thinking thoughts

Having trouble sleeping...
Mind is racing on what I should be doing vs. what I am doing.
It is something that keeps me up at night literally.
I am racking my brain for something to quiet the thoughts of inadequacy I suffer with on a daily or rather nightly basis.
I think I think too much.
I think I thought too much about silly things like:

• am I ever going to get a 'big girl bed' and a place to put it?
• am I every going to have adequate closet space for a woman of my age?
• what is my personal style?
• what kind of man am I attracted to? [these days the standards are getting lower and lower in my head but I have yet to vocalise that for FEAR that ninja will come knocking at my door- so not cute]
• how am I ever going to be able to pay all these bills I have and why have so many bills when there is nothing to show for it? 
• what is going to happen if this whole debt ceiling is not raised next week? are the congressmen still getting paid when they are threatening Social Security Benefits & payments to families of the Armed Forces?
• How does this affect my job? Considering we deal directly with the Gvt. on this stuff + receiving payments from them to continue students enrollment in school-- what happens to those who rely on that?
• what makes me happy?
• I need to go swimming.
• I want to take an African dance class.
• Speaking of Africa, I want to go back to Ghana to see how the kids are doing there...

so on and so forth...but is that really silly to think about these things specific to me cause I mean no one else is thinking about those things (specific to me) but I am sure people are thinking about other things related to their own well being and world peace.

I need a different life.

I have been told I cannot say 'i need a life' cause I have a life, ere go I am alive and breathing and working etc etc. I suppose they are right, dead people don't do all them things.
what's a chica to do?