coffee thought...

Sooo not appropriate for work...

And while it may not look that way in this unassuming position... 

Trust me!

And this banana (while in general I am not a fan of the banana) this one right here is deliciously firm and hard and like ripe and sweet and my lips fits perfectly around it. 

Yeah. 

Sooo need to get some STAT. 

that's all...

coffee thought...

no gym today..
I needed sleep
maybe tonight
(since I did have some chocolate rum cake yesterday...)
that's all...

Massage Envy..

That's actually the name of the place. It has been a long overdue massage in the making because my body needed to be touched (and not in that way altho I ain't been touched in that way so maybe it needs that too but right now am focusing on the stress/neck/ ect issues I have been having before I digress...)

So I booked 1 &1/2 hour massage with a male friend. Not that type of friend.  Separate rooms. After a quick chat there was a decision to get a facial as well (again...mind ought the gutter people) and signed up for that. I mean considering I got a raise and all why not blow it right out the gate (altho they shorted me exactly $221 for my check this month which is very odd and I have a case out with the ever so helpful linky-syncing system we have to work with (said in my oh so sarcastic voice)

PS- as I am typing this I am drinking wine and relaxing in bed. Took a muscle relaxer cause I need to relax and the neighbors next door are having a heated argument in Spanish. The words I hear [know] are 

punta = cunt/ hoe (such vulgarity)

Mentirosa = liar

Lo siento = I'm sorry

Salir de me casa = get the out my house

Oh my goodness = oh my goodness 

Que no es grave = it's not serious 

Diga me = tell me

Amongst some banging and slamming of things. Funday Sunday night...

Anywho back to yesterday's massage... A leaf massaged me. Not an actual leaf but a dude named Leif. He seemed to be a mixed race dude who was very personable and knowledgeable and had good hands. Not exactly ugly/ not exactly cute/ not my type. (Love good hands- guess that is a prerequisite for a masseuse). We chatted a bit about the problem areas (pinched nerve/ lower back) and he was like strip for me. (Ok wasn't like that but I had 3 minutes to get naked and under a blanket). Cool, good to know I can get naked in a hurry ;) anywho massage starts with me on my stomach. Now let me tell you something... Being flat on my stomach is not entirely comfortable at all as 'the girls' impede any really comfortably. Like I'm a good 6 inches off the table here, thanks. Anyways after some shimmying we work it out and I'm situated (tense) but good. Leif starts his thing, warm hands, and gets to work. (Now it takes me a good 10 minutes to relax cause SOMEONE IS TOUCHING ME but I mean getting mentally prepared for a massage is something I had all week to do, sooo yeah). As dude is working it out something brushes my arm... Something not in the form of a leg or thigh or arm or hand. Something in the form of a penis (well a penis in his pants not all out and about..again it is not that type of party people!) and I am like WTF...uhhhh. Dude was actually aroused. And present. Now, I didn't know weather to be disgusted or flattered cause I mean massage is hard work (no pun intended) and just like dudes can get hard from working out I assume this 'thing' works the same way. Or maybe touching people turns him on? Or me? Anywho... I'm gonna ignore all that and relax. Woo sah... Pressure is good. He is surprised about the tattoos on my back and asked question about their meaning. Okkkkk. Now, as homie is massaging the crap out the knot in my shoulder (oh yes) I am like drifting more into relaxing and my mind is all over the place (not in the oh can't sleep way but the Ohhh this is kinda nice way). He moves down to the glutes and works that out. Thighs (yess) and legs/ feet. As he is massaging the thighs I feel him brush against me accidentally again.

THIS time... More...specifically he was more harder, more there... more like WOAH....
I was like uhhhhh....OK. OK. OK.
Now there is no more concentration going on ova here THIS IS SERIOUS!!!! (Seriously hilarious when you think about it) and now I am trying not to smirk cause I mean who does that and I am trying to be sensitive to his plight - I mean you got to finish the job and got this issue and yeah... But oh well. Suffice it to say my mind alternately went from real relaxation to hmmm other gutter thoughts. Good thing I'm a good girl at all times. 

Anywho once the whole massage was done I felt delicious and I got to chill while I waited for my facial. My dude was getting a facial as well and they only had one lady on staff to do that- so an hour I wait. Now, patience and patiently waiting are not my strong suits but I managed. The esthetician cleansed  the face, checked under some light thing and said I need more water and vitamin c and need to exfoliate more.  All in all not bad. $200+ dollars later... hey I'm worth it, no?

Now my friends' massage experience was not as fulfilling as mine (his lady needed to apply more pressure and he communicated that to her 3 times). And I guess it is a universal involuntary response thing (of the penis) to want to hang out or stand up or something cause he mentioned that there was some 'intentional grounding' thinking going on there. (Talk about control). But I mean he survived having never had a massage before (I mean professional I am sure his ladies touch him) so it was a good day. Topped off with good conversation and a good steak and a great sleep.... Ummm but all I can think about was massage envy... <-- which would make a great poem about touch and deep and breath and massage and hands lingering and muscles relaxing and other tensions coming to the surface... pasue... I may need to get to err.... writing... yeah writing...

Will I go back? I mean I liked the massage (have had better and worse)  so the $70 monthly membership is my dilemma. I mean yeah I can afford it but will I use it? I didn't use to get monthly massages before so who I think I is? Will it help me sleep? Possibly. Will it help me relax? Possibly. Thinking thinking thinking... 

Sent from my iPhone

Birthday Love...

This year is a celebration.

I mean why not?

So in celebration of the life I have

and the gifts I have been given

(not monetary) but the gifts of

purpose, compassion, patience, love,

hope, health, with a heart of gold, intelligence,

courageousness, authenticity, responsibility,

and all the talent that I have

I am celebrating it all.

Pics from the day/night...

it's J & J!!!

What I find interesting is that you will see my dress is basically a black body con dress (who would have thunk that I would wear a bodycon dress?) with the word 'love' written all over it. Think about it, I want love in all its forms. I talk about love. I read about love. I write about love.  I love. I welcome love, bring love and am love, no? SO why not wrap myself in love on my day?  I thought it was cute. I thought I was cute. I know I am beyond cute tho, I am grown and sexy. If you don't know now you know (in the words of Biggie Smalls hahaah). All in all a great time.


love love love them

 

AJ & Shima recent alumni
we all can celebrate

yes sista friend.

KF and I chilling.

one of the cool interns
i work with.

another sista here who
is real and true.
 

love this chick right here



CG & me & a drink
love this guy

flowers for me.
a lady loves flowers.
 



this is me.
 love me or leave me alone
but i would rather the love...

basically i got the lemonade upgrade

Groceries...

One persons groceries is another persons WTF??

Coffee thought...

Preparing for the annual

 'Very Bean Thanksgiving Feast'

and let me tell you what a time this will be.

Considering these factors:

Bro #2 and his woman will be contributing the asparagus and cranberry sauce.

Bro #1 and his woman (yes he has a live in girlfriend) will be baking the turkey and contributing some unknown other accompaniment.

Jewels will be there cooking away-

she was asked by the boys to make ham again

and bringing my lovely Juniors cheesecake.

I will be making the sweet potatoes,

cornbread stuffing

and veggies

and gran mariner carrot cake.

 I think there will be 2 turkey's

and a roast beef as well...

plus loads of little hours'd erves.

 And drinks.

 Lots to drink.

Cause I will need to be drinked to make this work.

I am also inviting to the home to a few strays

 (bro #3 & random one).

 Should be very interesting to say the least... 

Luck be upon us

 (and good cooking juju as well)

that's all...

God is GOOD

I mean, it's not like y'all don't know that or nothing. But let me tell you a little story...

Friday- had the day off work and I the evening decided to go to dinner with my good friend TD and my lil man- well her lil man but that is neither here nor there. He has this fascination for all things moving- planes, trains, automobiles, motorcycles, firetrucks, police vehicles,etc etc. It is entirely cute and he is extremely intelligent and always points em out to us. Well,we go to one of the favorite pizza shops and score a slice of pizza and an iced mocha latte (which is a throwback meal TD and I used to have in the evenings we used to go walking and pre-her being a mommy days).  He is too well behaved and we have fascinating conversation. All there if us. By the way- this pizza shop is by an elevated train. 

We get back go my car and what is in front-

that piece of the train platform had fallen from the sky and was inches from my car. Luckily no one got hurt and luckily my car was fine- but we were rushing to get outta there as another train was coming and did not want any more falling debris. Now I know this is a little thing to be thankful for and a little thing to be praising The Lord for, but dammit I am happy. And thankful. 

green things...

green cookies- the devil in disguise

Have I every told you about the story of the green cookies?? (The cookies pictured here were undoubtedly part of some professionally baked platter delivered to my office for the triage folks- folks here to help with the summer doings in the place of employment) Well, I will not- under any circumstances- eat a green cookie.
Why you may ask? When there is a chocolate center involved you may ask?
Well... it all started with a Betty Crocker Cooky Bookl I got when I was a little gal. This book (red cover, loads of cookies on the front) was like manna from heaven- I was able to read thru it and recognizing I had most if not all of the ingredients at home deceived to try to bake something.
My specialty was a Bon-bon cookie. with some glaze thing on the top.
The brother ironically the chef- decided to make a green cookie (cause you can add food coloring to anything according to my mother) and we were gonna surprise her. Well, we were measuring everything up & baking up a storm and using every pan in tarnation.  (I believe the other brother's job was to wash the dishes and taste test-- considering he was too young to do anything.)
My bon- bons came out smashing and delectable. and a tannish color. prize winning.
Chef's cookies-- well apparently the tablespoon was used instead of a teaspoon when measuring the salt and these green cookies were the horrible-est tasting things on the planet. I mean wretched. And because we were so proud of them that we presented them to Mommy (so this was after '86) and she lovingly took a bite of each. I think I visibly witnessed her bold pressure rise as she ate the green cookie. The things she did for us children. She politely questioned how much salt did we actually put in the cookie and when chef explained that to her, she was like um baby, that was supposed to be a teaspoon, not tablespoon (and I am sure we didn't even use a tablespoon we just winged it- probably used a serving spoon which is worse).
I believe we all collectively tried to eat another cookie and this is where I think I developed high-blood pressure OK maybe not but ever since then... I refuse to eat any green cookie since my taste buds are still scarred. Then when I learned that green on things typically signify mold-- no thank you.
It is a good thing the chef was not 'disheartened' by this experience... as he continued (and continues) to experiment in the kitchen and come up with crazy culinary concoctions..
but did I tell you about the time he made us all hot tea and put lemon and milk in each cup?
(no one told him it was one or the other and not both)...
there was a line for the bathroom that night...
sigh... the good old days.

mini cuppycake time

So what you are looking at (and probable salivating over) is this mini-mint chocolate chip cupcake. It was given to my girl Sparkles on her last day of work (well this and about a dozen more) and  seriously this thing is like the size of a quarter. It is like a tiny tease of the mouth. I'll take it tho.

desserts!

Let's dance!

Things I never thought I would be doing on my birthday:

• Waking up on a king size bed overlooking the water
• Being sung Happy Birthday by a nice woman named Elaine who worked in the Swarvoski store.
• Getting presents.
• Heading to a Polynesian Restaurant where you see hula and fire dancing and great food. And sexy men.
• Go to a strip club. [strip clubs and dollar bills- still got my money]
• See more sexy men.  Get a lap dance. [still got my money]
• Get the stripper to loose his 'focus' [still got my money] *
• Have a wonderful cake and more singing sung to me with candles.
• Making wishes...
• Hearing 'I Love You'- you know? **

Anywho...I made a wish.

 *

Soooo yeah. Cutting out all the other PG-13 stuff and skipping straight to the XXX we (my friend Jem and her daughter) in the club. We watching the folks get it in. We have champagne. Some men are obviously very good at their job- as in they stay fit and flexible. And fit is what my mind kept reeling. And some are not so good/ fit/ attractive.

Any who our table is chilling by the stage cause why not put our table right up front and center. The girls are trying to get me a lap dance.

Literally trying to figure out "what's your flavor?"  Well, it depends on the mood I am in- some days we love a little caramel cream, a little milk chocolate, ooohhh on other days we love love love the dark smooth sexy chocolate- so yeah it depends on the day {however there was this fine chocolate loc'd dude strutting by and my flavor was him for the evening}

So they trying to get me up onstage to get a 'dance'.

Right. I am not buying it (literally) and convince my good good sis to take one for the team.  What you must remember about Jem is that she is so classy- pearls and all- and strippers and strip clubs are not her forte.

Well- she got on stage and went to town.  It was a riot. Her daughter was hollering and it looked like Sparkles had a great time.

Next up was me and the chocolate brother. He came over with a tee shirt for me to 'get'.

just do me- no comment(s) necessary

Well I got the shirt and discovered he has a tongue ring.

Get yo minds out the gutter.

Remember I am a good girl- but while he was dancing and them hookers were telling me to smack it/ touch it/ rub it (slores I tell ya).

I was intrigued by the 6 pack just mere inches in front of me. Hmmm.

I was intrigued by the other inches in front of me... Hmmm.

Anywho I called a time out when he did something with his tongue and I was like oh my he got a tongue ring- to which he busted out laughing and had to refocus. Stripping is serious business.

Suffice it to say WE made a memorable experience of the strip club and now have jokes for days.

Happy Birthday to me

 
** and the 'hearing I love you' part of the equation. It was not by the stripper- thank you very much.
It is what it is- which I have found the perfect words for courtesy of SCANDAL (appropriate).

*text outlined below/ ingrained in my memory*

You have nothing.

You have a pile of secrets and lies and you’re calling it love...

And in the mean time you are letting your whole life pass you by

While they raise children

And celebrate anniversaries

And grown old together.

You are frozen in time.

You are holding your breath

You’re a statue waiting for something that is

Never going to happen.

Living for stolen moments in hotel hallways and coat closets-

You keep telling yourself they all add up to something real

Because in your mind they have to

But they don’t

They wont.

They never will-

Because stolen moments aren’t a life.

So you have nothing.

You have no one

End it now.

 

poem of the day...

 

      

So I wrote this poem using words that were on the chipotle bag... because what else are you supposed to do as you eat chipotle and contemplate life?

The whole concept of finding "The Male"
which is like Magic.
I've been working some things out in my head.
It seems like 1 sustainably raised,
obsessive attention to detail
and classical cooking technique dude
minus crazy chemicals & hormones
plus tastiness times a really big...
divided by natural ingredients
equals a way better
grown & sexy
whole bunch of people.

I mean come on!
It's not rocket science.
Pretty simple to me.
I just wish more people
could get a handle on this equation.
Maybe I should set up a tutoring service
so I can help explain this to people
and of course earn some extra money.
Plus I'm better.
That's all...

  

 

It's random

Random evening celebrating a housewarming for a good guy friend with an amazing view of the city and then a Resturant in BK called SoCo where there was great red velvet waffles and fried chicken.
Today was a good day.

miss lily's... she's real good.

So odd...
yesterday, I was meeting up with Beks who loves this place called Miss Lilys. So seeing as how I passed this place before and it has a cool vibe (and was utterly crowded the few times I have  passed) we made a reservation and had some good food, good chat and laughs. (I miss hanging out with Beks!) There were some decent looking Black Men (so we agreed next time to sit in the back of the place where apparently it is jumping) Oh check this review:
http://dinersjournal.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/27/reviewing-coppelia-reviewing-miss-lilys/

to the day one year later, it is still garnering great reviews and I can safely say the jerk chicken was great and the festival was *almost* perfect (just a little bit more sweetness would have rocked my world). Speaking of rocking of the worlds... I am still on that search. hopefully when i go on my vacation I can be all how Stella got her groove back minus the death of my bff and ultimately homosexual husband.

cheers!

Desserts...

oreo ice cream sandwich.

 

this is 1 day off my diet eating.. back on the grind soon.

happy birthday MOM! (a semi-cake substitute)

 

;)

 

 

Live love love

I love connecting with my friends it
Really rejuvenates the soul
And reiterates the craziness that is my life.
What a wonderful world

Sent from my iPhone

Free lunch today!

looks good! I should be
a still food photographer...

Today, I got a free lunch from Pret A Manger that just opened up on 1 Astor place here in NYC.

• Reviews:  The crowds of folks cheering you on as you stand on a line that moved swiftly was enthusiastic (pause)  fervently animated, keen and excited to say the least. They gave you high-fives as you were whisked in and handed a bag and high-fived on the way out.
• Very forced festive.
• Food:  It looks good. The 1/2 sandwich was a chicken/ avocado/ bacon something on this multi grain bread. Fail. Save for the multi grain bread <<--Allergic tendencies-->> it was a success--- but I picked the parts I could eat off the 1/2 sandwich. That tasted good. The organic sea salt popcorn was OMG good. Who knew organic popcorn would be a hit! That brownie I gave away <<more allergic issues>> and the soup lid & coffee sleeve there entitles me to a free coffee and a free soup whenever I turn them in. Great promotional scheme to guarantee return visits cause who doesn't like free stuff??

All in all part of the NYC experience and it was a good snack- I supposed if I had a whole edible sandwich it would have been amazing.

now..back to our regularly scheduled progra

coffee thought...

What is left of my homemade brownine

Ummm. My homemade brownies and cup of tea... Thoughts of the weekend ahead make me want to savor this Friday workday and pray for No to minimal drama.
That's all...

GW Bridge

random:

today, 80 years ago the GW bridge was opened to traffic connecting NY & NJ and making the start of major commutability (my word). One random night, Bro#2 & I were watching some documentary on the making of the bridge and basically reasons why they design is what it is. Something about crossing this bridge to NJ to me means 'Road Trip'. As a kid anytime we were headed that way (south I-95) it meant adventure, intrigue and mommy or daddy driving.
Let's also take a look at the days we (dad & us) used to take mom to work at her K-Mart corporation job in North Bergen NJ. Typically in the summer time, on the Thursdays bi-weekly when she got paid, we would take her to work for her 4pm-12am shift. From there, the family would hit up either Roy Rogers or White Castle and some random rock park in NJ [not too far from Berginline Ave ] where we would run, eat and play. Then around 7:30-8pm mom would come out and we would drive her to the bank in NJ to cash her check [yes apparently we were living check to her check], eat some food and drop he back off. Sometimes we would wait around until midnight (what did we do for 4 more hours?) and then Dad would pick mom up and we would drive home. Coming home across the George Washington Bridge at night with all the lights and cars with the original old time yellow license plates meant 'I am going home'. I know exactly how long it should take to get from the GW to Jerome Avenue (sans traffic and any additional construction on roads that seem to never get fixed). I know various shortcuts to take me to my home from any point off the bridge (try me!/ thanks mom).
Later, after Dad passed crossing the GW meant going up towards 'our new home'- Spring Valley NY. Something about a place called Spring Valley was an oxymoron to the arrival of 3 kids from the South Bronx (word.) Once I was able to figure out a bus schedule back to the city *red and tan lines* by the time the bus was crossing the bridge back to Washington Heights NY the excitement of being back on the block was palpable. At that time I put back on the mask I wear to make it on the MTA buses to Grandmas house I go (and the pollution/ violence/ ass foolery Mommy tried to remove us from--here I am willingly spending my hard earned money to go back to. Ahh the youth is wasted on the youth someone once said...) still something about that said 'I am going home'.
Fast forward even later on in life Moi finally being able to drive that bridge myself really really really was an accomplishment (complete with prayer) that I never thought I would be able to do.  Once I was driving myself, really the road trips began in earnest (Philly, VA, AC, NJ, Boston, CT etc)- that was excitement in the fast lane for true...
ahh the memories...So congratulations to the GW for making it to 80 yrs. Let's gear up for the next 80 and the many more road excursions to come.

coffee thought...

Who in their right mind gives me a small coffee?
i go to the same deli here by the job and (almost) every other day
there is an issue with getting my coffee order straight.
i mean it is not that hard.
breathe. finish this cup. repeat.

that's all...

Pineapple upside down cake = a right side up life..

Choice is a wonderful thing. From when I can remember we wanted freedom of choice we fought for it, and everyday there is a struggle to maintain it (even in the simplest forms). When your choices are limited or non-existent then you are left with limited outcomes (save for the random anomalies called life) but in essence, if you limit choices given to children, women, human beings then you are stunting the possibilities that may arise.
This past weekend I went to a reunion of sorts- basically my old music and arts school was closing its doors for good (considering there is limited funding for the arts & minimal to no funding from the Archdiocese). There was major trepidation walking the same steps I used to take to SASA- this time I was walking there as an 'adult'- full of grown folk swag and grown folk sexy (and let's not forget grown folk bills & grown folk student loans). There was something different about this trip down memory lane to my school (it is not like I don't frequent the church there cause I do) and there have been some significant events there but I mean what was astoundingly different was me.

I was not the insecure little 10-14 year old struggling with perceived weight issues and raging hormones (wait, I am supposed to be different, right?) I am the 30+ year old... no... That is too easy. While we all know of my 'issues' this visit with the ole gang made me realize what an impact the teachers had on my life and have shaped the choices I have made. What is really inspiring is that we had such an amazing educators that truly wanted the best for the inner-city kids that we were and supported and encouraged and damn near pushed us to better.

Back to choice: I was given the choice to play violin or viola. I choose violin (considering by best friend Elaine was playing that as well). Unfortunately, due to limited funding, there were not enough violins to go around and I got the Viola. Viola! It was not all or nothing- it was you still got to do something and learn that and be stellar at that. I did. First chair by 6th grade. NY Allstate orchestra by 9th grade. Some things seem easier when looking at life via the hindsight lenses. Nowadays I tend to get stuck at making a choice (you know to move away or stay, to continue to write this book that has been burning in my spirit or to chuck it all, etc, etc.)

I tend to be irrational about what I can accomplish. I tend to make everything all or nothing. If my life were a poker game I rarely go all in cause I don’t want to be left with nothing pushing back from the table to sell myself on the side to get a greyhound home. I don’t want to be irrational with my choices; I mean I am the responsible designated driver chick who is always there in a pinch. Sometimes it is so stifling.

Anywho, most times truthfully I under whelm myself- I under estimated myself with the amount I am capable of. I figured it was easier that way ...i.e. less to get disappointed about when/ if things didn't go my way. Or the right way. Or the way that I thought was right/my way. You get the point. It also left me with less to celebrate and less to conquer figuring I am accepting my piece of life rather than creating my slice of the pie. (Go figure, me being an immensely creative person if I do say so myself)

This world truly is an abundant place and yet most times I feel as if I don't have enough- silly of me to think that God didn't provide me with enough to live.

And so I lived small (what an oxymoron- cause how can you call it living when to live is to be alive and appreciate the gifts that you have received and reciprocate)

And because I lived small I am not satisfied with this outcome. What a wonderful thing it is to have options

And I choose different.
All in?