If u didn't know

If u didn't knowthis is just a FYI I did not spend 4 years in undergrad + 2 years in graduate school achieving my masters + about a decade at a job
 to sit at a fluckin cubicle.
I am just saying...

Cause if you don't know your worth then who will?

On the train

Someone was talking about choices and consequence. Deep thoughts here...He was like "If I choose to jump up and slap the shit out of someone then that is my choice."
[ok I am concerned...]
"If they choose to shoot me to death that would be the consequence of my choice. Simple."
[Rational...yet scary...]
"How we deal with the consequences of our choices is this life."
Makes sense, right? Then he was like some people ride the train for no reason, some people have a destination. That is how one should approach life.
So this is life....Are you living with no reason [just chillin on the ride??] or is there a destination [got purpose?]
Hmmm food for thought.
that is some deep shit for the #2 train at 1:06 in the afternoon....
Wait there is more-
Be yourself or be by yourself or be by yourself for yourself. [i am going to have to ponder that one...]
sometimes relationship means relation- shit. [Wow. Must be having woman troubles at home cause that is some deep stuff]

Ok now some 'other' dudes come on the train discussing why in the world they come to work?? One of them states "I come to work for Health Care, AC, Internet Access and Stock Options".
Wow.
Things I learn on the afternoon train ride.

more thinking

Last night I could not sleep for the life of me. (strange choice of words there…)
I mean I worked till after 7 pm and did a ½ hr walk (to a cupcake hop no less) but walked all the same and then took the train home. I didn’t have ‘dinner’ you know where you sit down to a table and eat- I had a cup cake and a chat with grandma (hey that is great food for life) and all i can do is think about what I don't have...
i need a good mindless hobby that can make these thoughts vanish.
that's all...

thinking thoughts

Having trouble sleeping...
Mind is racing on what I should be doing vs. what I am doing.
It is something that keeps me up at night literally.
I am racking my brain for something to quiet the thoughts of inadequacy I suffer with on a daily or rather nightly basis.
I think I think too much.
I think I thought too much about silly things like:

• am I ever going to get a 'big girl bed' and a place to put it?
• am I every going to have adequate closet space for a woman of my age?
• what is my personal style?
• what kind of man am I attracted to? [these days the standards are getting lower and lower in my head but I have yet to vocalise that for FEAR that ninja will come knocking at my door- so not cute]
• how am I ever going to be able to pay all these bills I have and why have so many bills when there is nothing to show for it? 
• what is going to happen if this whole debt ceiling is not raised next week? are the congressmen still getting paid when they are threatening Social Security Benefits & payments to families of the Armed Forces?
• How does this affect my job? Considering we deal directly with the Gvt. on this stuff + receiving payments from them to continue students enrollment in school-- what happens to those who rely on that?
• what makes me happy?
• I need to go swimming.
• I want to take an African dance class.
• Speaking of Africa, I want to go back to Ghana to see how the kids are doing there...

so on and so forth...but is that really silly to think about these things specific to me cause I mean no one else is thinking about those things (specific to me) but I am sure people are thinking about other things related to their own well being and world peace.

I need a different life.

I have been told I cannot say 'i need a life' cause I have a life, ere go I am alive and breathing and working etc etc. I suppose they are right, dead people don't do all them things.
what's a chica to do?

coffee thought...

monday--
not the best of days in the world
definitely not Garfield's favorite day of the week.
but it is a day to be thankful and blessed
so with that said heres to Monday
help us get to Tuesday.

that's all...

Funny how distance works

Funny how distance works...

kind of like out of sight out of mind
at least that works for me.
if you are out of my sight then
i do not think of you
of course
there are some days, nights, days
where you are the only thing i seem to want
and it is because of this distance
amusing sometimes hilarious
but because distance
keeps me from you
i laugh.
ha

Lunchtime thoughts...

Lunch is a full and I mean full serving of bag salad (you know the kind that you buy in a bag from the grocery store) well I went to BJ's Saturday afternoon (easy there....) and got a huge bag for $2.50 (which is exactly the price they are selling the small bags for in the grocery store) and I am like OOOOH I am all healthy cause I will have a salad with my meal every day and therefore continue the letting go of some of this weight I got on me. Well, I realize that there is only so much salad a person can eat (this is only day one of the salad mind you but it is flippin lettuce, can i get a hot wing with that?)

sigh... someday this may be all worth it.

until then... chew chew chew chew.

coffee thought...

So I decided to buy this lovely think coffee cup so I can be all environmentally conscious + be all economically conscious as you get a discount if you use a carry cup on the purchase of the coffee. I know, I know.. all socially responsible I am- applause please. (now, if only i could cut the 2.25 per day coffee habit I have to something more affordable and free [water?] then I would really be fiscally responsible.) Alas... not.

But on another note of the semi fiscal responsible way-- last week I decided to get renters insurance for the items in my  apartment. Yes, I think that is the 'adult' decision & responsible thing to do because really who can afford to replace all the things you have in your house if [God forbid] there is a fire or theft or any of the other things that are out there. So I am now covered fully for replacement if things happen [let's hope nothing happens]. But in doing this it brought down my car insurance by the exact amount of the renters policy (so same $$ out my pocket but more things just in cases).

Speaking of car... guess who made that last payment on my baby?? yup, came out the account on 7/15/11 so here I am [again] at the place where I OWN a vehicle. Really? Own. Like can road trip up if I needed. Like can sell if I wanted. Like can have sex in the backseat if the mood hits me. Oh the possibilities are endless. [well some things still won't be happening in my car but the possibilities are endless].  At any rate, this means I can fully concentrate on getting back on the wonderful road of more fiscal goodness- paying off the credit cards that I continually go to & then saving for the next adventure in my life.

Oh the places I will go...

that's all

broken zippers & hollow dreams

So my purse I purchased on one of the many shopping trips I take to the outlets but not always purchase when I go cause who can afford to all the time--  (tho I specifically remember this one as it was last November) I got an off white/ cream big bag that pretty much has doubled as my luggage for this summer (yay summer white) Well the zipper broke and that is so no bueno. I mean I come to trust the quality and craftsmanship of the Coach name and to have the zipper dislodge is like huh? Did I get the cheap end of the stick? I mean I paid enough money for it- any who guess who will take it back and look for my receipt.
in the interim i have to keep the snatchers from reaching in my bag...
Cest la vie.

I would...

I would just like to let you know there is a grandma for sale (cheap too). She just called to tell me 'our bowling shoes arrived' I asked her how she know they were bowling shoes- [side note: I ordered bowling shoes since I typically go bowling about 4 times a year and am really skeeved about putting my feet into some random shoes - hasn't anyone heard of foot & mouth disease?- and at aproximately $6.00/ per time I would like to experience such risky behavior I decided to forgo all that and bite the bullet and buy a pair. Shoes + shipping + piece of mind if i remember to bring them with me bowling = $36.00 not that i need to justify another shoe purchase but i digress..]  all that to say Grandma opened the box. Told her that was a federal offense she said so sue me! I ask her what if it was something else- she said LIKE AN EXOTiC TOY?? I am soo done- because what would grandmas know about exotic toys and she really needs to stop watching so much reality TV.

HP ends

yup that's me. standing with the poster pic of Harry Potter

these stories made kids pick up a book and start reading again

and that is one of the amazing things a childrens book can do.

It also took my mind off the realities of the craziness of the world.

So- am sad to see the end of the series but know all good things

eventually come to an end.

simply sweet

things that make me happy...

the sugar on the bottom of this cup of iced coffee goodness...

like the treat at the end of the tunnel- or in this case at the end of the cup.

simple things

Coffee thought...

Today is going to be a better day than before because you are present.

That is how I approach this day.

Yesterday I had dinner with my god sis and was reminded of her awesome beauty intelligence and grace in surviving and thriving at some of the obstacles that were present in her life. Seeing her attempt and accomplish some of her goals really make me proud and seriously know her mom and some others are beyond proud of her. We had enlightening conversation which further reminded me that wisdom is not only reserved for the 'old' but also not to disregard those right in front of you.

that's all...