Happy Birthday to me

41 is a great #

Make a BIG wish!

Andra Day - Rise Up [Audio]

Welcome to the New Year

You're broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can't find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousand times again
And I'll rise up
High like the waves
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousands times again
For you
For you
For you
For you

When the silence isn't quiet
And it feels like it's getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we'll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
We'll take it to its feet
And move mountains

And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousand times again
For you
For you
For you
For you

All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
We will rise
We will rise
We'll rise, oh oh
We'll rise

I'll rise up
Rise like the day
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousands times again
And we'll rise up
Rise like the waves
We'll rise up
In spite of the ache
We'll rise up
And we'll do it a thousands times again
For you oh oh oh oh oh
For you oh oh oh oh oh
For you oh oh oh oh oh
For you

https://youtu.be/kNKu1uNBVkU


And I'll rise up

Me this year

Pictured are 12 'ME's that capture who I was being this 2016. 

There is a story behind everything that happened here- 

alas some pictures are worth more than 1,000 words... 

we shall see what this next year brings, right? 

Be blessed... 

that's all...

coffee thought...

This is the 12th day of January in the year of 2016.

2016. 

That is a scary thought. 

There is something about the beginning of the year 

that gives me so much hope and promise

 for all of the goals that I may have 

and 

all of the obstacles 

that I feel I can accomplish.

It's the beginning

So on this Tuesday morning train ride what have I accomplished thus far?

Waking up,

 bathing

 and putting on a matching outfit 

to head to work and be productive.

Those are all tasks to be proud of.

 Cause getting out of a bed daily some folks can't do

 so kudos to you (me)

Don't go overachieving and hurt yourself.

Pace yourself.

Baby steps

Breathe.

And drink the coffee

that's all...

coffee thought: Horoscope: Gemini: December 31st, 2014

Well, what a way to end the year with this kind of horoscope...

 

This can be a very upsetting and confusing time, when you do not know exactly what you want or you do not feel strong, capable, or effective. Physically, you need to be gentle with yourself and take care not to burn up your energy reserves.

 

So basically, do not try to think about making major life decisions (today) and/ or endeavor into rock-climbing/ tough-mudder activities today. Got it. Will drink champange and watch mindless TV prattle until the new year/ new things. Oh, and I will be gentle...

this is all... that's all...

 

 

Happy End of the year folks!

Happy New Year--kinda late...

Happy New year!
I mean I am 7 days into 2014 and 2 days back to work so that is a plus.
A plus because work was closed due to the ridiculous amounts of snow experienced in the NYC area...
(sigh)
I need to move to Bermuda stat...
anywho
What has happened in the previous days of my non blogging self?
Well, mostly just figuring out some things about myself for myself AND watching a bunch of movies (crash, a wonderful life, Mandela, horror stuff) had a great time at a NYE party at TD house (#nobehaviorcrew) and then a good chill session.
Today.
It seems like chef has had a relapse and has checked himself into 'the place'. What is troubling  (not only about 'the place') is that we (his other sibling + me + his other aka girlfriend) had a real conversation session on Sunday about their relationship and the parameters in which they show love.

Side note:

why is it folks come to me with their relationship issues?

me the currently non relationship having one?

me, also the one who is looking for love but coming up empty.

me, the one who also know what is not acceptable/

what is a deal breaker

and what is not tolerable.

eh.

I guess it's me.

It wasn't working (the conversation and space between them) and proceeded to make everyone involved some tea (hey, I'm part British and it soothes the soul) I chatted with them some more and tried to determine their intentions--- hell, everyones intentions for that matter---and clarify those intentions and actions toward each other that they do to get to their love.
Also wanted them to communicate better and make things work (that's just me, but that aint my business)...but at that time , could tell bro had checked out of this part of reality and was entering his world.
What does this mean?
Well, being back in the hospital means he has access to folks he can talk to to probably help better get situated to the things that are going on.
It also means he recognizes when he is in need and that is better than being forceably placed.
He also said that they appreciated the chat with me and I know what I am doing.
I guess...
I hope.

Update 1/21/14: bro is out and doing fine. a little reset button never hurt no one.

Hair Stories

So this is me...

before and after..

working on the bangs again

(thanks to Mane Motive)...

I mean why not

(it's been a minute without them)

 and she tapered the ends...

Why not end the year with a bang

(in more ways than one..he he he)

hahaha

(before/after.. flat ironed out)

back view...

Happy New Year

Welcome to 2013.
I literally fell into the new year twisting my ankle in the process and hitting my head on some marble steps. Not something I had planned on doing, however since I never started a year like this (on my ass in pain and confusion) I figure- things can only go up from here.
Resolutions:
1) to be kinder to me.
2) to release myself from debt
3) to have more fun
4) to leave work at a reasonable hour so I can have a life and not let work be my life.
5) to FINISH my fiction book. Yes. Completion. This year. Oh joy.
6) to continue on my healthy and spiritual path
7) to be there for my friends/ family- and recognize [and handle accordingly] those that are not there for me
8) reciprocate
9) to be organized
10) love.

that's all...

Carrots, Eggs & Coffee

This is NOT MINE-- but I thought I would share....

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water , they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

coffee thought... (about damn time)

Funny thing happened on the way to this coffee talk... and about 30 others that are currently in the "draft" state either on the blog site or in my head. If you are in draft on the site you have a 50/50 chance of ever being seen. If you are still in my head.. you have about a 1in a million and a 1/2 percent of being seen -- not the best odds for ya.
SO with that being said and this being the 10th of January of 2012 and me not posting anything since the end of 2011 let's shuffle these babies all out at the same time shall we?

coffee thought--- today is a hot chocolate day seeing as how I could not find any of the $40 worth of coffee related gift certificates I received over the holiday and I had a stray packet in my cubicle. maybe by the afternoon something will turn up so I can savor the flavor...

random lunch item--- having a chipotle steak burrito which I have never had before though the goddaughter swears by them (apparently she says it contains crack) O M G it is soooo good (i have it with brown rice and lettuce, corn and salsa) yeah. she may be right about the drugs contained inna it cause why am i thinking about another one before I have even finished this one?? #fatgirlissues

random update on the love front--- can I laugh out loud on a computer and still be heard?? cause really these dude out here are laughable. I got dudes who want me to send them pics of my privates (cause I mean really, you don't know unless you ask right?) and I have some dudes who are killing me with the spelling issues (sidebar- you know me and know I cannot spell-- and in a text message damn auto correct be trying to get me laid more times than a little bit BUT I refuse to attempt to carry on a meaningful conversation with you if you cannot spell face {fase? really} ???) or are all "dats wassup luv I'm gonna working so I won't not see da ball drop" (can you see my fase face?)

Work issues--- umm back to the New Year with some of the same old issues. With unemployment rampant and some ninjas don't want to do their expected jobs it makes me wonder why we are such a wasteful place seeing as how people can keep their jobs barely doing the minimum that is required. It is mind boggling. Still.

Other Items--- those will stay stuck in my head for the time being but there will be randomly placed posts that will not be so random anymore. Cryptic? Yes. Non-sensible? No.

anywho...of course...
that's all...

how's that for being specific?

you know me.
(wait, do you know me? I think I can say you do know the parts I allow you to know about me so yeah ...continue)
I specifically ask for what I want.
Like in a restaurant, I am not one to give the waiter a hard time, I just want egg whites cooked well done with a little bit of black pepper and preferably cooked onions, not raw. that's not so hard, huh?
or you know, when i am ordering my coffee, I want it light with 1/2 & 1/2 not milk and certainly not skim milk for that is just wrong. And light, like a mulatto.
I am the one that asks for what I want. In my size and preferably in my color - (well, in most situations I do, I mean I am still trying to figure out how to ask nicely for some things in life that I think I deserve-- you know set the bar of standards with my family and friendships to maintain a healthy reciprocal level of giving camaraderie and love- still working on that one but I digress..)
Other times I definitely just deal and don't complain.
I try not to be a complainer (tho looking at this blog there are alot of views here... not complaints just views, but it's my space so I guess ya'll have decided to deal-- I thank ya for that!) but there is something to be said about the complaint/ complainer - something like the squeaky wheel gets the oil? I don't know I heard that somewhere before and thought, well yes, a squeaky wheel would need some oil but what happened to the rest of the wheels? Don't they need love aka oil as well? What happened to the general maintenance of the whole damn wheel situation??
ANYWHO in my search for love and everlasting long term reciprocal fulfilling love there are new prospects to choose from:

enter Niche dating sites to help you with the search.

think about it- people now a days are customizing cars, coffees and canines to their wondrous specifications and you know we are all choosy by nature but now you can narrow your narrow-minded search to the most specific of fields that is attractive to you.
I wonder if there is a site for single African-American MEN who do not have a kid (or 2 hiding out somewhere) or a baby momma (or 2 hiding out there somewhere) who is available (emotionally, physically) and funny and taller than me who will enjoy me and comfort me in a non misogynistic way and be there for me and allow me to do the same for him all while we make the world a better place complete with trips to Africa & India every other year and downtown Brooklyn loft parties at New Year's complete with a kiss every night just because. Oh yeah, don;t forget about love love love.

how's that for being specific? asking for too much? you know me... you never know until you ask.

coffee thought...

happy new year of 2011..

well happy first coffee thought of 2011 and the thought is how long into the new year are we allowed to say happy new year? Does one generally consider things 'new' after 4 days in? Certainly I don't consider 4 day old food new (ewww) but a 4 day old baby for sure they are new.
How about 4 day old shoes (well, do we really count the days of shoes rather than the # of times we wear them like this is my 3rd time wearing these darn things...)
Anywho, I continue to say happy happy new year & I'll drink (coffee) to that!

that's all...

Welcome to 2011!!!

even in this strange times i do believe
we are in the time we need to be in...
so enjoy

Oye, I'm sick

Oye, I'm sick
Strep throat sucks.
It hurts to talk.
It hurts to breathe.
It hurts to swallow.
It just hurts
I went to the dr. and he gave me antibiotics to take so I been on them and he also said based on my mouth I am dehydrated (which probably has something to do with me not swallowing)
So yea I am still on grand jury duty which means that I am exposed to less that civil people while i am doing my civic duty (and the case is a whopper!!) at any rate time for sleep again
More on life later!

sent from iPhone

NY!

Where dreams are made of there is nothing you can't do except find reasonable housing & a decent man- both are equally hot commodities and equally coveted in NY-- I guess I you make it here you can make it anywhere "it's up to you NY, New York"

BFTP...

Blog from the past---
Specifically approaching New Year 2007... I find this amusing.
*************************************************************
So as this year is coming to an end, a couple of things that have come to my attention:
My Closet
There is no more room in my closet for my skeletons, secrets, or all my clothes
as the bar in my closet has fallen 2 times over the last 24 hours.
There is no justice in the world!
since I am trying to actually hang up my clothes in the damn closet
and the damn closet is rebelling.
You would think that the universe would see fit to cooperate with me these final days in 2006. Oh well, I guess the universe was like why f* with tradition.
In addition to that, as my mother was in my house surveying the damage,
she said, "YOU NEED A MAN."
Now I am sure she meant something about
needing a handyman
or someone who can fix things and stuff,
but as the brothers roared with laughter and hollered with delight
I was like
"Thank you very much mom, as if I needed to be reminded on the very last day of this year that yes, I do not have a man, that yes, have not found a man, and that yes, I need a man. Thank you mom for them words of wisdom and encouragement for the New Year. In 2007 I will go forth and seek a man.
Any takers?

Oh & the other thing is, one can never have enough liquor in the house for a party, even if there is a party of 1.

Drink up & Happy NEW YEAR!
PS- And that's the way it is.

Happy New Year 2010 (part II)

it is 10:07 pm (and yes i know where my children are they are 1/2 in my ovaries & 1/2 in the man of my dreams you know...but we are moving away from why i am writing...)
Today is January 1, 2o1o. The fresh start of a new year. What have I accomplished today?
Well lets see:

• woke up this morning (ok this afternoon) to someone yelling outside my window (not for me but apparently they were wronged by Carlos and vowed to get him on his word).
• decided to make coffee (cause that is a must in my life) and proceeded to make a great slammin pot of java.
• watched the news at noon to see if there were any major developments in this world overnight other than the date changing. nope, none to report.
• looked for food in my house. found a slew of red velvet cupcakes that were leftover from the previous nights shindig @ T's house.
• decided to eat 1 cupcake. plus 1 for good measure. (that is a total of 2 and thus if i had a new years resolution i would have sufficiently broken it.)
• checked online for any new updates on life via FB (many people were regretting the amount of drinks they ingested the previous evening, ha ha suckers! man up!)
• went downstairs to Grandmas house (which smelled of chitterlings her annual tradition & black eyed peas) and bugged her for a bit. She is too funny but looking forward to our annual bowling beatdown.
• went back upstairs & proceeded to open up a can of chef boy r dee ravoili and chowed down. yeah welcome to the first new year meal.
• watched a few movies (27 dresses & dancehall queen) and decided that will be my theme for the year. I plan to be a Dancehall Queen in 27 dresses (or less ;)

All jokes aside, I spent the first day of the new year utterly relaxing without a care in the world and it felt great. Hopefully the rest of the year is just as stress-less.

Have a safe, prosperous, joyous, love filled, sex cometh, financially wealthy and spiritually sated year!

Starting 2010...

Happy New Year!

tis' another year and the start of another decade in this world.

2010

can you believe it?

where did you think you would be by now ? (and not just location i am talking about spiritually, emotionally, financially & romantically)

where are you in relation to them pre-set thoughts, ideas or goals??

Think back to when we were going into the year 2000... remember the issues and y2k? remember all that was going on and where you were in the grand scheme of life then?

Then

2001

2002

2003

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009 (which should not be a far fetched memory....)

well here we are at 2010.

How are you going to make it different?? hell how are you going to make a difference??

(more reflections when i wake up from this sleep/drink i am having)...

Happy New Year! (i may have already mentioned that...)

It's a New Year

Apparently 2009 is upon us and this year is significant to the theme of change, not only for the fact that we have a new president who is African-American which means the First family is reflective of a married African American man, woman and 2 sassy daughters, but there is change on the many levels of this world.

the US is in a recession... everything is more expensive. unemployment is high and people are loosing there jobs + homes at more than an alarming rate. I am thankful to be employed and slightly still ok with my job...currently dont own a home and hope to afford one some day...but it is sad for the folks who are loosing their dream now... i remember when mom lost our home to forclosure...

i mean this year of 2009 started differently...mommy was not here to toast with us and bring a smile to our faces. Why i am struggling with coping and grieving is no mystery to me, catholic guilt is a dominant theme in my life.

i actually made NO resolutions..save for the one of me 'being better' in all that i strive to do... which can run the gamet from health to men/ relationships/ work etc...

i plan to write more when i have more fascinating facets of life to cover...right now i am dull

BUT google has not let me down with another smashing pic on their page...

so with that... happy new year!

A change is gonna come...

I figure i should start at the beginning...

where you can learn about me, learn about views, learn about....

*************************************************************

As this year comes to a close, and we are about to marshal in 2008 there are definitely some things that need to be addressed.

Have you ever heard that song so eloquently sung by Sam Cooke entitled "A change is Gonna Come" well that is positively the theme for me in this upcoming 2008. not saying that 2007 was bad or anything, I mean there are blessings abound in 2007, and there is soo much that I am thankful for:

My faith- let me just say I love God and all my blessings and gifts and talents that he has bought forth thru me.
My family- as much as I complain about them and talk about them and laugh about them and love them, I am saying for the record that I truly love my family (near and far). They are my strength and source of comfort and can definitely work a nerve like the best of them but are truly a blessing always.
My friends- this year has opened up some new and wonderful friendships that I am sure will last more than a season. Also, with this passing year, I have come to realize some of the friendships that I once held on to (for one reason or another) clearly were not meant to be more than what they are. With that said, YES my friends are the best in the world at challenging me to be the best that I can be (borrowed from the army), to live my life to its full potential (thank you Oprah), and they are the absolute best sources of entertainment in this life. Trust and believe I am truly thankful for their support and encouragement thru all the difficult and happy times. (I am getting mushy now…)
My education: Yes, I graduated from ..New York University with my MASTERS degree in Higher Education. Do I feel like I have accomplished something, no doubt. This is just a stepping stone to bigger and better things…
My career: that is right, I said it- career. This is not any 9-5 hustle just to pay the rent. I am actually loving and digging my job. I interact with different students daily, I problem solve constantly, I am abreast of the politics and drama in higher education (which by the way is critical to a sustainable society) yes, I am getting my groove where I am and get paid for it- how about them apples?
My book- WOW… I mean to put it simply, stuff that I experienced, dreamt about, and felt I put pen to paper and completed this first book of poetry. And then I actually put it out there to get judged, criticized and sell. I am truly blessed for the people who listened, encouraged and kept believing in me.
But for the changes that will come in 2008 (watch out now) because if you thought 2007 was hot, darling you have no idea….

LOVE LOVE LOVE… yes I have said it before and I will say it again…I am worthy of love. I am ready for love. I am truly available for the love of my life and yes I know he is out there. I have faith in all the higher powers that BE that this right here is preparing me for the effort that is relationship and the love I deserve. Trust and believe my status as a single sister in the city will be changing for the better.
Health-spiritually, emotionally, physically… well in 2007 Justin Timberlake bought sexy back (or was that 2006? I don't know) so I sure know that it is high time that I bring forth my sexy. During this past year, I typically tried to "hide my sparkly" as not to diminish any other people around me. Well, that didn't work out so good seeing as how I was not doing justice to myself or them. And truth be told, that was boring. I was playing it safe (in most areas). SOOO now, hey this is it. This is me—take it or leave it. Guess who is playing a winning game
Faith, family, and friends- these bonds will get stronger and stronger thru this year and beyond, I have no worries about that…
My writing- there will be more to come, more juicy tidbits of life thru Adiva's eyes… I am sure you cant wait

So yes, a change is gonna come and on so many levels.
Are you with me?
Happy 2008!!! Be blessed, with love…