Saturday, April 24, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
coffee thought...
definitely taking this Advice today:
Gemini Horoscope for April 22, 2010
If you still haven't left the house, you might be making the right call. If you are feeling restless, you might consider going out briefly for food or entertainment -- so you don't have to go anywhere for quite a while, that is. Barring that, find your oldest, most comfortable sweats or jammies, slip them on and get back to that book you've been trying to finish for what seems like years.
so I made my coffee and am checking some emails and then will return to bed for a few. If I could arrange for a phone therapy session I would love it....
alas I may have to venture out there in the world... oye ve!
Gemini Horoscope for April 22, 2010
If you still haven't left the house, you might be making the right call. If you are feeling restless, you might consider going out briefly for food or entertainment -- so you don't have to go anywhere for quite a while, that is. Barring that, find your oldest, most comfortable sweats or jammies, slip them on and get back to that book you've been trying to finish for what seems like years.
so I made my coffee and am checking some emails and then will return to bed for a few. If I could arrange for a phone therapy session I would love it....
alas I may have to venture out there in the world... oye ve!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
same ole' conversation= same ole'
Why am I just tired and tired and tired. And a bit despondent but tired…despondent about just you know thinking about life-- grandma was chatting with me yesterday about ***** and how she is such a pretty woman and look at how that dude did her dirty and so that makes friend A( more than 1x divorcee), friend #2 (a decade of relationship ends up in abuse then marriage then possible divorce), friend#3 (10 yr marriage & freakin 3 yrs separated still)… and grandma's instances was like see what I tell you there are no good men out there.
I respond so #1- there are no good men out there so am i supposed to suck it up and stop wanting something that there aint any good out there for me? i continue to tell her that I believe there is someone out there (ala fivel) and I am defending a position that quite frankly I am not sure I whole heartily believe in at this point. then she was like look around you... your brother- he found someone & look at James he is never for lack of someone’s (LOL) and in her opinion MY problem is that THAT other boy should have chosen me -thanks grandma for your words o' wisdom-but i left it like OK whatever but am replaying it in my head
i want to believe that Not everyone in the world can be a fuck up
well the odds are not in that favor it seems but i mean it is kinda like which one do i want to be right about? i would love for my ideal man to come on up and prove me wrong (as much as i love to be wrong, no?) or being right about being alone and there is no good man out there eh this is why i am despondent..and i know I go through this every so often
i do cause nothing has changed i guarantee if something changes i won’t go thru this but possibly another version of something ... right and that took time it wasn’t straight out the box my issue is this-- i am still the only common denominator in this oneness…and that speaks to me ==- cause it is basically like saying if everyone else around u can find someone all be it someone f'd up or great for them and you cant even accomplish THAT...dude... and not for nothing even with friend #8 at times has at least 1 dude willing to cheat on his wife with she (blatantly) and another one wanting to touch her all up- now... are these the fine examples of quality men i am looking for- nope but i mean you know what i am saying so it sounds like a broken record so whatever.
whatever is the key word of my rant today.
I respond so #1- there are no good men out there so am i supposed to suck it up and stop wanting something that there aint any good out there for me? i continue to tell her that I believe there is someone out there (ala fivel) and I am defending a position that quite frankly I am not sure I whole heartily believe in at this point. then she was like look around you... your brother- he found someone & look at James he is never for lack of someone’s (LOL) and in her opinion MY problem is that THAT other boy should have chosen me -thanks grandma for your words o' wisdom-but i left it like OK whatever but am replaying it in my head
i want to believe that Not everyone in the world can be a fuck up
well the odds are not in that favor it seems but i mean it is kinda like which one do i want to be right about? i would love for my ideal man to come on up and prove me wrong (as much as i love to be wrong, no?) or being right about being alone and there is no good man out there eh this is why i am despondent..and i know I go through this every so often
i do cause nothing has changed i guarantee if something changes i won’t go thru this but possibly another version of something ... right and that took time it wasn’t straight out the box my issue is this-- i am still the only common denominator in this oneness…and that speaks to me ==- cause it is basically like saying if everyone else around u can find someone all be it someone f'd up or great for them and you cant even accomplish THAT...dude... and not for nothing even with friend #8 at times has at least 1 dude willing to cheat on his wife with she (blatantly) and another one wanting to touch her all up- now... are these the fine examples of quality men i am looking for- nope but i mean you know what i am saying so it sounds like a broken record so whatever.
whatever is the key word of my rant today.
Monday, April 19, 2010
coffee thought...
today I am a neurotic hamster....
Gemini Horoscope for April 19, 2010
Do you feel like a neurotic hamster stuck in its wheel, running as fast as you can only to end up in exactly the same place? Obviously, the most sensible thing for you to do right now is to stop everything and figure out why all this action hasn't resulted in some forward movement. The answer might be as simple as working smarter (not harder) and getting rid of old habits that make you feel happy but don't accomplish as much as they should.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tantrums are good, no?
am i too old to throw a tantrum?
i mean really, a good old fashioned throw myself down on the floor and roll about the place tantrum? you know the kind when you were young that used to get u beat once you were in the thick of it. i think, no i know that i need that type of great emotional release complete with thrashing and tears and movement plus utter exhaustion at the end. gasping for breath. shaking with emotion. wondering why i went there...i mean i think children throw tantrums because they Want something they cannot have or they cannot express exactly what it is they desire or they just want it their way...simply their way. i feel
a great deal of tantrums come from want, no? disobeying what someone told them not to do because they want to do it- you know kids want to have that extra piece of candy, and want to stay outside longer, or want to feel the fire- and in that last example while the kiddies may not want to get burned as a result what do you think will happen?
at any rate, because i have a list of wants that i cannot have at this present time (that do not involve me eating some candy but possibly something sweet & that physically do not involve me touching a fire but maybe i will get emotionally burned)
i want to throw a tantrum.
or have an orgasm.
one of the two will do the trick (i think...)
i mean really, a good old fashioned throw myself down on the floor and roll about the place tantrum? you know the kind when you were young that used to get u beat once you were in the thick of it. i think, no i know that i need that type of great emotional release complete with thrashing and tears and movement plus utter exhaustion at the end. gasping for breath. shaking with emotion. wondering why i went there...i mean i think children throw tantrums because they Want something they cannot have or they cannot express exactly what it is they desire or they just want it their way...simply their way. i feel
a great deal of tantrums come from want, no? disobeying what someone told them not to do because they want to do it- you know kids want to have that extra piece of candy, and want to stay outside longer, or want to feel the fire- and in that last example while the kiddies may not want to get burned as a result what do you think will happen?
at any rate, because i have a list of wants that i cannot have at this present time (that do not involve me eating some candy but possibly something sweet & that physically do not involve me touching a fire but maybe i will get emotionally burned)
i want to throw a tantrum.
or have an orgasm.
one of the two will do the trick (i think...)
Friday, April 09, 2010
Thursday, April 08, 2010
4-5-10
i purposefully did not post on 4-5-10.
that day i spent thinking remembering and in perpetual movement still doing what needs to be done.
I still miss her. I miss my mother.
and so with that i made the final payment on my fathers' headstone/ grave-marker. somehow putting a marker/ headstone there serves as a physical reminder that
"someone was here".
He was here, he lived. MY father was more than just the figment of my imagination.
Putting that there on that particular day helps me know that 'something' was accomplished from moms' will or wishes...something that she always wanted to do was done.
So what do I do next?
Live.. and never forget.
that day i spent thinking remembering and in perpetual movement still doing what needs to be done.
I still miss her. I miss my mother.
and so with that i made the final payment on my fathers' headstone/ grave-marker. somehow putting a marker/ headstone there serves as a physical reminder that
"someone was here".
He was here, he lived. MY father was more than just the figment of my imagination.
Putting that there on that particular day helps me know that 'something' was accomplished from moms' will or wishes...something that she always wanted to do was done.
So what do I do next?
Live.. and never forget.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Friday, April 02, 2010
more google doodles
A celebration of
Hans Christian Anderson
to tickle your fancy... think about them and recall where have you heard these stories..
Thursday, April 01, 2010
quote today...
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."... Marilyn Monroe
coffee thought...
* the Google doodle that is up there today on April Fools day... hilarious in that they changed their name to Topeka in honor of the town...to think what would you change NY to?
Ummm???
apparently the elephants are having funundrum... and i am having of none!
Is this what is going on @ the circus???
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