voice) yet there was no party. Correction there was no party I was invited to. So as most parents do (and as most children's parties are supposed to be) this was a geared for kids. Now- apparently because the venue was not her place and the planning was done by the baby daddy it seems that folks with kids for invited. Makes sense- as it is a kids party and the thought of spending a Saturday with screaming 3 yr olds is not all the way appealing. But considering the way this was handled- because I am childless I am not invited to support and witness and celebrate this child. Cool. Cause apparently the love support and stuff I have done don't get me thru the door. How it was handled pisses me off- cause after asking and lookin and making time for this thing begging for an address of said shindig and then the change of date via text message so really you are not all that concerned. It was like wow ok. I see this. I see the value
I am in your life. I recognize this. I will act accordingly. Trust and believe anything I do I do of choice and the choice can be not to go the extra way. It's easy. It has been done. And truthfully why am I putting myself out of the way? Cause of love. Well love don't have to love here anymore.
The second non invite came from the brother.
Weekend events included a luau and a parade- independent of each other but somehow involving me.
So the brother has a friend from high school that is Hawaiian. We went to her wedding many years back. Excellent time.
Anywho, they have a fall BBQ and typically am invited to. Admittedly I don't go cause usually I have to work or have other plans. Well this year- bro #1 decided not to invite me and look what happens- I end up there.

Life has a funny way of closing one door and opening up others that bring about whole different perspectives. And a little hula dancing to boot!

continuing tales of the friends I keep...

Me: what you doing?

        

        Sparkles: (2:35 PM) sleeping and i have a bottle of white wine

Me:  wait…sleeping with the wine?…SMH

Sparkles: a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do

          Me: OMG I am putting you on time out...


(LMAO, my friends apparently sleep with wine)

It's random

Random evening celebrating a housewarming for a good guy friend with an amazing view of the city and then a Resturant in BK called SoCo where there was great red velvet waffles and fried chicken.
Today was a good day.

Desserts...

oreo ice cream sandwich.

 

this is 1 day off my diet eating.. back on the grind soon.

happy birthday MOM! (a semi-cake substitute)

 

;)

 

 

coffee thought...

Welcome to Wednesday - the middle of the week.

There is something about the middle that tends to get ignored/

sometimes like a middle child

or all those people between first and last place.

[what happens to them? we hear about the winner and the looser but those in between- they gets no love. Sorry Wednesday- other than a veiled attempt to get humped you ain't that special today]

Odd.

This is not a race.

Anywho.

Today making the best of it-  

gotta keep working and creating a place where people can do their jobs-

hopefully do their jobs well. 

Always fun.

 Might be a two cup day.

that's all...Sent from my iPhone

coffee thought...

so today is all about tepid--

 like I am drinking tepid chocolate vs hot chocolate because

every time I sit at my desk I am called away to do something else.

and where did the word tepid come from??

[according to dictionary.com 14th century. Latin tepidus/   tepere "be warm"/ of course!]

It is something that I wish-- this chocolate was warm but it is not.

that's all...

Ms. Informed

Why didn't anyone tell me White Hennessy goes with everything?
Sheesh, the life lessons one had to learn on her own.

coffee thought...

So my thoughts today surround this tall cup of Joe I am drinking.
no thoughts really just this McCafe coffee (which I don't understand because must it be wrapped up in a McCafe cuppy thing? The Mickey D's isn't very cafe-ish so delivering a McCafe is just high hopes for a cup of coffee)
maybe i should just shut up and drink...
that's all...

Ask & you shall.. (ok maybe not!)

Ok so I must write about this cause I find this to be just so effin funny... So I went to Mexican restaurant on a random evening with 2 good friends of mine because we were celebrating a special occasion and other people were meeting us there. Well one of the people who show up is a long time friend of theirs (male) who apparently went to school with them. We all chill at the bar talking about life, basketball and whatever else - he is average looking dude, has a job & seemed like a funny dude and apparently he (Z) is feeling me.
How do I know this (cause you are not one to just assume these things) well we all laughing the bar and a Latin American dude one seat over is like hey pretty, enjoying your drink? (To me!) so I am flirting cause why the hell not (this dude could have been my Spanish father but it is fun) but ( tell me if I am crazy) dude (Z) is leaning on the bar, both arms covering the bar as I am sitting there, so it basically looks like he is hugging me WEIRD. being posessive and trying to block the old dude. how rude.
I am like yo, why you all up on meHe was like oh you smell really good
I am like trust me I still smell good if you a good 2 feet away LOL
Then he is chatting with the friends like what’s up with your girl. Friend #1 is like you have no idea He is like hook me up
She is like you aren’t ready
He is like but I am a good man... Friend #2 is like I have only known her for a little while and you are a man that is for sure but you may not be good enough for her
But apparently he is not letting a little challenger get in his way, right? (But he was funny)
And He says he can get me to marry him in 6 months
7 cause I am being difficult
Now here is the best part (cause I figure I will just spare you the mundane details and just put this all out there)
he is currently in a 10 yr relationship with an older woman (like 40+) and treats her like shit because he can talking about maybe I need to rescue him
OH WHAT THE FUCK?! How does that make you more appealing?Now me, remember when I said that sometimes I feel like the first man that comes along and shows me any type of interest I may give a chance to for fear of being alone? And I been asking God for someone to be honest with me and attracted to me etc etcWell God got jokes…because trust and believe alone is GOODI asked him (Z) why he could possibly want to marry me in 6-7 months
He said cause I am pretty, very sexy and he wants to bite meI took 2 steps back and was like NOT OK Hannibal… it was comedy all night…and he did end up getting close enough to kind of try to bite me cause when saying good night he was like what no handshake? I was like oh sure, no problem and then he pulled me in mad quick and nipped at my chin
I was like you so lucky friend #1 & #2 know you cause you are about to get cut here but I was laughing cause it was truly ridiculous...he got me with the handshake
but for all the chatness that was going on he stated every issue like he is not social, does not want to hang out with my friends or family only concerned about our ebb and flow he won’t cook, wants to live in BK- and I was like wow you would make SOMEONE a great guy (oozing sarcasm)He asked why not you
I said plainly cause remember our earlier conversation about standards (there was a convo about standards) well I know where mine are not intending anything against you but I know myself and what I am willing to accept
He was like ooh so you need someone that has a great relationship with their mother... i responded (dont know how you got there buddy) but i need someone that has relationships in good standing period (with God/ humans/friends/ and families) i also said if i am so fly then why he would not want to hang out with me & my fly friends (cause like attracts like..) he was like cause i would be jealous of the attention you give them and not meI was like I see (Uh oh, sounding possessive)
And you know there is compromise and there is outright foolery but all thru this in my head was everyone telling me 'your standards too high"/ I expect too much from dudes, my list of requirements is too much etc
But you see what happens when I lower the bar?I am not gonna disrespect him like that cause I don’t know him and I equate him to faux bro #1 (as in on paper looks wrong) but I know faux bro #1 and yeah he is a good guy who could be soo much better (not for me or my friends for that matter but there is a lid for every pot, no?)
And after all this—no he didn’t ask for the digits.

One of my male friends is like ooh this guy got charisma.
Thanks buddy…for your charisma.
At any event, it is all good cause really I do enjoy someone saying i am sexy. Hey why not!

BFTP...

-->This is from April 12, 2006 & I find this utterly amusing...
apparently I am STILL trying to get my cumquat smashed...
**********************************************************************************

MY CUMQUAT
Current mood: busy
Category: Friends Made you look… but now you have to read. Everyone say it with me CUMQUAT! That just sounds funny... I mean I know I want to laugh while I sit here and type it, but basically it looks like a little cherry tomato/mini orange hybrid type of deal. Dunno what it tastes like (I was not gonna try it) & I think it is a fruit (I could be wrong) but what brings me to the Cumquat? You would think that living in a civilized world for approximately 30 years (give or take) one would have been exposed to various fruits/ vegetables and random oddities of this vast world well apparently, not and I and a few other folk who have never met the Cumquat. Last Friday night, well, when faced with such stresses that we have endured in HELL (more on that later) what do we (the lowly peons of HELL) do? We drink! To the cumquat!! (Well maybe not to the cumquat, but that is a reason to drink, not that we actually ever need a reason to drink) As we (my fearless co-workers & I) were all trudging to the bar (and we are a great group, lively conversationalist and great minds, I mean there is a dr. and a venture capitalist and a few married/engaged/ betrothed folk among us) & dreading the weekend to follow, cause yes, we had to work on the weekend; random thoughts occurred as we were following the cumquat (yes, I had rescued him and made him our mascot.) a question dawned on me why were we following the fruit? Then it hit me, we were following the fruit to a bar on the west side (and given our location, it was rather convenient, not just downright funny, but nonetheless following the fruit & the evening (I felt) was going downhill from there, soo what to do what to do well, drink, and wait for the free food! 3 drinks in, saying the word CUMQUAT makes everything even better. Apparently, someone wanted to smash my cumquat, others were throwing the cumquat around, many people just wanted to touch it I mean it is just awfully funny. The word alone makes it better than I can ever imagine! hmmm what was I typing about... oh yeah the moral of the story get yourself a cumquat, try not to get it smashed, and all will be well with the world!

4:42 am

so yeah i just got home from the club for my friends 29th bday clebration (yay CW) and suffice it to say there are much stories to be told.
let's just say SOME people are not gonna drink for a LOONG time...
g'night/ g'day folks...

rainy day thoughts

rumblings of thunder followed by the raindrops on the ground...
today is such a lazy & rainy day.
it makes me wish i had a clean apartment & a glass of rum cream

to just chill out and meditate...

while i dont have the clean apartment, i will enjoy this rum cream. todays choice..cruzan rum cream. YUM