marking time...

1/13/10
it is not that i want to acknowledge this date or even want to give it importance or power over my emotions and my thoughts- but it is. acknowledging the date my father physically left this world is not easy or hard or something i always want to do but i am sure it is something i will always do.
i always do
there is nothing 'new' that i can say that i haven't thought or experienced these past__ years.
kind of like i wish... i want... i thought...
but basically i cant...it wont happen & i have to get over it still.

another year...

coffee thought...

so today i got my 'fix' from the cart man.
Our exchange goes something like this---
Me: good morning, can I have a large coffee light & 2 sugars
He: Good morning sweety, large coffee 2 sugars & light. with 1/2 & 1/2 or milk?
Me: 1/2 & 1/2 please.
Him: Sure, anything else?
Me: Nope.
Him: to stay or to go?
Me: umm, (mind you we are at the cart on the corner) what do you think? LOL
Him: oh so you don't want to stay with me in the cold?
ME: (now laughing) Umm not at all. But next time in the summer I will.
Him: Now you're talking. Have a good day sweety.
Me: (with coffee in hand) you too & stay warm.

Other times i am not so conversational in the morning pre-coffee or anything of the sorts but this just was classic. To stay or to go-- any other time I probably would have said something slick...
that's all...

coffee thought...

8:45 AM 11-Jan-10
i suck
so i am on the bus here after waiting for literally 15 minutes in the cold & having to call into work to say i will be late & am re-thinking my clothing choice (i optioned out of putting on stockings under my pants only to have my thighs feel like they are freezer burned) and all i can think about is why this dude is holding hands with this 'less than attractive' chick (well in my eyes at least..and quite possibly in the eyes of the folks who run Vogue or any of the other skinny mini mags that require a select standard of beauty)
fair? right? nope, don't think so.

coffee thought...

yo it is cold
(said about the coffee, the weather, the world)
that's all...

& just so u know

12:46 Am 07-Jan-10

and just so you know thinking back thru the months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds that past in 2009... they continue to be difficult without my mommy. even though i pepper many of the flashes of my life here with a lethal combination of humor, sarcasm & love it continually hurts.
i know i am denying myself a good amount of tears cause i dunno.
i dont know anymore but just to carry on.
This does not get any easier since i try to gloss over january every year since 1986.
Who knew??

BFTP...

Blog from the past---
Specifically approaching New Year 2007... I find this amusing.
*************************************************************
So as this year is coming to an end, a couple of things that have come to my attention:
My Closet
There is no more room in my closet for my skeletons, secrets, or all my clothes
as the bar in my closet has fallen 2 times over the last 24 hours.
There is no justice in the world!
since I am trying to actually hang up my clothes in the damn closet
and the damn closet is rebelling.
You would think that the universe would see fit to cooperate with me these final days in 2006. Oh well, I guess the universe was like why f* with tradition.
In addition to that, as my mother was in my house surveying the damage,
she said, "YOU NEED A MAN."
Now I am sure she meant something about
needing a handyman
or someone who can fix things and stuff,
but as the brothers roared with laughter and hollered with delight
I was like
"Thank you very much mom, as if I needed to be reminded on the very last day of this year that yes, I do not have a man, that yes, have not found a man, and that yes, I need a man. Thank you mom for them words of wisdom and encouragement for the New Year. In 2007 I will go forth and seek a man.
Any takers?

Oh & the other thing is, one can never have enough liquor in the house for a party, even if there is a party of 1.

Drink up & Happy NEW YEAR!
PS- And that's the way it is.

Blogs from the past or (BFTP)

Ever notice how some things have cool acronyms that one easily refers to & everyone knows what it is? You know like AA or WTF or TGIF? Or put those in another order and have TGIF, WTF, need AA. <-- funny how those came to mind but I digress...
Well, I have found a few of the blogs from the past that I think are humorous/ entertaining and just plain special that I think I should share them...BFTP!!(ok it is not as snazzy as the others...) but I will post these sporadically while I will still comment on the regular doings of life... feel free to re-read (if you read them before) & enjoy as if you have never seen them before.

Here's one to start...
***********************************************************************
February 7, 2007

7 second blog
current mood: confused
category: Automotive

Might I ask why I was driving down Malcolm X Blvd last night in Harlem,
Oh excuse me the newly renamed ‘upper Manhattan’
Looking at all the gentrified areas and particularly noticing the new multi-million dollar condo that is about to overlook the northern part of Central Park when I see it
A RED hand indicating Don’t walk
And a White Man indicating OK to go.
I mean WTF?
Yes I have seen the signs before; they have been around for a minute now.
But do you remember when the signs actually read
Walk, don’t walk
Apparently some folks didn’t get the memo that
R.I.F (reading is fundamental)
And they now had to adjust all the signs to this.

yay for gravity...

google has another doodle to celebrate the gravity of it all!

i just love it!

*all images courtesy of google

coffee thought...

Back @ work & back to the coffee grind (LOL)
Good Morning!
just drinking my simple cup of joe from the deli next door (not even in a fancy cup)
i was on the train this morning @ 7:20 am which is definitely not my normal routine but let me tell you how decent it was to not be rushed in the morning. I dunno I may have to start leaving earlier to get places earlier.
Or something like that...
at any rate another random thought why open the office @ 8:30 if you are not gonna publicize that to the folks to need to utilize our services???
that's all...

coffee thought...

it is 6:29 pm and i am soo tired yet i cannot go to sleep right. Why? Because right now is kind of like the witching hour where 2 things can happen if i take a nap now. Since i have to get up early for work tomorrow if i do decide to sleep now this would prohibit me from getting a good nights rest. If i struggle to stay up then i will just be more tired. What's a girl to do?

Red velvet cuppycakes

Oooh yuuum

Happy New Year 2010 (part II)

it is 10:07 pm (and yes i know where my children are they are 1/2 in my ovaries & 1/2 in the man of my dreams you know...but we are moving away from why i am writing...)
Today is January 1, 2o1o. The fresh start of a new year. What have I accomplished today?
Well lets see:

• woke up this morning (ok this afternoon) to someone yelling outside my window (not for me but apparently they were wronged by Carlos and vowed to get him on his word).
• decided to make coffee (cause that is a must in my life) and proceeded to make a great slammin pot of java.
• watched the news at noon to see if there were any major developments in this world overnight other than the date changing. nope, none to report.
• looked for food in my house. found a slew of red velvet cupcakes that were leftover from the previous nights shindig @ T's house.
• decided to eat 1 cupcake. plus 1 for good measure. (that is a total of 2 and thus if i had a new years resolution i would have sufficiently broken it.)
• checked online for any new updates on life via FB (many people were regretting the amount of drinks they ingested the previous evening, ha ha suckers! man up!)
• went downstairs to Grandmas house (which smelled of chitterlings her annual tradition & black eyed peas) and bugged her for a bit. She is too funny but looking forward to our annual bowling beatdown.
• went back upstairs & proceeded to open up a can of chef boy r dee ravoili and chowed down. yeah welcome to the first new year meal.
• watched a few movies (27 dresses & dancehall queen) and decided that will be my theme for the year. I plan to be a Dancehall Queen in 27 dresses (or less ;)

All jokes aside, I spent the first day of the new year utterly relaxing without a care in the world and it felt great. Hopefully the rest of the year is just as stress-less.

Have a safe, prosperous, joyous, love filled, sex cometh, financially wealthy and spiritually sated year!

Starting 2010...

Happy New Year!

tis' another year and the start of another decade in this world.

2010

can you believe it?

where did you think you would be by now ? (and not just location i am talking about spiritually, emotionally, financially & romantically)

where are you in relation to them pre-set thoughts, ideas or goals??

Think back to when we were going into the year 2000... remember the issues and y2k? remember all that was going on and where you were in the grand scheme of life then?

Then

2001

2002

2003

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009 (which should not be a far fetched memory....)

well here we are at 2010.

How are you going to make it different?? hell how are you going to make a difference??

(more reflections when i wake up from this sleep/drink i am having)...

Happy New Year! (i may have already mentioned that...)