Random dream- bridges over water

Dream- bridges over water

I had a dream that I was under this bridge and trying to figure out how to get across the troubled waters. The bridge looked to be a combination of wood and metal but I was in a grassy area and I was stuck. What was interesting is that I know I couldn't go over the bridge because there was a troll on the bridge blocking my way (scary troll at that thus I was trying to hide and move at the same time). Upon the water/ currents I see fish in the water (reddish/ orangey ones) and I know they are dangerous to me- but I HAVE TO CROSS THIS BRIDGE.  Staying still is not an option- but as much as I am trying to look for materials  to build a boat or a pole vault (why I think I can pole vault over this big ass water is besides the point) I cannot find anything to make into some sort of assistance. On the other side there is comfort- safety there/ stress-less awaits me there as I know this troll thing won't be after me and I know I would be safe. Now- I have the desire and the where-with-all to try to craft tools to get out my situation but I just can't. And my mind is racing against the rising current on this sunny day. Odd. 

I woke up very frustrated and mad at myself for not being able to get myself out this situation that apparently I got myself in. 

Is this my life? 

Who is the troll? Trolls belong under the bridge- so by me being the one under the bridge am I the troll?

Am I subconsciously blocking my own way (as a troll nonetheless) and do I really lack the skill set to help myself?

Am I that helpless that I can't cross a raging river full of pariahs and eminent death to get to my safety?

sigh....

eye of the beholder...

So  today, I had a day off (yay) but still ended up working (boo) but I mean what else is new? But that is not what I am here to talk about... 

I put up this pic of me and it is interesting some of the comments that I received. 

[Yes, I know by putting myself out there I open myself up to this-- but considering the folks on my list are friends and folks that I have approved to be there it is like ummmm OK- to the point since luckily I have to approve all the things on my timeline, I ended up not approving more than I let show]

Now, let's be clear- I am human. 

It is a leg/ thigh combo 

(like Popeye's without the breaded deep fried-ness and biscuit) 

and I am not ashamed.

But what is ashamed is the words and comments of some who feel that

• I should not expose myself like this
• That this (aka ME) is unattractive 
• I should cover myself up
• I should hit the gym
• Why am I naked?

And a few others that I shall not write because they may or may not read this blog and I am being a bit passive-aggressive at this moment vs being aggressive-aggressive and calling them out.  

[Just for today, tomorrow I may return to my regularly scheduled bitchy program where I fuck the feelings of others and speak my mind because the truth...the truth shall set you free!]  
Now, there were some others that were basically yay & all that (yay love love love ya'll)
but I am not gonna focus on them (cause like I tend to do is focus on the negative--)
Now I was going to answer some of the questions and some of the more asinine comments 

but I am like what gives you the right, the gall and the audacity to...

but then I stop. 

Free Speech. 

And there it is. 

Well. 

Everyone is entitled to their opinion 

and thank you 

for reminding me that your opinion is just that-

yours. 

I choose not to suscribe to it, 

and you know what

 I welcome your opinion because 

I can choose to acknowledge it 

and internalise it 

and have it effect/ affect me 

or 

I can choose

 to let it roll off my back 

(and leg and thigh in this case LMAO)

Hey as one of my friends says:

love me or leave Tasha alone

well all my personalities are in agreeance with this statement

love me (all of me) or leave Tasha alone.

[but could you imagine the scandal if i put that other pic up??]

Sheesh

Good thing I do not plan to run for congress 

(tho I have a much cleaner record than any of them)

but I guess if I plan to get married to my Barack Obama 

I may have to let him know all of my secrets...

Oops...

well beauty is...

Massage Envy..

That's actually the name of the place. It has been a long overdue massage in the making because my body needed to be touched (and not in that way altho I ain't been touched in that way so maybe it needs that too but right now am focusing on the stress/neck/ ect issues I have been having before I digress...)

So I booked 1 &1/2 hour massage with a male friend. Not that type of friend.  Separate rooms. After a quick chat there was a decision to get a facial as well (again...mind ought the gutter people) and signed up for that. I mean considering I got a raise and all why not blow it right out the gate (altho they shorted me exactly $221 for my check this month which is very odd and I have a case out with the ever so helpful linky-syncing system we have to work with (said in my oh so sarcastic voice)

PS- as I am typing this I am drinking wine and relaxing in bed. Took a muscle relaxer cause I need to relax and the neighbors next door are having a heated argument in Spanish. The words I hear [know] are 

punta = cunt/ hoe (such vulgarity)

Mentirosa = liar

Lo siento = I'm sorry

Salir de me casa = get the out my house

Oh my goodness = oh my goodness 

Que no es grave = it's not serious 

Diga me = tell me

Amongst some banging and slamming of things. Funday Sunday night...

Anywho back to yesterday's massage... A leaf massaged me. Not an actual leaf but a dude named Leif. He seemed to be a mixed race dude who was very personable and knowledgeable and had good hands. Not exactly ugly/ not exactly cute/ not my type. (Love good hands- guess that is a prerequisite for a masseuse). We chatted a bit about the problem areas (pinched nerve/ lower back) and he was like strip for me. (Ok wasn't like that but I had 3 minutes to get naked and under a blanket). Cool, good to know I can get naked in a hurry ;) anywho massage starts with me on my stomach. Now let me tell you something... Being flat on my stomach is not entirely comfortable at all as 'the girls' impede any really comfortably. Like I'm a good 6 inches off the table here, thanks. Anyways after some shimmying we work it out and I'm situated (tense) but good. Leif starts his thing, warm hands, and gets to work. (Now it takes me a good 10 minutes to relax cause SOMEONE IS TOUCHING ME but I mean getting mentally prepared for a massage is something I had all week to do, sooo yeah). As dude is working it out something brushes my arm... Something not in the form of a leg or thigh or arm or hand. Something in the form of a penis (well a penis in his pants not all out and about..again it is not that type of party people!) and I am like WTF...uhhhh. Dude was actually aroused. And present. Now, I didn't know weather to be disgusted or flattered cause I mean massage is hard work (no pun intended) and just like dudes can get hard from working out I assume this 'thing' works the same way. Or maybe touching people turns him on? Or me? Anywho... I'm gonna ignore all that and relax. Woo sah... Pressure is good. He is surprised about the tattoos on my back and asked question about their meaning. Okkkkk. Now, as homie is massaging the crap out the knot in my shoulder (oh yes) I am like drifting more into relaxing and my mind is all over the place (not in the oh can't sleep way but the Ohhh this is kinda nice way). He moves down to the glutes and works that out. Thighs (yess) and legs/ feet. As he is massaging the thighs I feel him brush against me accidentally again.

THIS time... More...specifically he was more harder, more there... more like WOAH....
I was like uhhhhh....OK. OK. OK.
Now there is no more concentration going on ova here THIS IS SERIOUS!!!! (Seriously hilarious when you think about it) and now I am trying not to smirk cause I mean who does that and I am trying to be sensitive to his plight - I mean you got to finish the job and got this issue and yeah... But oh well. Suffice it to say my mind alternately went from real relaxation to hmmm other gutter thoughts. Good thing I'm a good girl at all times. 

Anywho once the whole massage was done I felt delicious and I got to chill while I waited for my facial. My dude was getting a facial as well and they only had one lady on staff to do that- so an hour I wait. Now, patience and patiently waiting are not my strong suits but I managed. The esthetician cleansed  the face, checked under some light thing and said I need more water and vitamin c and need to exfoliate more.  All in all not bad. $200+ dollars later... hey I'm worth it, no?

Now my friends' massage experience was not as fulfilling as mine (his lady needed to apply more pressure and he communicated that to her 3 times). And I guess it is a universal involuntary response thing (of the penis) to want to hang out or stand up or something cause he mentioned that there was some 'intentional grounding' thinking going on there. (Talk about control). But I mean he survived having never had a massage before (I mean professional I am sure his ladies touch him) so it was a good day. Topped off with good conversation and a good steak and a great sleep.... Ummm but all I can think about was massage envy... <-- which would make a great poem about touch and deep and breath and massage and hands lingering and muscles relaxing and other tensions coming to the surface... pasue... I may need to get to err.... writing... yeah writing...

Will I go back? I mean I liked the massage (have had better and worse)  so the $70 monthly membership is my dilemma. I mean yeah I can afford it but will I use it? I didn't use to get monthly massages before so who I think I is? Will it help me sleep? Possibly. Will it help me relax? Possibly. Thinking thinking thinking... 

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coffee thought... Daily Extended Horoscope

You're not in the mood for loud noises, bright lights or music that's any more raucous than Hayden, or maybe Yanni. So be sure you've got the ambiance you're after, and don't settle for less. You're perfectly entitled to silence when you want it, and you need it now. Besides, you might need to get away for a couple of days to feed this mood of yours. Not a bad excuse for a trip to the country, where there won't be any tourists to deal with. Maybe a road trip? Oh, you'll think of something.

Yeah so this is my current mood and maybe it is time for an escape route of some sort... Because the things that in dealing with coupled with a few sleepless nights equals the not-so-lovely-me being all present and accounted for. Sometimes my twin (yes the evil one) needs a good run on people so I can READ THEM TO FILTH AND KEEP IT MOVING.  

Yeah.. I guess before I do that I may want to vacate the premises or current surroundings...we shall see. 

Flights of fancy...

that's all...

But wait- this other Horoscope says:

Letting out your deeper expressions of feeling to another can make things especially intimate right now, but make sure you express yourself clearly and are not misunderstood. The perfect time to feel "at home" with someone, either literally or figuratively. The only thing you'll not want to be is idle, the energy and vibes are too intense to just sit on your hands.

Is that for the other twin to process and act on? (basically what feels like crazy on an ordinary day?)

coffee thought...

Here we go again...
So apparently I am the one 
who had to 'do my job' 
and apparently part of my job
is relieving folks of their job... 
Now, if they were doing their jobs
 then I would not have to do anything 
but of course... 
Here we go.
Guess pretty soon I'll be a professional 
and not have to do active breathing exercises 
prior to speaking to some of the folks 
who claim to want to be employed. 
Go figure. 
that's all
Oh...send coffee

coffee thought...

Maybe it's a skittle...

(Or lack of coffee thoughts)
I got nothings- which is 50% true and 50% false cause I have 100% issues that are streaming in my head but 0% interest in spelling them out right on this train ride here... So first and foremost in my head is securing something warm so that I can focus on what's really important...

Oh, and someone lost their 'blue pill' on the train today... Hopefully it's just a temporary misplacement in the Matrix of it all... Hopefully it is not one of them 'other blue pills' because it is way too early in the morning to think about all that...

that's all...

so sorry

So sorry to have intruded on your life. 

Won't happen again.

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Car troubles - 2/22/15

Car troubles - 2/22/15




Everyone that knows me knows that I love my car. I mean she is
definitely key to my freedom and movements in life.
So when my baby gives me issues I am in dire straights as to what to
do. Today I was headed to hang out with the girls at TD's home. It of
course had been snowing all damned day cause this winter is trying to make sure we know whose boss (it's you winter it's you). Yay for the covered parking garage! That is the blessing and the best $195 spent (thus far per month). Sacrifices, right?
I walk thru the snow with some drinks for the ladies and get to my lil baby. I try to start her up. Nothing. I blink because that has never

happened before. I try again still clicking sound and nothing. I pause. I regroup and think surely I heard wrong. And try again. Still clicking sound. Now, i am no damned mechanic but dammit to hell something something ain't right and I am 3 seconds from distraught (and really should not be distraught but I mean we are talking about my freedom here) and nothing. I call the girls to let them know i am not going anywhere and I am also on the
phone with another friend for moral support. Of course I have an
attitude because...why? Why why why now is this happening ? Like is there
not enough to keep my ass busy going on in this world? but no [universe] you feel fit to send me this drama.
This would be a good time to have a man in my life who I would be like
hun, I'm in trouble and he would be like ok, I got you. Period. But
that ain't my life. As I am searching for AA or AAA my home girl law and order comes thru with her car. She is like girl we got you and do you have jumper cables. Luckily sparkles gave me an emergency kit like a few years ago and I know there are cables in there and jumps my car. Let's be clear- we ain't know shit about what connects to what but 1- managed to make that connection 2- didn't get blowed up and 3- didn't get electrocuted. That is cause for celebration. So we high tail it over to autozone and I purchase a new battery. Cause the dude said it's definitely your battery. $200 later the battery installed I am able to drive over to TD's house and am definitely in need of the drinks I am carrying.
All I do want to say is thank god for sisters and the blessings that they are in my life. Lord knows I would be stuck without them.

coffee thought... Horoscope: Gemini: February 15th, 2015

You can afford to be avant-garde today-

let the progressive revolutionary in you roam at will.

Today is filled with thought-provoking discussions about controversial topics,

unusual or offbeat ideas, or "whacky" concepts.

The tempo of your life is increasing and

may leave you feeling frazzled today however,

because you are quite restless at present,

 you may say things which leave others stunned.

This means as usual I will find a way to put my foot in my mouth

concerning matters of the heart...

specifically matters of my heart

but hey,

why not feel frazzled and be restless...

it beats the alternative

(calm and bored).

anywho...that's all...

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I would be

I would be

Remiss if I didn't mention

The things that have happened this January

Lost keys in elevator shaft that ultimately tested my patience and strength. It also forced me to focus on my vision board and make that a reality.

The following week lost my parking cars and had to get a new one wit borrowed money from bro #3 as that was a severely unexpected expense. Did end up going to the gym.

Ended up in jury duty and then end the emergency room with horrific muscle spasms. 

Incredible. Bad. Pain killers needed.

Working thru some things that make me challenged. 

And then ... 

Challenges that make me me.

Such was January.

Crusin..

I'm in that kind of mood where I want to be 

Crusin with my love, 

carefree and in love, 

just being cool..

enjoying each other

even in the silence...

Baby let's cruise away from here
Don't be confused baby, the way is clear
And if you want it you got it forever
Oh, this is not a one night stand baby

Let the music take your mind
And just release and you will find, baby

We're going to fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together

Music was made for love
Cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together

Baby, tonight belongs to us
Everything's right, do what you must, baby
And inch by inch we get closer and closer
Every little part of each other ooh, baby, baby

Let the music take your mind
Just release and you will find, baby

We're going to fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together

Music was made for love
Cruisin' is made for love
I love you when we're cruisin' together

We're going to fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together

Music was made for love
Cruisin' is made for love
I love you when we're cruisin' together

Cruise with me baby, baby
Oh baby

Oh baby let's cruise, let's flow
Let's glide, let's open up and go inside
And if you want it you got it forever
I can just stay there inside you and love you, baby

Let the music take your mind
And just release and you will find

We're going to fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together

Music was made for love
Cruisin' is made for love
I love you when we're cruisin' together

We're going to fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together

Music was made for love
Cruisin' is made for love
I love you when we're cruisin' together

We're going to fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together

Music was made for love
Cruisin' is made for love
I love you when we're cruisin' together

We're going to fly away
Glad you're going my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together

Music was made for love
Cruisin' is made for love
I love you when we're cruisin' together

Family business

February albeit a short month consists of a lot of things happening. First off, grandma turned 90, and is as crazy as ever. As per usual I called and sang to her cause I mean she calls me and sings every year and why not return the favor. (And who doesn't love my singing?) anywho, the "family" took her out for a "family" dinner minus a particular section of "family"- basically no invite to the party. Now, am I hurt- yes. Will I get over it? As per usual, yes- cause see this just solidifies who & what "family" is and means to some people. [Of course they wanna be "family" when they want $$ from me or when I was taking care of their responsibilities as they were creating their own "families"]. Now, I know bro #2 is who he is and that truly he rubbed everyone the wrong way with the way he left the apartment and was (and still is) putting his life on FB.. But what the hell I did?
After some thought, I can only come to the conclusion- hey it wasn't me and leave it at that- does that stop me from showing up (to Grandmas & getting my hugs? Absolutely not, cause I need a hug every now and again) but my interactions with the other "family" members will be in direct reaction to their actions.
that's all...

Horoscope: Gemini: February 2nd, 2015

It may seem that circumstances, other people, or the whole world is against you today! You could feel overwhelmed by demands, outside pressures, or your responsibilities and you are looking at your life with serious doubt or pessimism. Others don't seem to help, even if they try to; solitary activity or reflection is called for now.

And let me tell you about this reflection I have been seeing myself for who I am - loving giving and supportive and seeing this place for what it is not - and by this place I mean my specific place in _______ <- insert persons life, insert family life, insert job on certain days and certainly insert love. 

So on that note... 

It's time to move it on up...

Onward and 

Yeah. 

Current song in my head:

You've abandoned me

Love don't live here anymore....

Just a vacancy 

Love don't live here anymore. 

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