Me this year

Pictured are 12 'ME's that capture who I was being this 2016. 

There is a story behind everything that happened here- 

alas some pictures are worth more than 1,000 words... 

we shall see what this next year brings, right? 

Be blessed... 

that's all...

coffee thought...

coffee thought...

Here I am again.
Both brothers in the hospital dealing with amputation and sanity in their forms of illnesses that have been manifesting over the years
and
here I am trying not to be the visiting nurse service because my mentals cannot take this.
My sanity cannot handle this.
I seriously think they coordinate this bi-monthly series of visits and short to long stays in the hospitals and mental institutions respectively out of a lack of anything else to do
or
 just cause it's Tuesday
or
just cause some days they may be bored.
I know that sounds cruel and i am quite possibly writing this out of some anger or upsetness or some not right thinking in my head.
But- as of right now,  I am seriously not this strong black woman that I have been for upwards of three decades now.
It is tiresome-
And I am tired. I am exhausted. I am beat.
I am also just not sure how much more I am supposed to give when I legitimately have nothing left. Maybe if I had a stronger heart or stronger soul or a stronger mind I could do this.
Alone.
 Like I have been.
And in all my aloneness I have dealt with many an issue.
But now, at this time. I can not. I will not. I shall not.
I have to take care of me right this minute because my care of me cannot be entrusted to anyone else- I mean who else is there for me?
And if I do not choose me, then why on earth would...
At any rate, I know my faith in the Lord has carried me and will continue to do so.
That is all I got.
But even the Lord got a day of rest.
Even the Lord wants us to take care of ourselves and all that jazz. 

Cause I am not the one for this foolishness.

And call me selfish.
Call me making this about me.
Call me not being a good sister, friend, granddaughter, whatever.
Call me anything anyone wants to call me.
But don't call me for that shit.
that's all...

How I spent my summer (the short version)

This summer was filled with many things I did. I went to Bear Mountain a few times with the fam and thoroughly enjoyed the craziness. I had a few good nights out with some co-workers and some friends. Love the NYC nightlife ya know!!! AndI had the opportunity it's to reflect of the many blessings that are in and around the city of NY.
Was able to see Mozart at Lincoln center

listening to the orchestra

although it was a tragic occasion I ended up having to go to Bermuda to handle some family business and I did get to go to the beach. I definitely shed some tears there because of all the lives lost and the mortality of....us all. I didn't get lost in the triangle...although sometimes my mind...

Also, got a little creative with myself with some painting and re-decorating my home (home pics not avail but here is the start of a structured project. I promise it is a masterpiece.)

And finally had some time to work on some writing! Now, the subject matter is jarring but what about life is not? I mean there is more, more, more-- but i understand in time all things will come... and with that, we are about to fall into fall literally!

coffee thought...

This commute is beyond the commute from hell.

 I left my house early.

Like before 7:30.

It is now 9:12

and

I am still not in Brooklyn.

 Whatever happened on 14th street:

#1 - hopefully no one died

#2- better be good to delay trains downtown and uptown

#3- someone better get me some coffee

that's all...

Just stop

Basically I have to tell myself that over and over again because I know me.
I want what I want and I think I am capable of attaining it myself but
then when it don't go my way I am still stuck trying to force a round
peg in a square hole.
And that don't work.
It don't fit.
It doesn't fit properly and it is utterly stupid. And aggravating.
This is one of the many lessons I learned this labor day . I get up,
go about my business of getting some much needed things for the home.
I get wonderful coffee.
I am enjoying this beautiful day. I embark on home improvement
because why not ever stop improving because it is not exactly where I
want it to be.
I am desperately trying to put up these curtains and it ain't
working- Not in the living room- Not in the bedroom -Not in the any
room.
Now backstory: The windows have the metal brackets up for the standard
white for curtains. This is something that should be able to just be
placed and set. Like set it and forget it. And I figure since the
living room other curtains that i struggled to put up came down via an
accident at the housewarming and have yet to get back up there these
should be an ok temporary fix. The damn brackets in the living room
don't want to hold these curtains down (I tried several times) then
the bedroom would be able to being that it's purple and all. And so I
get up on the ladder and I place the curtains and I place the curtains
and I placed them again. 10 minutes and much aggravation later they
are up. I step down. I step back. I admire my work. They promptly fall
to the ground. I bust out laughing because the fact of the matter is
that them curtains ain't staying up there they are not for that rod
(which they are but I digress) and they are not going to work for you.
Not now. Not ever.
No matter how hard you want it and seem to even have the tools for it
in place and how you even have the style and accommodations ready. It
ain't gonna happen. Let it go. Just stop trying to force some damn
curtains up when it is not meant to be.
Just leave it alone. Open. For the world to see in and witness the
mess of your home life.
That's all...
Hey, that's what I got out of it...
Do just stop.