Fun in the park

Carefree and little...

Those were the days...

Sometimes you just gotta have fun. 

Relationships

Relationships 

They are many things. 

Some are about a mutual sharing of information and life goals etc.etc...

Really a basic relationship or friendship involves some level of like, love, maybe attraction (and so many other things...) but think about it- 

if you have not picked up a phone and I have not heard your voice (hello can you hear me now type of way) then what purpose do you have in my life or better yet what purpose do I have in yours?

that's all...

So

So
In the attempt to do something nice
I fell on the steps of the building I live in. Fell hard on my tailbone. There ain't no cushion back there to land on. What the hell.
Really world? I am too damn old for this.



Sent from my iPhone

coffee thought...

coffee thought...

Fall has fallen in to the weather forecast for real today. This would be a perfect day for a hot chocolate and a croissant and some tall boots and a scarf around your neck.
I have the scarf.
The rest of that stuff will have to come to fruition when I have my next paycheck ;)
But a good sweater and a cool jacket and a cup of java will get you in the mood. Have a glorious day!
that's all...

coffee thought...

 

my coffee is close to my heart
..at least I have a heart..

that's all...

 

 

Not invited...

Not invited
So the

So the wonderful lil boy peanuts birthday was 9/11. Which marked many emotions and feelings regarding that day in general but I digress.
Now you know we love a party. We party party party (ala cliff huxtable voice) yet there was no party. Correction there was no party I was invited to. So as most parents do (and as most children's parties are supposed to be) this was a geared for kids. Now- apparently because the venue was not her place and the planning was done by the baby daddy it seems that folks with kids for invited. Makes sense- as it is a kids party and the thought of spending a Saturday with screaming 3 yr olds is not all the way appealing. But considering the way this was handled- because I am childless I am not invited to support and witness and celebrate this child. Cool. Cause apparently the love support and stuff I have done don't get me thru the door. How it was handled pisses me off- cause after asking and lookin and making time for this thing begging for an address of said shindig and then the change of date via text message so really you are not all that concerned. It was like wow ok. I see this. I see the value
I am in your life. I recognize this. I will act accordingly. Trust and believe anything I do I do of choice and the choice can be not to go the extra way. It's easy. It has been done. And truthfully why am I putting myself out of the way? Cause of love. Well love don't have to love here anymore.
The second non invite came from the brother.
Weekend events included a luau and a parade- independent of each other but somehow involving me.
So the brother has a friend from high school that is Hawaiian. We went to her wedding many years back. Excellent time.
Anywho, they have a fall BBQ and typically am invited to. Admittedly I don't go cause usually I have to work or have other plans. Well this year- bro #1 decided not to invite me and look what happens- I end up there.

Life has a funny way of closing one door and opening up others that bring about whole different perspectives. And a little hula dancing to boot!

Coffee thought...

Tonight I ventured out to:
Brooklyn (believe the hype)
I mean it is not that abnormal considering I frequent BK more often than not and annually they celebrate the West Indian day parade every Labor Day (coming this weekend-- going to be chipping down the parkway & dodging bullets at the same time). But this was not for that. This was a social calling with Beks. It had been quite some time since I have seen her (spring time maybe??) and we were long overdue.
That shan't happen again.
Random meeting and viola we were enjoying wine at happy hour which turned into happy 3 hours later LOL. Anywho catching up and figuring out how life is going (her recently graduating and is a real live social worker - not that she hasn't been doing this work for years) and me doing the thing I have been doing for the past decade. DECADE. (do I still find joy...see me when I get a raise and an office AGAIN)
Trips, men's, dates, stuff.
Something she said struck me (as we were chatting about our her pit stop and my permanent residence in single hood)

"people CHOOSE the life they think they deserve. they do not choose the life they want"

Say word. What?
Huh? Come again?
And then when you evaluate the choices folks are making (the jobs some have/some keep in fear of this being the best out there)
Some folks people are with/ stay with/ marry and procreate with out of fear this is the best it gets.
Then there are the choice(s) people make to stay alone, or single because they think they are unloveable and deserve to be alone. Or sometimes people are afraid to want for and go for more and require more in their lives.
Then there are those that just are alone for whatever reason and they think they need to change because being alone is kinda the worst thing in the world
The choices. The consequences. The wash and repeat.
The knowledge of self worth is something more valuable than I could even imagine and something that unfortunately can't (only) be taught. I know my mother and father instilled many things in me. Love and self worth being among them. But something(s) I needed to determine for myself is
At what cost...
At what cost do I decide that I am not settling for this.
At what cost does it take for me to decide to stay alone.
At what cost do I decide that I deserve more
At what cost do I choose different?
Damn--
It's true.
So how about you choose what you want rather than the one you think you deserve.
(if you are lucky what you want will be what you deserve...Idris I am looking at you)
I know I deserve...
So this is what I choose.
...lessons learned at a wine bar in BK
that's all...

coffee thought...

i have a dream...

coffee thought...

Chilling at lunch.

 Currently somewhere in the ocean.

On my way back from a glorious time in Bermuda

and visiting my family.

The trip was muy short but very inclusive-

went to horseshoe beach.

Visited my granny.

 Saw aunts,

 cousins,

uncle,

 more cousins

and went to st. George's and took some pictures.

 I was having such a good time with the family

that we almost missed the boat

(sparkles and I)

  Luckily by God's grace we were the last 2 on and the boat didn't leave us.

Hey- everyone needs an adventure and part of me must have really really wanted to stay.

foot in the pink sand

I always wanted a pic in the telly booth

me & the gombeydancer

<3 p=""> 

Love love love my family ;)

122/74

blood pressure 122/74
I guess that is normal
 Weight XXX

Temp 99

I went to the doctor because of the pain in my left foot which is apparently plantar factious.

They also  apparently want me to stay off my feet for several days and elevate it.

This means no walking, running, hopping, dancing, cavorting, etc.

Unfortunately this is not possible since I am currently working like a crazy person as well as preparing to go on a cruise vacation that I have been looking forward to forever.

And I am supposed to take Advil to reduce the swelling for 10 days.

 

ALL OF THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I EXCERCISE!!!!

AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY EXCERCISE I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT

INSANITY OR SOMETHING REMOTELY SIMILAR...

 

Apparently my body shuts this shit down in the worst way.

 I can't understand why.

I don't know how.

 But here I am having to drive into work these next couple of days and pay for parking

(like you have the extra $45 to spare + gas $$)

 because I can't do the walk to the bus to the train to the office for the next couple of days.

Maybe I will park tomorrow and try the drive Thursday / Friday depending on the severity of the pain

which like a vicious cycle would put me in more danger of damaging my tendons.

And then not being healed.

I left the doctors office overwhelmingly sad because I am not sure

exactly what I did in this world to 'deserve' this

and the tears of course were coming down my eyes.

I am just tired.

 And stressed.

 And tired.

And limping on the train.

 

Oh- the bright side?

My blood pressure is normal.

Without taking my pill today.

Even tho this right here is stressing me out

 

Oh the bright side #2

A dude just gave me his # in the train.

While I am sitting here looking all evil

and know I have on my

do not fluck with me face.

 He winked at me and told me to call him.

Okkk

 

coffee thought...

Thursday thoughts as I hope there is coffee at the office:
#1: during these busy months they bring in continental breakfast for us. Nice. However most of it is tainted with nut like substances and only 1 pot of coffee. Typically the edible things are picked over by the time I grace them with my presence.

#2- I stayed at work yesterday until 7:30 pm cleaning my desk and organizing evaluations. I have no life.

#3- what does a single gal do for dinner when she spent $160.00 on groceries but didn't cook over the weekend? Strawberry ice cream. With grape nuts cereal sprinkled on top.

#4- counting down the days until my trip {vacation cruise} (7 working days or 9 days in total). I need a vacation.

#5- I need a vacation from these wedding vacations I have been on. Of course that is a wedding involved. No one else better get married until I get a few dates.

#6- it is 8:53 am and I am only in 86th street. Somehow I feel I will miss the free coffee

That's all...


Sent from my iPhone

Coffee thought...

8/7 8:35pm

I saw a post today that someone said you hate on success like we don't have the same 24 hours.
It was from a celebrity.
I found this saying/ posting really hilarious because while yes, there are 24 hours in a day the responsibilities you have versus the responsibilities I have totally differ and this shapes the way we each get to use these same 24 hours. That is like telling someone who has never walked but has 2 legs to get up and run a marathon because we all have the same 2 legs. Or to have me break out into an operatic sonatina because we all have the same voice- really?? Because I have been to karaoke and we do not all have the same voice. I understand the sentiment of hey- use your day wisely to achieve you dreams and goals and success for you (whatever that may be) but for you (celebrity) to say 'you hate on success like we don't have the same 24 hours' is a slap in the face for those who do not have the luxury of chefs, personal assistants, drivers, and paid time to lay by a pool.
No judgment tho- cause choice is key in ones decision-making skills and me choosing not to support those wonderful endeavors of yours is just me choosing a better use of my 24 hour day.
Peace.

Coffee thought...

It's cup match time!!! A time in the lovely land of Bermuda that everything shuts down and there is nothing but party fun and rivalry. The 'purpose of cup math is to celebrate the emancipation of the slaves there and elsewhere (8-1) so this particular type of ribaldry . . Is welcomed. Now a few things happen. There is this crown and anchor game (google that) that I have no idea how to play- but I think there is gambling involved. Also, the teams (Somerset vs St. George's) represent either cricket club in the island. There are wickets involved. And whites. And running in dirt. And bowling and a batter. That is the extent Of my cricket knowledge. Oh- the colors of the teams I know- st. George's is baby blue and navy blue and somerset is red and navy blue. You can guess which team I am rooting for...

Another wonderful event that happens on the rock for the past 7 years running is soca vs reggae which is a widely popular show (thrown by a cousin and his team) where they definitely put on a great great show. Artiste show and they proceed to battle on the beach. Team soda won this year.
Anywho, the weekend events include non mariners race (saturday) which is hilarious and fun to watch. Literally non-mariners (those without boats) jimmy together anything that may float and race. It is hilarious and all around comrade for the people of the island.
Gotta love island life

For me, past weened started with laundry on a friday night. Someone had to do it- so there i am. also, i got to experience a bit of Bermuda, as one of my cousins and her mom (my Auntie) came to NY to shop and do some business. Now if there is one thing bermuda folks know how to do is SHOP-- apparently it is in my blood. They are professional to the utmost and listening to the conversation and accent makes me think of my Dad and wondering if their family interaction is anything like the craziness that us 3 NY beans have.
Today i chilled. Had to recuperate from life.
Back to the grind on Tuesday.... Working till 8.
NY Beans- not sure if this is the life I signed up for...