oh some random thoughts....

We kissed and
Decided that this was
Not the path we wanted to be on.
We did not want to endeavor
into the love game between friends
 because
 usually the friendship
ended up loosing
and when the love is gone
then it was all lost...

random thoughts i know.. 

coffee thought...

Welcome to Wednesday - the middle of the week.

There is something about the middle that tends to get ignored/

sometimes like a middle child

or all those people between first and last place.

[what happens to them? we hear about the winner and the looser but those in between- they gets no love. Sorry Wednesday- other than a veiled attempt to get humped you ain't that special today]

Odd.

This is not a race.

Anywho.

Today making the best of it-  

gotta keep working and creating a place where people can do their jobs-

hopefully do their jobs well. 

Always fun.

 Might be a two cup day.

that's all...Sent from my iPhone

Valentines day stuff...

So another day if love has passed- you know the commercialism of this day is what it is. I like how these days you see articles about "what to do if you're alone on V- day", "how to avoid the blues on V-day", "and if you single why not mingle on V-day"... Yeah. I should of had a V-8.  Until next year...

...love...

Love envelops me



like a breeze on a sunny day


here, it is needed and felt.


Love lifted me like spirits high


singing loud and dancing free


for songs unheard






Loves’ limitless loneliness


inside of me echoes loudly.


Silence thick.


Hurt palpable.


Pain capable






Love escapes me


like a prisoner on his way out


Like the air in a new born babes lungs


I gasp hoping


to capture loves pure essence


before my heart is cold.






Love you left me


Suddenly and instantly


Everything I felt


Ceased


numb to the way my heart beats


with you.






Love hears me


as rhythm escapes me.


A moody melody


Atonal affection


I stumble staccato


Tremble in treble


Bawling in bass


Dream in dissonance and


Cry in cadence






Love fills me


Loudly, passionately


A parody of what it once was


A prelude of what it could be

Women 2/11. 949 pm

"Women---Even the female orgasm is a multitasker"

Saw that tidbit in a show I was watching-

essentially saying we were wired not just for pleasure

 but for a multitude of other things.

  Great.

I can't even just enjoy myself

without being über productive ...

lmao. 

what the dickens??

dickens stuff...

today's coffee thought & google doodle is something right out of a Dickens novel...
enticing...
that's all...

*all images courtesy of google

I think the end is in order

My therapist and I 'terminated' today.
Good. Anxious. Scared. Accomplished. Hopeful--All those words sum up today. I think the end was in order. There is much celebration in completion. And in completing acts. This is just that-- a completion of an act in my life. It's over and I truly feel the better for having done it. I have journeyed to this place where the road is still unpaved, rocky and unsure but I know where I need to head and have a consistent trustworthy guide to guide me. Knowing that- NO truly knowing that is something I am thankful for. And getting here was not an easy road. But everything must end for something else to begin.

Part of the reason I write, went to therapy, started this journey was a few things: dealing with the sudden passing of my mom and how I grieve- was that normal? Am I sane? Am I doing this right? How do you grieve right? Am I going thru the stages of grief correctly? What happens if I miss a step? Do I ever get over the passing of my mom?

Second issue was dealing with family/ friends and my identity with them- are they supportive? Are we in a mutually beneficial relationship? Do they lift me up as much as I lift them? Do they give as much as they take? What do I allow to happen? How do I change the nature of the friendship when all this time I was allowing people to take advantage of me and now I no longer want that to be our friendship? How do I change my perception?

Third issue was work: Am I making a difference? Is this new position (at the time) something that I am prepared for? What can my boss do to support me or what can I do to get where I need to be. How can I support staff and make this a productive environment for all of us. Do I really love what I do?

Fourth issue: love, romance, significant other. What is holding me back from love? Why don't I have someone, how do I feel about myself (body image, Intelligence, looks) and how is my self image helping/ hurting my chance for romance? What gives out there? Am I going to be alone forever? Maybe there is no one out there for me, right?

What's next? More living, right? More doing? Right? More trying, giving and being a responsible human being? right?
 Just more...

coffee thought...

just trying to make it thru to the weekend where I promise myself more ME time.
it is sad when you break your promise to yourself...
i mean then who is gonna hold you accountable?
and if you cannot even keep promises made to you that you want to uphold and need
then i mean how else do you expect the world to respond?
you disrespecting you and want some respect, sheesh ya cant have it both ways.
 Anywho...
that's all.

Carrots, Eggs & Coffee

This is NOT MINE-- but I thought I would share....

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water , they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Jokes

Should I be offended that the homeless man is now racial profiling. And by homeless man I do mean this man sitting on the bare concrete ground (I assume) because there is no home to go to. Anywho, As I am leaving work with my Caucasian friend he is like "my dude, you my lawyer, right? hook me up with some funds bro." Caucasian dude is like why ask me for money? He replies "cause It's obvious she is dating you for you ends not your looks!" hahahahahah
That made my night.

MLK google doodle...

...dreams to reality...

Jan 10 8:59 am

Jan 10, 2012 8:59 am
Hopefully this is not the start of a bad way of things. I am trying to wrap my mind around the welcome to 2012 of things and truthfully wow. I am here.
So what do we have in store for the coming year? Plenty of going with it and of course following my dream. Why not. I find when I allow my heart to soar and listen to what Is happening then good things tend to come. Something I love love love.

also talk about a doggie bag...

Sent from my iPhone

coffee thought... (about damn time)

Funny thing happened on the way to this coffee talk... and about 30 others that are currently in the "draft" state either on the blog site or in my head. If you are in draft on the site you have a 50/50 chance of ever being seen. If you are still in my head.. you have about a 1in a million and a 1/2 percent of being seen -- not the best odds for ya.
SO with that being said and this being the 10th of January of 2012 and me not posting anything since the end of 2011 let's shuffle these babies all out at the same time shall we?

coffee thought--- today is a hot chocolate day seeing as how I could not find any of the $40 worth of coffee related gift certificates I received over the holiday and I had a stray packet in my cubicle. maybe by the afternoon something will turn up so I can savor the flavor...

random lunch item--- having a chipotle steak burrito which I have never had before though the goddaughter swears by them (apparently she says it contains crack) O M G it is soooo good (i have it with brown rice and lettuce, corn and salsa) yeah. she may be right about the drugs contained inna it cause why am i thinking about another one before I have even finished this one?? #fatgirlissues

random update on the love front--- can I laugh out loud on a computer and still be heard?? cause really these dude out here are laughable. I got dudes who want me to send them pics of my privates (cause I mean really, you don't know unless you ask right?) and I have some dudes who are killing me with the spelling issues (sidebar- you know me and know I cannot spell-- and in a text message damn auto correct be trying to get me laid more times than a little bit BUT I refuse to attempt to carry on a meaningful conversation with you if you cannot spell face {fase? really} ???) or are all "dats wassup luv I'm gonna working so I won't not see da ball drop" (can you see my fase face?)

Work issues--- umm back to the New Year with some of the same old issues. With unemployment rampant and some ninjas don't want to do their expected jobs it makes me wonder why we are such a wasteful place seeing as how people can keep their jobs barely doing the minimum that is required. It is mind boggling. Still.

Other Items--- those will stay stuck in my head for the time being but there will be randomly placed posts that will not be so random anymore. Cryptic? Yes. Non-sensible? No.

anywho...of course...
that's all...