quiz results about life...

So these are some of the quizzes that happen to be on these here internets and they have determined what I need in a partner, what my personality is like, and what trait my name really means. 

All of this sciencetifical data here is needed when crafting the perfect partner in this world.

Just saying, if these quizzes don't tell you then who will??

such is life

Try

At this point in my life, 

and at this particular evening 

how about someone 

"try a little tenderness"

with me 

as in 

just try

really try

really just attempt

any tenderness 

with me

because 

i am afraid

that this
old heart of mine 

is failing 

at the lack of

love

and tenderness

in life.

that's all...

Sigh...

Here's a Bible passage I'd like to share with you...

"But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:"
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:15‬ ‭KJV‬‬
http://bible.com/1/1pe.3.15.kjv

#First 7 jobs

There is this #first7jobs going around Twitter where folks have listed their first 7 jobs to show there is no one way to reach your ultimate goal. there is no one way to reach the top. there are a series of progressions, side tracks and mis-steps in this road to success and sometimes once a destination is reached, one does not even stop to smell the roses (or assess the success) and it is on to the next one.
At any rate, I find it interesting what I chose to list as my first 7 because they all overlapped and were all meaningful experiences in the makings of me.

First 7 jobs

Babysitter

Assist manager Jamaican bakery

Cashier- Lord & Taylor

Work study- MC financial aid

Counselor - OFA NYU

Senior counselor NYU

AD NYU

soo what's next?

Take a breath

Take a breath

One of the most annoying things in my world is when you think you are going to go to sleep and everything in the universe conspires against this notion. As if me without sleep is a productive pleasant member of society. Where?
This social experiment or whatsoever starts out by waking up at a decent hour (8am) on the weekend to not sleep in too late- this after going to bed at 3 am after a day of walking (14,000 steps y'all!), doing laundry (4 loads) and cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom and changing color schemes etc ... I wake up and make breakfast and wash dishes and clean out the freezer and trash old unidentifiable things. Next I do work on computer write a literary verse or three and make edits upon edits while watching Netflix (no chill) and chatting to various persons on the phone. Yay! While contemplating life and all the things that are happening and realizing all the things are happening just over there somewhere... I am here...
So laters in the fine evening, even tho I am tired about 8pm I clean some more and put away laundry and start to purge some clothes I will never return to, exfoliate and slap a calming face mask on and prepare for the work week. I sort some jewelry and feel adequately tired after washing said face mask off and feel that being in bed by 12:14 cause should give me a good amount of sleep for a 5am wake up and gym start time... What happens?
Can you tell me?
Well... It starts by my mind/ brain/ subconscious realizing that yup, she may need some rest as the body is beat and the soul is weary and the spirit is weakening but let she not rest because why must she get a chance to breathe.
Take a breath...
And so, as I recall all 7,951,023 things I said today, thought today, thought I said today, said my thoughts today
I realize I cannot find the sane reason
As to
Why I am blogging at 2:30 am and I am not asleep
I am truly fucked up
And
Considering the complicated math equation I am figuring out in my head involving how much sleep I would actually achieve if I fell asleep right this second it all equates to
Not. Enough.
It is all
Not. Enough.
There are truly not enough sheep to count to get me to sleep... And while we are at it... whose bright idea was it to count sheep? Aren't they loud and smelly and wooly and funky and baaaa'ing all the time? Not exactly relaxing and stuff.
Maybe I'll take a walk and count my lucky stars...
that's all...

Horoscope: Gemini: July 24th, 2016

You may be simply busying yourself for the sake of being busy today. Taking on an endless string of little tasks allows you to avoid thinking about what it is you want to do with your life right now. Possibly a break from deep thought is just what you need, but sooner or later you're going to have to make some changes in your life to achieve fulfillment. The sooner you think things out the better off you will be.

and that is my definition of being a procrastinator of the things I think I need to be doing in my life...
but mainly in thinking the thoughts and having the feelings that I am having.
sigh

Fwd: this pic

This pic is basically 

my work partnership or affiliation 

with my boss

we are working on strategic planning 

and apparently intently thinking about the issue

collaborative working at its best

(I probably was thinking when are they going to open the bar for the open bar) 

but I digress...

 

How many?

How many?

I am not sure how many lives have to be lost
How many black men have to be murdered
How many children are left fatherless
How many mothers have to bury their sons
How many wives become widows
How many sisters lose brothers
How many brothers lose brothers
How many hashtags created
How many times you have to witness injustice right in front of you
How many times you have to witness murders of black human beings caught on tape
Before you decide...Before this world decides
Enough is enough
Actually
This is too much
This isn't right
This isn't justice
Why are 'they' killing just us?
I am not sure how many words
Because there are not enough words
To ease the pain
or provide any sort of comfort or solace
Because there is no way to explain
Your existence...
It is invaluable
But yet in you 'they' see no value
How many times
Must these actions be protested
Must we see these images seared into our minds
Branding our spirits with the consciousness of our skin color
Vile Images of lives lost because of
What?
A cd?
A taillight?
A bag of skittles?
A cigarette?
A breath?
How many times must this world
Mock the melanin I am in while coveting that very same skin?
I am not sure how many lives have to be lost
How many black men have to be murdered
How many children are left fatherless
How many mothers have to bury their sons
How many wives become widows
How many sisters lose brothers
How many brothers lose brothers
How many more hashtags have to be created
Before it is enough
Before it is too much
Before we loose count
Before we loose our humanity
Before we loose our breath
How many breaths do we have left to loose?
How many lives....

Here's a Bible passage I'd like to share with you...

"Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit."
Psalms 51:12 KJV
http://bible.com/1/psa.51.12.kjv


Sent from my iPhone

coffee thought ...6/16/16 8:08am

Monday's thinking

Who the fuck do you think I am?

(Listening to Beyoncé)

Something about this song is resonating with me

 (the funky beat)

 the drums, 

the lyrics:

The repetitive let it be let it be

And the when you hurt me

You hurt yourself you hurt yourself

But when you love me

You love yourself you love yourself

such a great song... 

Dream last night

Dreamt that there was this muscle bound chocolate dude 

that was showing his tattoos to me 

(and TRS) 

and I was laying on my right side in a bathing suit (cornbread fed) 

and hair was crazy curly/ hands folded like prayer under my cheek.

 He was showing many things on himself and then putting on oil. 

Yummy.

 I was like OK, then closed my eyes to go to sleep. 

TRS was on her computer. 

We were all 3 in a room (looked like room from childhood bedroom). 

He takes some lotion and semi paints in on my leg tat (thigh) 

and then rubs it in

 sensuously and massages

 the lotion and my thigh talking about

 we have to protect your art and it's fascinating. 

He is rubbing with his right hand

 as his left is between my legs but holding/ propping up the left leg.

What is interesting is that I am surprised

 he is rubbing my leg but thrilled (😱)

 and he is looking at me mischievously sliding his hand up.

 I look over at TRS 

ho is busy on her computer 

and I lean up to put my fingers under his chin

. He kisses me oh so softy and I am melting.

 He then puts my leg near/ on his shoulder and is massaging the leg with both hands

 (deep tissue) 

and I am trying to position myself closer to his waist.

 Why? Hmmmm

My other leg I am resting on is already curled behind him 

so he is intimately involved in my area down there... 

I mean it is a dream, right? 

He moves his right hand to pull slide me closer to him

 by my right waist and turns my head toward him.

TRS is no longer there (yay!) 

and he has 1/2 his clothes still 

and is just Adonis like. 

Smooth and close hair cut. 

Beautiful smile and mine.

And ready. And so am I... 

That is what I remember.

Poem- love

Someone can be madly in love 

with you

 and still not 

be ready. 

they can love you

 in a way 

you have never been loved

 and still not

 join you on the bridge.

 and whatever their reasons 

you must leave.

 because you never

 ever

 have to inspire anyone

 to meet you on the bridge. 

you never 

ever 

have to convince someone

 to do the work to be ready. 

there is more extraordinary love,

 more love 

that you have never seen, 

out here 

in this wide a

nd wild universe. 

and there is the love

 that will be ready. 

- Nayyirah