First one of the season!

viva the coco icee!!!

Work work work

43 people on hold for 72 minutes at 4:05 pm
--- and they want to know what I do at work...

poem of the day...

No.
I don't own rose colored glasses
my vision is quite clear-
I see in possibility
but I do recognize or acknowledge fear.
When i speak my words are vulnerable
I trust my actions authentically true
I am courageous enough to know
that my love
is overdue
Giving, Loving,Trusting
Open, Hoping
when I open my heart
I pray all don't come running in

coffee thought...

Coffee thought
I remember you drank your coffee cold- simply from years of tending to us and then tending to yourself- funny how that pattern repeats itself- but you didn't like iced coffee : odd. I also remember the numerous laughs we had over the most idiotic things- heretics being one of my favorite things said.
i miss you mom

Red chipped nail polish

Red chipped nail polish
Grandeur gone
Remnants of carelessness left behind
A haggard smile at the reflection in the window
This joke she heard before
Laughter emanates from the sorrow of her soul-

she knows this place.
Despair
Depression
Desperation
Damnation
All these things true
Her life lived fast
grew up too fast-
Danced too fast

loved too fast

hurt even faster-

never knowing the sunshine on her face

or the wind thru her heart

never the smile of a child.

Seen thru the eyes of men

she is grown-but only 15

she is a piece to be had.

A piece of round hipped, slim waisted, young....

to be had.

having lived this life before

eyes always looking down

She struggles to be heard when she asks for help

never taught to be independent- that was understood

you can't depend on no one but yourself

you take what you get

no one asks what you want

you hope it is what you need

but are never satisfied.

So you take your red chipped nail polish

of grandeur gone and smile, even laugh

at the joke

that is on you.

10:44 pm April 11, 2011

10:44 pm April 11, 2011
You cant control your feelings but you can control your actions- beks

This sentiment was echoed by beks as we were discussing the inability of some folk to get past certain actions that have happened in their life. It is not a mystery that love happens, love hurts and then we try to get over said love and what happens? We still remained hurt buy the emotions that we cannot control. The only thing that is controllable is you by you in your situations of you. This flows along with my motto of personal responsibility- classy huh?

Monday breakfast

it is the little things like waffles & dinges that make my morning happy (and i really only like strawberries & powdered suga on it suga!)

*things i do when i can't have coffee*

new google doodle...

today is some celebration of bunsen's 200 birthday... but for some reason all i can think about is beeker from the muppets- go figure!
image courtesy of google...

life in ruins

so my computer (a.k.a my lifeline and ticket outta hell) has not turned on since Sunday night. Why, I don't know- but it wont even go into safe mode. nothing. So I ask the IT guy at my job to take a look (considering this is what they do & all- and since I do actual work- work on the comp). I bring it in today to work. 4 hours later, what do I get? A computer that turns on but has NONE of the information on it. Not one picture, not one line of poetry, not one line of my resume, not any research for my book, not any chapters for my book, not one e-mail I saved from my mother to delete from the hard-drive at work, not one anything at all resembling the life I am trying to build. HELL, not even one "memory" from the life I had. None of the research for apartments I did or best places to live as a single woman. None of the anythings that I intended to finish (all the unfinished words that I gathered from my numerous books), not any of the hours I spent typing away at this damned thing called my life, not any of the different music i purchased and spent time putting in the computer.
I am not even back at square one as square one would be a starting place- and I don't know where to start.
(and of course because I am at work in my not private cubicle I can't even curl up in a ball and cry)
but i did happen to receive some great advice: time to invest in an external hard-drive to back up my work. Thanks for that. kind of like telling the victim next time say no louder.

Commuting...why i am late for work

because in the rain you wait 15 minutes for a bus to come. and then three (3) buses come back to back to back (i am on a bus in the stop and look, there goes the other two just driving by).

Oh MTA why you never go my way?

and then when i get on the train this man had the nerve to have girl scout cookies right in front of me. I spy a box of thin mints that he is about to get got for.

Enjoyed2

and we enjoyed this one too!

Enjoyed

Enter wellness week....

<-- yes a cupcake=wellness-->

this eveniing I had the BESTEST of times -- i hung out with Beks & she forwarded me some deals & discounts for national wellness week (hint?) and we went to one of my favorite spas in NYC (justcalmdown). I have been going to this place for a fair #of years and i looooove this spot. they have the cutest names for their treatments and deals & they are semi-pricey depending on what you get (like really $45 for a manicure!!! that is like $4.50 per finger??) Anywho I usually go especially for the massages and typically get some kind of rockstar/superhero/shiatsu thingy that leaves me feeling like a new me.
With the spa week specials it is usually 50% of the price of something so I was looking to for a quick $50 massage and call it a day.
The owner (Red) polietely called my phone when i booked (got voicemail) to be like hunny, you never get a typical service (since i always get a rockstar/superhero/shiatsu thingy) and i may not enjoy it. call me back. delete.
Arrive at the spa day of (and on time whoo hoo) and i am ready to be all budgety savvy & stress free for $50 bucks. Apparently NOT as (Red) saunters out (all hunny hi, how are ya, hows TD & the baby/ etc etc & you will not like a regular massage you need to get one of our new specials Shakespere in love) all i know 4 seconds later I was signed up for some feathery/deep tissue/ vodka pear infused thingy that was OMG gooood. yeah. $114. so much for budgety.
(side note- she got her brows done and it was NOT the $6.99 threading price I typically pay).. Anywho after that we went to some pizza place (greeeeat pizza so good i didnt get a pic) and enjoyed that cuppycake pictured above. we really enjoyed the real butter-ness of this cuppycake.

Nails (again)

Tuesday manicure courtesy of a steady hand and a morning phone shift.

Color: Grey Area (fitting)

Brand: Sally Hansen Xtreme wear.