Horoscope: Gemini: September 13th, 2016

You may be wearing your heart on your sleeve and everyone is out to abuse your resources-both mental and material. Don't be an easy target today when friends attempt take advantage of your good nature and push it beyond what can reasonably be expected of you. Sometimes you simply have to say no.

Remember, No is a complete sentence- Anon

coffee thought...

coffee thought...
Something about a Tuesday is very hopeful in my spirit and you know when You feel utterly blessed and can't articulate it? That is how I feel this morning. And I know I should feel that everyday but today of all days positivity ruminates from me.
Be blessed all!
that's all...

How I spent my summer (the short version)

This summer was filled with many things I did. I went to Bear Mountain a few times with the fam and thoroughly enjoyed the craziness. I had a few good nights out with some co-workers and some friends. Love the NYC nightlife ya know!!! AndI had the opportunity it's to reflect of the many blessings that are in and around the city of NY.
Was able to see Mozart at Lincoln center

listening to the orchestra

although it was a tragic occasion I ended up having to go to Bermuda to handle some family business and I did get to go to the beach. I definitely shed some tears there because of all the lives lost and the mortality of....us all. I didn't get lost in the triangle...although sometimes my mind...

Also, got a little creative with myself with some painting and re-decorating my home (home pics not avail but here is the start of a structured project. I promise it is a masterpiece.)

And finally had some time to work on some writing! Now, the subject matter is jarring but what about life is not? I mean there is more, more, more-- but i understand in time all things will come... and with that, we are about to fall into fall literally!

Something happened...

That fateful day 15 years ago
something utterly tragic
happened.
And we were witness.
Everyone has a story.
Never forget- they say...
No one can forget.
But throughout the days that followed
the images that permanently scar our memory
And the terror that is ever present
We have to acknowledge
the way the world changed.
We changed
Every single one of us
For generations to come
Has been changed by this day
Forever in our hearts
Our minds
Our words
And CG was born
To my family
My fellow wordsmiths
keep using your voice
Keep Tasting the ketchup
And Spitting venom
While Lost in Mental Fornication
Just keep being...
CG..

I think I know where...

I think I know where I fucked up...

It would have to be karate kid part 2 theme song came out. The words happen to have something in there about

I'll be the man

Who will fight for your honor

I'll be your hero

You've been dreaming of

We'll be together

Knowing forever

That we did it all

For the glory of love

Now, taken individually out of context these are just words to support a kick ass storyline about this dude rescuing this girl and them falling in love innocently and stuff-- but when you put those words in the psyche of a ___ year old impressionable pre-teen whose hormones are raging and whose dream of love had yet to be fulfilled (in whatever way a teenager gets their dreams fulfilled) this thought process sticks with you as you get older.
And you are more aware
You are more aware of what you want in a man- not only for a man who will 'fight for your honor' (and I do not mean in some janky ancient Chinese ritual) but in the way they will fight to be with you- stand by you and with you when you are acting in a way that calls for less than a loving manner, and he will stand by you when you are excelling and accomplishing some real black-woman- magic shit, and he will stand by you when you are in danger and are falling. A man who will be proud to have you and know that YES you are worth IT. So, I assumed somewhere in my mind I equated this song to something of a great comparison to what I wanted to feel when I finally felt love.
These ideals kinda transpire in the way I evaluate a man to be able to be partnerable- because all of the things I wish a man to do for/with me I will be doing for/with him (like support and love and comfort and womanly stuff, ya know?) 
And it stuck.
Funny thing about 90's music. It's old.
And in recognizing the age of the music and the movie soundtrack you also get to thinking these ideals of  love and a man who will fight for your honor are just as old and antiquated and obsolete when unfortunately due to the rampant fragility of some black male ego these days, black men wont even claim you, stand up and fight for our equality and fight for our presence, safety, rights et. al...
but... it's good to know where I fucked up in the 'game' thinking that is truth...it is actually entertainment and a good movie.

Here's a Bible passage I'd like to share with you...

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28‬ ‭KJV‬‬

 

One of my favorite verses in the Bible... give me rest dear Lord.

Amen.

Tears in my eyes burn

Tears in my eyes burn

Because apparently prayer
repentance
remorseful feelings
past and
hurt
sorrow
future and
shortness of breath
migraines
ache
And physical pain
is not enough.
I'm not enough.

It is thru tears
I seek to find
clarity
in the prayers I cry at night.

I pray for my sanity
Because my thoughts of this life
Are crazy
And not in the ha-ha-you-so-crazy-girl
Kind of crazy way
But in the oh-there-are-people-locked-up-in-institutions-with-that-line-of-thought
kind of crazy
And
As someone who is conscientious about being conscious about my thoughts
And how they effect me
Affect others
And how I am trying to be sane
And safe
And satisfied
Everyday it is a struggle to remember
Who I am
And not question
Why
Am I
Because the hugest why is always looming over my thoughts
Actions
In- actions
Why God why

I pray for my health
Because
There are things that are there
but you know
just there and
I am supposed to remain calm and
keep going
as if things are not there
because you know
No.
Just keep going.
And because if I am healthy then I live.
Ironic
And
Alive.

I pray for companionship
And not in the platonic way
But then again
How dare I
Want
Need
Desire
Stop.

Then I pray for
less aloneness
For comfort in the noise
And for uncomfortable in the silence
Because
one can become accustomed
To
comfort in silence
And
uncomfortable noise.

So I pray for discernment
Absolution
Continued integrity
Courageously Authentically Responsibly
Wholly
Holy
While tears in my eyes burn
Salt streaking my skin
Following the tracks of
The last set of
Prayers I cried

And maybe someday
One day
In faith
My prayers will be answered
Hands cupping my face
Lips pressed to mine
Eyes seeking searching
For me
One day
Some day
The tears in my eyes
Won't burn
Anymore

coffee thought...

coffee thought...

Someday on my tombstone
(if they still do those types of things in the future of death-
 or would I even want one of those things rather than cremation)
But someday on my tombstone it shall read:
Here lies 
💃🏽
She worked hard- 
even on her days off
And hopefully that means something to some people.
Also, 
she didn't sell it too cheap- 
in fact didn't sell it at all- 
and thus
probably expired as a result of 
a broken heart 
 or untouched pu$$y
unless you count being touched 
by the gynecologist or herself. 
At any rate, not sure you can die from such things (lack of love or companionship or being touched like hugged or held) but something about the way this life is shaping up for me has 'death by absence of life' written all over it.
Not that I am calling that I to my existence oh hell no
But as I sit here in this train on my way to work on my day off due to all the work that needs to get done and considering my mind can't relax until at least 88% of it is done
I am headed there.
Such is my life for now.
that's all...

quiz results about life...

So these are some of the quizzes that happen to be on these here internets and they have determined what I need in a partner, what my personality is like, and what trait my name really means. 

All of this sciencetifical data here is needed when crafting the perfect partner in this world.

Just saying, if these quizzes don't tell you then who will??

such is life

Try

At this point in my life, 

and at this particular evening 

how about someone 

"try a little tenderness"

with me 

as in 

just try

really try

really just attempt

any tenderness 

with me

because 

i am afraid

that this
old heart of mine 

is failing 

at the lack of

love

and tenderness

in life.

that's all...

Sigh...

Here's a Bible passage I'd like to share with you...

"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:"
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:15‬ ‭KJV‬‬
http://bible.com/1/1pe.3.15.kjv

#First 7 jobs

There is this #first7jobs going around Twitter where folks have listed their first 7 jobs to show there is no one way to reach your ultimate goal. there is no one way to reach the top. there are a series of progressions, side tracks and mis-steps in this road to success and sometimes once a destination is reached, one does not even stop to smell the roses (or assess the success) and it is on to the next one.
At any rate, I find it interesting what I chose to list as my first 7 because they all overlapped and were all meaningful experiences in the makings of me.

First 7 jobs

Babysitter

Assist manager Jamaican bakery

Cashier- Lord & Taylor

Work study- MC financial aid

Counselor - OFA NYU

Senior counselor NYU

AD NYU

soo what's next?