Here's a Bible passage I'd like to share with you...

"Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit."
Psalms 51:12 KJV
http://bible.com/1/psa.51.12.kjv


Sent from my iPhone

coffee thought ...6/16/16 8:08am

Monday's thinking

Who the fuck do you think I am?

(Listening to Beyoncé)

Something about this song is resonating with me

 (the funky beat)

 the drums, 

the lyrics:

The repetitive let it be let it be

And the when you hurt me

You hurt yourself you hurt yourself

But when you love me

You love yourself you love yourself

such a great song... 

Dream last night

Dreamt that there was this muscle bound chocolate dude 

that was showing his tattoos to me 

(and TRS) 

and I was laying on my right side in a bathing suit (cornbread fed) 

and hair was crazy curly/ hands folded like prayer under my cheek.

 He was showing many things on himself and then putting on oil. 

Yummy.

 I was like OK, then closed my eyes to go to sleep. 

TRS was on her computer. 

We were all 3 in a room (looked like room from childhood bedroom). 

He takes some lotion and semi paints in on my leg tat (thigh) 

and then rubs it in

 sensuously and massages

 the lotion and my thigh talking about

 we have to protect your art and it's fascinating. 

He is rubbing with his right hand

 as his left is between my legs but holding/ propping up the left leg.

What is interesting is that I am surprised

 he is rubbing my leg but thrilled (😱)

 and he is looking at me mischievously sliding his hand up.

 I look over at TRS 

ho is busy on her computer 

and I lean up to put my fingers under his chin

. He kisses me oh so softy and I am melting.

 He then puts my leg near/ on his shoulder and is massaging the leg with both hands

 (deep tissue) 

and I am trying to position myself closer to his waist.

 Why? Hmmmm

My other leg I am resting on is already curled behind him 

so he is intimately involved in my area down there... 

I mean it is a dream, right? 

He moves his right hand to pull slide me closer to him

 by my right waist and turns my head toward him.

TRS is no longer there (yay!) 

and he has 1/2 his clothes still 

and is just Adonis like. 

Smooth and close hair cut. 

Beautiful smile and mine.

And ready. And so am I... 

That is what I remember.

Poem- love

Someone can be madly in love 

with you

 and still not 

be ready. 

they can love you

 in a way 

you have never been loved

 and still not

 join you on the bridge.

 and whatever their reasons 

you must leave.

 because you never

 ever

 have to inspire anyone

 to meet you on the bridge. 

you never 

ever 

have to convince someone

 to do the work to be ready. 

there is more extraordinary love,

 more love 

that you have never seen, 

out here 

in this wide a

nd wild universe. 

and there is the love

 that will be ready. 

- Nayyirah

coffee thought...

coffee thought..

This morning on this here train ride

 this dude 

is sitting here 

(and I am standing but leaving his non-gentlemanly ways aside) 

and he is smelling like 

the most scrumptious thing around. 

It is some cool water/ axe/ mesmerizing mix of manliness 

that I have never ever smelled before in my life. 

Like dude. 

You smell good enough to eat. 

Or lick.

Or at least take a nibble from.

Like for real.

 And while your actual presence 

does not at all match the yumminess you smell like

 I am gonna just have to close my eyes 

and pretend

 I am standing next to someone 

sexy and suave 

before I get to delve into my coffee here.

that's all...

coffee thought...

Sooo not appropriate for work...

And while it may not look that way in this unassuming position... 

Trust me!

And this banana (while in general I am not a fan of the banana) this one right here is deliciously firm and hard and like ripe and sweet and my lips fits perfectly around it. 

Yeah. 

Sooo need to get some STAT. 

that's all...

...to you...

for more reasons than I could tell you

is exactly why I couldn't tell you

random words of yesternight and scrutiny

Yesternight

Soul searching seemed to stop me dead still.
I know what I want to do
 (you)
You know where you ought to be 
(here)
So if I try to ignore the deeds done in the dark
Of yesternights of long ago
Will you appear?
I wonder...
Where does that leave us?
What do we have?
It seems all we have is memories
Moments mired in misery and regret...
and yet
These fond memories
The carnal pleasures past
Left my soul in shambles
And my body longing for
So subtly
I say
I know what I want to do you know where you ought to be here?

Scrutiny/ scrutinitious

8:52

Somehow someway

'Just the way you look tonight'

Is off

It is 98.4 degrees in here 

and you have on a long sleeve turtleneck 

down to your knees. 

Now,

Not meaning to look at you scrutinitiously

But

There is something 'off' 

about wearing your 

Dior glasses in the dead of night.

So tell me something good

"Do you believe in the power of love"

Some feelings of late...

Just randomly reading words and feeling some kind of way.

Maybe it is based on the moon phase or something. 

Well that is what the moon phase said...

And these are the thoughts I felt 

And this sums up the framework of my life...

Sigh. Tomorrow is another day. 

coffee thought...

Baby I love you

(baby baby)

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you

Baby I love you

In an Aretha mood 

on the train today

Baby I love you

Baby I need you

Baby I want you

All of them things 

huh

and in that order 

please

Thank you in advance to 

the Man of my dreams.

that's all...

coffee thought...

May the 4th be with you..

Which is a silly as joke but considering today is May 4 I guess it is fitting.

What is not fitting are my clothes after this cruise I went on with my friends. Leading up to this vacation that was being planned over a year ago has been one of the most stressful times of my life- particularly dealing with work, family, friends, me (and in no particular order)

Figuring out how to get oneself to the airport via the MTA that don't ever want to go your way on a regular basis is a feat. Coupled with the fact I had a houseguest for 3 weeks prior to my leaving with left me with only 2 days to get my sh*t together so that I can vacate is stressful- you would think vacationing is not (yes 1st world problems)

Anywho, once I got to Florida, relaxation was able to commence and whatever I didn't have someone had. And let me tell you the amount of drinks alone on that cruise would have equaled a plane ticket to Bermuda and back. Trust me.

Yay unlimited drink package. And yay for NCL on getting their sh*t together- because this boat was not leaving Miami unless they did have it together. 

But utterly fascinating was the sisterhood that was felt during that trip. Missing from the photo below is Steph. 

I mean considering I do not have actual sisters (tho I have adopted TD & others along the way) it was great to be like in a great mix of supporting and hilarious and smart and caring and understanding and intelligent and dynamic women. Truly. We checked in on each other and made sure everyone was having fun. We covered each other with no one stealing from the other and I got some much needed sun and sand and sleep which is a rare 3 combination. 

 I missed some peoples presence but such is life.

I loved hanging out with my nephew and his foolishness- watching him daily interact with his mom and the rest of the folks is pure genius. 

He is truly a blessed heart and his mom is a saint! Kids are great! 

There was a moment on this trip where I was being someone's social worker or counselor so to speak and this person was born on Mom's birthday but having difficulties with his family and his elder moms care and basically I was like pray and understand you did/ doing the best you can. I guess that is what has to or needs to be said and heard at times (even on vacation). Funny enough the gang was like he needs his own friends and you good to chat with him for like 1/2 HR. It was riotous. But, all in all was able to sleep, pray, think, talk and generally overall just disconnect from some of the stressors of my life. I did not check emails or log on the computer (cause I was not getting charged erroneously for nothing nor anyone's issues since I do not got it like that). Now, my itsy bitsy tiny issue that happened at the end of the trip came in the way of getting from the airport- but you know once again I figured it out.

that's the way life goes, no?

5 things

5 things

1. Own your own happiness
2. Challenge your own story
3. Enjoy the journey not the destination
4. Make relationships count
5. Balance work and play

coffee thought...

coffee thought...



Interestingly enough I am focusing on some of the things about me that I love lately...
And I am very very happy with that.
With me.
Which is something that I sometimes feel like ohhhh I can't celebrate me cause that is boasting and that is like conceited and that is generally not what good catholic girls do. Be humble! Be virginal! Sacrifice! Repent!
Stuff like that...
Yeah that is the doctrine I was taught.
I didn't fully buy into it but I can truthfully admit I test drove the hell out of the humble part and the self sacrifice part and the... well you know part (no need to like, you know expose every everything)
And now- nearing this magical # in this world that some folks are sooooo ashamed of and some folks never get to see... I am amazed at
Me
Gasp!
Like I am amazed I made it this far given some circumstances... South Bronx bred
I am amazed at the things I have witnessed (poverty, war, triumph, terroristic attacks,) but also births, loves joined, weddings, life, loss..
I am amazed at the travels I have traveled (Ghana, Morocco, Canada, Bermuda, California, the list goes on)
I am amazed at the people who have choose to leave- for whatever reasons
I am amazed at family... However it is defined for you.
I am amazed at the people I have loved
I am amazed at my capacity for love even tho...
I am amazed at my friends and the eclectic wonderfulness that is them- individually and collectively
It is all amazing

Just thought I'd share that.