nata de coco

so true so true!

coffee thought...

on to the next cup of coffee--
just to let you know spring is in the air (at 40 degrees and very breezy)!

stripes

They are putting stripes in the office. Not sure if i approve yet of the feigned attempt to liven up the place...

coffee thought...

23-Mar-10 8:32 AM
last night i had a dream with mom in it. there was a baby and and escalator and mom wanted me to come sit next to her. now i was on my way up to her via escalator with the lil light baby girl sitting on the right side. oh in the background was Dion walking with Lisa (in summer floral dresses) along a beach & i recall being happy that she got to spend more time with her as i am. weird. but i woke up at peace. sometimes i wish all dreams were this good.
*some questions-- who was this baby (ZP??) & where were we where there was an escalator & a beach (cruise?)
that's all...

something

all this nothing has meant so much more to me that some somethings...so thank you

coffee thought...

#1- I cannot understand why for the life of me one cannot fathom "light coffee" and what that means. It means if I wanted coffee the color of onyx, I would ask for it. Sigh some people will just NOT get it right.
#2- tepid oatmeal is NOT ok...

that's all...

stranger things

stranger things have happened and continue to happen to me in this life...today is no exception. It starts out as a not so normal day in the neighborhood because it is a continuation from the drama on Monday. OH I didn't post that drama? remind me to fill you in... today I fuss on the commute with the MTA on the regular but I make it to work on-time.

we are in the midst of packaging students and making things work in the overall world of enrollment management. This morning my task was to rally the troops and to make sure we are all doing what we are supposed to be doing. sounds easy and most times it is. well, also i am in the midst of rewriting some text that people needed the url for and finally we worked it out. Went to therapy and THAT is always thought provoking and a learned experience...specifically i am learning to forgive. yeah, you would think all these years in the church and in the home that i grew up in and in this world and the way i live my life that I would be a big forgiver of folk. More often than not, I hold no grudges and hold no ill will. I can live and let live, let bygones be bygones and akunamatada.

cept of myself.

For some strange God-forsaken reason I cannot for the life of me allow myself to let go of some of the ideals i have set for myself that just did not come to pass for whatever reason. yes i am one who is continually trying to take responsibility for the actions and reactions of people places things in my life-- i am an active participant in my life living right?

Living right? Living right...

living RIGHT... that is my thing i am here trying to live RIGHT however right looks because i have a clear idea of right-- and if it is not right then what is it???
wrong? simple. if it is wrong then i am in the midst of soo much wrong (according to my theory) because i am not right where I want to be,

capiche?

so I wrap myself up in the notion that I should have had this....should have accomplished this.... could have done this...shouldn't have eaten this.... and then i forever beat myself up on some things in a warped attempt to 'accept responsibility' that i don't have/didn't do and ate _____. and i don't forgive myself for my transgressions or allow myself anything less than a perfection mode of being.

it is utterly tiring and utterly self sabotaging too, totally not a good look.
This is all part of what therapy laid out for me based on a simple question that I asked when I entered the room (which was in a nut-shell thanks to B. cause I was worried about how this is supposed to start/ what way things are supposed to go and the ability to even participate and benefit from therapy 'right') ....oh what a tangled web we weave. Well, as I leave the therapeutic place to be one with my thoughts about lack of life, love & pursuit of happiness & what I genuinely contributed to this of this and about this (remember I am still trying to rationalize things like why I couldn't control the outcome of mommy's death or my fathers murder or my brothers illness or my other brothers choice in girls or my friends choice in men, clothing and husbands) I get a call. From him. for dinner plans. GREAT
the Universe is soo flucking with me <- yes i gave up cursing for Lent and this is what you get->
One friend is like WTF are you serious you cannot go meet them (him & wifey) cause... myriad of reasons. Another friend is like do you & have a great meal. My conscience is like it is a freaking free meal for crickets sake... I am going. Trepidation. Anticipation.
what goes in my head? why now with these current revelations do I get to do dinner? remember last yr when I was in said city I mysteriously aint get no call back and this is how 'friends' treat each other.
Guess what? The universe has a way of giving you what you need exactly ON TIME, because I needed to see that. I needed to see two people in love and working it out as best they can and two people that belong together (yeah I have some good examples with T & G but somehow it is not the same) and it was a very decent evening, meal, conversation and night.
No regrets ever.
None.

I have taken away what I think I should have had and replaced it with what I need.
I know now what I am worth & am willing to be patient as God is still working on me to know that while I am not perfect I am pretty damned good.
And I know I deserve that at a bare minimum.
I know I am not going to settle (well I could have told you that before) just to say I have someone because some nights I think I want just that- someone rather than no one; but in my knowing that I want someone I know that I would rather be with no one until I am worthy and someone is worthy of me.

(Me with all the love and forgiveness and compassion and trust and love)

So to sum it up... stranger things have happened,
specifically my transformation has begun &
I don't love you anymore!

I am beginning to love me.
*side note, this song just cracks me up and makes me happy and

hey I do love me.

coffe thought...

happy green day!!!!

coffee thought...

i need to finish this cup of coffee to become more sympathetic to the plight of all mankind??
maybe not...

alas

"beware the ides of March..."

coffee thought...

just a thought...

Gemini Horoscope for March 11, 2010

It's a given that whenever you open your mouth, the truth will reveal itself. It might emerge bluntly and unceremoniously at times, but it's definitely going to be the truth. So when someone asks you today to let them know your thoughts about a certain issue, warn them before you answer -- or at least ask them if they're sure they want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Otherwise, pass.

hmmmmm

that's all...

poem of the day

Notes in a bar

Sitting here

Why?

Why?

Waiting

Wondering

What is going on in the world?

To make this be

I question is this all there is to life?

Random conversations about text messages

Marijuana

Sex on a beach

All add up to …?

Disjointed existences of life

Profuse pain or

Are we having fun yet?

Depending on my thoughts

Or really the time of day

We could have been friends

Something more than strangers…

Even Lovers more or less

Depending

On the notes on the bar

Movement & music…..

Friday Night in the city….

two of my favorite things are music & dance. when talented performers combine those two skills typically the results are phenomenal and empowering…simply the knowledge and awareness of ones body in correlation to sounds, beats, drums, and other performers makes dance a true art (not to dis on any of the other art forms out there, but since i could never do ballet or get in ‘toe shoes’…since i could never get my Savion/tap dance kid on) i appreciate a good combination of said music and dance. With that said...

Fela! is absolutely phenomenal! Like there are no other words to describe it. I went on Friday (3/5/10) with my friend Tricia to the Eugene O’Neill Theater to get transported back to Lagos, Nigeria in the late 1970’s…. Admittedly I know nothing of the person who is Fela Anikulapo-Kuti or all of the conflict, consciousness and connection that surrounded the man and the music or his stance. After the musical and the message and the information I read, it is amazing of what transpires in a persons’ lifetime that makes them their result… The music and dancing were passionate and powerful. The message and ‘story’ were both entertaining and on point. The performers were poetic in their dance and purposeful in their positions….I could go on but it is a must see night on the town in NY…

I love this place.!

coffee thought...

OOOH
Vivaldi... Four Seasons...
as we enter March hoping spring is coming soon
Google doodle has done it again!

that's all...

coffee thought...

02-Mar-10 8:31 AM
the thing that gets me with the commute is the ignorance of people. clearly manners were never learned at a young age for it seems wild animals have more social graces than the witch standing behind me on this train... but really if your fat behind does not understand what excuse me or pardon me or anything means then you need not be let out your cage to the mass public. and then once i pass you you get all huffy cause your $2.25 does not afford you a private space on the train (not even a seat mind you) but a place to stand by the pole. you must know your place.
at any rate seeing as how ignorance runs rampshot all over you i will pray that something knocks you over the head and gives you some sense soon.
that's all...